Final Fantasy Legend II Part #17 - Vanity, Thy Name is Asshole (Part 1)

Part 17: Vanity, Thy Name is Asshole (Part 1)

Magi levels acceptable. Welcome to Eros Towers.

Oh wow. The bushes are a nice touch.

I know! It's a lot prettier than most of the places we've been.

Whew. This is a seriously big city.

And look at all the metal towers! This is crazy!

Hey, there's the welcome wagon.

Ew, foreigners!

"Welcome" being a subjective term, I guess.

Omigod! I love your hair ribbon!

Omigod! I love yours too!

Like, ooooooomigod!

Someone just tell us where we are so we can end this conversation as soon as possible

Oh! This is Eros Towers. Venus makes sure the city is kept clean and beautiful.

Like, "ain't" isn't a word.

And "like" ain't a conjunction.

...

Alright well. If you're done getting sick burns dropped on you, Heather, we should go talk to some other people.

...from the dirty things outside.

Oh yeah? Like what?

Well, there's... umm...

You've never been outside, have you?

Of course not! There's dirt out there!

Weird. We had a lot of earthquakes in—

OH NO

Whew. All better now!

You know, that's the second time we've had an earthquake after someone mentioned it.

Maybe we should, like, stop talking about them?

Look, the geothermal plates still have to move.

I am shocked you even know what those are.

Well, yeah! What else are you going to eat geothermal spaghetti off of? The floor? That's gross. You're gross, Heather.

...

...it's very dirty.

Seriously, what is your thing with dirt in this city?

So much dirt. It's everywhere. The world must be cleansed.

...

Cleansed... of dirt! Haha.

Ha. Ha?

_{But seriously, purge all of the unfit}

What was that?

Nothing!

wheeeeeee

oh god no

Wow. This is gorgeous.

I know, right? Like, whoever owns this place has totally good taste.

Hey, I can see my reflection on the floor! Oh, man, they're right. I am kind of dirty.

Well, we have been out adventuring all this time. We could all probably use a stay at the inn and a shower.

*hock* *ptoo*

Or a rubdown with a spit-filled cloth, whichever.

Did I get it?

You sure did, buddy. You sure did.

Must be the guy in charge.

Alright, do we do this with diplomacy or murder?

I vote murder.

Shocking.

We probably ought to get weapons ready, just in case. As fancy as this place is, they're going to flip their wig when we show up on their doorstep.

Totally with you on that, dude. *reload*

I still want to know how you do that!

No. You really don't.

Locked and loaded.

Sword at the ready!

Ohohohoho! Welcome to Eros Towers, children!

Oh, great. She's reaching critical levels of smug here.

I know. And what is with that fan? It is soooo last year.

He was such an eyesore.

Totally.

I also understand you're searching for magi! I doubt you'll find any here, but for your efforts in making the world a more beautiful place, I extend my hospitality to you. You may go anywhere you like, inside the walls or out. I would highly, highly recommend staying inside the walls, though. It's just so filthy out there.

I'll keep that in mind.

By the way, it's a pleasure to meet you, young lady. They're lucky to have you.

Me?

I don't see any other team leaders here!

...

Like, thanks! It's more of a team effort though.

And so modest! If I knew what quality of lady he was taking orders from, I might have let the cyborg in anyway!

The what now?

I think she's talking about Zero.

Dude, if only.

I have always wondered, though. What's up with that metal plate in your head?

What, this? It's just a corrective lens. I have like 20/a billion vision in my left eye.

Seriously?

Yup! That's why I get motion sickness!

Dear heavens. Put those back on immediately.

Okie doke.

At any rate. I recommend touring our fine shops if you're looking for something to do. You can find a nicer outfit for your esper friend and even buy upgrades for your robot!

It's pronounced Byoot, actually.

That's totally generous of you! Thanks for the tip!

I am generous, aren't I? I even let the ugly one with glasses into my city!

...

Oooohohohohoho

Don't let her get you down, Zero. You look fine.

...fine?

You know! You're not ugly.

...okay...

What I mean is, in a crowd, you wouldn't stand out as being particularly—

Leeeeeet's just stop right there.

_{I'm just trying to help}

Alright, team. You heard Venus—there's shopping to do!

...

Hey, who's that?

I-it's nothing... *sniff*

I don't want to pry, ma'am, but it doesn't look like "nothing."

Seriously, we're adventurers. Showing up at random and fixing things is kind of our job. If you tell us what's going on, we may be able to help!

Well...

...his leg was wounded in an accident. Oh, my dear Leon...

What?! People get exiled because of a wound? That's terrible!

Like, I'm sure it was all a misunderstanding. Venus wouldn't do that!

Uh huh.

Well, Venus said she was paying for him to go to a health resort...

See? He'll be back in no time, rested and healed!

...but it's nothing but jungle out there...

Oh, and it's a tropical resort, too! Nice.

...and we were planning to get married...

Think of it as an early honeymoon!

...and I'm also being forced to marry someone else...

Oh, uh.

Not so cheerful now, is it?

Maybe it's just a mistake in the paperwork?

I'm sorry about Leon, but it's just bad luck!

It was a wound. You exiled him over a little gash.

What? No, it was horrible. Blood everywhere. He had, like, a bone sticking out.

See? It's not like she was being unreasonable.

I have no idea how you can sit there and defend her.

I do.

Hi! You must be the dirty guys Venus said would be walking around.

...

No, no, it's cool. I mean, screw the haters, if you're gonna do it then own it.

You're still calling us dirty when you do that, you know.

Sure do!

Your money still spends the same, though!

Here, take my hand sanitizer.

Thanks!

I was still drinking that

Venus' world brings with it the next tier of weapons. We can pick up a bunch of really heavy hitters for 17k: Army armor, X-Kick, Psi Sword, and more! It's all too expensive for us right now, but we will most certainly be coming back for them in the future. Right now, though, there's not much to do now except talk to Nils and Flora and have Venus tell us how much we suck. Time to go exploring!

Guys, I don't think Venus is being straight with us.

Gee. You think?

Guh, don't be so jealous! I'm sure everything fine!

Heather? Look at this.

Seventeen magi. Seventeen. She told us we wouldn't find any.

Well, it's not like she's been out of the city.

This is going to be a thing, isn't it? You're going to sit there and defend this terrible person and handwave away anything she does wrong.

This is just like when we met Apollo. Why are you guys so paranoid?

Heather, she called Zero ugly.

Well, yeah, that went too far. But I mean, with everyone else in the city, her standards are probably just waaaay higher. Y'know?

...

Whrr. Greetings, Heather DiMarco.

She also offers a free diagnostic and tune-up for your robot. Beep.

Seriously! It's pronunced Byoot!

Hmm. Well, it is free...

Have you seen those claws? They're not going anywhere near me.

Wow. Flora was right.

Hope you guys brought your bug spray!

...says the guy with metal skin.

Don't be hatin'.

*hack* *slash*

Ugh I literally cannot stop sweating and it's disgusting

Zero, are you okay? I haven't heard one jungle pun out of you this entire time. I'm starting to get worried.

I'm fine.

Okay...

Augh!

Huh. I didn't know the smurfs had a militia.

Monster difficulty gets cranked up another significant notch on Venus' world. Here you see mushroom and O-Bakes, which we've fought plenty of times before. See that thing on the right, though? That's a sprite. There's two of them.

And they do this.

I got the 'shrooms!

I'll take the ghosts. Hey, Zero! Why don't you take tinkerbell over there? It might get you back in the adventuring mood.

I'll give it a shot, I gu—

Tee hee!

Sprites have access to Thunder, Cure, and an absolutely stupid amount of Mana. You can beat them, and the groups they come with are pretty large, so you'll get GP for your troubles. However, even with a magi that blocks thunder equipped, if they start chucking around lightning bolts you are going to get pasted. (Unless you're incredibly boring and have four humans with a high mana rating at this point, but if that's the case, I guess you don't need me telling you what to do.

) Also, Roy's especially vulnerable here since he has a big fat zero in mana. So, how do you keep up with the ridiculousness of this section without grinding the game into a fine paste? Simple!

Cheese it

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

You don't.

It's much easier to run from fights in SaGa than in other games, and there's no shame in a strategic retreat. My usual rule of thumb for RPGs is "fight everything you come across, if you're having a ton of trouble then you shouldn't be in that dungeon yet." This does not work for SaGa games, because eventually, you will smack face-first into a monster you have no business being in a fight with. It could be due to broken mechanics or just hilariously overlevelled opponents, but it's going to happen. When it does, feel free to hit that Run command. Unless the enemy has massively better agility than you, you'll get away in one or two tries.

Your mileage as to which fights aren't worth it will vary wildly by party makeup, of course. But, for us, sprites are "holy shit" levels of bad news. We stay far away from them.