Part 23: Doumo Arigatou, Mr. Roy-Butt-O

Well, it was a couple of days' worth of work, but we're all geared up and ready to go!

I don't get it. Why did we spend all our money on nice Dragon armor and then buy a bunch of junky weapons to go with it?

I'unno, the "spend a bunch of money" part sounds pretty self-explanatory.

Point.







Magi levels acceptable. Welcome to Little Edo.

Weird name.













...

Huh. That's new.




Welcome to our next game location: Not-Japan! And speaking of welcomes...







Whooooooooo WANTS SOME

AAAAAAAAAAAAA




The Gae Bolg here are like Hofuds, only with a lot more HP. That's par for the course in this area. Random mobs' attacks really aren't any more dangerous, but the monsters themselves have a ton of HP and can't be one-shotted as easily. This small change is enough to bump fights up from "easy" to "problematic." It doesn't help that our heavy-hitting weapons are wearing thin. Backing up and buying a saber and battle sword is a pretty good investment at this point, because, well...










Whooooooooo WANTS SOME

AAAAAAAAAAAAA




With many weapons, raw stats (and Magi!) are far more important than base damage. You saw back in an earlier chapter how Mask shelled out 300 with just a hammer. We're able to drop 225-300 here with some pretty cheap swords on fairly powerful monsters. This is good, because we'll need those big swords soon enough. For now, though, we should be okay.




*ptoo*












Well, most of us, anyway.







Uh... SaGa? I'm pretty sure that's not how meat works







Looks fancy. Wanna check it out?

Heck yeah! I love museums!

Zero, it's—oh, never mind. It's not going to help.

Welcome to pretty much my entire childhood.










One, please!

...





Jeez. See if I come back here again.

Like I was trying to tell you earlier... I think this is a castle.

You'd think there'd be, like, stone walls and ramparts.

Yeah. The paper and sliding doors, nnnnnot so much.

Well, we're not getting in anyway. We might as well do some exploring.













Halt! State your name and ruling lord!

Heather, follower of Lord Odin!

Sara, of the Lady of the Saw!

Roy, follower of stuff my dad left behind!

Zero, follower of the Lord of the Dance!

Mmm, yeah, not seeing any of those in the registry. Guys?











Check it out! That guy had an axe!





Gimme!

Isn't that kind of ghoulish?

Uh, we take treasure off dead monsters all the time, Sara.

Yeah, but usually the arm's not still twitching.

"Usually."




Knights are equipped with Flame swords and have absolutely no problem hitting you upside the head with them. We probably shouldn't be fighting them, but we do get a Thunder Axe for our troubles. It does what you'd imagine, and it also means we can use Heather's Flame sword a little more liberally. The axe is a high-tier weapon and a fantastic drop; the big weapons cost enough GP from here on out that drops and treasure are becoming absolutely critical. In the meantime, you gotta stay cheap. There's no reason to squander gold on a mid-range weapon if it's not going to directly lead to one-shots, and you need to save as much of the tippy-top stuff as you can get.

We also see gazers crop up around here. Gazers are the little brothers of Watchers from back in the dragon race. Their Beam attacks aren't quite instagib, but they sure as hell don't feel good. Hilariously, they often come in groups with mosquitos, who you may remember as a mob from Apollo's world. Needless to say, the challenge here is a little ... uneven at times.










Not much to look at.

I'm sure it's a nice enough place!

Yeah, well, let's get crackin'. These townspeople ain't gonna talk to themselves.

_{mumble mumble gimme dem mashed potaters}

Except for that guy.

Leeeeet's stay over here on the main roads.







oh man oh man I NEED MY FIX





...but bananas are banned in this world!

That seems like a pretty weird thing to ban.

I hear you. Legalize all fruit, tax the proceeds. It's the only way to solve the problem.

SERIOUSLY WHERE IS THE POTASSIUM I NEED IT

And you guys laughed at me when I said I didn't drink juice.










...

Well that's the most racist thing I've ever seen.

There's a certain level of irony saying that while judging someone on their appearance. I'm sure he's just an honest shopkeeper trying to make a living.





Hi! What are you selling?

What ain't I sellin', paisano? You want a deal or sumptin', you come to Echigoya, capice?





Jeezie creezie! Look at this stuff!

He has a gun that shoots light! And burns stuff! How does that even work?!

I dunno but I want one like friggin' yesterday.

It's all yours for thirty-six grand!

NEEEEEEEEEEEVER MIND

Hey, what's back there?

Wha?

Behind you. What's in that room?





Yooz is good kids. I wouldn't want ya to get hurt from askin' too many questions. Maybe you find some answers you don't want to know, ehn?

Subtle but menacing. I totally respect your style.

Thanks, dollface!







Alright so. He's a smuggler.

Seriously, you guys are getting super racist all of a sudden. It's creepy!

Sara, all he was missing was, like, a plate of sriracha meatballs and a big gold chain.

THASSA ONE SPICY MEATBALL!

...

...is what I would say if I were him. Like, every day. Constantly.

Let's all take a moment and be thankful Zero is not him.

Agreed.







Hey! New people!

They don't look very friendly, Zero.

Ehn, it'll be fine. Whassup!





Where do you think you're going?!

Uh, to the other side of this bridge?

Maybe you kids is new around here. This is Hatamoto turf. We own this bridge and everything behind it.

I don't see your name on it!

*points*











Oh. Welp!

Like, we are going to cross this bridge. Whether you like it or not.

_{Heather? What are you doing?}

We can't back down from these dweebs! It'll totally ruin our street cred!

We warned you once, princess. Clear out before all of you get killed to death.

And I told you, we're not going anywhere!

We should probably let Odin know we're coming. It's the polite thing to do.





Man up, you guys! We can win this one!

Well... I mean, the numbers are just about even. Zero, why don't you start with—





*whud*

oh no












*fling*

Oh, well done, Heather. Brilliant plan. Everything's going swimmingly.

It's not my fault they have the 435th batallion on their side!




The hatamotos control this world. In name, they're samurais in service to the local shogun. In the game, they have an entire army of weapons at their disposal, and I don't think shooting you in the face with a bazooka was part of bushido. Maybe they're supposed to be yakuza? Either way, they're a low-down no-good street gang with delusions of grandeur, and they're in desperate need of a shitkicking.









Ow. Cripes, Heather. Next time, maybe don't be so quick to start a fight?

Like, when has that ever worked for us?

When have we ever tried it?

Guys. Guys. Reinforcements coming!





We will fight to the last man!

There isn't even anything on the other side of this stupid bridge









...

Somebody want to explain to me why a pier-six brawl's going down on my street in the middle of the goddamn day?

Dunno if you got the memo, but this ain't your town anymore.

I'm sorry, did the shogun fire me at some point and not let me know about it? Because if not, you can drop the attitude, or I'll haul you and your fellow shitheads off to Imperial Court. Gets kind of ugly once you're processed by a feudal prison system. Think your capo'll eager to bust you out after you got nicked for a drunken brawl?

... You're all talk, badge.

Try me.

...





I think you learned your lesson. Let's get out of here, boys.

Great. And as for you four...

_*ulp*

You're clearly new here, so I'm willing to overlook this little error in judgement. If you want to stay on my good side, though, you'll answer a few questions for me. Here's my card.

"Hannah Bernelli. Head Detective, Jersey Dynasty." Wow! That's your title?

What, they don't have women in law enforcement where you come from?

We don't really have law enforcement.

Our schoolteacher just sprays acid all over troublemakers and then digests them.

... right, well. I expect to see you soon. Don't make me come looking for you.







You think so?

Yeah! She's all, "I don't take crap from anyone! YOU'RE COMING DOWNTOWN, SCUMBAG!"

I'm pretty sure she's never said that.

Man, if I were her...

Okay, can we stop pretending you wouldn't say it anyway?

Sounds like resisting arrest to me. YOU'RE COMING DOWNTOWN, SCUMBAG!

...







How are we supposed to find Hannah, anyway?

Oh! There's a map on the back of her card. It looks like there's a town to the southeast.

Great. Let's get going. I really don't want the tall terrifying woman in a kimono to get annoyed at us.

I could take her.

I'm with Heather. I want to see her and Hannah throw down.

While awesome, it's prrrrrrobably not the right play.










Excuse me! Do you where Hannah's at?

Oh, yeah! She's probably in her office. She works out of her house, over there.

The head detective works from home?

Budget cuts from the shogun. What're you gonna do?










Oh, hi!

Hi! Less likely to cave in our faces now?

Sorry about that. The hatamotos are out of control, and I'm doing what I can to push back. Off the record? I wish I had a thousand kids like you to keep 'em in line.

Thanks! Y'know, being...





Yeah, but I'll do it until...





...your dad?





Echigoya. He disappeared for a few days; next thing I know, he washes up at the docks full of shuriken.

That's awful!

No shit. The Cosa Lora used to keep policemen and prosecutors off their hitlist. The old school guys didn't want to draw that kind of heat. Echigoya, though... no class. He doesn't care who he pisses off.

Who's Echigoya? That guy at the shop?

Yeah. He's a consigliere for the local capo. New guard—likes to flaunt his cash and weapons, then dare people to do something about it.

Why don't you just bust 'em?

What, for selling arms? That's small time, they'd get off with a freaking fine at most. No, I want the big score. If I'm going to break Echigoya's hold on the town... I need to take down his banana supply.

...

What's with the bananas, anyway?

What, they're legal where you come from?

Duh? Why wouldn't they be?

Maybe that shit'll fly in backwoods outer-rim worlds—no offense—but around here, it's asking for trouble. We've been running the War on Fruit for years now. The things I've seen... entire towns hooked on cantaloupe, only to have some other gang with an eye on their territory start offering mango. Bloodshed in the streets over grapefruit juice. It's a goddamn death spiral.

... 'kay.

Anyway, you kids look like you can handle yourself. I need to ask you a favor... off the books.

?

We need to intercept Echigoya's shipment. He knows you guys can handle yourself now. He also thinks I've got you marked as troublemakers. My hands are tied by the shogun's law, but you four...

Oh, I get it! You want us to beat the information out of him.

I'd prefer that be a last resort, but I won't shed any tears if it comes to it.

We accept!

We do?

Great! When you get the info out of him, come back and brief me. Do not attempt to take action on your own. You hear me? After Echigoya gets to safety, they're going to come gunning for you. Lay low and let the professionals handle it.

Roger! We're on the case!

Don't... don't salute me. I'm not military.

Oh! Can I get a badge? Can I?!

What part of "off the books" did you not understand?

Well. I mean, I know the individual words have meaning, but...







Looks like we're doing things Heather's way for once.

Let's hit 'em hard and fast. The punk'll just clam up if we play nicey-nice.

Where did you even get that stuff, Sara?




Next Time: ECHO SIERRA PAPA ECHO ROMEO