Part 27: Nasty Dungeons, Oh You Nasty Dungeons (Part 1)

Magi levels acceptable. Welcome to—name withheld. See guide for futher details.

That's new.

Not to mention worrying.













Oh man, a sprite. I'm still having flashbacks from Venus' world.

Well, Magic Door Voice said to ask her about this place. I'm sure she's friendly!

With all this Dragon armor we bought, she better be.







Hi, I'm Pixi! Thanks for visiting our dungeon. Here's your complementary magi!





Say whaaaaat

Wow, really? No catch?

No catch! It's all yours.








It's called the Wings of Isis. You can visit any place you've already seen!

Big deal. Sara can already do that.

Don't be mean, Heather. Besides, we need this one if we want all the magi.

Saaaaaay. What's back there?

Hmm? Back where?

That big dungeony thing. Behind you.

Oh... that...





There's no more magi on this world. Better not go in there!

Level with me. How nasty are we talking about? Like, sweatsock nasty or Grant DaNasty?

Miss Dungeon if ya nasty.

Holy crap.

Guys, she's telling the truth.





There's nothing else here to find. Let's beat it.

Wait, wait. So, like, the dungeon's full of tough monsters?

Yup.

Totally confusing layout? Dead ends meant to waste resources?

Uh huh.

Certain death if we plumb its secrets?

That's how it was made!

Radical.





We are going to explore the hell out of this dungeon.

We are?

Don't say I didn't waaaaaaaarn yooooouuuu...







Maybe she's just messing with us. I mean, how bad could it be?

*roar*





...

oh





aaaaaaaa




Welcome to the Nasty Dungeon!

When a SaGa game puts up big flashing neon signs ahead of time that, hey, this dungeon is optional and you'll probably want to run the other way... well, that should probably tell you something. This place is rough. If you're experienced with SaGa's combat engine and armory, you can get about halfway through before things get bad. If you're just kind of plodding along on your first playthrough, you will get absolutely wrecked. Just about everything down here has a group attack it can spam, and the ones that don't have ridiculously high strength. There is absolutely nothing stopping you from grabbing the Pegasus magi, doing an about-face, and heading on to the next level. There's a compelling reason not to, and we'll get to that—but keep in mind this dungeon was made to be visited later and/or in multiple trips.










Bow before your new queen, Savage Land




In our guys' case? We have a good loadout going, our stats are moving in the right direction, and I have a pretty good idea what's in here. Plus, it's funnier this way. So in we go!













Hey hey! Things are looking better already!

Boo





OH NO, WASPS

We're moths, actually.

OH NO, MOTHS

That's better.

Um, can you move a little bit to the left? So we can get the treasure?

What?! This is our treasure! You're not going to steal it! EAT FIRE











...

...huh. That usually works.





Woah!

Pretty cool, huh? I bought it in Little Edo! I think it makes us pretty high tech!





...

I don't trust your fancy gadgets.

And I don't trust your skull.




For the first half of the dungeon, you'll see some pretty powerful monsters that can nevertheless be managed with a little advanced planning. And by "a little advanced planning," I mean Dragon armor, because everyone down here has Flame. Everyone. If you show up without elemental protection, you are going to die. If you bring Dragon armor, you've already made about 50% of enemy attacks completely harmless.









Speaking of which












Wow. Good haul so far!

And this is just the first floor! Can you imagine what's at the bottom?

I'd reeeeeally rather not.



















Mm. Toasty!




Thought I was kidding, didn't you? All three of these opponents have Flame. This is basically the rest of the dungeon. Get used to it!










Welp. We did it, everyone. We beat the Nasty Dungeon.

Really wasn't as nasty as advertised.

No way! There has to be more than one floor!

Not seeing a staircase here...

Maybe if we throw ourselves headfirst at this wall, it'll mysteriously disappear.

Great plan!





Okay, this one's on you.

So it is.













So. You've brought the traitor back into our midsts.

The who now?

I think he means Revenge.

...the who now?

You know. The sword that hasn't done anything for, like, the last six months.

*ping* _{A-apologies... old chaps... didn't have the heart to tell you...}

What? Tell us what?

_{Out of the old juice, as t-they say. These small onboard AIs only have so much power.}

Parlay's over TIME TO DIE










Would anyone else like to interrupt?

Nope.

Nah.

I'm good.

I'm not surprised it came to this, Revenge... running away to die of old age, like the coward, instead of defending our dungeon to the last.

_{Always been more of a lover than a fighter, don't you know. Guffaw.}

Any last words before your rickety battery sputters its last spark?

_{yes... w-watch out... for that... laser}



...what lase—





Here lies Revenge. Even in death, he trolled his opponents.




The Answerers' gimmick is literally the same as Revenge—hit them, and they hit you back for twice as much. They're also immune to magic. Your options are heavy ordinance or a one-shot, and their defense is too high for Heather to beat them in one hit. They're a royal pain in the ass and I don't even bother fighting them most of the time.

As indicated, we have to chuck out Revenge here. I've been keeping him around for nostalgia purposes, but he hasn't been useful or even equipped in forever. He had a good run, though. I expected him to be worthless like in FFL1, and he got us through several miniboss fights.







You take this one, Zero. You've needed them for a while.

Wow, really? Thanks! *chug*





...woah.

This is how it is for me, Zero. All the time.




Our specialized stats are getting ridiculous at this point, so we're spreading around the potions we find. Zero's hurting for agility, so he gets this one. He doesn't need to be fast, he just needs to be fast enough.













gimme







Just when you thought Roy couldn't get any more ridiculous, we find a chaingun! And we're nowhere near done here. That's why we're down in this fetid hellhole in the first place: loot, loot, loot! We're only on the second floor, and we're getting a top-tier agility weapon in the Catclaw. Can you imagine what we'll have by the end? No. No you cannot.

But you'll find out.













Hey, more sunscreen!

Great! I've been worried about my skin elasticity, y'know?

Oh, yeah. Keeps me up in the middle of the night sometimes.

Omigod! You too?!










Hey, what's that book say?

"Jyudo Jyitsu: The Ultimate Self Defense Technique. Trademark, Copyright 1432, Random House Martial Arts."

Seems legit!










That's it for this floor. Onwards!










ho hum





yawn





Oh hey! Now we can go camping!

Why would we even want to?

You still got that bag of marshmallows, dude?

You know it!

We are not going camping in the middle of this dungeon

I brought the granola~




The Tent is a pretty big deal. While technically a staple of Final Fantasy proper and not SaGa, the result is pretty much the same. Use one anywhere, and your guys' HP and abilities are restored. This is a pretty big deal later on since it tops off Roy's ammo. For now, though, we keep it hanging around in our inventory. They're worth their weight in solid platinum. Do not waste these things.










To the fifth floor!

*belches fire*

Wow, rude.


















Hot buttered popcorn! Didn't Taro have one of these?

Guess this one goes to Heather!

Uh, no? Katanas are lame. Broadswords are soooo much cooler.

Can we please not have this discussion again?













Jeez, do they keep a vending machine full of legendary weapons back here or something?












Okay, anybody have any idea what this thing is?

Maybe you hit someone with it!

That's your first answer to everything, isn't it?

Maybe I should hit you with it!

Yeah no. Don't do that.

Hmm. I've seen this before. Where have I seen this before?

Try equipping it!

Seriously, you've bolted on just about every other weapon we've found down here. One more won't hurt.

Okay, here goes...

*clunk*

*whrrrrrrrr*

Supplementary engine online. Fusion output increased to 400% original capacity.

You catch any of that?





_{no but it feels tingly}




Two things here, both of which are a huge deal. First off, we find the Defense sword, which is a unique treasure. In the hands of someone like Heather, it's a sword that can attack and defend at the same time—and it hits pretty hard, to boot.

I don't give a crap about any of that. Roy's getting it.

Our plucky hero has long since abandoned his strength stat in lieu of a small arsenal of explosives, so using the Defend sword as a weapon is pointless—he won't hit anything with it, ever. (It can still be used as a generic shield, for whatever that's worth.) More importantly, it grants him 26 points of defense. That's a whole lotta defense for a guy that was already pretty durable.

The second piece of gear he gets is the Selfix. This is a unique robot-only treasure that grants about +110HP and, more importantly, enables regeneration on robots! Roy will get some HP at the end of every round now! It's fairly nifty, and the HP boost is nothing to sneeze at, either.







Good gravy. Another floor?










Not this time, wall. We're on to your tricks.








Has anybody noticed anything different?

Nnnnno?

Maybe your ESP's back!

Shyeah, or maybe she's a weirdo.

Little of column A, little of column B. Seriously, though, the air feels heavier down here.

Look out!







Woah. That's new.




Floor six is when the gloves come off. The monsters jump several tiers up, and that means you can't just put your fireproof guys on cruise control and rack up stat boosts. Don't get me wrong—you still need to be fireproof, or you're literal toast. But, enemies are hitting hard enough that even Roy is noticing. And what's worse...


C'mon, guys! We can totally take 'em!

stop saying that nothing good happens when you say—
















And they all died. The end.
























What? We already did that joke? Oh... well, I guess we'll pick up at Odin's next time




Next Time: Nasty Dungeons, Oh You Nasty Dungeons (Part 2)