Part 71: Interlude 22 - I'm Going Slightly Mad

It's a hint for the Materia Blade.

A side note, Cloud can equip Ribbons for some reason.


Speaking of the Materia Blade, Cloud can't use the Soldier's command, Limit, without it equipped.

Personally, I'd rather have the Organics.


Speaking of Limit, it sucks.

The weaker limits are really weak, there's a break in the middle for silly gimmick attacks, and the end ones will never, ever happen unless you do crazy things.


Finish Touch is the only exception, because it's really good about hitting things with those statuses.

But is it worth the effort? I don't think so, it's really late in the game that Cloud joins and he can't be sent on propositions to make up for it.


Short Charge mitigates the slowness problem, but then you've got something that's on-par with summons at best.

Woo hoo.


I'm surprised they got this reference spot-on.


Oh God, not this. Not this. I want to skip covering this and forget it ever happened.

But, I've gotta do this. I can't keep running from it.


Not only is there fun stuff to steal, but Germinas Peak has an unique item buried in it.

This intersection is the source of all my woe.


Look at this dork, he got stoned before the fight.


Actually that's what the Stone Gun does. In return for dealing 256 damage a shot, the character starts off all rocky and shit.

Yes, you can equip your entire team with stone guns and lose a battle before it can rightly begin.


The enemies in the rare battle here, chemists and mediators, can spawn with every gun, Stone Guns and magic guns not excluded. Here, the Glacier Gun is hidden by the box that confirms the names of it and the Blaze Gun were switched.


But, since chemists are about, the stoned guys don't remain stoned for long.


The AI prefers reviving people over dealing damage, so keeping a fresh batch of corpses around should keep the Stone Gun chemist from popping caps in us all.


Wait a fucking second, she has Maintenance. Fuck.

Oh well, I can get a Glacier Gun elsewhere, why don't we-


Fuck.

Let's try this agai-


Fuck.


Okay, if the fuckers won't let me steal from them, I'll make them one of Ramza's battle buddies.


The Brast Gun, the strongest of all gun's, brasts lightning. I want it, so I can become a true gun'sbraster!


To that end cretins need to die.


Quit reviving cretinsss!


Sorry Square-Enix-Goya, I'm keepin' this gun.






Fine I'll steal your stupid fucking blast gun I hate FFT so much sometimes.


Since the AI has infinite stock of every item, Auto Potion is always a regular potion for it.


Okay, now, Rafa, don't fuck this up.


I haven't seen the sun in four days because of how long it took to do this.

Of course the chemists and mediators die in a whirlwind of relief and a strong desire to save the game.


It's the strongest magic gun, and lightning is a much better element for shooting people than fire or ice.


If this weren't the only Vanish Mantle in all of Ivalice I wouldn't care about this stupid fucking cape.

Yet I use the goddamn thing that caused me so much misery. I am a broken man.


THIS IS HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW


So we're taking Cloud with us. Why? I have no idea.


Poeskas Lake doesn't have an interesting rare battle, but at least I won't hurt myself over it.


5 humans again. There's a lot of these.


They all start on 8-height panels, too. Height 4 Sleep has never been so fun!


But they hit each other to wake each other up. Stupid mages.


Cloud does level pretty fast, yes, but he doesn't have abilities. And those are what count.


I mean, how else could I do something crazy like this?


I try to get Beowulf some abilities of these crystals but the Time Mage boxilizes so I get summon and black magics that he'll never use.


So go away.


Cloud gets Gained JP UP but I have no reason to ever use Cloud again because he isn't that good.


Beowulf learns X-potion, and the damned thing is I think I use it, even though so many of my party members have Auto Potion!


Lich deals percentile darkness damage. The HUD calls him Rich. That's all there is to know.


So, it's time to go here and prove it exists!


Squires and a Black Chocobo? That was easy.


This swamp isn't the magical dreamland I remember. It's... a swamp. Just a normal, every day swamp.




Limberry has a swamp, a desert, and a dried-up salt lake. Limberry is geographically confused.


Once my wonder at actually visiting a second time passes, the battle ends really fast as Squires and a black chocobo aren't good at fighting.


ALL THE MURAMASAS


So I go to find Araguay Woods's rare battle.


Imagine my surprise when I hear battle sounds going before Agrias even gets a turn.


This one ninja, of the many that make up Araguay Woods's rare battle, happens to be really high level, so she hit 13 speed, one more than Agrias's hasted speed.


But once the surprise wears off these ninjas aren't as good at killing people as I thought they would be.


SPEAR! SPEAR! RAMZA IS THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!


ON THIS DAY

I SEE CLEARLY

EVERYTHING HAS COME TO LIFE


I'm teetering so close to the brink of madness. I think I should stop here before I jump off.


On the plus side, I'm very close to done with this.