Part 74: Chapel of St. Murdon Temple

Just gotta equip my...

...

Wait. There's no N-Kai Armlet there.

Fuck. Fuck. This is going to be... interesting, to put it in the most positive terms possible.

In negative terms?


I'm prepared.


Instead lets dress Ramza up like a goofy nimrod.


Not a whole lot of options. Ramza starts in front of the middle tile so this arrangement has the party in a plus shape.

That shape will be very important, for you see, today I'm getting Ramza Ultima.


Vormav is standing in front of an ornate coffin in the center of the room.



: I want to end this now, but you probably won't go quietly... I'm afraid your life must end here. My servants will be your opponents.




The Leo stone in Vormav's possession glows!


He summons some demons, including this Ultima Demon that I hate more than anything.




Is... is that...

: Zalbag!!
: He maybe your brother, but he's joined our family. Think you can fight with him? Ha, ha...

Vormav then teleports. He doesn't stop taunting Ramza.



: Don't let him leave this temple alive!!


Except Zalbag will be asleep while I try to manipulate the Ultima Demon's AI in increasingly bizarre ways.


He's got his old command that he will almost never use, and now Blood Suck that he will almost never use. He prefers to just smack people with that Rune Blade.


This is also the only boss in the entire game with bad compatibility with Capricorn of any kind. Everything else has been neutral or better with Ramza.


Zalbag starts on a height 4 panel. It's one of the few times I can so smoothly cast a Math Skill sleep.


Smoothly. Ha! What an idiot I am. Zalbag's crystal shield is fucking annoying this whole battle.


I have no idea what I'm doing just yet, I'm just trying things to see if they work.




Woah Zalbag you don't look too good. What did Adramelk do to you?

: What...am I doing? Can't feel a thing...
: You're being controlled by Lucavi!
: I'm...fighting...you? Why...? Go Ramza, Run! Or else...I might...kill you.
: Brother!
: Please...Ramza. Kill...me... I'm in pain...no feeling in my hands and feet, yet it hurts...all over... The scariest part is... I'm slowly losing my memory.
: You'll be ok, Zalbag!! I'm sure there's a way! So, don't give up!! Please, don't give up!
: No, hurry up and... kill me...I'm in pain... I hear voices...talking...crying...calling...taunting. Do something...Help me...Hurry and...kill me.
: Damn that Vormav!


Ramza screams in rage. I need his speed to be super fuckin' high so he can move while (if) the demon is charging Ultima somewhere else.


Of course the Archaic Demons see Ramza's low HP and target him with Dark Holies.


Without the N-Kai Armlet Dark Holy is irresistible and this entire update will be about me getting around Dark Holy's superior damage.


What are you doing?


Oh, it's Hurricane.


Though Hurricane sucks dicks at hitting its percentile damage is high enough on Beowulf and Agrias to make him forget he has other spells.

That is, until Dark Holy starts being a OHKO then he forgets he has other spells but Dark Holy.


Zalbag whacks people with the Rune Sword. Right. What did I say?


At least Height 4 Sleep gets the demons, canceling the Dark Holies and leaving the assholes open to being murdered.


Like so.


Beowulf, has anyone told you how awesome you are right now?


When I wake up the Ultima Demon, he goes to casting things that aren't Ultima again.


Wait, it's how unlikely?


Oh dear. This isn't good.


NANOFLARE AUGH IT'S BREAKING DOUBLE DIGIT DAMAGE


I don't like you any mr. demon.


Maybe having more Faith will make him more likely to cast things other than Hurricane and Nanoflare?


Well I suppose a Dark Holy that's assuredly fatal is something other than Hurricane and Nanoflare. I think I gave Ramza too little HP.


So let's try this shit again!


276 ought to be enough.


Since Beowulf can't Faith Ramza directly, I'll let Eldena handle it.

Also since she's Faithed she can render armies comatose.


FUCK YOU ARCHAIC DEMONS.


Aw damn, he likes 'em faithful.


Now I feel a mite embarrassed that this finally happened.


It's like Holy, but all dark!


MA*37, weaker than Holy's MA*50 but way above Ultima's MA*23.

23. Ultima has a multiplier of 23. Now do you see what the issue is? Ultima is such a bad spell he doesn't want to cast it because his other three spells are better.


Just to give you an idea of the how long this is taking, stuff starts decomposing and we ain't close to done.


...This is literally the first time this has ever happened to me. In the decade I've owned FFT this is the first time Zalbag has used Blood Suck.


Dark Holy's incantation. This situation is rapidly deteriorating.


Remember, though, that murder cures vampirism!

I've played enough Castlevania to know the solution to vampires is brutality.


And now Zalbag won't go back to sleep and the demon keeps casting Hurricane.


So let's remove some hats and shit and lower HP!


I don't need any archaic demons interrupting this.


He's casting Hurricane anyway.

I hate Ultima demons so much right now.


What... what is this?!


Sweet jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! He'd rather use his fucking physical attack rather than Ultima! This demon is being obtuse!


Protect 2! You came in handy for once!


It rains sparkles.


This is getting crazy.


That wasn't a Faith or Sleep, it was a Chicken so he'd stop punching people.


I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I'M DOING ANYMORE.


And with Faith his Dark Holy will OHKO Beowulf by 1 HP.


GENTLEMANLY ANGER


But then I remember something from the time he cast Dark Holy. It cost 40 MP. Ultima costs 20.

I can make him stop casting Dark Holy by leaving him with only 20 MP. Nanoflare and Hurricane are free, so I'll keep Faithing things until he finally decides to cast Ultima.


Esuna's Incantation. Once he's down to 20 MP keeping him asleep isn't the best idea.




WHY DID I DECIDE TO GET ULTIMA HERE OF ALL PLACES?!

WHY IS THERE NO WIND RESISTANCE IN THIS GAME?!


Wait, is he...


Well goddamn, after so long he's finally casting Ultima. Yup, Ultima Demons know Ultima but Ultima is completely terrible in this game so he never wants to cast Ultima.








See what I mean? It's a bad spell.


But, upon being hit by it, Ramza can learn it and proceed to never cast it because it's just so not good.


And with that, he's mastered Squire.


FUCK YOU you stupid demon.


And here's one for you Zalbag, even though you've been asleep this whole time!


I could've done that from the start. I could've blown him to bits and ignored Ultima here.

Why do I do these things?



: Save...Alma... You're the only one... who can... I...have to go now...Goodbye...Ramza... Thank you......


Zalbag then explodes.

Kinda kills the mood doesn't it?