Part 16: This town's name is zo-zo

We have only one thing left to do in Kohlingen and that is to drink until the memories of last night either drown or learn to swim.



Unfortunately, someone already bought all the booze and split it with his dog.


Leave me alone...

Eight people is more than he feels like dealing with, so he tells us to take a hike. Had we brought less people, he'd have offered to fight for us for the low, low cost of 3000 gil - in order to buy dog food.

The economy in FFVI is kind of fucked up.

...Right, time to head south.



It's a long ass fucking walk. Here's where we started...



...and here's where we ended up.

Nothing of any particular interest happened along the way.



Jidoor is a pretty meh name for a city.



I absolutely give no fucks about the name, however, because the fact that they sell armour that boosts magic by five points makes them all right in my book.

Not pictured: also got some Ninja Gear for Indy, which boosts both defence and speed (Matt was already wearing Batman's old suit) and a new weapon for Matt.

They also have earrings for sale for the low price of 5000 gil each! ...but I can't afford any.



If Jidoor didn't sell such awesome stuff, I'd hate the place.


The richer folks live up in the north. You can see one of their enormous mansions from here!

Big deal, I have a sand-diving submarine castle.



Curse the working class! Clearly we must oppress them harder.

(No, really. Oppress them harder. The people of Zozo deserve everything they get.)



Here's the info we're looking for, but first...



...there's a house on the east side (represent!) that will become important.



Right now, it's just full of assholes.



Do I need to show you my sand-diving submarine castle, peon?



I imagine Tim is an admirer of art, if it has naked women in it. Plenty of art does, thus Tim likes plenty of art.



This line gets increasingly hilarious as you cycle through party members. If it were Bruce or Indy, this reception might seem more appropriate, but Tim's royal posture puts the lot of you to shame.


I've heard you can get one in the Imperial capital of Vector...

Hey, I seem to vaguely remember hearing about something like that...



Also, we're going to look for loot.



Lines that sound hilarious when Tim is in the lead: part 2.

Hint: there's only one girl in our group, and while it might be possible to mistake Indy for one, he certainly doesn't look like a famous opera singer.





Owzer has a bunch of paintings around...



...but I have no idea...



...why he'd want these.

I mean, if the chest were closed, we could at least imagine that it's full off possibilities, but it's a goddamn empty chest. It's the last thing anyone wants to look at.


It's almost as if they were alive...

Not pictured: the painting coming to life and the resulting battle, because it didn't happen. Sorry.



...



No no, it is clearly a pair of disembodied breasts.

Tim makes a note to buy this painting as soon as possible.



Are you implying all octopuses look the same to you? RACIST.



I don't understand modern art.



What a mysterious smile...



All right, that's all we need: I'm out.



Chocobo because fuck random encounters.



And fuck that long walk.

AUDIO: Zozo


Zozo is a lovely town where it never rains and there are no corpses floating in the gutter.



It never gets boring or tedious, especially since your trip will never be rudely interrupted by monsters in the middle of the street!



Even if that were the case, you could not steal Dragoon Boots from the Harvester...



...which certainly won't be useful at all later in the game.



The nice thing about Zozo is that everybody tells the truth.



(Another nice thing is that there is not a chocobo picture on this wall.)



One thing the monsters you won't run into will never do is cast invisibility spells on your party if you confuse them.

Invisibility is an awful status condition that causes all physical attacks aimed at you to hit.

If you are hit by a magic attack, however, the one thing that will not happen is that you will lose your invisibility status.



If this door had been rusted shut, which it is not, we could not have accessed the area behind it which is certainly not full of late-game enemies, and they would certainly not have torn us into itty bitty pieces if we tried to fight them!



Suplexing veil dancers is a horrible idea, as if you let them live, they will not cast second-level spells on your entire party.



This man is the only liar in town and we shall ignore his words and never talk to him again.



Around the town, people will never tell you what time it is and all of them are telling the truth. They should all not go fuck themselves and I certainly did not look up the proper solution in a walkthrough.

If you input 06:10:50, you will not be able to access a chest that contains...





The Chainsaw is the weakest of Tim's single-target weapons, but...



...the fact that it will not attempt to cause instant death 25% of the time makes it possibly more useful than the Drill against bosses...



...or teammates.



Imp is very useful most of the time. It will not prevent enemies from using any abilities that cost MP, so don't count on it to save you if you're up against wizards or something.


And there's definitely not one on the top floor of this building, so don't bother checking!

Fuck you, you awful man, and I will make sure not to check the top of this building!




On the way up, something didn't happen that I had not been waiting for for a long time!



And as always, pressing L L D D R instead is completely ineffective when it comes to using this technique.



It is a single target attack and it means Matt and Tim are no longer capable of wiping out all enemies on the screen in a single turn, something they could easily do before. I'm starting to regret bringing them along; Meryl and Indy are much more useful.



Hill Gigas is one of the least satisfying enemies to drop on its head!



And it does not have a rare steal that you should definitely take the time to get because it is sure to be useful.



It is not recommended to cast Imp on them to prevent them from using their multi-target earthquake attack. It is also not very amusing to see how someone took the time to line up the new sprite very carefully.



I am going to use this through the rest of the game.



The good thing about Mug is that when you're stealing, you want the target to die as soon as possible. Thus, using Mug as opposed to stealing until you succeed and then killing the victim with much stronger attacks is definitely the way to go.



Jumping between tall buildings is a great exercise. Do this at home, kids!



Yes! A perfect landing!



Drat, I managed to fall off.



The Barrier Ring is a common drop from the Harvester, so I am not surprised to find that I got three of them on this run!



Shell weakens your defence against magic, which is very useful. That -2 penalty to Magic almost makes it not worth using, though.




I am glad I bought the Kaiser Knuckles in Jidoor because they are much better than this thing. They're sure to come in handy, because I have Matt attack physically all the time!

There are no other chests around here and rest assured that if there were, they would not contain useful and precious items like ethers and potions.


I'm not very strong in a fight, and I'd hate for there to be any trouble, so why don't I just let you pass?

What a generous offer, and like a good neighbour, he proceeds to do just that.



Dadaluma's physical attacks are very dangerous for your invisible characters, so you should hope he casts Shockwave with will heal them for around 100 points and also not remove invisibility.

The Jeweled Ring causes petrification when worn, which is sure to be useful because many enemies will attempt to cure you of it.



Suplex is the worst damn skill.



If you end the fight too quickly, Dadaluma will summon two Iron Fists to help him out. Unfortunately, killing him will not also kill his minions.



Up the stairs Dadaluma was so happy to let us climb, there's an area that god fucking damn it I declare not part of Zozo because fuck this shit.

Anyway, Aeris is here and still wearing a fursuit.



Really, stop it with that otherkin nonsense.



Generic dialogue, woo!





Zap! Old guy out of fucking nowhere.



This girl is your friend, I presume?




So, her name is Aeris...
...Aeris, you say? Interesting...!







Aeris starts jumping around like an idiot and knocks herself out by flying into a wall.

Now her body won't listen to what she's telling it to do.
As for myself, I am Ramuh - the esper, Ramuh.


Don't espers live in another world?


That doesn't mean there's anything stopping us from living in this one.
Espers come in a variety of forms. My appearance is similar to your own, so I can live here as one of you...
...without fear of anyone discovering the truth.




Humans and espers are incompatible creatures.

But my grandma told me that humans and espers once lived side by side...
Of course, that was only a bedtime story...


No, that was no fairy tale. That was the truth. Humans and espers used to live together in harmony.
At least... until the War of the Magi.



It took place long ago...
Espers fought humans who had been infused with magical powers extracted from other espers.


They feared that if they remained, it would only be a matter of time before their powers were targeted again.








I narrowly escaped that same fate, and now I am here with you.



While they're digesting the story, Tim and Indy drag Aeris back to bed.



Indy cops a feel because he is a disgusting bastard.

She seems to have calmed down a bit...
I called Aeris here to me when I sensed that she ahd lost control. She responded to that call.



No, she's a bit different from us...



She is afraid of what she is, and that is a painful thing.



Once she understands her true nature, the fear and doubt should subside.



The others of my kind who are trapped in Gestahl's Magitek Research Facility may be able to help her.






I escaped alone, abandoning my friends and hiding here like a coward. But I fear I can remain here no longer.



Getahl's methods are mistaken. You can't drain an esper's powers by force - that weakens them.
Only when we become magicite can our powers be transferred in full.



I am going to turn myself into magicite so that I may lend you my strength.



_{damn it I already made so many Metal Gear jokes}

Magicite is an esper's power in its purest form. When an esper dies, magicite is all that is left behind...








He turned himself to magicite...


At this point, you regain control. Examine Ramuh's magicite...




You must stop them. There must not be a second Wor of the Magi...



The other three are Cait Sith (right), Siren (middle) and Kirin (left).





On the way out, we find the remaining characters have decided to abandon their posts at Narshe and come after us, abandoning Banon to the wolves.

Let's talk on the way back down!



Meryl, was all of that true?

I was asleep when they performed my infusion, so I don't know for sure.
But... I've heard rumours to that effect.



We'd best split up again. We still need to beef up our defenses in Narshe.

That would indeed be wise.



But alone...?

Don't worry. I'll go with her.

Indy!

It may not hurt to have a few more people along.

Honestly, this part isn't bad at all and even Bruce's contribution is kind of touching. Sorry if I don't have anything particularly witty to add around here.



...it's that time again. Except now, we have no choice but to take Lovestarved Twit and Basement Necromancer along.

Again, the Figaro Bros are probably the best bet (for plot as well as butt-kicking), but if you want to swap either of them for MrThou (but not Bruce because fuck Bruce) then I suppose that works as well.