Part 26: I'll just jump off this ledge...

Here is a cave.

We are going exploring.

Isn't it exciting?



The cave has a weird stick just inside the entrance.

This weapon heals the target, which is rather amusing when you think about it - the harder you hit, the better they feel - but it's pretty useless since 2/3 of this party knows Cura and the third is going to pick up something else ere long...





Verily.



In truth, White Wind is a pretty bad skill; 45 MP is rather a lot considering the current maximums, and all the really threatening attacks tend to target the entire party and/or deal more damage than half Alfred's maximum. That's not to say it's entirely pointless, but I don't expect it to see much use, especially considering Alfred is also picking up Cura in this very dungeon, and healing duty mostly falls to Indy anyway since the others are better at actually hurting things.



There's also something else strange in this place, but no one seems to be paying attention...

This is kind of too big even for these people to miss, though.



The Warring Triad?

I will not make another Metal Gear joke.

Will not.

Will not.


So, uh, what's this "Warring Triad"?



So... they're the gods of magic?

You could say that.

This place is brimming with magic...

Those three gods are the creators of magic... meaning they also created the espers.

It's said that the espers once enshrined images of the gods in a holy place. This must be it...

The espers must have been drawn here by the magic of these statues.

So what happened to the gods after they made the espers?

Supposedly, they tired of their fighting and turned themselves to stone.
Legend has it they can be found beyond the Sealed Gate, resting in their eternal slumber.

I wonder if theyr magic is what connects the gate to the esper world?

Hmm...

If the espers were drawn here by these statues, they could be just up ahead...

It's worth a look.

I think you already said that last update.

Anyway, let's check out the statues.


Let them serve as a warning to future generations of the three gods who once descended from the heavens...


Three gods descended from the heavens. Fearing one another's power, the gods began to war.
Those mortals caught amongst their fighting became espers, and were forced to fight endlessly as slaves to the gods.


With the last of their fading magic, the gods returned the espers' free will, then turned themselves to stone.
The last words they left to the espers were these:
"Never must we be woken."

Another nice (but long!) info dump that I'm pretty sure tells us more than the SNES version ever did. These are the things Kefka wants to bring back, and as already established, he's a few bananas short of a bushel.

Oh, and speaking of people with screws loose, trying to leave this little platform gets us...



...a face full of goddamn octopus!



He takes a moment to jump up and down on Indy. I just can't bring myself to hate him!


Now I'll finally be able to get some respect from Siegfried!

...one ridiculous, overblown idiot deserves another, I guess.

Ohhh! They're all glowy and sparkly! So purdy...





Well, Mama always said I was a slow learner... but at least I never give up!

OCTOPUS.




Yeay yeah, you know the deal, you show up, I kick your ass, you say something stupid and run away. Let's get with the program here.



...well, that works, too.



Hey, what do you know, octopuses don't like electricity!

Beat on him for a bit, and he casts Haste and Protect on himself.

I know what you're thinking...
"Man, that was cheap!"
Sorry, so sorry!

But you know what Protect doesn't help against? Magic. Remember what caused those 1884 points of damage a couple of shots ago? Magic.

I don't give a shit. vv



And then Robin drops in.

Literally. From the ceiling.

(How did she even get there?)



Naturally, Alfred freaks out.

Robin!
I thought I told you to stay home!

I wanted to practice my drawing.
I am a budding virtuoso, after all!

She turns to Ultros.

Hey there! What's your name?

How dare you ask me my name!
As if anyone wouldn't already know the great Ultros!


...and an egotistical octopus.
Do I even want to know what's next?

Yes.

Yes you do.

Because it is awesome.

Hey, Ulty...
Why don't you pose so I can draw your picture?

Ult... Ulty!? The nerve of this brat!
Look, I'm not one of your kiddy friends, and I don't want a stinking portrait!


I don't want to draw your picture anyway!
It's okay...



You manipulative little brat.



No! Robin, don't jump!



They're going to come up with something ridiculous, I can just smell it-

no wait that's fried octopus from before, my mistake.


If anything happens to her, I'm not going to forgive you!


Well, geez, whaddaya want me to do?


Maybe she'll even make you look good!



...no shit.

...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...Oh, all right. Uncle Ulty really, really wants you to draw his picture.


You're gonna love it!

At any rate, get over here!



Robin's special command is Sketch.



Much like Alfred, it causes her to use enemies' attacks against them, although in her case it's limited to the enemies in front of her.

When used, it may miss and do nothing at all (the chance of success is calculated using Robin and the target enemy's levels), or it may hit and cause her to use one of two attacks that enemy has. These may or may not be useful, and they may or may not suck horribly depending on the current situation.

Sketch is pretty much useless.

In this one fight, however...




...it has "spectacular" results.

Ultros takes off and the battle ends... without giving us any reward.

(Maybe it could have gone better for him if he had remembered to bring a coconut.)



Yes. Yes, you will.

G-Gramps!?

It wouldn't hurt to bring her along, would it?

"SHE'S TEN YEARS OLD"

"So it evens out."

...

"I don't even have a comeback for that line."

Oh, all right already! Not like you stay at home when you're told, anyway...

Yay!

And there we go! Best damn character in the game and there will be no arguments.

...what, you're still going to argue? Fine, let's do a little experiment.



First, we'll strip Aeris naked.

"WHAT"

"Yoink!"



"DFADJDSKDSFD-"

"...oh my."

"Murder."

"Oh my indeed. Don't look now, Robin."






"Oh, wow! Is that supposed to bend like that?"






"No... no, I'm pretty sure it's not."

_{"Oh, dear god, I'm about to be ill."}






"I'm going to be just like Aeris when I grow up!"

*ulp*






"Huff... puff..."

_{"I'll be okay."}



Well anyway. Let's also strip Robin naked. (Trust me, this is actually going somewhere.)



...I hope nobody reading this actually wants to see a ten year old girl naked, so we'll skip right here. As you can see, she has 44 Magic without any boosts from equipment.

This as compared to Aeris with a starting Magic score of 39.

(And embarrassingly enough, she hasn't managed a single level-up with a magic-boosting esper equipped, making that stat still five points lower even though she's a level higher than Robin OOPS.)

Long story short: Robin is magical murder on wheels. She is also slightly faster and better at dodging than Aeris, though physically weaker and less durable.

(And she comes with another Memento Ring. Very suspicious.)



Let's continue on. Oh, look, strange things on the floor! Maybe they're buttons, like in the cave leading up to the esper realm!



...they're not buttons.



But at least falling through that pit leads us to a treasure chest! With a...



...with a...



...

let us never speak of this ever again.







EVER. AGAIN.

_{god damn it Alfred I used to think you were cool}



But at least one good thing comes of all that running around because Robin masters the second-level elemental spells and is now the most dangerous person on the continent.

No, really.



Having disposed of all the fursuits down a deep pit, we wander deeper into the caves...



...where we find a fairy.

What will they think of next?