Part 29: Very Definitely Final Dungeon

Welcome to endgame! Are you pumped? I know I'm pumped! And you wanna know why?



Because I just bought ten fucking Flame Rods and I can't wait to break some faces with them, that's why!



Damn straight! Although come to think of it, we should probably appoint a pilot who can see over the steering wheel...



How about "form a party of 3, everyone else get up here and do something useful"?

...no?

Fine, see if I care.







This is our party. I'm taking Robin because I want some heavy artillery, Alfred because no one else loves him, and Tim because he hasn't been around much lately and if we're lucky we'll find a way to beat the creepy out of him.

Also, Noiseblaster is just that fucking good.



So the flyboat takes off.



And we see some weird things flying past the ship. What are those?


They've got us surrounded! We're going to have to engage them!

...the imperial what now?



Since when does the empire have a GODDAMN AIRFORCE



I've never heard anything about it before, but easy come, easy go, and we go through this pretty easily.



Still, the flyboat is taking some hits. Need to kill them faster!



...that is a strange thing!



Octopus out of fucking nowhere!





I believe him!

...and why do I believe the retarded octopus?



Because we're only going to get stronger from now on and even he has to have enough brain cells to figure out he's fucked by now.





...what the hell is that.





So.



There goes Ultros.



Typhon follows pretty quickly, but before he goes down, he uses "Snort", which blows all three characters out of the battle, and...



...in a rare case of gameplay/cutscene synchronisation, it actually blows them off the ship as well.

Of all the times to start applying logic to jrpg battle scenes...



Oops, there was another boss, but I killed him before I could get a good shot, so sad.



THe most interesting part about him is that he drops this and I will never use it because it is awful.

AUDIO: New Continent


Because it would be kind of underwhelming if the party fell to their deaths here, we land on the floating continent, just next to a save spot... and something else vaguely familiar.



Eh, I'm sure he'll keep.



One step later: dragon! These critters have genji gloves as rare steals. We're not going to get any, but I thought I'd point out one of the three places in the game where Indy would actually be able to do something useful.



Anyway, Alfred and Robin hurry to patch up Batman.

Tried to off me the second I had served my purpose...

"Batman! We thought you were dead!" <- generic dialogue

Is Interceptor all right?

Batman is a big softie. Don't tell him I said that, though.

"He's fine. Come on, let's go!

Just leave me here.

"Sorry, tha'ts not happening!"

And so we have conscripted Batman.



Good thing, too, because we're up against ninjas and what better way to kill a ninja than with another ninja?

...well, except for someone with Blitz, or Tools, or Lore, or a good Magic score, or-

"..."

Moving on!



The Floating Continent has this weird design that I'm not sure if it looks more stony or organic.

It's also quite high up.

(The blue round thing to the right is what passes for a treasure chest here. It contains a Murasame, a weapon for MrThou.)



I forgot to sceencap the enemy, but Alfred picked up a skill that deals a flat 1000 points of damage, which is generally useless. It is very reliable, though.



There are some paths here that only open when you walk right up to them. We're not taking this one yet, because...



...there's another "chest" here.



Gigantos here hits really hard, and often. He's a huge pain for a relatively squishy party like this, even with everybody in the back row.



So I'll just cheese the fuck out of him with Phantom. Cloaking mode ON! ...and now he can't do shit.



The reward is "Sasuke", a new weapon for Batman. Honestly, I don't think it's worth the speed and evade penalty and losing the instant death chance from the assassin's dagger. Batman will be throwing batarangs when he really wants to do damage anyway.



These things swallow the party when they step on one...



...and spit them out in a different location. There are several of these passages around the place. It's pretty gross.



Robin thinks she can see her house from here.

Alfred damn near has a heart attack.

Tim plots "adopting" her if Alfred doesn't make it.

Batman dangles him over the edge until he changes his mind.

All in all a fairly typical family outing.



These things open new paths if you step on them.



Here's another instance of Sketch being something other than completely useless! The platinum dragon has Cyclonic, an attack that reduces targets to single-digit HP. It's pretty brutal.



Oh hey, flyboat!



Sketch again. Holy shit, it's Meteor! This is going to be aweso



oh

okay then





I found this in a chest.

Hahahahahaha_no



This thing looks a lot like the rest, but it's somewhat special - it leads to a small room with a save spot in it. What could be coming up next...?



...a chance to go back to the flyboat.

But that would mean we'd have to go through this entire fucking dungeon again and there's not a snowball's chance in hell.



Hey, a strange thing!

Robin goes up and pokes it.

AUDIO: The Fierce Battle (The soundtrack lies because you can cheese this motherfucker like gorgonzola.)

I am power both ancient and unrivaled...
I do not bleed,
for I am but strength given form...
Feeble creatures of flesh...
Your time is nigh!

Damn that's a lot of pre-battle bragging. Even Ultros isn't that wordy!



Ultima Weapon has three stages. First he'll attack and toss the occasional Flare, which certainly does hurt but isn't a huge threat (single target damage). Sometime he'll use Blaze with is basically Fira.

Once you knock some HP off, he'll start using more threatening attacks, such as Quake (earth damage, all) which is pictured above.



Eventually he'll use Flare Star, which is a strong fire attack.

He also has a third stage, but... he just has 24000 HP and I have two ridiculously overpowered mages, a lunatic with a chainsaw and the goddamn Batman on my side, so he never has time to do anything really interesting and goes down in a couple of turns.

The "cheese" way to do this is to cast Rasp, because like Flame Eater, he'll die if his MP is depleted. That way he'll never even get to start using his most threatening attacks.

The reward is 10 AP and an Elixir, and he has a Ribbon as a rare steal. It's a pretty underwhelming reward for dragging Indy through this entire dungeon, though.



Once we're done, Batman decides that he hasn't done anything to seem dark and mysterious this episode, so he excuses himself and jumps away.



Like so.



The emperor is waiting just up those steps.

AUDIO: Catastrophe
VIDEO: End of the World
(some syncing issues with the sound in this one, but not enough that I care to re-record or start fiddling with it)


I followed you. I have a score to settle with the Empire!

Ha-ha... So you all came to die together, then... Well, you're just in time!
Behold! The Warring Triad!



The statues start glowing. It is all very ominous.

Gestahl starts sucking up the sparks flying around like some kind of demented despot-shaped sponge.

Ohhh! What power...! I've got goose bumps!

Emperor Gestahl! Please, stop this madness!



Imperial bitchslap! Gestahl hits Tim square in the balls, then knocks over Robin and Alfred as well.

Meryl isn't quite done yet, so she climbs back up on the platform.



"...Kefka is 'special'. Don't compare me to that creep."

Why don't I give you and Kefka the task of creating progeny to populate my new Magitek empire?

"Ew ew ewww."

"I... I saw her first, goddammit!"

"Ew ew EEEWWW!"

Kefka cackles.

Kill the others and we'll forgive your treachery!



Not pictured: a sword.



"We will rule the galaxy as father and son!"

"...you've been waiting the whole game to make that joke."

"Indeed."



"You're forgetting something, though."

"And what's that?"



"I have a uterus."



"...fine, father and horribly disfigured son. Don't be so picky with the details."

"Is this a good time to mention how much I hate you all?"

...what do you mean you "want to know what actually happens"?

Ugh. Be that way.








B-blood... Blood! Blood!!!
You vicious brat!
Argh... Grrr...!
You know, you really are a stupid...
Vicious...
Arrogant, whiny, pampered, backstabbing, worthless...




But Meryl somehow manages to miss all the vital organs so he gets up again. Sigh.



The gods...



...are unimpressed.

Let me in here! Grrr...!
Now listen to me! No more playing games! I command you... Show me your power!

Kefka, stop! If you revive them, they'll destroy the very world we want to rule!
There's no value in that!

Shut up!

Battle scene!



Mad...?
Emperor Gestahl, what are you saying?

He's saying you're a few cards short of a full deck.

A few ants short of a picnic.

A few straws short of a picnic basket.

A few oats shy of a haggis.

A few clowns short of a circus.

A few guns short of a posse.

Am I getting through to you yet?

This is the perfect chance to show them the power of the Warring Triad!

...evidently not.

Oh, Kefka.. You poor, hopeless thing!
I'm afraid you leave me no choice!


I'm just going to use this power you've unleashed to put you to sleep...

...you know if you do that I'm willing to forgive you for all the other shit you've pulled goddamn finally someone is prepared to put Kefka where he belongs!



He's not taking it very seriously, though!

Very well...
I suppose it's only fitting that you go out laughing.



Clearly, the little pig Gestahl has been hogging prime quality magicite for himself. I don't even have that spell yet!

Not pictured, however: Firaga.

Because this doesn't do jack.



So Gestahl tries again.


Why isn't my magic working!?



Not pictured: anything resembling a meltdown. Possibly a nervous breakdown in the making, though.


H-how...!?
How are you doing this!?



...I can't pretend I mind seeing them kick the crap out of each other.

"How?" you ask?
By standing at the center of the Warring Triad, of course!
They absorb all the magic sent their way.
...Or hadn't you noticed?

...!

It's always a terrible thing to wake up to the realization that the laughable underling is more competent than you are and has just been waiting for this moment.


Your first victim has stepped forward!
Show this useless old man your true power!

No! Kefka!
Stop playing around!

I said, SHOW HIM YOUR POWER!



The gods decide that it's worth it if it'll shut the babbling lunatic up. Lightning! It doesn't hit anyone, but the both of them are still knocked off their feet.

In... credible...

Another bolt tosses them around.


You're way off! Where are you aiming!?



More to the right!

It's another near miss.



But



he's well done anyway.

Bull's-eye!
Oh dear...
Well, I guess I was a bit hasty in calling you a useless old man before...
NOW you're useless!

*cackle*



Maybe, but you won't be around long enough to see it.



Because Kefka is a douche.

And that's the last we'll see of him.

Emperor properly disposed of, Kefka runs back up to the statues...



...but Meryl decides to intervene, because, you know, it went so well the last time she tried to stab him.



"I, Kefka, shall knock you all down!"

...and then he starts pushing the statues around.



Why do I get the feeling that's exactly what he wants?



Suddenly, someone whistles.

Who's that!?



"I'm Batman."



One daring bat-rescue later, Meryl is safe on solid ground...



...and Kefka is getting his ass handed to him.

Quick, the bat anti-clown spray!



With Gestahl dead and Kefka distracted, the rest of the party takes the opportunity to fight off whatever the hell that glowy stuff was and break free.

Go!



They don't have much choice in the matter.

Maybe I should have put someone slightly heavier in the lead.

Forget about me! Run! There's no stopping this now!
I'll find my way back! Trust me!

You won't escape me!

The sky turns dark, and he throws a shiny thing...



...all the way over here.


Come on! We have to get out of here!



Meryl takes up the place Batman vacated, and she's really going to be a much bigger asset... though I still wouldn't want to be the one to tell Batman that.



This section is timed and there are battles you can't run from, but these things go down in like two moves so they're pretty boring.



Also, the ground keeps crumbling...



...but..



...we always seem to make it just in time. Almost as if they scripted this!



Oops!



This chest has an elixir and the ground in front of the stairs will drop out if you approach it from the left. Circle around to the south and enter from the right, and you'll be able to nab it.



Like so!

Also note the shiny thing on the right.


You think I'm going to let you escape?

Touching it starts a fight with a... thing.

It casts Doom on the entire party, which starts a countdown over the victim's head, at the end of which they die.

I kill it before that happens, and Alfred learns yet another completely useless Lore skill. It's worth 3 AP.



Just beyond, we have the flyboat, but...



...aren't we missing something?



After waiting for the timer to hit 0:04, Batman comes jumping, right at the last moment.

I'd never be able to rest in peace if I died without collecting my pay...

The man has his priorities right!



I'm pretty sure they'd break every bone in their bodies if they land on the airship after a fall from this height, but hey, it's their bones, and I'm sure someone back at the ship has Cura.



...ow.



Nope. You're fucked.



And so...



...is the world.



The imperial army's annual picnic is rudely interrupted.



Innocent imps fall to their doom.



And on the flyboat...



...everything just went straight to hell.