Part 4: Episode III: How NOT to Design an Action Game
Episode III: How NOT to Design an Action Game
So we begin the first 'stage' of the game. Dirge of Cerberus is divided into a linear set of stages. Usually each is a separate area. At the completion of a stage, a tally of completed objectives, accuracy, items used, and other parameters will be displayed and the total will translate to how many experience points Vincent gains, as well as how much gold (Gil) he receives for upgrades.
But, don't worry about that now. Have a brief cutscene on top of the seven minute intro.
Vincent is the watch a massacre, shoot a few things first, dramatically pose a few times, and then ask questions later type.
Vincent's super powered reflexes and senses seem to swing wildly from being able to headshot something .05 seconds after it appears down to being ambushed by three heavily armored glowing soldiers marching across a rotting rooftop.
See, this is the kind of stuff I really wanted to see expanded in the Final Fantasy 7 universe. Vincent is both male AND blood type A. I'm hoping we find out in the follow-up whether it's A- or A+. He also seems to glow purple instead of red or green. I'm sure that doesn't mean anything important.
But, I have been wrong in the past.
Ah, so it seems we have a potential villain. An evil little girl strapped to some sort of neural computing network interface... At what point did Final Fantasy VII start getting cyberpunk? I must have missed that. Last I checked this was a world where swords were still an acceptable weapon of choice.
Meanwhile, Vincent has finally noticed the soldiers sneaking up upon him. He snaps into action for what will undoubtedly be another spectacular feat of marksmanship and agility, to make no mention of-
Oh wait... We're finally playing the game. So, you can replace agility and lightning fast marksmanship with...
Slowly plinking away at enemies while numbers pop out of their heads. Welcome to the gameplay of Dirge of Cerberus.
It sucks.
What you're looking at right here is essentially 90% of what there is to the combat in this game. You point at things. You shoot them. They probably die. There's not a whole lot more to it than that. Sure, you can score critical hits by striking key areas, like the head. But, the game defaults to an auto-aiming system that makes that near impossible to do reliably. Sure, you can turn it off. But, the controls somehow manage to be floaty as well as sluggish all at once; making it not a recommended choice.
Before someone goes on to tell me the keyboard and mouse set up is so much better (a USB keyboard and mouse can be plugged into the PS2 and used for this title) I'm just going to tell you to go ahead and shut the fuck up. It's a console action game. I'm usually sitting on my couch while playing this. It's nice that it's an option and all, but any console game should really really have some fucking decent default controller controls above all else.
Dirge of Cerberus fails at this.
If you want any sort of indication how sucky the controls are, I have already finished this entire stage. Even with the auto-aim on, I had an accuracy rating of 66%. Aiming is performed by activating attack mode by pressing R1 and then aiming with the left analog stick. The problem is, the analog controls are all sorts of loose. It's possible to click the right analog stick to go into first person view. Which makes the game like a really shoddy PS1 caliber FPS. The type that can't be bothered to display your gun or have any reload animations.
Meanwhile, actually firing is a less than speedy affair. The default Cerberus fires about one shot just under every second. Which may not sound too slow. But, if you take into account it usually takes two-three shots to kill even basic enemies and the gun must be reloaded every six shots...it's not the fastest weapon ever.
Before anyone points out the HUD says there are 18 shots in the gun, remember the Cerberus is a triple-barreled weapon. They take that to heart during gameplay. Each shot uses three bullets. So if you want the true ammo until a reload, you have to divide by three.
It's not all shooting, though. Vincent actually does have a <single> melee combo which actually does a reasonable amount of damage. The trouble is 90% of enemies in the game use ranged attacks and the ones that don't would already be striking you when they're in range. So, its usefulness errs on the side of 'never'.
Vincent also has a sliding dodge maneuver to quickly evade attacks. Which does come in handy, during boss battles taking place in large, open arenas. Unfortunately, the vast majority of combat takes place in tight corridors and the camera doesn't exactly agree with quick movement. So, the technique is ultimately a minor step-up from melee in the usefulness scale.
Last up is the double jump. This, along with the dodge technique (Vincent originally had a slower combat roll) were added to the North American release of the game. As the name implies Vincent can jump...then jump again to gain even more height. I know, I don't know how they come up with these crazy ideas either.
The problem is, there is never a need to use this. Ever. You know how Vincent was jumping across rooftops in the opening FMV? Yeah... That's not happening. Sure, Vincent can still jump a good ten feet in the air. But, he's not making it too far... In fact, if there is any sort of obstacle above roughly a standing foot...Vincent Valentine is not making it over that sonuvabitch.
Some examples of what ingame Vincent would be powerless to get around through acrobatics? Howabout :
Not happening...
In your dreams...
Are you crazy?!
So, while the areas themselves may seem to be sprawling streets twisting down deeper pathways... Nope. If it looks like there's a potential for an invisible wall, there will in fact be an invisible wall. Even if it possibly looks like it could be passable...you should probably assume it's an invisible wall. And just forget about anything above ground level. Unless there's a ladder or staircase leading up to it, the phantom Berlin Wall will be in Vincent's way.
But enough about invisible walls, let's talk about items. Since they somehow have to work in the whole 'Final Fantasy' aspect of things, all healing items and the like are taken from the game. So, the healing items are Potions and Hi-Potions. There is an instant revive Phoenix Down items. Money is Gil. And so forth.
However, it would be far too much work to render a bottle for a potion or a feather for a Phoenix Down. So, all items are just generic attaché cases scattered about. As the little tutorial blurb suggests, inventory is handled by cycling through usable items on the D-Pad.
Unfortunately, the RPG party 99 item closet dimension hasn't made it into Dirge of Cerberus. Instead, Vince has a very limited number of items he can carry. Potions, for instance, are limited to four at a time. The game starts him out with two. So, one more and my inventory will be maxed for that item. Potions and the like are all over the fucking place, so one can be chugged down without much of a problem to find another. The trouble is, the game penalizes you for using too many items in a stage.
Did I mention I hate this game?
In addition, Vincent's weapons consume ammo now and consume it very quickly, what with the three bullets per single shot ratio. But, fear not. Many enemies will drop ammunition upon death. Despite the fact they're all carrying faux-fantasy Kalashnikovs and Vincent has a riced out fantasy handgun... But, details...
Also, there are exploding barrels all over the place. Rooftops. City streets. Back alleys. You name it, there's probably a barrel of flammable material stashed away in it. I'm glad Square-Enix took the time and effort to include that cornerstone of originality to their title.
Vincent makes his way off the rooftops (via a staircase) to the streets below.
That's a good question. "Hey, come to this town so we can talk," is a bit of a broad invitation.
But, no investigation will be necessary. He's clearly to the north at the big open 'BOSS FIGHT WILL BE HERE' area
Further ahead, Vincent receives his first of many... many... sub-missions, or "Stage Missions" as the game likes to refer to them.
Stage Missions are basically secondary objectives alongside the usual 'get to boss area' and 'kill boss' most stages have. Some, like this one, are entirely optional. Most are a simple hand holding to a mandatory task to progress.
So, back to the Stage Mission at hand - Protecting the Civilians. Throughout the stage there will be a several people fleeing in terror with the Anonymous troops making every effort to gun them down. And I mean every effort. The AI chooses to completely ignore the heavily armed caped fellow gunning down his comrades in favor of shooting at an unarmed woman running down an alley. So, eliminating all enemies as soon as possible is highly recommended.
Though, there are several areas where civilian deaths are entirely scripted and there's never an indication as to where these areas will be. It's just a tad bit aggravating.
I might as well talk about the AI. Or lack there of. Their combat tactics basically consist of:
- Spawn from random out-of-sight location.
- Spot Vincent Valentine
- Stand and shoot at Vincent Valentine
- Take priority toward Vincent Valentine friendly NPCs should the occasion arise.
And that's basically it for the generic soldiers which he'll be fighting the bulk of the time. As for the man-beast gimps, their routine is:
- Run toward Vincent Valentine
- Attack Vincent Valentine
- Repeat
I've seen ducks at a shooting gallery have better survival instincts than any of the pricks in this game.
You may have also noticed those red lines in the previous screencap. Unless you are colorblind, in which case I will not pander to your rabble. In any case, I was just being helpful and filling in the invisible walls down the street. In case my words weren't speaking loud enough of the sheer number of them present.
Further down the street, Vincent comes across the first "Mako Point" of the game. Ethers seem to have gone by the wayside in recent years. As the tutorial vaguely suggests, these glowing hot spots restore Vincent's magical energy. Do not ask me why Mako is randomly erupting from the earth. Or how walking over what is essentially radioactive nuclear energy made out of dead people's spirits will restore magic powers. It's best not to think of it too hard.
Just beyond the Mako Point, Vincent conveniently finds his first bit of Materia. Materia is what allows people to use magic in Final Fantasy VII's world. You slap this on a piece of armor, a gun, or what have you and suddenly you can blast a fireball or raise the dead. Dirge of Cerberus' interpretation of it is a magic keychain.
Materia can be equipped via the 'weapon customization' screen. I'll hold off on explaining the weapon customization system for a bit. Til...you know... we can actually customize things.
In any case, tapping L1 will now allow Vincent to shoot a fireball. It does decent enough damage. Though, I can't say the effect is particularly impressive. It's more of a fire explosion than a 'ball' really.
Vincent heads a few blocks further into town.
Further ahead, we find the mysterious military types are airlifting the people they were gathering up into cells. Survivor does not fuck around with contestants summoned.
After mopping up a number of troops in the area.
The soldiers seem to have left some sort of kooky laser gate in their wake. Let's see what that's all about.
Deepground? Are we supposed to be familiar with that term? So, the para-military force has a name. A sort of stupid name, but a name none the less. They also seem to enjoy leaving minor nuisances in their path. Oh well, it should be too much of a problem. I mean, it's only what? Seven feet tall. Vinnie can double jump. This will be a snap.
Huh... Well, that's strange. I mean, he's just barely clearing it... I guess he's just being cautious. I mean, it is a field of lasers.
Let's get a little bit of height before attempting again, shall we?
...
Oh, fuck you!
Yes, despite being able to clear the laser grid by a good five feet, Vincent is required to instead fight a dozen newly spawned enemies and collect a keycard drop from one of their corpses, before proceeding.
Vincent does just that. It wasn't particularly entertaining.
A bit further ahead, Vincent picks up his first 'limit breaker'. Our hero can only carry one of these at a time. If you've ever played Devil May Cry, think a Devil Trigger if it were much less versatile. I'll elaborate on this another time, when there's more to do battle with that a couple of dinky troopers.
I'm starting to get the feeling of déjà vu with these streets...
A few empty streets later and we come upon a mother and daughter being attacked by the beast-men soldiers.
We also uncover the true intentions of these 'Deepground' troopers. They are not fucking around with sanitation standards.
The supposively 'clean' kid is dragged off to one of the holding cells while the mother is mangled by a hound. The Deepground scoundrels also seem to have stolen the subtitles. Bastards.
Of course, it's Vincent to the rescue. Despite being a gloomy prick that wallows in self-pity all day long, he seems to be quite the philanthropic fellow in times of crisis. Or maybe he just wants that experience bonus at the end of the stage. Mysterious are the inner workings of the RPG come Action hero.
This whole saving process more or less entails killing a dozen newly spawned troops and saving the mother from the dog-man.
After that, Vincent must open the cell to rescue the child proper.
No more enemies spawn during the waiting period or anything. The game just makes you sit there for fifteen seconds, as the door slooooooowly opens and the kid finally decides to come out.
All in the name of dramatic posing, you see. Vincent merely needed an excuse to do his trademark (notice: may not yet be a trademark) cape flutter before silently stalking off.
He does this a lot... As in every single time someone thanks him for the assist... Since, actions speak louder than words and dramatically billowing your tattered cowl speaks louder than anything.
Vincent, let's be serious here. You're not goddamn Batman. Cut it the fuck out.
Several blocks of plinking away at cannon fodder later...
Well, what do you know? A laser gate in a sensible location. Now, prepare yourselves for the most predominant Stage Mission of the game:
That's right. We're following the Wolfenstein 3D and Doom theory of level design here.
But, there is no need for hunting through anything resembling a well designed map, for said keycard. It's just a simple matter of following the same linear path and doubling back.
But first, the first proper weapon upgrade comes into play.
By slapping this on a weapon and clicking the first person button, Vincent will now be able to snipe distant enemies. That is...assuming you're actually within range of them. The ability to see a distant enemy and the ability to actually be able to hit that distant enemy are mutually exclusive elements in this title. Bullets will hit their mark dead on...up until a point. Should they exceed that point, the bullets apparently slam to earth as though gravity suddenly quadrupled.
Now, sure. The arc of any bullet will decrease over distance along with a number of other factors. But, that's not how it works here To illustrate:
Bullets within the gun's range and a targeted headshot.
Bullet with target a foot out of gun's range.
As I said, I'll get into the gun customization system the next update when Vincent has a number of elements to go over at once. Trust me, it's not a very complicated system...
Vincent grabs the keycard, backtracks through empty alleys, and heads further toward his destination.
One last upgrade is tossed in a corridor here - the long barrel.
And, let me tell you, they are not fucking around when they say 'long barrel'.
Vincent heads outside. To the alleged meeting place with Reeve.
Oh hey, look at that. We're in the
What place would be more fitting for the inevitable boss battle?
"Sir... I'm reading intense levels of emo energy emanating from the man below... Could it be...him?"
"Let me see that. What's the reading say?" "It's over nine-THO-"<gunshot>
"Jenkins!"
"Y-Yes sir...?" "You've just been promoted. Fire the missiles." "Why are we bothering to scan everyone if we're just going to firebomb them?" "DO YOU WANT A BULLET TOO, JENKINS?!" "N-No sir..."
Well, shucks...
Special Feature:
I just sat around typing about the gameplay of this train wreck for a hour and a half and you want MORE?!
Mako Energy
Mako was the former primary source of energy on the planet. The Shinra Corporation had a monopoly on Mako Reactors, which could harness Mako and convert it into electricity. Mako itself is basically nuclear waste...we're it the product of your dead grandpa and a cut-down tree.
The souls, for lack of a better term, of every living thing, upon death, return to the "Lifestream" which is basically underground rivers of Mako. Though, it's apparently been retconned that if you're a particularly big prick, you cannot reenter the lifestream upon death and end up a wandering spirit or some other such rot.
Following Final Fantasy VII, Mako was apparently abandoned in favor of fossil fuels. Real step-up there, champs.
Tune in Next Time For:
Weapon Modifications!
Mini-Bosses!!
Giants!!!
Cutscenes Present: 9
Total Cutscenes: 10