Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus Part #29 - Episode XVIII: It Just So Happens...

Part 29: Episode XVIII: It Just So Happens...

Episode XVIII: It Just So Happens...

We are randomly thrown into a Lucrecia flashback. Well, not randomly. There is an exceedingly retarded reason for it, this time. The scene in question will still be utterly pointless.

Our hero Vincent Valentine, folks.

"I heard flashbackitis is going around the Nibelheim region this time if year. You don't want to suddenly be caught up in dull moments at awkward times down the road, do you?"

"Why are you so surprised? Is my face that hideous?"

"No I didn't... I'm sorry."

"And how are you supposed to be my bodyguard if you're up here sleeping?"

"The warm breeze... I was only going to rest my eyes for a minute. After wandering off from my post... Several miles... What time is it...?"

"Around 3:30."

"Well, that's not so bad."

"Tuesday."

_{_"Shit!"}

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't the area around Nibelheim a bunch of craggy barren mountains? I must have missed the lush picturesque forest outside town. Then again, I'm missing anything resembling Nibelheim's mountains as well. Just how far did Vincent wander off to slack off on his duties?

"Nuh-uh. Find your own!"

Mid-afternoon and Lucrecia is already hitting the sauce. This explains just so many things.

Back in the present...

It's way creepier if you imagine they were just gazing into one another's eyes for the last three minutes.

Her data fragments responding...? Wait... Shelke had the Lucrecia flashback just then?!

"Sup, my niggas."

"You chillin' dawg?"

"But I need to know something. Those data fragments you recovered from Shinra Manor -are you sure there were not any more?"

"I'm sure. It said so on the mission end report. There were only the four."

"Hmm...I see. Those things never lie..."

"What's wrong?"

"Well, the Omega Report... the file was incomplete. I plugged in the four discs and I got prompts for disc #23, 47, and disk #98. I think we're missing something here."

"If possible, I wanted to know more about our foe before we launched the attack on Midgar."

"The what on who now?"

"We'll be assaulting Midgar in a few hours."

"Isn't your organization in ruins and you were just about to throw in the towel a few minutes ago?"

"We got better."

"Yes. But, how did you...?"

"Funny thing about that..."

I just wanted you all to be assured I wasn't making this shit up. Shelke is somehow loaded up with Lucrecia's memories and partial consciousness (from an era where the primary storage medium was apparently 3.5" floppy disks.) So, this ~~kid~~ young woman just happens to be one of the character's long lost sister, a former member of the main bad guy army, and infected with the thoughts of a scientist from thirty years earlier that just happened to be Vincent's crush.

Jesus. H. Christ. I hate this game.

"I can attempt to upload the WRO files on the Omega Report. By combining it with the data I possess, you may obtain a clearer picture of what you are up against. And perhaps I can regain control of my mind. You all have equipment which can jack scientific reports directly into my brain, right?"

"It's over by the soda machines."

"Cool."

Nice to see in what is essentially the same exact scene, Yuffie has gotten over her mourning for the character she didn't even know.

Everyone wanders outside.

I was looking at this incredibly goofy little picture and I realized something... What the hell happened to Deepground? And Azul, for that matter? There was a full military siege that was never really repelled. Ah, forget it. Why do I try to make sense of any of this?

"Look at this cool trick I can do with my arm!!!"

"I can't fucking here you ya dumb bitch!!!"

Oh hey, pretty FMVs. When was the last time we got to see one of those? Kalm?

This is Cid's new airship: The Shera. It also made an appearance in Advent Children.

It has also since gotten a whole lot of friends. Wasn't there only a single airship on the planet when the richest entity on the planet, with a stranglehold on the world's resources, was running the show? You'd think a global economic collapse and the world's sole major governing power folding would slow down production of airships. But hey, what do I know?