Part 30: Episode XXIX: Jibba-Jabba

Episode XXIX: Jibba-Jabba


Welcome to The Shera: Cid's new airship, which upholds the proud design tradition of leaving the bridge as the single most vulnerable area of the ship.


The vessel is manned by a proud crew of the same fucking blonde WRO guy we've seen eighty times.

Vincent wanders onto the bridge...


"Still looking paler than a hobo's ass, I see. How do you even manage to do that? Weren't you outside a ton in the first game?"
"Being indoors for thirty years will do that to you."
"I told your nancy ass to stay away from those fuckin' MMORPGs."
"Captain!"
"The fuck is it?!"
"You're not piloting the ship!"


"If we get some severe turbulence and start spiraling downward, just assume I went to take a shit. Had burritos for dinner last night. My bowels are doing a limit break."


"Not that we have much to talk about, seeing as I napped my way into being the party leader at one point and half the pricks who played through the first game probably complete missed you."


We finally get to the solitary 'gameplay' section of the stage. And by gameplay, I mean Vincent can only walk around and press X to begin dialog or start the next cutscene. All other functions are disabled. He can't even jump.

Every WRO member in the area has a long pointless rambling speech, a recap of the plot, or some additional information the writers just couldn't manage to fit naturally into the dialog so a NPC would have to do.


"I keep my new river chocobo there. He was born just a few weeks ago. I named him Boco. Boco. A noble name for a noble steed. I can't wait until this battle's over and I can go ride him off into the sunset."
"You do realize if we fail here it's the end of the world, right?"
"Nah. I'll be fine. I things get too hot, I'll just ride Boco off to safety."
"The entire world is potentially ending."
"I'm not worried. Boco can cross rivers. The apocalypse can't cross running water."
"That's vampires, not the end of the world!"
"Is it? Well, I guess Boco won't be of any use to you then."


Wait...there's actually a reason why they didn't rebuild Midgar, aside from laziness? It took them a sequel and a half to explain this and the only point they do so is an optional NPC...? Good grief...


"Most of us turned our eyes away from the problem, but someday we'll be forced to face it."

Three Hundred Years Later...



Back in the present...


"And at the top stand the Tsviets - a small group of elite warriors more powerful than the rest combined. Rosso the Crimson, Azul the Cerulean, Nero the Sable, and their mysterious and enigmatic leader, Weiss the Immaculate. It is believed a confrontation with these four is unavoidable."
"Weiss the Immaculate? I don't even know his boss name. How do you know so much about the Tsviets?"
"Captain Cid told me."
"Who told him?"
"Commissioner Reeve."
"When was this?"
"We were briefed around the time of the Kalm attack."
"Then why did you omit Shelke the Transparent?"
"Who?"
"There's five members of the Tsviets. One of them just defected to our side. And by 'just' I mean less than twenty minutes ago. How could you possibly have known that if we've been on board for all of five minutes and Reeve has yet to speak to Cid?"
"I... There... You see... Deepground soldiers... A ruthless band of killing machines determined to-"
<sigh> "Forget it."


"I've been a crew member for almost three years now. You'd think after a few hundred fights, I'd get tired of the view. But you know, when I realized that this may be my last chance up here-my last chance to take a glimpse of the land I call home. I just..."
"Slack off your fucking duty?!"
"Captain!"
"My toilet is reeking of Mexican cuisine blasted out of my ass. I want that thing so clean I can look down and see the stubble on my asshole!"
"S-Sir!"


"Don't you remember? I was one of the Highwind crew!"


Despite the fact it's just another blonde WRO guy, this fellow is supposed to be the Pilot-in-Training from Final Fantasy VII. Nothing like references which look nothing alike and the writers just go 'oh yeah...totally...it's totally the same guy. Yep. What? They look different? Dude, he just said it was him. Why would he lie?"


"And you won't believe this, but she runs on some mysterious ancient power. But, you don't have to worry. You'll be safe in my hands. Wait a minute... Where did this button come from...? Oh, no. You didn't hear anything. Approaching destination!"

So, an extremely half-assed reference to the original game, a plot hook for a future sequel (all of these airships Cid just sort of found...somehow...immediately after Final Fantasy VII, apparently) and incompetence being used as zany comic relief. This NPC is a winner, to be sure.


"Deepground. It used to be a medical facility for injured SOLDIER troops. Military troops would be sent there for care and rehabilitation. However, over time, it evolved into a laboratory for madmen content on ignoring all laws of man and nature. And supposedly this evolution took place because of the existence of one rogue soldier-a man known only as 'G.' However, that was all we were able to retrieve."
"So, Shinra built an entire city beneath the first two cities just to use it as a make-shift hospital...?"
"Correct."
"And then one soldier, who's name you cannot locate outside of a single letter, caused it to become a mad scientist playground?"
"Yes. The files also run across some ancient business documents Scarlet had apparently derived this plan from. They were fragmented and most of the data corrupt. But, we were able to isolate a single word in some ancient tongue. Something about 'Uhmbr-elha'. We weren't sure what that was all about."


Cid, unfortunately, just repeats his last line from the earlier cutscene. However, there's a few little <extremely low resolution> easter eggs behind him. This was the best shot I could get, since first person view is disabled. But, there's some old concept renders of the Highwind, Rocket Town, and the world map taped to the wall.

Vincent wanders off the bridge and immediately bumps into Yuffie...


"I knew I shouldn't have had eggs for breakfast."

Aww. How precious. They remembered Yuffie gets airsick.

Remembered Yuffie gets airsick...

Yuffie gets airsick...

Airsick...

Three years earlier...




Whoops.


Now, why can't 2/3 of the cast say this same thing?

Special Feature:


We have a couple of minor references today. I covered a few during the update, but here's a few more for the road.


Shera

Shera was a Shinra scientist who worked on Cid's rocket back before the events.of Final Fantasy VII. Her having dicked around in the lower compartments of the rocket to check on a potential fault, just seconds before take off, forced Cid to abort the launch, have the entire space program scrapped, and probably put hundreds of people out of work.


Cid proceeded to treat her like shit at every opportunity from there on in because goddamn! It is later revealed that she was actually right about the fault and Cid pushes down the drunking beatings to alternate Tuesdays, instead of every other night.

After Final Fantasy VII, Cid and Shera eventually get married. Not sure how that works out, but there you have it. He also named his airship after her, hence the reference.


Boco

While not an actually Final Fantasy VII reference, this is a recurring Chocobo name in the series. The hero of Final Fantasy V, Bartz, has a chocobo named Boco. Boco is also a recruitable Chocobo in Final Fantasy Tactics.

Lastly, there is a whole mini-game involving Boco in Final Fantasy VIII...on an extremely obscure Japan-only PS1 peripheral known as the http://pocketstation. That still counts, right?

Tune in Next Time For:


Chillin'!


Computer Jargon!!


A partial Final Fantasy VII Cast Reunion!!!

Bonus Movies:

Stage 7 Intro Finally Over

Cutscenes Present: 2
Cutscenes Total: 102