Part 31: Episode XXX: Reunion
NOTICE: ZIPPER AND BELT JOKES ARE NOW PUNISHABLE BY DEATH!! Episode XXX: Reunion
Alright, to progress in the game we need to
"She's nineteen."
"What? And I thought I looked young for my age." "Shinra conducted experiments on her so she's eternally nine." "I don't think that's gonna hold up in court."
Not far ahead, we have the sickbay...which looks remarkably like a computer room, to me.
Well, save for Lenin's Tomb over in the corner here.
"And to think just a few days ago I was the one who was in there. No, forget I said anything. I would not want to mope around about the past. This is an area which would be unnecessary for another to travel." "What are you working on?"
"Synaptic net dive?" "My specialty within the Tsviets." "Before you got shitcanned." "Yes Vincent Valentine, before I got shitcanned."
"I can also use this negotiate with data on the subconscious planes of sentient lifeforms. However, this often involves a great risk to my own sanity. I am essentially hacking people's brains via the Internet. The pure stream of unfiltered pornographic images can be overwhelming."
"I'm sorry. I seem to have gotten off track. The writers haven't thought of an answer to that plot thread yet. Sorry."
"So you're rerouting the computer system of the ship to make yourself a holographic interface. Won't that have adverse effects on navigation and other systems?" <shrug> "Probably. Do you honestly think the writers have taken that into consideration?" "Heh." "What?" "Nothing."
Oh, fuck you Vincent! This scene is over.
Whelp, that was pointless. Let's see how Reeve and his cronies are doing upstairs.
"That's why this time maybe I'll be able to do something worthwhile. I'm not going to let Deepground have its way any more!" "That's the spirit." "I am going to stand out in the open and take tons of inaccurate potshots at the enemy, this time. I even brought my own explosive barrel as a decoy." "That's the spirit...?"Next to Reeve we find the only other person with a southern accent on the planet.
"She done gone sacrificed everything she had to find that there little sister of hers. But now she's... I just don't want to see nothing like that happen to nobody ever again. And that's why I packed up and joined the WRO!" "So what happened to Shalua was your reason for joining the WRO?" "Done was." "How long have you been a member of the WRO, exactly?" "Been 'bout a quarter hour now. This guy with a mullet. Think his name was Steve or something. He just hollered at me 'my guys all got killed, want a job' and I was like 'shoot, I already got a job waitressin' down at Kevin's'. Then he done went and told me what happened to that Dr. Rui and I was like 'shoot that ain't right' so heres I am." "..."We find Reeve chillin' in the corner of this room.
"But I still need more time to piece together the fragments. I will give you all the details at the meeting. Till then, I'm chillaxin'."Speaking of that meeting...
Oh good. An important meeting outlining the last push against a military force that is trying to end the world and our hero thinks it's a good time to brood.
Buddies...?
Elsewhere...
"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! They catchin' up to us!"
"I told you Reeve would lend us one of these things if we just asked."
"Mulletheaded motherfucka kidnapped my daughter once. I want something from him..."
"I'm stealin' that shit!"
"What do you see?"
"Midgar." "You see the ruins of the largest city on the planet. Well Bra-fucking-vo tits-for-brains. Try not to fucking crash into it."
Meanwhile, in a pitch black area in the back of the camper.
Cloud Strife...
Looks like a flaming idiot.
I fondly remember the part in Norse Mythology where Fenrir swallowed Odin whole and then did a sweet burn out in the parking lot.
Cloud proceeds to fly out of the back of the military grade camper to take on the full assault of an army on an oversized motorcycle using only a big sword. I guess he has to get all his kicks in now, as he's got exactly three more minutes of screen time, after this.
"Tifa, what the fuck we even doin' here?" "Hey, at least we're here. Poor Red XIII can't even say that." "Where dah fuck were we gonna but that big ass cat? Cloud had his dumbass motorcycle in the back. We gonna shove him inbetween the seats here? Maybe stuff his ass in the glove box? Or maybe I'll ride in the back and he can drive. How's 'bout that?" "Still, I feel kind of bad sending him in to pick up some Chinese and just peeling out of the parking lot." "Fucker doesn't even have hands! How was he gonna pick up some Chinese food? How's the fucker even gonna pay? He keepin' a wallet in that tale of his?" <sigh> "Just drive."
I just wanted to point out that Barret has all of three lines in this game and they still managed to make him stereotypical as humanly possible.
I also like how it's been two years since Advent Children and everyone but Yuffie is still wearing the same clothes. But, that's the kind of quality craftsmanship I've come to know and respect from the Compilation of Final Fantasy VII.
And on that note, we see the ruins of Midgar: the source of all that is dumb.
Tune in Next Time For:
Holograms!
Meteors!!
Poor Astronomy!!!
Bonus Movies:
bugr9VC6Rt4
Shelke and Computer Jargon
Cloud and Company FMV <processing>
Cutscenes Present: 4
Cutscenes Total: 106