Part 33: Episode XXXII: A Whole Minute of Gameplay!

Episode XXXII: A Whole Minute of Gameplay!


After another fifteen minute chunk of cutscenes, we finally regain control of Vincent...to go check some more cutscenes. Once more, we've got to go ramble with Yuffie, Reeve, and Shelke before the game will progress. But, Cid has some stuff to say, this time around. So let's lend him an ear.


"You work on those four wackos. I don't like the idea of you having all the fun, but you know I can't leave my baby here alone. Cloud and the others will be shutting down the power, and there's no way we're letting Yuffie go down there by herself."
"Yuffie's coming...?"
"Well, she ain't stayin' up here. She's turned ditzier than a blonde sniffing glue. Hell, you're lucky I ain't booting that screwy little girlfriend of yours on top of it."
"She's not my girlfriend."
"Well, thank fuck for that."


I like how the game doesn't even attempt to justify as to why, with the entire Final Fantasy cast backed by an entire army with combined land and air-support, Vincent is on his own. That's just the way it is.




Aww. Cid's a class act. Too bad Vincent just glares at him silently the whole time.

Continuing to stare at Cid...


"You heard this 'Jenova War' bullshit he cooked up? He sat in an office controlling a robot cat while we're all risking our asses and he props himself up like he's a grizzled war veteran. I'd shove that cat sideways up his ass, if I didn't think it wouldn't have been the first time someone did it."


"'Course that's on the condition that I help him save the world. Thought it was just an easy pay check. Never thought the asshole would be callin' me up to collect. 'Course I didn't know the planet was retarded until this afternoon, I might best stop assumin' so muck."


"Skeazy lookin' prick sure ain't turning tricks to pay the bills."

Staring at Cid one more time.


"It's like a full time job keepin' her in line when she gets mouthy. I only does it cuz I love her."

Staring at Cid one last time.


I like to think this implies Cid and Vincent went to a bar once and it did, in fact, take only a couple of beers to knock Vinnie on his ass.

Cid just repeats this line like he's possessed by the spirit of Barney from Half-Life. Let's see what silently staring at Yuffie will bring.


So, does Deepground's plan need mass murder on every continent to trick the planet into self-destructing or are they just on an ADD villainy streak?


"But I'm worrying about my old man. He's not as young as he used to be. He's gonna have a heart attack one of these days, if not give me one!"


For some reason, despite this cutscene being from Vincent's perspective, Yuffie talks to the wall slightly to his right. It's a bit awkward.


She also shifts moods from concern to anger with no actual input from Vincent. Maybe those bumps on the head cause more damage than she's letting on.


The 'holding her stomach' animation looking like she's rubbing her tit doesn't make the scene any less...off...

Staring silently at Yuffie once more yields...


Aww, she does her little retarded punching thing from Final Fantasy VII. It's like they got some intern to make a little check-list of character mannerisms and shoved them all in these optional scenes in this chapter. Likely, all in an effort to reduce guilt regarding the further rape of any likable character traits still to come.

A few new WRO soldiers have cropped up since last time. All blond guys, of course. One of which is the world's most reflective NPC. The following is unaltered.


"They were all once just like us. They all had families, friends, even feelings. So why did it ever come to this? What compelled Shinra to commit such hideous acts? Now, these once normal people continue to kill for that is all they know. Are they solely to blame for their actions? No, I'm not condoning what they do. I will never forgive them for the terror they have instilled in the hearts of my brothers. They're our sworn enemy and that will never, ever change. But, I'm not fighting to simply end their lives. I'm doing it to end the chaos they started."

100% unaltered. I should add he faces the wall the entire speech.


Well, that was all very deep. Let's see what Shelke is up to and if I can make it through another Vincent/Shelke cutscene without getting creeped out.


Hmm... Vincent staring silently at Shelke moaning about how tired she is... Nope. Already creeped out.


"What?"
"Most people find people standing over them... as they sleep... to be unsettling. Please stop doing so."
"..."
"Will you at least leave me be if I speak vaguely about feelings?"
"..."
<nods>


"It seems so. You did what, again...?"
"Dr. Crescent's data has begun defragmenting within my mind. I can see many different images. Images she experienced with you. You and another. Another doctor... His face is obscured... Obscured in shadow."
"..."
"The shadows are gone."
"These images are highly unpleasant."


"So tired."


Vincent continues to stare at her for an indefinite amount of time. It takes a good five or six seconds before the scene fades out.

I hate this game. Let's see what Reeve is up to.


"Headquarters was pretty much destroyed by the Deepground forces. But I was able to salvage a few things."


I don't know what's sadder. The fact that out of everything from the rubble of the WRO, he took a spare robotic cat, the fact that Reeve has had five plus Cait Sith's kicking around, or the fact that he has, in fact, gotten his robotic cat killed four times now.

Edit: Forget all those. It's the fact that this is a Short Circuit reference out of fucking nowhere.

Speaking with Reeve a second time. I can finally say speaking, since Vincent actually...ya know...talks...


"Who's backing your operation?"
"Oh, that..."
"Actually, I'm not sure. I've only met with a representative. However, the WRO is crucial for this planet's survival. All the dead soldiers it's producing is like drain-o for the depleted Lifestream."


"Though, I have a felling it is someone who believes he is in debt to the planet."


Don't worry, it's not the Illuminati or the Patriots or an as-of-yet unseen group forcefully hammered into the plotline.. It's just Rufus Shinra. I'm not sure why they're making it so vague.

Oh, what? You didn't know Rufus survived the building he was in exploding, complete with his death being shown on camera? Well, according to Advent Children, he lived through it. Basically unscratched. They even show him blown to hell again in updated CGI and how all that works is not once brought up.


Did you know that early on leader of the Turks, Tseng, lived too? Yep. He made a full recovery from getting his shit wrecked by Sephiroth and being deep in a temple that collapsed into the size of a baseball, not minutes later.

Speaking with Reeve Sith one last time yields.


This cat has obviously read the third act of the script.

Wandering around the ship aimlessly a bit more leads to...


Vincent having a wicked case of heartburn.


"Taco...Bell...fiesta bowl... Why? Why do you...betray me?!"


"IT LOOKED SO GOOD ON THE PACKAGE!!!"


"FOUR MINUTES AND I'D HAVE A MEXICAN DISH WARM AND SPICY!!!!"


"But are you worried about the assault?"
"No way! We'll be okay. We always are right? I heard last we have like 95% casualty rate for our operations. If that many people are chill about our work, there's nothing to worry about."
"Haha. Yeah, you're right."
"Vincent."



Nice. So our hero is not only an uncharismatic near-mute emo goth. He's also batshit insane. And the fate of the world rides upon his shoulders due to...everyone else just not particularly caring, I suppose.


"A dream? A dream where I'm walking down the same hallway I was previously walking down? One where I listen to inane NPC banter? A dream where I can only progress after viewing a certain amount of pointless cutscenes?"


"A dream where I only have four fingers, like a character from The Simpsons?! Is this the waking nightmare I am in?"

Vincent collapses to his knees.


"I think I'm... I think I'm... I'm... Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!"


Shelke apparently witnessed this whole freak out.


And walks away with absolutely no interest. This kid has a damn fine plan.

Tune in Next Time For:


Camaraderie!


Trust!!


Cellphones!!!

Bonus Movies:

Yet another unsettling Vincent x Shelke scene
Vincent freaking out