Part 50: Episode XLVIII: Darkness Came

Episode XLVIII: Darkness Came


"Alright, Yuffie. You go set the bomb. I'll cover you."
"Bomb?! Who said anything about a bomb?"
"Weren't you going to destroy the reactor?"
"Yeah. And?"
"Well, how were you planning on accomplishing this?"
<shrug> "Was gonna wack it until numbers stopped coming out of it. Worked well enough so far, right?"
"..."


There is much gasping by all. Except me. I'm just getting a headache from this green tint.


"..."
"At least I think it is."
"You think...?"
"I only saw the guy once on an eight inch TV in the back of Reeve's camper."
"..."
"You know, it's too easy to make a joke outta that."
"I uhh... I mean. Yeah, yeah I'm sure. Of course. This is Weiss."
"If you say so. Just one thing..."


That two hundred cutscene wait to appear in the story again was just too much for poor ol' Weiss' heart.


"Not for long?"
"We are already in the process of retconning it. It is being retconned as we speak, in fact."
"What?! That's ridiculous! You can't retcon stuff that just happened."
"Sure we can."
"No, I'm pretty sure she's right. You can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because it's dumb, for one."
"Child, I am wearing a jockstrap on my face. Speak not to me about matters you cannot comprehend."
"That doesn't even make sense!"
"The writers work in mysterious ways. Getting back to the subject..."


"That's what you're doing."


"He's pulling the plot out of his ass."
"Oh, I thought it would be something I didn't already know."


"You know he's immediately gonna one-shot you when that happens."
"Why would my brother do such a thing?"
"To establish him as the big bad. Even I know that."
"I do not follow."
"Duh! You're the main villain right now since everyone else is dead, right?"
"I suppose..."
"So the only way they can establish a new baddie at the end as being a badass is either to have him kill off some minor good guy, which aint gonna happen unless another Cait Sith strolls in here."
"Don't talk about stuff like that. You'll jinx us."
"Sorry. It's either that or to have him waste the previous bad guy like it's no big thing."
"Rubbish! Besides, I have a trick up my sleeve..."
"Dude, you don't even have sleeves. This guy is so getting killed off in a couple minutes."


"Granted?"
"By who?"
"..."


The 'your father...' plot twist response is interrupted by a well timed earthquake, negating Grimoire's role in the plot to microscopic.



On the plus side of this game, Vincent and Yuffie probably have cancer by the time the adventure is over. And Shelke will probably be one big cancerous tumor by the time the epilogue hits.


This is how I look by the end of a session of playing Dirge of Cerberus. Though, I'm still baffled as to where the karate pants came from each time time I wake up.


"Omega!?"
<shrug> "I dunno."


I never really realized what a fantastically retarded weapon Yuffie has. I don't think grasping a blade is the best way design to wield anything.


Then again, the Cerberus is still a marvel of 'the fuck is going on here' design.


I really ask you all watch the bonus video just to hear how hilariously shrieked this line is.



Whelp, I'm sure the third time is the charm.


Unfortunately, this is Yuffie's first trip into the void. Apparently there's no gravity there if you're a woman.


There is also a dire consequence being of the fairer sex and going in unprotected.


That's right...



DARKNESS SPERM!




Only in Japan.


Before Yuffie can be absorbed by Super AIDS or whatever was going on there, a light shines out in the darkness.


Cutscene Vincent always has a few new tricks up his sleeve. This time:



Super Huggles.



Yuffie and Vincent emerge in the previous room, for whatever reason. I guess that first lead up to Weiss wasn't sufficiently dramatic. What with the being already dead and all.


"W-What the heck was that?"
"Void of infinite darkness inside Nero's body. It's no big deal."

Nero teleports into the scene.




"It has a bit of trouble with coffee stains in rugs."


I have nothing to add here.


"How can you say something that pretentious and keep a straight face?"
"Who said I could, my dear? What do think the jockstrap is for?" <snicker>
"Yuffie, stay here. Wouldn't want you to do anything useful."
"Roger."


"Let's see how you handle...this..."



"..."
"..."
"...OH! Right. Invulnerable to darkness. I have got to write this down somewhere."


I think you have to have him a...ya know...not dead status before making that statement.


Then again, given the speaker...I guess that's asking for a bit much.

Bonus Content:

If I die before I wake, I pray the lord won't have a Dirge of Cerberus cutscene over my dead body.

Number of Cutscenes: 3
Total Cutscenes: 185