Part 51: Episode XLIX: Italian Spider-Man

Episode XLIX: Italian Spider-Man


Nero proceeds to use his darkness to render a UT2k4 map.


Surprisingly well lit, for something birthed from the black abyss.


What's going on here?


Hmm...?


Eh?


...?


What now...?






...




Oh, for fuck sake!


Welcome to the Arachnero boss battle.

The battle with Arachnero takes place on a stone ring suspended above a bottomless void encircling a floating volcano. I cannot make this shit up.



Arachnero makes meteors fall out of the sky. I'm not certain how this relates to having turned into a robotic spider.



In addition, it spawns five or six floating crystals which rocket around the arena and shoot lasers. They are vaguely connected to...


...his giant bullshit shield, which doesn't lose invincibility until the laser crystals are destroyed.


Following his shield's destruction, Arachnero jumps down to the lava pit beneath him and proceeds utilize his spider abilities to...


Summon even more meteors... It's like Nomura designed a spider outfit for Nero and the programmers couldn't be bothered to implement it between shots of heroin.



Once Arachnero falls to 30% health, it decides to take a plunge into the lava pit it conjured up directly beneath itself in the realm of its own making.



Of course, that is not the end of Nero. Oh no.


See, Nero is such a uniquely shitty boss that he needs three forms to adequately display his level of suck.



The second stage of this battle takes place high above the initial battlefield and pits Vincent on a ten square foot floating island for no reasons other than Cutscene Vincent decided to leap up there and Gameplay Vincent cannot progress past any drop greater than six inches.


We now do battle with...




Now you're just making me look bad!


Despite the retarded name, this new form of Nero holds no similarities to a Gorgon. Instead, his abilities consist of:


Teleporting...


And shooting things...


occasionally while upside down...


Also, having utterly shit defense, since he goes down in six hits and every single stike makes him retreat and teleport the instant a bullet hits him.


Following his defeat, he shrieks about his brother being the only light in his life and vanishes into darkness.

Back in reality...


Lucky for us, a if you die in a dimension in which you're basically god, you get your shit pretty thoroughly wrecked in real life.


This leaves our villain whimpering and farting out darkness well into the night.

Special Feature:


I mean honestly now...


Who the fuck...


...thought this thing...


...was a good idea?

Oh right...

Nomura.

Number of Cutscenes: 3
Total Cutscenes: 188

Bonus Content:

Spider Nero Intro
Significatly Underwhelming Nero Intro