Part 55: Episode LIII: Tight Fit

Episode LIII: Tight Fit


Alright, we are now doing battle with Weiss Empowered. I have no clue why he's now "empowered" since Vinnie is the one that got a power boost and is glowing. But, details...


Not that Vincent has any spiffy new abilities or anything, unless you count an obnoxious glowing effect that makes screencaps look shitty (especially since there's an obnoxious green tint filter on top of that.) They just sort of unmarked the flags on Weiss that say 'invincible', 'do 3x damage', and 'spam teleporting'.


Despite being one of the final bosses and leader of the 'Tsviets' Weiss isn't particularly powerful. He has far less HP than Azul and Rosso. The only thing he really has going for him is that he's fairly durable and it's impossible to land more than three or four shots at a time. Going over that limit causes him to twirl is swords around like a mook and somehow deflect bullets.



As far as new attacks go, Weiss can now do an ever original 'stomp on the ground and make the floor explode' which he lifted straight off Azul.


And he can also shoot sonic booms which go through cover. I think Rosso had that attack.


When Weiss' health drops below a quarter, he gains the new ability to do a ballerina twirl with his blades while Hojo starts freaking out yelling that he is a genius and this isn't fair.


The only particularly annoying offensive ability White the Tidy has is this one. He jumps onto his throne.



And fires off homing fireballs that explode on impact with anything. Including Vincent. The annoying part isn't the attack itself. That is fairly easily avoided by double jump in one direction like a 'tard. The annoying part is that Weiss is invincible from the moment he powers up and leaps onto the throne all the way until he leaps back down to the area proper. Which is a good fifteen seconds of invincibility.

Now, couple this with the fact he spams this attack fucking constantly and you've got a quarter of the boss' lifebar taking twice as long as the rest of the battle.



Weiss goes flying into a wall post battle like he'd been shot from a cannon.


<cough> "C-Could be the eigh...eight doz...en bu-bullets in m-my...ch...est..."


"What is going on?"



"Ebenezer!"
"Impossible! I killed you. I even have a flashback to prove it!"


They actually do have a flashback to Nero's death. Just in case you've forgotten it in the last fifteen minutes.


"There. As you can clearly see, you have been killed. Science has proven it so!"
"Oh, doctor. But you forget the science of Retconomy."
"Whaaaaat?! Impossible. I have a doctorate in Retconomy and Asshology!"


"Observe for yourself, doctor. You see, I infected my dear brother's rightful throne with my darkness earlier. I did this as a safety measure against your betrayal. The darkness spread into Weiss' body with my death. It's all quite simple"
"But, you were as unaware of my deception as Valentine over there is unaware Dr. Crescent loved anal. Oh...wait... I suppose that's no longer a good analogy. Hohohohoho!"
"Please focus, doctor."


"Omega's host must be pure! Why do you think I had you create mako untainted by Jenova!?"
"As I recall, you just shouted 'Science!' at us and laughted until we complied. No reasoning was offered."


"Or, heaven forbid, Lucrecia's undoubtedly taint riddled body."


"What!?"


"You're what? You expect me to just stand idly by while you have another conversation? Madness!"
"It's really not that hard..."
"What? You're still here?"


"Nero."
"Brother..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"What the fuck are you wearing...?"


"...so that none may ever tear us apart."
"..."
"..."


"...!"
"..."


"Let us go join him now."
"..."
"You know what? You can just go ahead and have the body... If you could just sign into AIM for a minute, I'll take my leave."



Aww.


"Why would you want this body? It doesn't even fit you!"
"That is just the way I enjoy it."
"No! Noooooooo!"


"Hey, Hojo? Ever heard of a mindfuck?"



And so Weiss strolls off into oblivion with the ghost of his overly affectionate brother and a digital copy of a dead mad scientist coming along for the ride.


The Protomateria bounces into the mako, since I guess there was only so much room on the Weiss boat. Something had to serve as a plot device in the finale. What, you thought the death of the entire villain cast is going to be the end of the game?


And once more, Vincent Valentine had absolutely nothing to do or add to this climax.


And that does it for the stage. I was wrong, there actually are two more stages left. The game counts the final battle as its own stage. Yipee....


I am a bit perplexed as to how the game expects you to wrack up the critical hits when two-thirds of the enemies were shielded against bullets.


The fuck does the 'S' stand for anyway?


Hey, check it out. The little meaningless numbers went out of sync. This truely must be the endgame.


And lastly, there is absolutely no reason to buy anything outside healing items. In fact, it's recommended to sell bullets for the secondary weapons if you're short on cash. You'll see why...

Bonus Content:

So Long Hojo...

Number of Cutscenes: 1
Total Cutscenes: 197