Part 60: Episode LIX: Wait... What?

Episode LIX: Wait... What?


Whelp, this is it folks. The final battle. Just one question...


...where in the fuck are we?


Vincent finds himself on an infinite plane of water, not unlike Fortuna from the original Star Fox. This will be a running theme of this stage.


Beneath the watery depths is err...this scaled sphere thingy...



Said thingy release these err...dealies from its base.


They, in turn, open up to reveal crystals.


The crystals then release pretty magical energy into the air before closing shut. I err...what...?


The first stage of this battle is against the 'Crystal Feelers'. The Crystal Feelers themselves cannot attack. Instead, an infinite amount of the laser zits, last seen all over the damn place in the previous stage, spawn and do the attacking for it.


There are six Crystal Feelers circling the area at equal distances apart. At random, one will open. Vincent will need to run over.


And punch the thing while it's open. Causing it to explode. Repeat five more times for the end to a completely pointless battle. Time for the second round!


After the feelers are destroyed, the giant err...durian fruit...emerges from the sea.


A clear view of the top of the thingy reveals a half naked Weiss frozen in carbonite or something... I don't even know anymore.


The sky gets somewhat stormy and giant rectangles sprout from the ground. Hey, we made it to Venom from Star Fox!


Round two is against the 'Omega Cocoon'. So uhh... is Omega an insect...? Are we inside Omega or... Huh...?


Omega Cocoon has no attacks either. It just spawns twice as many laser drones to zap Vincent. Needless to say, the battle is less than interesting.


Following a brief time of circle strafing and pew-pewing with laser guns, the cocoon explodes.


The world now takes on a blue tone and appears to have shifted into the realm of VR Missions from Metal Gear Solid.


Weiss is back. It seems the life stream was kind enough to swap out his karate pants with samurai pants. He has also traded in his gunblades for dual-Sephiroth Masamune swords. Err...okay...


Vincent and his Statue of Liberty hat do not approve.


Weiss wastes not time showing off his new toys. Indeed, Weiss will have absolutely no dialog for the rest of the game. Nor will Chaos have anything to add beyond a grunt for the duration of its existence.


Weiss tries out some fancy footwork.



And gets shot right in the face for his troubles. In a perfect world, he would flop over dead with everything from his jaw upward reduced to ash. Chaos would stop dicking around and have some epic battle with Omega over the skies of Midgar or something to that effect.


"Aha! I have you!"
"Aha! You are mistaken!"


"For you see it is I who has you! Aha!"
"Aha! Think again!"


"For it is I who has you! Aha!"


"Aha! I am far too fast for your inferior weapons."


"But are you fast enough for my karate?"
"Aha! Touche!"
"Aha!'


"We shall settle this with a game of tag!"
"Aha! And so it shall be!"
"Indeed it shall! For it see it is you who is it!"
"Aha! That is what you think. For indeed it is you who is it!"
"And now it is you!"
"Now it is you!"
"And now it is you!"
"Now it is you!"
"And now it is you!"
"Now it is you!"
"Aha!"
"Aha!"


"It would seem we are at a stalemate. Aha!"
"Aha! So it would seem we are!"
"How do you propose we settle our non-existent score?"
"We'll employ a third party!"


"Aha!"


And so a giant electrical portal opens in the sky, not unlike one found in Mortal Kombat.


"..."
"..."
"..."
"I don't get it..."


From that portal emerges a err...Space Dradle?



The Space Dradle opens up to reveal a err...giant robot?


"..."
"..."
"...?! Eh... I've got nothing..."





Ah! Of course. It's a Robo-Omega. That makes perfect sense.




Robo-Omega shoots some USB cables into Weiss' arms.




"Vincent! Your blood will be the first to be spilt by this glorious new weapon. Consider it an honor... a gift from your... Your... Well, make up a fitting antagonistic relationship!"


"Now, I'll show you! The power of the weapon that will lead us in the 21st century!"


"Hahahahaha!"



"It's moving... How do I stop it?!"



"God help us! Omega is moving... Vincent, it's all riding on you now. You've got to stop that thing!"
"But how?"
"Destroy Omega! We're out of time! If you can't do it, I'll have to resort to my last option."
"Last option?"
"We have an airship prepared to deliver a full nuclear strike on Midgar."
"What the hell?!"
"Look, don't worry. I've got the design docs here. I'll talk you through destroying it."
"Where did you get those?"
"Found an e-mail in my inbox with the specs attached to it. It asked me to install a program labeled 0j0hc0d.exe first. Virus scan didn't pick up anything. It sounds legit."
"...'
"Now listen."


"Vincent, Omega's armor is impregnable. Omega uses the latest advances in compound armor. The only way you can pierce it is with a high performance HEAT round."
"So what do I do?"
"You've got a handheld laser cannon. You figure it out."



"If Omega steps on you, it'll be all over. Be very careful when he gets close. Well, it might just shoot out a mildly damaging shockwave. And it doesn't have feet...so it will sort of be slapping the ground. Well, you get the idea."




"Omega is equipped with anti-tank missiles on both of his shoulders. They're a laser semi-active homing type that doesn't use wires. The shooter uses a laser illuminator to bounce a laser beam off the target. After that, the missile uses the light reflected off the target to home in on it.
"Fortunately, the missiles are tipped with HEAT rounds and not anti-personnel warheads. But if they hit you directly, you'll be sorry. Be careful."


"Vincent, have you ever played Star Fox?"
"Reeve, now isn't the time for computer games!"
"Just answer the question."
"No."


"In Star Fox, the final boss is Andross -- an evil monkey scientist banished to the barren world of Venom for..."
"Can we just cut to the chase?"
"If you insist... Anyhow, Andross attacked by spitting giant blocks."
"Spitting blocks...?"
"It was the SNES. Give it some slack. Anyway, these blocks were very damaging unless the hero, Fox McCloud, avoided them or shot them out of the sky."
"What does this have to do with anything...?"


"Just follow Fox McCloud's lead..."


"...or you will regret it..."


"Reeve. Omega has flown off into the sky. I can barely see it."


"Oh wait... There it is. It seems to be charging up or something."
"Yeah... I can see it from here."
"What...? I thought I was in another dimension."


"Look, Vincent. Just get out of the way. Very, very quickly!"


"Vincent...? Vincent?! VINCEEEEEEENNNNNTTTT!!!!"



Ehem...


Omega Weiss' only other attack is having Weiss hop off his ride and wack Vincent a few times. It is less than effective.


The easiest way to deal with the already retardedly simple final boss is to just bust out a Limit Breaker. Chaos' Limit Break doesn't have any special transformation. It just makes Chaos glow.


And turns the Death Penalty into a rapid fire weapon with infinite ammo/no reloads and doubles Vincent's gliding speed.

Several more pew-pews later...



"My only regret is I never got to wear parachute pants..."


"..........................!!!!!!!!!!!!"


In summary: Vincent flew into a ring on top of Omega's head which transported him to another dimension. He then did battle with feelers and a giant cocoon housing a resurrected Weiss. Said cocoon hatched Weiss, who had an anime as fuck battle with Vincent before summoning a robotic Omega. Robo-Omega then hooked itself up to Weiss. Fought Vincent. And then they all exploded and dissolved into the abyss.


Drumroll...!


The game is only 10:30 excluding cutscenes. And they're grading me lower for not completing it faster... What is wrong with this picture...?

Tune in next time for the ending!

Bonus Content:

Crystal Feelers
Omega Cocoon
Omega Weiss (You Should Probably Watch This One)
Omega Weiss Goes Down