Part 62: Episode LX.5: The Final Fantasy (Part 2)

Episode LX.5: The Final Fantasy (Part 2)


"A-Are we dead?"
"You should be dead for wearing that mesh shirt."
"This shit comfortable as a motherfucka. Yo Tifa, are we dead?"
"Do you feel dead, Barret?"
"No. But what happened to the explosion?"
"Who cares? Let's just pick up our paychecks for this cameo and move on to better games."
"Wait, I ain't in no other games after this."
"It's probably because they are uhh...maybe they're saving up for another spin off. Starring you, Barret."
"Ya think so...?"
"Hahaha... No..."
"Why the fuck not? I just as interesting you. Gotta tragic backstory. Man, I gotsa goddamn gun for a hand. Why ain't they gonna make a game for me?"
"It's because you're black."
"Sorry."
"..."


"This is dumbest fucking shit I've ever seen."
"...Yeah."
"Fuck this, let's go get smashed. Where the fuck did I park my airship?"
"You crashed it."
"I just parked it funny is all."
"You were drunk."
"Have you seen this stupid bullshit? I've been hammered since Kalm."
"You weren't even in the game at that point..."
"Have you seen this stupid bullshit?!"
"You have a point there..."
"Come on. Yuffie, you comin'?"
"Isn't she underaged?"
"She's old enough. You don't see me inviting that other kid."
"Because she'd too young?"
"Hell no. 'cuz she's a creepy little fuck. Come on. First round is on me."


"We uhh... We did it?"



And so the lifestream rains out of the sky, condemning the hemisphere to an agonizing death by Mako Poisoning.


Also, some purple shit lazily floats down. I'm guessing it's the charred remains of what's left of Vincent.

That said, I took a huge shit this morning. It was massive. Took two flushes to put down the toilet. I did not claim to be the producer of anything. Long story short, you're a damn hack Kitase!


And you... YOU! FUCK YOU!


NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMUUUUUUURRRRRRAAAAAA!!!!!!!


The Dr. Mengele of Gameplay.


I refuse to believe anything in this game qualified as an 'event' nor was any of it planned.


Kayano, we all know you rubbed one off while rendering Shelke's ass you sick, sick pervert.


And Sasaki.. He just watched you do it...


More spider-bots! MORE SPIDER-BOTS!


Fuck you and your corridors, Nagaoka. Fuck you...


Nice job with the special menus that take ten seconds to open, ya prick.


Good move with the Captain Planet team-up cut back then. Quality work.


Sugawara hung himself in a bathroom stall early into the production. Nobody seemed to have noticed.


Ohfuji... I want his job. All he has to do is take out a magic marker and scribble 'Final Fantasy VII' on a few pieces of paper and Square-Enix hands him free money.



Oh, and who can forget Gackt. Guess what the credits contain...? You guessed it! More J-Rock!


Eiding, you're on okay cat. The rest of you need your valium taken away. Especially you, Blum. I know you can do that one voice better than this!


"And all fans of Final Fantasy...thanks for the sacks of cash you gullible fucks!"


Elsewhere, deep underground (not to be confused with Deepground) or some shit...


In other news, Dr. McStrokevictimtits is dead for real this time.


Okay... I guess... Good to know.

But wait, there's still an epilogue to come!

Bonus Content:

The Rest of the Ending and Credits (Warning: J-ROCK!)