Part 15: Episode XII: Educate My Ass
Music: The Sight of Spira
Tidus has now been ditched in the middle of Besaid Village while Wakka goes to grill hotdogs or whatever the fuck they eat around here. Of course, Tidus' first compulsion is...
...To loot anything at that is not nailed down. Hey, if it was something important, it shouldn't be in a treasure chest stuck outside your house.
By the way, how long did it take everyone to realize that a "Phoenix Down" was a feather? You know, like a down jacket or pillow.
There are quite a few folks wandering around the village square, but most have nothing interesting to note other than Sin is a dick and apparently Besaid's chief export is fabrics. That is, other than this old timer a bit to the north.
This guy will elaborate on a few terms and things Tidus is vaguely aware of at this point. Granted, Tidus basically zones out during these explanations and will still need 'em explained to him in cutscene land. But just because our hero rides the short bus, doesn't mean we have to.
> What's Sin?
"How could you forget Sin? I can't say I don't envy you, though. There's many who would give anything to forget the pain Sin has brought. Sin appeared a thousand years ago, a raging demon intent on reducing Spira to rubble. Everyone is Spira lives under Sin's black shadow. But to forget Sin... well, I'd consider yourself lucky, eh?""You know, until it storms over and obliterates you and the village you're standing in."> What's toxin?
"The foul vapors that boil from Sin's hide are evil indeed... One breath, and it will taint the very core of your body. People who get too close to Sin forget even the most important things. Just like you, eh?""Aren't you lucky to have landed in a peaceful little island like this full of laid back and patient folks willing to explain the basics to anyone passing by, huh? Mighty lucky, that."> What's Yevon?
"How wretched you must be, to have forgotten the teachings of Yevon! The teachings are the only salvation for those who suffer because of Sin. I'm sure you followed the teachings, before the toxin got to you, of course. Go pray at the temple, and all will return in time."> What's Zanarkand?
"Zanarkand was once a great city in the far north of this land. Now it lies in ruin, destroyed by Sin a thousand years ago. Such was its punishment for relying too much on machina."
"Hey, I walked to and from the blitzball arena every day. I only used my car when picking up ladies for a night on the to--"*cocks eyebrow* "Uhh... The toxins, remember? I... gotta go!"
To the western part of the village, we find a fellow examining some ruins. Let's see what he's up to...
"After this house got hit I guess the owner just let it be." "...Or died horribly. One of the two." "So... nobody is coming back for those chests?" "Eh? Well, I suppose n—" "Score!"
400 bucks, a poison antidote, and two potions. Nice ghoulish haul! And that about covers everything of interest outside. There are a few interior locales worth checking out.
Right then, back where we snagged that first treasure chest is Besaid's local item shop. It only sells the basics of the basics.
Across the way from there is Wakka's pad. No food until we find
The rest of the huts beyond that in the sprawling fifty-yard borough are not worth mentioning. So instead, let's hit up that Crusader's Lodge that Wakka pointed out last time.
And there are the two goofballs from last time. We'll talk to them in a moment. There are a few items of note in the lodge.
Speaking with the woman behind the front desk will let Tidus take a nap in the lodge. But... there really is no reason to do so. Indeed, there is NEVER a reason to use any of the inns found in the game because they're almost universally near save points that serve the same exact HP/MP restoring function in a fraction of the time. I guess they're still included for tradition's sake.
Also in the lodge is the second Al Bhed Primer up near the desk. This time we discover the Al Bhed letter [P = B]! Shocking!
Right then, let's talk to these Crusader jerks.
"I think so."
"So... Sin can't be far, right?" "I... guess? I'm not its nanny, dude." "You're not hiding anything, are you?" "Why would I?" "What, do you think I've got Sin parked around back or something?"
"But it hasn't. I wonder why? "I'm sorry. I really don't know anything. To tell the truth, I err... don't even know what the Crusaders are." "You're kidding, right?" "Sin! The toxin...!" "Err... yep! That lousy toxin. All up in my grill." "Gatta, tell him who we are!" "Yes, sir!"Gatta leaps out of his chair and stands at attention...
"We have chapters throughout Spira, accepting all who wish to join our struggle! The hero Mi'ihen formed the Crusaders eight hundred years ago as the Crimson Blades. Later, our ranks grew and we called ourselves the Crusaders. We've been fighting Sin ever since!" "What, you've been fighting eight hundred years and you still haven't beat it?!" "Sheesh, does everyone in Spira have the longest losing streak ever or am I just running into some bad examples lately?" "Uhh... Ergh..." "Well, we've steered Sin away from towns many times! And that's all we can do. Nobody's ever been able to defeat it. Our mission as Crusaders is to protect the temples, towns, villages, and people of Spira." "So then whose job is it to defeat Sin?" "I take it they're about 0-1000 on victories as well..." "Is Sin's toxin really this bad, sir?" "Or is this guy just pulling or leg...?" "It does seem rather bad..." "Dude, no. I got SO much toxin I like was pouring out toxins myself for a while! It was seriously messed up. It was coming out of my nose and stuff." "...C-Can that really happen to someone, sir?" "With Sin, anything is possible. But as for your question..." "We could just tell you, but I think it better for you to try and remember. Go pray at the temple. Perhaps Yevon will help you... regain your memory."Somehow, I think Tidus is just going to keep asking stupid questions until everything is eventually spelled out for him. Anyway, fun fact: Crimson Blades was the original name of the Crusaders in earlier drafts of the game. And that was also the name of a faction in another game Square released the year prior, Vagrant Story. They were kind of dicks in that game.
Anyway, talking with Gatta and Luzzu again will trigger one more short conversation.
"We've got a plan--one that'll go down in Crusader history!" "We've been excommunicated from Yevon. We must go, now. Everything is riding on our next.. our last battle!"Yeah, I'm sure none of that will ever come up again...
Welp, everyone seems to insist that Tidus ought to go hit up the Besaid Temple. If you cannot guess, it's the huge building to the north that is literally larger than the rest of the village combined.
Tidus heads into the temple...
New Music: Hymn of the Fayth (This chant actually exists in-game and indeed is plot relevant. There's also like a dozen variations of it during the course of the game. Anyway, you ought to listen to it at least once just for reference.)
"At least I assumed so. I never set foot inside a church and my only reference was the occasional sitcom on TV having one on it. So heck if I could be sure..."
Tidus wanders around the temple like a slack jawed tourist for a bit before deciding one of the statues
A priest walks over to Tidus and speaks...
"And finally we receive a statue for our temple." "...What's a high summoner?"Several villagers near by gather and murmur about Tidus' question...
"Yeah, got the CRAP toxined out of me! I-In fact I'm straight up crapping toxin out. It's that bad!"The priest does the little blitzball prayer motion while the crowd accepts the answer to Tidus' ignorance and disperses...
At least Tidus is somewhat self aware that he's riding the shit out of that toxin excuse. Of course, that won't stop him from inquiring about everything he doesn't understand immediately instead of just gathering info through any kind of context.
"...was that we should respect some kinda great men or something like that... I figured." "I kind of tend to zone out as soon as I hear an explanation that includes another unfamiliar term. It took me a while to kick that habit... It was so much simpler when I could just coast by by being good with sports..." 
And that's all the temple has to offer Tidus in the way of guidance at the moment. So let's go back to Wakka's pad and see if he's bothered cooking any lunch yet...
A short hike later...
"Take a nap! You look bushed." 
Sure, sounds good. You don't mind if Tidus flops on your bed, right? I didn't think so.
Shortly after Tidus passes out...
"We can't interfere. It's a rule." "But, it's been nearly..." The two walk away, leaving Tidus to
New Music: Fantasy
“Thank you...”
"But he might die!"
"Fine, let him!" "Do you... Do you hate him so?" *nods* "If he dies, you'll never be able to tell him how much you hate him."
"NO FUCK YOU, DA—! ..Eh?"Tidus hops out of bed...
That jerk said lunch would be ready after Tidus took his nap. Clearly, we need to go find Wakka and teach him how to be a better host.
And I do believe that was the monk from the temple he wandered off with earlier. So our next destination is clear...
Music: Hymn of the Fayth
"Is something wrong?" "The summoner hasn't returned from the trial." "Eh?" "Well, apprentice summoner, really..." "Ah?" "Guy, you really need to elaborate a bit. I barely get what a summoner is... What's this about a trial now? Do they need to win a court battle or...?"
"If the prayer is heard, the apprentice becomes a fully-fledged summoner, remember?" "Ah... So someone is in there somewhere and they haven't come back out. Right, I got it." "A day's already gone by." *whistles* "They must be praying the HELL out of that... whatever they pray to..." "Is it... particularly dangerous in there?" "Sometimes, yes." "Why don't you go in and help?" "There's already guardians in there. Besides, it's forbidden." "Oh man, you're just gonna let this summoner dude get his ass kicked by some dungeon guardians? That's not cool..." "...No. The guardians are there to prot—" *starts heading up the stairs* "Hey, but what if somethin' happens? What if the summoner dies?!" *continues up the stairs* "I don't want to see anyone else die like my stupid dad and his stupid face." "...Did I miss a conversation here...?"The head monk gets pissed at Tidus and runs over...
"Like I care!" 
And with that, Tidus decides to shit over the largest religion on the planet's practices because... Well, it is Tidus...
Video: Episode 12 Highlight Reel
Besaid Temple Concept Art