Back in 2012 I started a LP about an idiot sportsman's bogus journey in a strange land. Three years later we're going to finish that tale. For better or for worse... Let's drop a Phoenix Down on this trainwreck!
Final Fantasy X (that is X as in "10" not "X-treme") is a JRPG released by Square on December 20th, 2001 for the... Wait. Really...? They released it four days before Christmas? Who does that...? No matter. "Who does that?!" will be a phrase we will likely return to quite a few times during this LP. For you see Final Fantasy X was the first of the popular series "Final Fantasy" (you might have heard of it) for the, at the time, shiny new next generation home gaming console, the Sony Playstation 2.
This was a game that held many firsts for Square regarding the long running series. The game shifted from pre-rendered background set pieces to fully 3D areas. The upgrade from CD to DVD storage medium allowed for enhancements all across the board from graphics to sound. This also led to the first time composers for the musical score besides Nobuo Uematsu joined the band. However, the most striking new feature was full voice acting for the game. Now we could finally HEAR the stirring ellipse filled dialogue brought to life!
Did Square pull off all these augmentations to the medium without stumbling along the way...? Short answer? Nope! Final Fantasy X is kind of a mish-mashed trainwreck and a project made by folks clearly not fully comfortable with all their new tools. Especially the voice acting part. Square had next to no experience with directing voice acting at this point (literally The Bouncer is the only other voice acted game they had done) and good lord does it ever show. Nevertheless, we will get to that in due time.
All this said, Final Fantasy X not a terrible game by any means. The battle system is quite fun, there's some nice music, and it does have fairly interesting world building, even if the characters in that world are... well... mostly varying degrees of moronic. It is no Dirge of Cerberus level awful, even if Tetsuya Nomura's vile grasp is once more upon the questionable character designs. But it is a heavily flawed game with a limp and terrible skin conditions, which need to be addressed with a thorough regiment of mockery and deconstruction. Which is why I suppose I am here, eh? And I hope you will join me as well...
I do not expect to promote a spoiler free zone on a
MARK ALL SPOILERS WITH TAGS! FUTURE GAMEPLAY SHIT STILL IS SPOILERS. IF IT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT HAS APPEARED AS OF THE LATEST UPDATE, IT IS A SPOILER! TAG IT! IT IS VERY EASY TO DO!)
Be kind to those who have not played it before. Alternatively, have played it and bailed before finishing. I assume there are more than a few falling into that latter category. With that in mind, if we could refrain from making every page look like a redacted CIA document with discussion of the end game right off the bat, that would be great.
- If you have archives and hate yourself, you can read the original thread here. (Not recommended.)
- If you want info on updates or see if I got hit by a bus, but mostly making fun of video games and trolling my kids, I guess you can bug me on Twitter nowadays at: @thedarkid
Episode 0: The Story Begins...
Episode I: Meet My Fans
Episode II: Blitz My Ball
Episode III: Swing My Sword
Episode IV: Demolish My Neighborhood
Episode V: Watch My Swimming
Episode VI: Light My Fire
Episode VII: Speak My Language
Episode VII-2: Translate My Text
Episode VIII: Salvage My Wreck
Episode IX: Determine My Situation
Episode IX-2: Grid My Sphere
Episode X: Show-off My Moves
Episode XI: Join My Team
Episode XII: Educate My Ass
Episode XIII: Solve My Puzzles
Episode XIII-2: Summon My Name
Episode XIV: Spend My Night
Episode XV: Trade-in My Weapon
Episode XVI: Say My Goodbyes
Episode XVII: Talk About My Dad
Episode XVIII: Exploit My Encounter
Episode XIX: Send My Spirit
Episode XIX-2: Burn My Dread
Extra Episode: View My Models
Episode XX: Lord My Wood
Episode XXI: Shoot Down My Theory
Episode XXII: Kiss My Ass
Episode XXIII: Spark My Flame
Episode XXIV: Kick My Ball
Episode XXV: My God...
Episode XXVI: How to Blitz My Ball
Episode XXVII: Practice My Whistling
Episode XXVIII: Crank My Crane
Episode XXIX: Warm My Bench
Episode XXX: Delay My Game
Episode XXXI: Resume My Game
Episode XXXII: Place My Blame
Episode XXXIII: Laugh My Ass Off
Episode XXXIV: Begin My Road Trip
Episode XXXV: Rest My Feet
Episode XXXVI: Welcome to My Shop
Episode XXXVII: Eat My Chicken
Episode XXXVII-2: Watch My Step
Episode XXXVIII: Respect My Authority
Episode XXXIX: Rage Against My Machine
Extra Episode: Inspect My Uniform
Episode XL: Hold My Line
Episode XLI: A Guest in My Party
Episode XLII: Maintain My Smile
Episode XLIII: Watch My Back
Episode XLIV: Electrify My Puzzles
Episode XLV: Fix My Hair
Episode XLVI: Ride My Shoopuf
Episode XLVII: Reinforce My Racism
Episode XLVIII: Look Into My Eyes
Episode XLIX: My Modest Proposal
Episode L: Enter My Afterlife
Episode LI: Ghosts of My Past
Episode LII: Weigh My Options
Episode LIII: Keep My Head Down
Episode LIV: Spy on My Friends
Episode LV: Hopefully Getting My Shit Together
Episode LVI: Cut My Wood
Episode LVII: Film My Journey
Episode LVIII: Took My Time
Episode LVIX: Display My Ignorance
Episode LIX-2: Show My Affection
Episode LX: Reveal My Villainy
Episode LXI: Defend My Summoner
Episode LXII: Try My Patience
Episode LXIII: Make My Order to Wendigo
Episode LXIV: Singing My Song
Episode LXV: Wander My Sands
Episode LXVI: Journey to My Home
Episode LXVII: Defend My Home
Episode LXVIII: My Dense Realization
Episode LXIX: Goodbye to My Home
Episode LXX: Ride My Skies
Episode LXXI: Rock My Dragon
Episode LXXII: Crash My Wedding
Episode LXXIII: Spread My Wings
Episode LXXIV: Convey My Boredom
Episode LXXV: Chamber My Fayth
Episode LXXVI: Receive My Judgment
Episode LXXVII: Via My Corridors
Episode LXXVIII: Via My Copypaste
Episode LXXIX: Via My Dead Body
Episode LXXX: Meet My Mortibuddy
Episode LXXXI: My Isn't it Wonderful?
Episode LXXXII: Reach My Road's End
Episode LXXXIII: Calm My Self
Episode LXXXIV: Train My Chocobo
Episode LXXXV: My Monster of the Day
Episode LXXXVI: Test My Haggling Skills
Episode LXXXVI-2: Pay My Way
Episode LXXXVII: Steel My Will
Episode LXXXVIII: Settle My Grudge
Episode LXXXIX: Scale My Mountain
Episode XC: Aeon My Flux
Episode XCI: Live My Dreams
Episode XCII: Forget My Existence
Episode XCIII: My Story's End
Episode XCIV: Our Old Neighborhood
Episode XCV: Our Final Cloister
Episode XCVI: Our Final Hope
Episode XCVII: Our Broken Cycle
Episode XCVIII: Our Close Encounter
Episode XCIX: Our Heads Together
Episode C: Our Mother In-Law
Episode CI: Our Bad Parenting
Episode CII: Our Trusty Onion Knight
Episode CIII: Our Spirit Breaking Lance
Episode CIV: Our Entry to Nirvana
Episode CV: Our Last Lessons
Episode CVI: Our Father's Adventures
Episode CVII: Our Bloodsport Collection
Episode CVIII: Our Dirge of Cactuar
Episode CIX: Our Season Unending
Episode CX: Our Celestial Release
Episode CXI: Our Alphabet and Omega
Episode CXII: Our Only Hope
Episode CXIII: Our Ill-Conceived Plan
Episode CXIV: Our Unlikely Success
Episode CXV: Our Face-Off
Episode CXVI: Our Loose Ends
Episode CXVII: Our Farewell to a Mid-Boss
Episode CXVIII: Our Final Stretch of Road
Episode CXVIX: Our Giant Dad
Episode CXX: Our Aeon Adieu
Episode CXXI: Our Final Battle
Episode CXXII: Our Dream's End
Episode CXXIII: Our Story's End
Episode CXXIV: Our World Now
Episode CXXIV: Our Final Fantasy
Stuff you jerks have made in the thread goes here. Warning: There could be spoilers. Or pure nightmare fuel. If I've missed anything you've posted, just PM me and I'll toss it up.
Aximus is a bit confused about the whole Zanarkand Abes thing.
I made this! I'm just sharing with the class.
EightFlyingCars wishes for a magic that will never come to pass.
SatansBestBuddy made Lulu 80% less retarded looking. Alas, precious little can be done to repair the anti-gravity dress top.
Jecht is the best asshole dad.
Almost Smart reveals the best armor in the game for Tidus.
Technique notes that Ifrit died on the way back to his home planet.
Flashbang! believes Seymour's hair to have sentience. Square-Enix has neither confirmed nor denied this theory.
PhysicsFrenzy crossed the Nomura streams! Noooooooooo!
Captain Fargle and Kimahri do not get along very well.
Blade_of_tyshalle shows a TV pilot that never took off.
Lance Streetman was the first to take initiative with making some Anima heavy metal album covers.
Nohman also added in with some :metal:
TurnipFritter did this wrong... Or very right. I'm not sure.
iTrust captures the essence of Tidus' character arc.
Here's a transparent cut-out of Team Braska. Let's see what that produces...
idonotlikepeas shows the first of many disastrous nights out on the town during Braska's pilgrimage.
Lance Streetman found out what happens if you summon Alexander on Manah.
Malachite_Dragon is banned from the Satellite of Love.
Brainamp didn't watch The Littlest Ronso all the way through and didn't realized the female lead gets brutally murdered at the end of the second act. Makes for awkward riffing.
Chinese Batman thinks Spira should stop whining about its problems when Xenogears' world exists.
Sex_Ferguson thinks Braska should perhaps have waited a few years to properly raise his daughter before doing that whole pilgrimage thing...
Zeikier got the metal album cover summons crossed and stuff got weird.
Randalor displays Jecht's disappointment with Braska's summon stable.
W.T. Fits reaches out to the truth and isn't sure of the results.
geri_khan remembers that copyright infringement is the sincerest form of flattery.
cofaigh wanted an entirely different Final Fantasy X-2.
Blade_of_tyshalle knows when to quit.
Dr Solway Garr knows how Sin rolls.
Nohman knows how to please the ladies Ronsos.
lulu bell chronicles Jecht's original adventure in Djose Temple.
Rahonavis knows that war never changes...
...nor do Hypellos.
Shoopuf may change. Only the Hypello know and nobody can quite understand...
HelloWinter shows us the secret of Lulu's absurdly high evasion stats.
Brainamp finds the missing link between the Zora and the Rito.
Rahonavis offers a look into the growing pains of your average Guado.
Also Tromell's role at Seymour's Manor around the holidays.
As well as this startling parallel.
Nohman buys into the theory Zanarkand was an ancient alien Al Bhed city and clearly the root cause of Sin's wrath.
StandardVC10 tells it like it is.
Ha ha ha haaa!
Ha ha ha ha ha haa haa!
Ha ha halloween season!
Edward_Tohr had this pun down their sleeve for ages.
bluerocker has killed him! Bah gawd!
Nohman has Ronsomania runnin' wild, brother!
Kheldarn offered these shades as Gamestop pre-order bonus.
Malachite_Dragon knows how to have a road trip.
Rahonavis salutes our veteran chocobos.
bluerocker found something worse than a Mimic.
I just wanted to tell everyone, "I want my journey to be full of laughter..."
bluerocker has such sights to show us. Such as Kimahri's per-pilgrimage thug life days.
Post Processing reveals a bigger threat than Sin.
Merry Christmas from me.
Josuke Higashikata brings a far more blunt version of Tidus' Narration Zone.
Captain Fargle has Kimahri strutting his stuff for the new generation.
Click for Video
FeyerbrandX brings us this fever dream.