Part 112: Episode CII: Our Trusty Onion Knight
New Music: Guadosalam (Piano Version)
So we've collected the Celestial Mirror. Now what? Well, first up we are going to take another quick trip to Baaj Temple to clear out the last of that endgame location.
Remember that treasure chest out in the Geosgaeno boss arena that we couldn't open due to not having a powered up mirror?
Gueeeeeess what the Celestial Mirror does?
And with that, we obtain the Onion Knight: Lulu's Celestial Weapon! A stout adventurer knight hailing from Catarina, the Onion Kwait no. Wrong series. The Onion Knight was the default job class in Final Fantasy III, the originator of the longstanding Job system of the series. So, how's the stats of Lulu's ultimate weapon look...?
Uhh... huh... No AP and...
Are you taking the piss, Final Fantasy X?!
So, since nothing is ever remotely simple in Final Fantasy X's Endgame, just obtaining a Celestial Weapon is not enough. Oh no! The lesson was learned from Final Fantasy VIII. No more crafting an ultimate weapon disc 1 for you, buddy! One must also obtain a special Crest and Sigil as well, to power up a Celestial Weapon.
The Crest is usually the simple part. It's just an item hidden somewhere out in the world. Lulu's is sitting in the Farplane back in Guadosalam. We merely need to float back there for a spell and pick it up. How would we know this? Fuck you, that's how, Final Fantasy X's Endgame would say to you.
The Sigil, on the other hand, is where the dog shit part usually comes into. We'll get to that in due time.
The party flies to Guadosalam and is immediately stopped by Tromell. We could actually get this scene at any time Post-Bevelle.
"You wanna start something?"
Cuz we've killed Seymour like 2-3 times now and he was way tougher lookiwell, at least tougher than you!
...then burn me, boil me, it matters not.
Eww... No, man. Ugh. Now I got like... boiled tree elf stew stuck in my imagination and bleh. There goes my appetite for another couple months.
Lord Seymour is gone. No lord rises to take his place. The Guado merely wait for Sin to come and finish us off. Why should I care what you do to me? If it meant rejoining Lord Jyscal and Lord Seymour... then your taking off my head would be the greatest kindness."
You know he's like an uns
Doomed! The Guado fall to ruin with the master gone...
Yeah, so apparently Tromell and the Guado have no idea that Seymour is still wandering around as an unsent after all this time. Apparently they just dragged his corpse back to Guadosalam, Seymour popped back up like Creeper Jesus in the middle of the night and took off, and these fools just figure he returned to the Farplane.
Any case, that's Tromell's final scene if you were wondering what became of Seymour's retainer following his vow to take care of Guado business. Almost everyone left alive at this point has a final hidden scene if you poke around the world in the Endgame. Though quite a few require us to trigger the next major plot event in Bevelle.
Don't worry, I know where everything is. You don't have to throw up a CIA document outlining it.
The word around Guadosalam in general is moody and full of despair with Seymour being triple dead. Plus that whole disastrous Guado campaign to Home which resulted in the death of literally everyone involved. There's a reason we've only seen two combatant Guado since then and those two dropped off a crappy boss fight and booked it. Cid essentially nuked the better part of the able bodied young male Guado population taking out Home.
Nothing about the tree elves plight that they brought entirely upon themselves, just like every dickweed elven race in fantasy. Our only interest is a trip back into the Farplane for that aforementioned Crest. Unlike every other Yevon holy site at the moment, nobody is guarding the actual gate to the Spira afterlife. Heck, there's not even anyone around. Unless you count the crestfallen Tromell out by the entrance goading us into a mercy killing.
Welcome home, good hunter. What is it you desergh. Wrong game. There's actually a hidden scene here if we return any time after the first visit.
Hey, Lulu. Saaaaay! I remember murdering that lady back to get PayToWin!
I'll come back to let you know how things went. I hope I'll bring back... good news."
Yep. That's it. That's the scene. Now we have 100% exhausted all of Lulu's additional scenes and backstory. I have no idea why they didn't just throw Lulu having a vision of Lady Ginnem back when everyone else was doing the Farplane thing. But, who am I to question the dumb design decisions of Final Fantasy X at this point?
Anyway, the Venus Crest is just shoved in a treasure chest behind some rocks to the left side of the Farplane lookout. No other scenes involving the departed or anything cool in the Farplane beyond this. Just look some swag and the area is exhausted.
So that's one half of the tools needed to power-up Lulu's Celestial Weapon. The other half just so happens to be one area over...
So this next part: You 100% need a No Encounter item. It's a rare armor drop from Ghosts back in the Cavern of Stolen Fayth. If you want an annoying time, there's a 50% chance of the Baaj Temple giant murderfish boss dropping the only weapon in the game with a No Encounter ability. I tried to make it drop three fights and no dice.
You can also craft one. You could go back to Zanarkand Dome and pickpocket Fallen Monks for Purifying Salts. It's a rare drop. But doable. You could also do the Monster Arena quest bollocks capturing four of every dragon type fiend to get 99 Purifying Salts that way. But fuck that noise.
Easiest way is probably to capture a Ghost from the Cavern of the Stolen Fayth then savescum the Monster Arena until it gives a good drop. Up to you! Regardless, this next part is almost impossible without one.
New Music: Thunder Plateau (Piano Version)
Now that things are sorted out, I'm pretty sure sure you know why we are in the Thunder Plains.
The Lightning Dodging Mini-Game! Mini-Game is a very generous term. Challenge? Bullshit waste of my goddamn time! is my preferred nomenclature.
So, in order to obtain Lulu's full powered Celestial Weapon: Onion Knight we need to dodge 200 lightning strikes in the Thunder Plains. Here's the actual stipulations for this challenge:
- 200 Lightning Dodges.
- This must be done consecutively. All right now. All in a row. Fuck up once? Back to 0 total.
- You CAN pause the game. It's not recommended. It'll mess up your concentration.
- You cannot save and continue. Just hitting the Save Sphere will reset the counter.
- You gotta be away from those lighting rod towers. I'm pretty sure if you go into their range, your total is reset. If not, good luck getting back into the groove when you determine the dead zone where lightning kicks back in.
- You cannot change screens. Hit Guadosalam or the Al Bhed Travel Agency? You've done goofed. Start again!
- Oh by the way this mini-game is calibrated for a CRT TV. Good fucking luck if you're playing the original game on a modern screen with its inherent delay. I'm told they patched it, but this is something they definitely fucked up initially with the HD Remaster and made this part nearly impossible.
- Oh by the way there's no counter. You just need to keep track in your head. Good luck. Thank you for playing!
In case you're wondering, Lightning strikes about every 6-8 seconds. With sometimes a quick follow-up 3-4 seconds afterwards. There are a couple spots on the map where lighting strikes a bit more reliably. Regardless, doing this legit is still about 20 minutes of your life down the drain watching a screen flash white and tapping X in turn.
There is a trophy behind this on the HD Remaster Version. There's a trophy behind all the incredibly shitty parts of Final Fantasy X's end game. Even the not entirely required ones (Read: Getting all items in that Chocobo Race Maze under Remiem Temple.)
But if you can survive the test of the Thunder Plains to the end...
The Bilghen Memorial Travel Agency is proud to honor you with this prize.
Trophy Unlocked: Lightning Dancer.
So uhh... we're still not done yet. We now have all three components to power-up Onion Knight. But, we failed to recruit a blacksmith party member. And no matter how much Tidus tries to mash these parts together, nothing is happening.
To complete the ritual for the first ultimate weapon, we need to return once more to Macalania Woods. Specifically, we need to return back to the uhh... pod. The sky pod? I'm just going to call it a Seed of Resurrection. Cross-LP brand consistency for giant weird orbs.
So apparently the Seed of Resurrection can talk. I'm assuming it's talking? I dunno. Do not ask for an explanation for any part of the Celestial Weapons proceedings. It's a video game and they wanted to sell overpriced strategy guides to the Japanese market. Fuck you. That's your answer.
We can now present our weapon and its components to this celestial emissary. Yep. We need to come back here and do this... Every. Single. Time.
Oh did I say every single time? My mistake. I was generalizing things. I meant, twice. Every single time. Presenting both the Crest and Sigil at the same time is far too much work for the Seed of Resurrection. It wants to power up one at a time. The Venus Crest adds Double Overdrive to Onion Knight. That is, Overdrive now charges at double the rate. Not performing the attack twice. That would take forever!
And NOW, Onion Knight is at its maximum power. With it equipped, Lulu has her Magic Booster, all magic now costs a single MP, her Overdrive charges at triple the rate, and she has broken the 9999 damage cap. There's now another digit on the end there.
There's also a few undocumented features. Onion Knight does more damage the closer Lulu is to her maximum MP. It's got a weird damage formula, because of course it does. According to the Final Fantasy Wiki it is:
(10 + [100 * User's current MP ÷ User's Max MP]) ÷ 110
In any case, that is one Celestial Weapon down... six more remain...
Video: Episode 102 Highlight Reel