Part 7: Episode VI: Light My Fire
Welcome back. We begin the next leg of Tidus’ Bogus Adventure with our hero once more slamming his head into something wet and hard. And I’m not talking about exploits in the locker room.
”I also realized I was bad with remembering how idioms went...”
“I thought I was going to die in this place.”
Oh, quit your worrying, Tidus. You’re narrating from the end of the game. You’ve got high grade plot armor until then. At most you could get frozen in carbonite for a few chapters and let Auron narrate for a bit.
New Music: Hopeless Desire
Not the most inviting place on the planet. But I suppose it’s better than being submerged outside during an encroaching thunderstorm with man eating mutant fish stalking the waters.
Something tells me Tidus wasn’t a Cub Scout as a kid. But no worries. The game is going to throw him a few unlikely bones to get things on their way.
First of all, there’s already a pile of remarkably dry logs for a decent fire in the middle of the chamber. So that’s
Running to the southwestern corner of the area will lead to a mostly collapsed side passage with little in the way of interest. Outside one thing on an overturned table.
There just so happens to be a box of flint discarded in the corner of the room. This all too convenient. I half expect Tidus is on some half-assed reality show where he thinks he’s been cast into some ancient ruins. When in reality he’s on an elaborate set in East Block Zanarkand and all the monsters have been dudes in animatronics costumes and holograms.
While flint and some dry logs seem like enough to build a video game fire, Tidus insists he needs something else before any flame based attempts can be made at heat.
But it’s just a quick trip north and we come across a bouquet of dried up flowers left wilting on a shelf. I guess that’ll work.
Tidus returns to the central chamber and tosses the flowers onto the logs and gets to work on the whole fire building thing. I think you’re supposed to strike the flint slightly closer to the fire than that, guy...
With a quick flash of light, the fire bursts into life scarring the Bejesus out of Tidus in the process. I guess he didn’t really expect smacking some rocks together like a cave man to actually work.
Well, now that we have a campfire the next step is clear...
Yellow Douchebag needs food badly!
But first, a random flashback!
"It was a bad call. Your team lost because of you."
"You came to say THAT?"
*glares* “I had money riding on that game...”
“Oh. Uh. Sorry...?”
“You have a steak in your freezer. I’m taking that for dinner.”
“But I was gonna ea--”
“A-Alright, man. Take it.”
*walks further into the room* "It's been...ten years. I thought you'd be crying."
*stomps on the ground* "Who, me?"
Ghost Kid pops up out of nowhere...
”Pfft... Stupid Ghost Kid. I wasn’t crying. He’s the crybaby!”
Tidus looks up and notices his fire is dying out...
Our hero attempts to reason with the burnt pieces of wood and grass to little effect. Should have put more points into Speech, kid.
Tidus jumps to his feet and looks around for some extra firewood in a panic. But his eyes catch something else first...
”Umm... Nice glowing red-eyed doom lizard dude..."
The creature skitters along the balcony before leaping down in front of Tidus...
“Gimme a break!”
Music: Enemy Attack
I’ve got to wonder what sort of evolutionary chain led to an animal with massive scissors for hands. Oh well. Time for a boss battle against the master of the Baaj Temple interior: Klikk.
With the wide arsenal of techniques currently at Tidus’ disposal, our best course of action is err... whacking the thing with his sword for some triple digit damage.
Likewise, it pretty much slashes Tidus with its blade arms and...that’s it. This goes back and forth for a minute or so in the world’s least well choreographed monster brawl. Until...
One of the previously locked doors in the chamber explodes. Sadly, it’s not Auron behind the shattered frame. Even though detonating a door is his preferred method to get inside a place when he’s forgotten his keys.
Instead it’s the Tetsuya Nomura Fashion Squadron. Tidus’ outfit, while ridiculous, is three belts and four zippers under quota. Also goggles are in this season.
The only female member of the silly headgear brigade steps over to Tidus’ side of the monster brawl. Unfortunately, she’s the only one not packing a rifle. Since that would make too much sense.
*cough* “I mean I totally had this thing handled. But...”
So while ???? failed to bring any firearms to the battle, she did bring a handful of hand grenades instead. I guess that’ll work.
Spandex lady has a “Special” command in her attack menu and a “Use” command under that which allows her to bust out a frag grenade to toss into our adversary’s face. This is pretty awesome, all things considered.
???? can still do physical attacks with a pair of daggers she’s carrying. But those inflict about as much damage as a mosquito bite. Instead, we can go under her Special options and use the Steal command to pilfer some goods from Klikk’s trouser pockets.
Stuff like err... another grenade! Sure, why not?
Like you’ve never killed a freaky demon by nicking explosives from its purse then pulling the pin and tossing ‘em right back at it. Between the combined efforts blondie’s grenades and Tidus half way decent physical attacks, Klikk goes down in no time.
Music: Game Over
Though it is worth mentioning that this fight is the first real battle of Final Fantasy X and the first time in the game the party can actually get wiped out. Granted, you need to actively work to die here. But it merits pointing out.
In addition, since this is the first true fight of the game it is also the first time we gain
On top of that, we also picked up two Ability Spheres and fifty Gil out of the wallet of the slain Klikk. It’s not like he was using it.
Music: Underground Activities
Following the battle, we are treated with a choice post-battle ass shot of our kind female helper. Stay classy, Square.
The girl removes her goggles to reveal...
...The fact that it is really jarring to have low quality models with animated flat textures for eyes alongside fully animated high quality models. Unfortunately, it takes Square several years and a merger with another company to realize having models rendered in vastly different quality on screen together looks bloody awful.
”Thanks for the help, lady. Though your jerk friends coulda helped out.”
Nightvision Bald Santa takes offense to Tidus’ claims.
”Oww, dammit! Not the hair! Do you know how long it takes me to get it like this and stay good while swimming all day?! You jerks know who I am?! You ca-”
Everyone points their rifles at Tidus...
”’kay... Take it you’re not blitzball fans...”
“Oac! Ed ec cu!”
”Heyheyhey! Chill out, dude! I don’t speak umm...whatever... that is...?”
"Fyed! Fryd ev ed ec risyh?"
<Really wish I paid more attention back in language arts class...>
Gasmaskspandex releases Tidus as Boobspandex approaches him...
“Say...! Now this is more like it. I knew you couldn't resist the T-dawg. Umm... I think? Wait... You all aren’t talking about running a train on me, right? Cuz err... Not cool in that case!”
”Cunno? Y-Yeah! I totally know how to cunno. Isn’t that the one where the girl does a handstand and then you grab her by the legs and e--”
The girl belts Tidus in the stomach...
*cough* *cough* “Y-you coulda just said no!”
And thus our hero gets knocked unconscious by a single punch from a 90 pound girl. I’m getting the feeling our protagonist may be kind of a wimp...
Episode 6 Highlight Reel
Baaj Temple Staircase Concept Art
Sunken Baaj Temple Ruins Concept Art
Central Chamber Concept Art
Klikk Concept Art
Klikk Attack Animations Concept Art
* Notice: I’ll tell ya the translation of what these masked jerks were saying later. So don’t go posting it in the thread. Thanks.