Part 30: Episode XXIV: Kick My Ball

Music: Tidus' Theme



Who's up for another boat ride episode? Don't worry. No doom whale interruption this time around.





Instead, it will just be a whole lot o' talking with a side of eavesdropping.



Kimahri mugs for the camera once more. This will be his only role for the entire boat ride...

Down below deck...



We find our hero hanging out below deck with the rest of the Besaid Aurochs. But they're a boring bunch, so let's go exploring.



We are now aboard the S.S. Winno. This, functionally, is just the S.S. Liki copy and pasted with a new name when you open the menu and a night time skybox and lighting when we go above deck. Out in the hallway we can bug Dona and Barthello but the only result from that is being called rude and Tidus getting told to piss off. Down at the end of the hall, Luzzu and Gatta are once more guarding their mysterious cargo. I'm sure that will never become relevant. And lastly...



O'aka's cockney beggar arse is once again panhandling for free gil to get his business afloat. Well, we're a bit flush on cash since last time we saw the jerk. So I think we can safely drop another 900 gil on him to reach the next tier of monetary benefit down the road. I'll explain that some day...

Tidus heads above deck...



Welp, the rest of our trip aboard the Winno is pretty much a game of "find the cutscene". The first of them is straight ahead with Yuna and the Luca Goers.

Tidus wanders over to Yuna and the two Goers dickbags Bickson (Ginger Raiden) and Graav (his blond toady)...



"Whatcha all talking about?"
"Who are you supposed to be?"
"Yo. Name's Ti—"
"Ah, I remember him. Guy from Kilika."
"Hmm?"
"Doesn't any one in Spira know how to properly ask a guy's name...?"
"You know, one of the Besaid Aurochs. Said somethin' about winning the cup."
"Oh, right. You're that idiot."
"Oh, right. You're that dickhead."



"But he is a dickhead."
"...Not you."
"But he is an idiot. They don't got what it takes to win the cup."



"Yes, they will win! He used to be the star player of the Zanarkand Abes!"
"Err, Yuna... Ixnay on the Anarkandzay..."
"..."
"Pig latin... That's definitely not a thing in Spira, is it?"



"Tee-hee!"
"Yeah, as if anyone lived in those ruins."
"It's not ruins, there's a big city there! There is!"
"...Yeah. There WAS. It's not like people back in the day just set out to make a bunch of ruins for future tourism..."
"Uuh... I-I got too close to Sin and—"
"There is a city, really!"
*shrugs* "Right. Whatever Your Ladyship says."
*frown*

The two dickbags walk off to do whatever walking jock bully stereotypes from the mid-80s do in their downtime. If we approach Yuna again we get another scene...



"They were... being rude... and... I do believe your Zanarkand exists. I really do, you know."
"How come?"
"Current popular opinion seems to be I got bumped my head or fell in toxic gunk or just might be an idiot."
"Sir Jecht used to always tell me stories. It'd be great to see your home someday."



"Yeah..."



"Right, sure... As if I had a place to show her."
"It hit me then that I was essentially a hobo in Spira. As if I wasn't depressed enough to be stuck there..."



That is all for Yuna at the moment. Let's take a quick break from cutscene hunting and head into the bridge of the S.S. Wino for a moment.



Here we find the next Al Bhed Primer. Today Tidus learns the hidden truth that [A = E]

Bvvd. Fryd geht uv rymv-yccat vyhdyco myhkiyka ec drec? Frana'c dra nyhtus ybucdnubrac eh dra settma uv cahdahlac vun vilg ymm naycuh?



The next sets of optional cutscenes aboard the Winno are activated by having Tidus attempt to approach Lulu and Wakka at the upper area of the ship. They are having a private conversation. But tact never really caught on in Zanarkand judging by Jecht and Tidus, so our hero has no problem with eavesdropping on the pair.



"You'll take responsibility?"
"Relax! He's bound to know someone in Luca."



"And if not?"
"He could always join a blitz team. Anyhow, it's better than just leaving him in Besaid!"
"What? Just leaving him in Luca?"
"Ergh... There is... ya know... STUFF in Luca... At least there's no temple for him to wander into there."
*glares*
"What do you want me to do?!"
<Maybe I shouldn't listen to this...>

Tidus begins to walk away...



*spins around* <Hello!>
"Oh yeah, geez... There's that too, eh?"



"And whose fault is that?"
"Not mine!"
"I just brought him to the village... and then the temple... and then gave him a new sword... and gave him props for his fighting abilities... and invited him along with us on the way to Luca... and... and..."
"..."
*looks down* "It is mine, huh?"
"Yuuuuup."

If Tidus attempts walking back up a second time...



"Because he's Sir Jecht's son."
"Oh, right... Wait, you sure 'bout that? He's really Sir Jecht's son?"



"Okay."
"'Okay?' 'Okay?!' That's all you have to say?!"
"Well, yeah, I mean..."
"You want me to travel back in time to make him not Sir Jecht's son? I thought we ruled out the time travel thing."
"...I meant about him becoming Yuna's guardian..."
"Oh... Ya, okay. That makes more sense..."
"He's gotta decide for himself, ya? Well... him and Yuna, I guess."
"You're right, for once."
"Ahem!"
*turns away* "I wonder which is best..."

And a third time up the stairs...



"Should what?"
"Become Yuna's guardian."
"Why me?"
"Well, we have established that you are the reason he's tagging along thus far. And my fondness for him is limited... Also, Kimahri certainly will not be doing it... And most importantly...."
"Because Yuna can't."
"Why not?"
"He hates his father--what he was, what he did. Do you really think she can possibly say to him... 'I want you to be my guardian, like your father was to mine?'"
"Aren't you being over-sensitive?"
*grumble* <Tch. Talking about my stupid, no good dad like they know him...>
*frustrated sigh*



"I'll try talking to him after the tournament."
"Be discreet."
"You DO know what that means...?"
"Ya, ya... I won't ask him if he wants to join on as Jecht Jr."
"I know. It's his decision."

One last time up the stairs...



"Apparently. He told Yuna as much."
*looks down* "Hating your own father, huh? Sounds like a luxury to me. I don't even remember my parents. Can't say how I feel about 'em."



"Oh...?"
"...I'm just establishing my parents are dead too. It wasn't an invitation to ask for elaboration."
"Oh. Alright then. Sounded like you were going somewhere with that."
"No. Just throwing that out there. In case anyone was listening."
*eyes the 4th Wall*
*punches the ground* "Dammit! Sin just takes everything away from us."



And that concludes Wakka and Lulu's optional character development central. Now then, the only mandatory game progressing cutscene aboard the ferry is up at the front of the ship. Specifically, having Tidus approach the rogue blitzball in the center of the area.





...You know what it's time for?

FLASHBAAAAAAAACK!



Young Tidus takes his first steps toward a long career of launching blitzballs out into the sea, never to be seen again. Those things don't grow on trees, kid!



Our pintsized protagonist lines up the shot...





...and totally eats it like a goof. I'd make fun of the child's lack of coordination. But someone else is already on the job!



Jecht struts onto the scene, stops, and sighs at his son's suckitude.



"I just wanted to play ba—"
"Yeah, shoulda seen this coming. It's only natural."
"I usually charge for lessons, you know... That shot is done... like this!"



Jecht proceeds to take the ball and make gravity his bitch.







*cracks neck* "You're not the only one. No one else can do it. I'm the best!"

Back in the present...



So who's up for spontaneously learning amazing abilities by randomly recalling events from a decade ago? Show of hands! Nice. Alrighty... Now, who's up for that in the form of a QTE?! Hey, where'd all those hands go...?



So Tidus now has the chance to learn the Jecht Shot by suppressing the memories of his arrogant father being a dick. This is done by mashing X and the direction of the memories as they appear onscreen. So if a memory appears in the bottom left, you press down+left and X. To the right? Right and X. I'm assuming you're not dumb enough to be mystified by this concept.







This isn't too hard to do. Though it is a bit confusing since the tutorial has button prompts while in-game it is subtitles and overlapping voice clips of Jecht's dickery.









But if you DO fuck it up? Reset the game. You've screwed yourself on playing blitzball forever as this scene determines whether or not Tidus learns the ridiculously useful ability and you're permanently fucked out of it if he fails.

You're fucked out of winning the tournament. Trust me, you're better off looking for mercy in a Cavia game than winning the upcoming blitzball tournament without the Jecht Shot. Anyone that says otherwise reset the game 98 times before succeeding, is a rotten liar, or blew Satan in a bathroom stall to get the game's RNG to cooperate.

Tidus hears several gasps from behind him...





"Doesn't have a name. Anyone can do it if they try."
"Show us one more time, ya?"
"I dunno... Don't wanna wear myself out bef—"



"Give me the ball!"







There is an alternate scene if Tidus fucks up learning the Jecht Shot. The only real difference, besides screwing the pooch with winning blitzball, is the Aurochs do not show up and Tidus looks like a total doofus when Yuna comes to see him. Worth a watch for Jecht clowning Tidus from the distant past.

Tidus walks over to Yuna...



"Uh?!"
*walks to the railing* "How do you know that?"
"Hehe. Sir Jecht showed it to me when I was a child."



*groans and sits on railing* "Stupid name, huh? You know what? There is no Mark I or Mark II, you know?"



"He said they'd come back every night expecting to see Mark I and Mark II. And, they really did come back. I used to... get so mad."
"I mean Mark I and Mark II would be crappier versions, right? It didn't even make sense! Tch..."
"Hehehe!"
"..."
"Is he alive, you think?"
*shakes head* "I don't know. But, Sir Jecht was my father's guardian."
"So, he's famous here, too?"
*sigh* "Yay..."
"Yes. So if anything happened to him, I should think word would get around fast."
"At least as fast as word can get around in a place where large swathes of civilization are regularly annihilated by Sin..."
*rubs chin* "Uh-huh."
"What... would you do, if you found him?"
"Who knows? I thought he died ten years ago."
*gets up* "Well..."



"After everything he put Mom and me through... And because he was famous, and I was always..."
*turns to Yuna* "Well, you should know, Yuna. Your father's famous, too. Everyone in Spira knows him, right? Ain't it tough?"
"I mean I've already heard about the guy a few dozen times and saw statues of him and stuff. They had billboards with Jecht's mug on them and named tournaments after him back in Zanarkand. Feh... Oh boy! Win the Jecht Memorial Cup! Can't wait..."



"Sure."
"But the honor of having a father like that surpasses all that, I think."
"Well, there wasn't much to honor about my old man, that's for sure."
"Maybe like world record for biggest ego. But I don't think they build statues around here for that."
"You shouldn't say that about your father!"
"I got the right!"
*frown* "I guess you do."



The awkward moment is interrupted by Tidus being pegged by yet another blitzball.



"Owww! What the heck, Wakka? That did like 120 HP of damage!"
"Oh. S-Sorry..."



"He never did like watching other people play. But I couldn't help feeling something bad was gonna happen. And these feelings of mine are usually right. Sure, I had told Wakka I'd help him win the tournament. But I wasn't sure I had it in me to play at all anymore."

Spoiler: Narrator Tidus is a big mopey baby. Story Tidus will get over this and be making an ass out of himself over blitzball competition within two scenes.






Video: Episode 24 Highlight Reel


Alternate Scene: Failing the Jecht Shot





Jecht Official Art