Part 35: Episode XXIX: Warm My Bench

New Music: The Splendid Performance





It would appear that Lulu's Signal Flare magic was meant to inform Wakka that they had successfully rescued Yuna. Good thing too. That last nine minutes and thirty seconds of the game were a real nail biter.





Now that the Al Bhed Psyches threat is no longer a factor, Wakka and the Aurochs are free to rally for victory. Can they do it in a mere 20 seconds of playtime left?

...

Wasn't the clock at around 3:30 last time we saw Wakka about five minutes ago? Do blitzball spheres undergo time compression...?






"They were really cutting it close with the PA on that pass."
"I do not know what that means, Jimma."
"Nobody does, Bobba. Nobody does."



One of the Psyches attempts to block Wakka, but our blitzball ace front flips over him. What? You can totally front flip underwater with no loss of inertia. Try it sometime.





You can also pick off another floating object of near equal mass and kick off it in order to propel yourself the same distance as if you'd been shot out of a cannon. I was taught this in junior high science.







"Unbelievable! The Aurochs win the match, 3-2!"



"We did it! We're in the finals!"



"If it was Chappu, he'd still be standing."
"...Or at least swimming upright... You know what I mean."



*death glare* "Excuse me?"
"I know I could never take Chappu's place. You're the one who told Wakka that, right, Lulu? And I don't think Wakka would ever try to take Chappu's pl--"
*death glare* "You don't want to finish that sentence."
"..."
<Note to self: Just don't talk about that Chappu guy again. Ever.>



We now find ourselves back on the docks. I'm not sure how that happened so quickly. That Al Bhed boat wasn't even in sight of Luca by the time we brought it to a stop. But details... Anyway, there's nothing to do now but to head back to the locker room...

A jog across the stadium later...



"Blarghle..."
"Sure you're all right, Cap'n?"
"Can't believe they poisoned you twice. Once, sure. But twice is just mean, ya know?"
"The game starts in a few minutes. You sure you okay?"
*slouches and shakes head* "We're playing the Goers, too."



Wakka attempts to lob a ball at one of his teammates' head, as per tradition. But...



He's not up to the task after an entire game of getting his soggy ass handed to him. Strange that none of the other Aurochs seem any worse for the wear.

The door to the locker room creaks open...





*cricket chirp* "..."
"Uh... huh..."

Yuna walks in behind Tidus...



"Lady Yuna!"
"Are you okay?"
"All this because of me."
*bows* "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"



"Hey, let it go, all right?"
"Don't go near Al Bhed anymore, okay? They're trouble."
"Buncha swirl-eyed good for nothing machina monkeys..."



Kimahri and Yuna wander off to go watch the finals together since catmen and lady folk have no place in sporting drama besides cheering from the sidelines.



From here, we get the chance to save one last time before the game. We are going to want to save here, since the upcoming game is... not very fair. To say the least. And annoying to restart at that. Everything from here until the end of the update must be watched every time the player restarts...

Tidus talks to Wakka again...



"Ready?"
*fist pump* "Lemme at 'em."
"All right!"

Wakka stands up to address the team...



"After this game...I'm retiring."



The Aurochs are utterly stunned.



"Win or lose, I'm quitting blitzball."
"I know I said I was quitting last year. And talked about it the year before that... And the year before that... And maybe a few murmurs the year before that... But I'm serious this time, ya know?"
*scratches head* "But you know... Since we're here, we might as well win!"



*nods in approval*
"A-Am I on da bench?"

Wakka walks over to Tidus...



_{"Did ANYONE catch that guy's name yet...?"}
*shakes head*
*frowns and shrugs*
"All right, boys, let's win this one! Let's make the Goers goners!"
"Let's blitz!"



"Hooah!"

A short while later...



"Hey, you weren't supposed to see that."
"It was a game transmitted to all of Spira. It would be diffic--"



The pair's conversation is interrupted by Wakka nearly collapsing. It's really sad when Wakka dies half way through the pilgrimage due to untreated cranial trauma suffered from this game.



*sniff* "..."
*sniff-sniff* "Oh what in the name of Yevon is th--"

Elsewhere...



"All right, boys, what're we gonna do?"
"I swear, if ANY one of you say 'do our best' I will drown you myself!"
"Win!"
"For Cap'n Wakka!"
*nods* "Hooah!"
"Alright, boys. First drink is on me to whoever breaks the nose of that smug red-haired Goer jackass. Let's make that blitz sphere red!"



And so we're off towards our meaningless sporting event destiny!

Back in the locker room...



"In just a few minutes, the championship game!"



Wakka really needs to work on his penmanship.

Meanwhile...



"But who could have imagined... A championship game between these two teams? Our legendary Luca Goers against...the horrendously ill-fated Besaid Aurochs!"
"I am not even sure if sending a blitzball team to fight against Sin would be as lopsided and improbable a match-up, folks."
"That is in incredibly poor taste, Bobba."
"Right you are, Jimma."









Welp. Let's do this thing!






Video: Episode 29 Highlight Reel





Wakka Official Art