Part 46: Episode XXXIX: Rage Against My Machine
Final Fantasy X isn’t big on the whole natural transition between regions thing. Taking a quick jog through the northern arch denoting the end of the Mi’ihen Highroad instantly leads from tranquil grassy planes to a wasteland of craggy volcanic rock on the edge of the coast. The weather also took a turn for the gloomy in the five second interval.
But we can ponder this sudden shift later, it’s cutscene time!
Seymour wanders over toward a group of assembled Crusaders and addresses them…
New Music: Seymour’s Theme (Recommended listening)
“Believe in the path you have chosen, let faith be your strength! I, Seymour Guado, maester of Yevon, will bear witness to your deeds today."
The Crusaders give a hardy salute an—wait, what the FUCK are these people wearing?! Why are half of them in masks with
eye spacing? Where is that woman’s pants? Can we get that poor girl a decent pair of pants? That guy in the front right has pants hiked all the way up to his armpits. He can spare some pants material. And while you’re at it, get some pants for that ginger guy in the bird mask. What self-respecting soldier goes into battle wearing baggy shorts? Is Spira so short on manpower that they’re sending postal workers to the front line? Is that what is happening? Ridiculous. Goddamn ridiculous.
“Why's Maester Seymour backing the Crusaders, eh? They're using the Al Bhed's machina! They're violating the teachings!"
"Even going against the teachings they're willing to risk it for the greater good. Wakka, I think Maester Seymour sees that, too." “Tch. Ergh! Uhh… Lulu?” ”Al Bhed… Machina… BAD!?”
"Ask him yourself."
Seymour approaches the group and immediately sets his creeper gaze on Yuna. But hold on a moment… He feels something amidst… A strange feeling indeed. As though not everyone is fully paying attention to Seymour Guado the maester of Yevon… But who…?
Ah. Silly question.
“I would be most interested in hearing what you've been doing these past ten years."
Auron walks off before even so much as looking at Seymour. Pfft… Maester of Yevon?
Poor Seymour. The first time Auron blows someone off is always the hardest. Tidus has been getting this treatment for a solid decade and he still gets bummed out when Auron doesn’t have the first fuck to give about his daily plight.
*nods* "Your Grace!" "Please, there's no need for formalities." ”I know it is difficult in the presence of I, Seymour Guado, maester of Yevon… Well, for most…” *looks over shoulder*
“Maester Seymour?”
“Why is… your Lordship...presently... present here...sir?" "Please, speak as you normally would." "Uhh… Isn't this operation against the teachings of Yevon? Aren't you gonna stop them?" ”Come now. I said you may speak as you normally would to anyone else. No need to put on a voice.” “This is my normal speakin’ voice, ya?” “…Oh. I… see… Unfortunate…” “…?” "It's true... I should. However...”
“This Operation Mi'ihen was born from that wish they share. Although it may be sacrilege to Yevon, their intentions are pure. And I, Seymour Guado -- the person, not the maester of Yevon... As a denizen of Spira, I wish them well in their endeavor." "But, using machina... That's bad, isn't it?"
*gasps and murmuring* "Beg your pardon, but that's not something a maester should say!" 
"Then, pretend I didn't say it." "Y-You're kidding!" ”I was…” “I trust you can pretend that as well…” *walks off*
”The weird outfit, that hair, the ominous music following him around, the slimy used car salesman way he carried himself, and the whole summoning a three story tall demon that cried blood and shot heat rays out of its eyes… It all just gave me a bad vibe…” “But you know, some of the things he said that day... They made a lot of sense to me.”
With that the next part of our journey is mapped ahead. We need to follow the Mushroom Rock Road northeast to the next temple of Yevon up in Djose.
Inflexible Determination
Welp, let’s hop to it. That road isn’t going to walk itself. Good luck with that whole Operation Mi’ihen thing, lads. Sorry we can’t stick around to he—
Oh GODDAMMIT! No! Go AWAY! We do not want to get dragged into your ill-conceived suicide mission. We’ve already got our own ill-conceived suicide mission. We cannot spare effort to participate in others’ plans to get stomped on by Sin. Thanks but no thanks!
"Yes?!"
"The command center... Maester Seymour requests your presence there, ma'am." "Thank you."
Yuna defers to Auron for consul. Auron in turn gives her a nod of approval. This ain’t Auron’s first JRPG rodeo. He knows all too well that if there is a major military operation in the tri-state region, every band of misfit adventures within a fifty mile radius are inevitably going to be drawn into the thick of it.
Clasko here is a goddamn bowl cut sporting liar since it is a full blown dungeon length trek from here to the command center. Not even a good dungeon either. It’s probably one of the dullest, ugliest areas in the entire game.
Oh well. We can once more exploit Yuna’s summoner status for free swag from almost every single wandering Crusader we come across in the next few areas. They’re more than happy to dole out healing items and status effect remedies. I’d almost feel bad about taking those sort of things from soldiers about to go into battle against a walking natural disaster. But then I take another look at how they’re dressed and any empathy melts away.
O’aka has managed to make his way past the checkpoint and is offering overpriced garbage. He gleefully informs us that he is making a killing by price gouging the Crusaders. I believe this qualifies as grounds for labeling O’aka as kind of a fuckhead so we’ll not be giving him any of our business.
The party takes the road Clasko pointed out…
So welcome to Mushroom Rock Ravine. It is… very brown. Very long. Very boring. Very poorly mapped out. Were it not the fact that it actually has background music, I would call it a Xenogears dungeon. Thankfully, there is no platforming. But the frequent random battles against annoying enemies are still a factor. There are several new baddies floating around the area. But we’ll discuss them another time.
The ravine is separated into three areas of increasing elevation accessible by extremely bizarre lifts which constantly pour fountains of water upon use. Perhaps the Crusaders have taken to wearing shorts and leotards to avoid wet trousers prior to the operation.
In the third area of the ravine is a somewhat craftily hidden Al Bhed Primer. Well, crafty in the fact that the player needs to pay attention to the mini-map and obsessively click everywhere when reaching dead ends to find it. Today we learn that [Z = J]! Zehgeac!
At the far end of the region we find an actual proper elevator and a save point. Our old pal Gatta is also loitering about but runs off toward the south as soon as we approach him. We could just ignore the guy and head straight for the elevator but it is best we go send our regards first.
The party follows after Gatta…
"Orders are orders."
"I'm not a cadet anymore, sir! Let me go with you, and I'll prove it to them!" *pats shoulder* "Guarding the command center is important too, you know." "But I came all the way from Besaid to fight Sin, sir!" ”I missed the blitzball tournament for this! The blitzball tournament! Like the ONE piece of entertainment on the whole planet! Sat it out because I was told ‘join the Crusaders and be a big damn hero fighting Sin.’ Don’t tell me I missed that to guard a bunch of desks and paper! Not cool, sir. Not cool!” “I know, but an order's an order. To your post, Crusader."
Gatta proceeds to run off in a huff. If we go ahead and approach Luzzu we’ll get another optional scene.
“Mmm.” "At least there's no chance he'll get hurt. Why are you guys fighting anyway? Aren't the *almighty* Al Bhed machina enough?" "They still need some time to get them ready. Our job is to keep Sin at bay till they're done.” ”We may have pulled the short straw for this one…”
Wakka lets out a frustrated spastic holler at Luzzu before returning to his position of pouting like a spoiled five year old.
“I might not get another chance to say this. It's about your brother." *steps forward* "Luzzu, no!" "…What?" <Whoboy… I got that dramabomb feeling creeping up on me…> "I'm the one who convinced him...to enlist.” “!?” “…” “I'm sorry."
The gears slowly turn in Wakka’s head to determine the appropriate reaction…
He settles on punching Luzzu the fuck out.
“He'd say that -- when we won the Cup, ya? -- he'd propose to Lulu. And then one day...he goes off and becomes a Crusader. Just like that." ”And then the first year he’s gone we go and win the Cup. Now he’ll never get the… Err…” “…” “…” *frown* “…I’m sure it’s just a coincidence!” *climbs to his feet* "Chappu also said to me... That being with your girl is good... But keeping Sin far away from her is better."
"Luzzu told me...before we left."
”I have been taking my share of lumps here… But while we’re getting it all out in the open… Yuna, that bottle of milk that went missing and you blamed the theft on Kimahri…? That was me.” “?!” “Kimahri… That giant litter box left outside your room last Halloween wasn’t a prank done by those teenagers from Bevelle. It was me.”
“…” <K-Kimahri break prankster boy’s neck and blame it on Sin attack… What has Kimahri done?!> “Newcomer?” “You talking to me? It’s Tidus. Tidus. Why does nobody ever ask my name?” “I bet on the Goers in the blitzball finals.” “But you’re from Besaid!” “Yep. And that fact has been biting me in the ass each season…” “And Sir Auron?” “Hmph.” “I told Gatta the reason you keep your arm like it’s in a sling is so you can discretely scratch for the crabs you caught during your pilgrimage with Braska. So if anyone gives you a funny look and snickers… that’s probably why. *glares* *sighs* “It feels good to get all of that off my chest!”
"That's my cue."
"So you can hit me more?"
”I’ll make it bleed inside your skull, ya?” “…Err.”Yuna runs in front of Luzzu…
"I have to, Yuna." "Let him go.”
“As you did when you became a summoner." “Ah…” “…”
“…before I ever really understood the reason why Yuna let Luzzu pass that day.” ”It had still been a pretty overwhelming few days. Sue me for being slow on the uptake…” “…” “…Is suing people a thing in Spira? Eh…? I already asked that one…?”
With that business concluded, we’re free to travel up to the command center proper.
It seems the Al Bhed’s machina primarily consists of Civil War era-esque cannons. I’m sure that is just the edge they’ll need to take on a millennium old doom whale.
Wakka, of course, does not approve. Have you gotten the notion that Wakka is upset about all this yet? No? You think we need one or two more scenes of him throwing a tantrum and acting like a cock? Sure thing!
*hops around on one leg* “OWW! Aahh!”
"He really hates them, huh?" ”Picked up on that, have you?” "Chappu... He left the sword Wakka gave him in Besaid. And he fought with an Al Bhed machina weapon instead." ”…It would probably be in bad taste if I went to see if I could snag one of those guns, right?” “…” "That's got nothing to do with it! I just hate these sacrilegious contraptions!”Whoa, Wakka! Don’t hurt yourself with words longer than three syllables!
The party continues toward the command center…
New Music: Time of Judgment
The Crusaders are quite busy with their preparations for battle. Or maybe they’re setting up a beach party. It’s hard to tell with all the shorts and sandals incorporated into the uniforms. Is it time for Chocobo Volleyball season yet?
Look, there’s even a Sinspawn zoo for the kids. Maybe they’re planning a big beach party for Sin. There will be refreshments, girls in bikinis, Sin’s children have a playpen. I’m sure Jecht would be into that.
"Don't say that. It might be a hopeless campaign, and it might mean defying Yevon... But the Crusaders and the Al Bhed -- they're doing their best to defeat Sin. They want to rid Spira of Sin forever. And that's just what we want, too, isn't it?” “…Isn't it?" "Hmph! All right, all right! But I still think machina are bad news! They're forbidden for a reason!" ”So I have heard. Again and again…” “Hmm? You say something?” “Nothing.”
"Lady Summoner! There you are!"
"Maester Kinoc, too?" ”Psst. Should I know who that is?” “…No.” “…Should I *pretend* to know who that is?” *glares* “…I think I’ll go ask Wakka…”
Just to the east, past the 418rd Kindergarten Recon Squadron we finally come to the command post tent wherein we find a rather downtrodden Gatta.
"Um, you all right?" *shakes with anger* "Of course not! I came here to fight Sin! But they stick me here! UGH!" “What am I supposed to do here? Toss paperclips at Sin?! Write a strongly worked letter and send it to the front?!” "If you want to prove yourself..." "Huh?"
*grumble*
After that we are given the option to speak with Gatta one more time and a choice is given. This actually will affect future events. So I’ll let you jerks decide what we tell Gatta.
So what advice should Tidus give Gatta? Please BOLD your vote or I will not count it! Thanks!
- “Yeah, you should be out on the front lines.” – Dereliction of duties is cool if you prove you’re not a pussy in the process!
- “Guarding the command center is important, too.” – Sit down and take your orders, chump.
Video: Episode 39 Highlight Reel
Mushroom Rock Road Concept Art
Sinspawn Cages Concept Art