Part 66: Episode LVIII: Took My Time

Man. It's been a little while since the last update? Let's take a look here....

...

Hmm...

...

Yep. Just about two years, ten months and one day. Yeah. That's a bit of a spell. Guess I should post an update, huh?



Kept you waiting, huh? Welcome back to Final Fantasy X. It's been about three years since I last played this game. I believe during the original thread I caught the flu, had my computer die, got strep throat, had a hurricane hit me, had my Playstation 2 die, and then got called away for work abroad for about half a year around the time shop closed up. If updates suddenly stop this time, just assume I got hit by a bus or a meteor landed on me during my morning commute.

LET'S HOPE THIS THREAD INCARNATION GOES SMOOTHLY!

But, enough about me. Let's get back to Tidus's Big Stupid Story.



When last we left off we found ourselves in Macalania Woods on the way to Macalania Temple on Lake Macalania in Macalania County of the Macalania Province and were in the process of changing everyone's clocks to Macalania Standard Time as we crossed time zones from the Thunder Plains.



Our goal at the moment is to track down Seymour Guado so Yuna can go accept a marriage proposal to him for... reasons. Also there's this whole pilgrimage to defeat Tidus' dad, the doom whale Sin and such. I'm sure things will wrap back into that plot-line in due time.


Music: Fantasy



We'll now be transitioning from the lush ethereal woods of Macalania to the frozen tundra surrounding the lake and temple grounds. Islands, rolling plains, rocky coast highroad, marshlands, forest, plains of eternal devastating electrical storms, weird forest, frozen wasteland. I kind of feel like we missed a biome or two on the way here in the last few locations...



An Al Bhed travel agency has set up shop at the border between crystalline forest and the permafrost zones. A couple of semi-familiar faces have camped out outside the comforts of the rest stop. But more importantly...





Tidus can recover another Al Bhed Primer discarded in the snow. Today our hero discovers that [B = P] Sekrd yc famm zicd puugsyng dryd Ym Prat dnyhcmydun ykyeh, ar?

With that sorted out, let's gab with the two nitwits taking residency out in the cold before retreating indoors for a spell. Let's see how the only Cockney man in Spira is doing. If the past is anything to go on, probably counting the gil he earned from price-gouging the price of a blanket to a man with hypothermia setting in.



“He'll be rich by tomorrow all on account of this celebration thing!”



O'aka offers to sell his premium wares he's collected off the frozen corpses of travelers carrying. But spoilers: It's a bunch of overpriced junk that will easily be outclassed by drops and loot in due time. And he's raised his prices from last time since he's a prick. No thanks, pal.



Aside from the snake oil salesman, Clasko the Crusader chocobo knight and Punished “Venom” Chocobo are also squatting outside the inn. Let's see what their deal is...



“They always leave me behind."
”Why do none of you actually... you know, RIDE that chocobo thing you're always lugging around?”
“Oh, him? He doesn't really *do* people riding him anymore.”
“Huh?”
“Elma said something about people being unworthy to sit on its droppings and how it would feast on the entrails of the those unfit for battle. It was this whole big thing with her. I just kinda dropped the issue.”
“...”
"Oh. You want me to scratch you?”



"How'd you know what it wanted?"
"I've always been able to tell how chocobos feel.”
”I just got a knack for it, I guess. This fella loves him some Gysahl Greens but can't stand smoking the Pahsana stuff. That kinda thing.”
“Maybe I'd make a better chocobo breeder than Chocobo Knight, huh?”



Tidus seems perfectly qualified to dictate career choices for members of the armed services. That's never gone wrong befo—



...Err... Right... Well, No way they'd pull that twice. I'm sure it'll be fine telling him to abandon his military commission and go breed horse-chickens.



“Hmm... You know, I might just give it a try."
”Gonna start with this big guy?”
“Him? Nah. He's been around the block a few times on the road before all this. Don't want to start in-breeding chocobos. That's just a weird, dark path to travel down. Trust me.”



"Should I resign my commission? Would Captain Lucil let me? Elma would probably laugh at me."
”Well... She already does laugh at me. A lot. In fact... that's kind of all she does around me. Or yells. Or laughs then yells. Sometimes she yells then laughs...”
"Wow, I think this is the first time I've seriously thought about my life."

That's great, buddy. Could you just do me a favor and scoot over a couple feet here. I just wanna...



I Just wanna grab that treasure chest. It's right there. Just, could you pet the other side of the chocobo for just a moment. I'll only be a second? No...? You're just going to stand there in the way? Really, guy? Really? Pfft... Whatever man. Have fun keeping warm breeding giant birds in the snow. Jerk.

Tidus enters the Rin Travel Agency...


Music: Traveling Company



Well the gang is all here taking a time out. And man is half this party ill-equipped for cold temperatures. Of this let's discount Kimahri, the literal blue cat person whose race hail from the frozen north edge of the world. Auron is the only person moderately dressed for cold weather. Moderately. Yuna is in an airy dress with her entire back exposed. Tidus is in idiot shorts with his chest exposed. Lulu and Wakka both aren't wearing shirts. And Rikku is basically in a t-shirt and daisy-dukes.

Oh well, let's take a bit to catch up on the gang in the three years since the last update time since the last rest stop. Let's go around the room counter-clockwise. Starting with Auron...

"Anything can happen."
*fake deep voice* "'Make sure you're prepared,' right?"
"There is a saying: 'Hurry up and wait.' It means, prepare quickly so you're ready for whatever comes next."
"Sounds like something an old man would say."
*annoyed*"Forgive me."
"Hey, just being honest!"

I've hurried up and waited quite enough, sir. Right, Kimahri?

"Temple not far. Why stop here?"

See, this guy gets it. Yuna, I think you were in some weird detached mood due to deciding to get hitched to the half-tree clearly evil Seymour fellow. Let's see how that's going...

"Hmm?"
"Don't forget to smile, remember?
"Oh, you're right... I'll try and remember.”
“...”
"Smiling..."
"Right! Keep at it!"

Nice. Getting prepared for that loveless marriage for political reasons up ahead, girl. All hurried up and waiting on that shit. Rikku and Lulu don't have much to say. Both probably contemplate their poor choices in traveling attire.

"Can we go now? I'm tired of waiting!"
"Yuna's really quiet. Sitting here like this, you really get to thinking.”

And lastly Wakka...

"Seriously... A wedding's not supposed to make people feel this bad, huh?"
"Come on, don't say that!"
”I mean Yuna getting married to... that guy... is a major bummer. But weddings are awesome. Booze. Food. Bridesmaids with low self-esteem. Are bridesmaids a thing in Spira...?”
"Hmph! I say whatever I want, ever since I was a kid!"
”Pears are delicious. Wearing socks and sandals together is heresy. Al Bheds sweat urine. Whatever!”
“...”
"Oh, so you're an adult now?"
"You know it! Anyways... How long we supposed to stay here, you think?"
"Hey, don't ask me!"
"Things've sure gotten complicated since Sir Auron joined us."
"You think so, too?"
"Still can't figure that guy out."

...Insightful as always. Before we go there is one last non-party member to speak with. Maechem the traveling scholar has once more teleported ahead of the pilgrimage to dispense a fresh history lesson. Let's hear it.



"I've heard Lady Yuna is to wed Maester Seymour. It is great news. I'd like to congratulate her. But...it is a pity. I'd hoped Lady Yuna would defeat Sin and bring the Calm to Spira."
"Yuna's still gonna journey, even after she's married."
"That is also great news! Her resolve is admirable!"
"Would you like to hear about Macalania?"
“Go ahead!”
”I think I've burned through all the Sin Toxin credit I had on getting explanations for Spira.”
"Lake Macalania is frozen all through the year. It stays frozen even on the hottest of days. It is said that the temple's fayth is the cause of this fantastic phenomenon! And that is all for today."
”I guess that makes sense. The last temple had the trippy electrical thing going and... well the other two didn't do anything with fire or birds... I think? The Kilika joint was having a real bad time.” *frown*
"Hopefully I can be present at the wedding. It is not every day that one can attend such a joyous event.”
”Oh? You gonna give them a history lesson on Spira weddings or something?”
“A history of such events featuring spirits, cuisine, and bridesmaids with below par self-esteem is all I seek.”
“...”
“...Right on, old timer.”


Music: Fantasy



That's about it for our obligatory campfire scene between missions this pit-stop on the pilgrimage road. Let's continue our journey to the next cutscene. About fifteen feet down the road...



“We were surprised you decided to come so soon.”



*bows* “Lord Seymour sends his apologies for having left without notice."
"It's quite all right. I have one question, if I may, sir."
"My lady?"
"I want to keep journeying, even if I marry. Do you think that Maester Seymour would let me?"
"But of course, my lady. Lord Seymour wishes nothing else, I'm sure."
”There is nothing to fear, madam. The Master likes you. Nothing will happen to you. He likes you.”



Welp. That's all Yuna needed to hear. She's out! Betrothal here she comes!

Yuna walks to Tromell's side...



“We must follow Guado tradition. I'll have to ask you wait here a little while longer. I'll send someone to escort you."
”But... we're her guardians. At least one of us should be with her, ya?”
“No. The master would not approve. She will be safe.”
“I...”
"We're all with you. Do as you will."
"Thank you."

Tromell and Yuna walk off...



*glances at Auron* “Hm?”
“That was your line.”
”...Come again?”
“Your field play is sloppy.”
“...”
“...OH!”







Tidus runs up to the ridge and gives Yuna a whistle. Cuz you remember... That whistling thing they did ages ago and haven't mentioned since Luca. It's the best Tidus could come up with on the fly. At least he didn't start fake cackling.



I don't think Yuna remembers how that bit went either since that's clearly not the right response.



Oh well. I'm sure things will work out. Might as well just head on back to the Al Bhed inn and grab some hot cocoa while Seymour's lackey escorts Yuna safely t—




Music: Enemy Attack



...Aaaaaaand they made it less than 40 seconds before immediately getting ambushed by marauders. Are you KIDDING ME right now?! Princess Peach goes longer without getting potentially kidnapped.





The most inept band of summoner's guardians this side of the Thunder Plains leap into action doing their damn job after offloading responsibilities to unreliable third parties and it going about as well as expected. May as well have Tidus do his job as well and join them in the fight.



But I mean we are going to take a safe, responsible path to the battle. Sliding down a hill is dangerous in these conditions. You could sprain an ankle, for Pete's sake. I'm surprised Lulu didn't get caught on a branch and torn asunder by gravity as a result.





As Tidus approaches one of the enemies completely wipes out on their snowmobile. Nobody was attacking or startled by Tidus entering the field. It's just good, plain old fashion driver incompetence. Maybe Yuna doesn't need our help.



“Th-Thank you!”





Tromell attempts to flee with Yuna but ugh! Those creepy, disgusting spider fingers. It must be like having your hand held by a giant raisin. Yuna cannot take it and rejoins the party in the upcoming fight.



Gangly treemen aside, the rest of the ambushing party have all also crashed their snowmobiles and have decided to get into a fist fight with the team. Heeeeeey! Beard goggles? Gasmask guy? The other one? I recognize these Al Bhed idiots. It's Rikku's salvage team from the beginning of the game. What are these goofs doing here? Maybe we can get Rikku to broker a negot—



...And they're running away now. I'm starting to think the Al Bhed might not be too skilled at this whole kidnapping thing. What's the plan here guys? You all wrecked your rides. Are you going to tie Yuna up and use her as a sled to escape if you beat her guardians?



Oh hey, it's that lead tattooed up shirtless idiot. You can never take a guy with a dyed mohawk cut seriously. What's that nimrod want?



...Oh.









…This all escalated very quickly.



“Translation?!”
"He's gonna use an anti-magic field on us!"
”Oh...? Yeah, you see I was more concerned about the FRIKKIN' TANK!”
"Hu tir! E zicd dnyhcmydat fryd ra cyet, zangvyla!"







Welp... This is happening now. We're fighting a tank piloted by the Fantasy Techno Jews on a frozen lake so we can get the female lead married to a half-tree man. Sure... Why not?

Welcome back to Final Fantasy X.






Video: Episode 58 Highlight Reel





Lake Macalania Concept Art