Part 91: Episode LXXXII: Reach My Road's End

So Yuna and Tidus got it done. They made out and boned in a pond full of dead people vapor. That happened. No big deal.



“If I give up now... I could do anything I wanted to, and yet... Even if I was with you, I could never forget."
*sigh* “And there is the... whole Yevon excommunication thing... And Sin.”
“And marrying Seymour. That sucked, huh...?”
*hundred yard stare*
“I'll go with you.”
“Oh...?”
“I'm your guardian.”



Don't even need to Photoshop in a shiteating grin on Tidus like he just scored the winning blitzball goal.



”There's no like... guardian contract fine print about umm... ya know... A summoner/guardian exhibition match...? Right...?”
*chuckles and shakes head* “Stay with me... until the end.”
*bows head* “Please.”
*shakes head* "Not until the end... Always."



Aww. That's sweet.



By the way, Kimahri has been here the whole time. Watching. Observing... He saw it. He saw everything. He gives a silent cat little smirk and walks off.



"Roger!"







Yeah... I'm sure this won't be awkward around the rest of the party together on this death march to fight a sea monster.



Anyway, you heard Yuna. We ought to get back. You know it's been while since there's been a five second walking bit of gameplay to trigger the next cutscene. Giving that a rest for a while was one of the very few things Bevelle had going for it.





A few paces down the path, Tidus gazes at the stars and reflects on how he just scored. However, this is quickly put to a halt when he hears Yuna whistle and immediately starts running back to see what's wrong.





Oh. Well, I supposed we should be thankful these two went with whistling as their cute couples thing and not breaking into fake laughter.





Welp. Yuna quickly changed her mind from “maybe we should keep this on the d-low” to “Fuck it yes I've got a ~*~BOYFRIEND~*~.



Meanwhile, the rest of the party gathers in a circle of awkward silence and distant stares. Do you think everyone besides Kimahri knows what Tidus and Yuna have been up to...?



Welp... No one can look Tidus in the face. Besides the only other party member that tried hitting on Tidus. Yep... I think they know.



Sorry Rikku. No one goes for the spunky jail-bait girl in these games. Maybe you'll have better luck in the sequel.

Yuna wanders in closely behind Tidus...




“Wakka? Lulu? Kimahri? Rikku? Everyone, we leave at dawn. And...”
*bows* “I'm sorry for putting you all through this.” And...um..."
“Enough. You need your rest.”
“Yes. Good night.” *bows*


Music: Macalania Forest







Alright then. That was one hell of a strange, poorly plotted detour. But I suppose the pilgrimage is back on the road at last.



The party heads toward the east and following them will progress the game. We came from the north. To the south is the bone zone pond. West, past the loitering woman who will tell us Bevelle is closed off, does have something of interest...



Another fork in the road lies past her. Northwest from here would lead to the road to Bevelle. However, it is indeed closed. Forever. They never actually designed a Bevelle proper to explore and we'll never be setting foot there again. No need to worry about direct pursuit from Yevon however. They all just sort of gave up after Seymour got waxed for a second time.



In every version of Final Fantasy X past the original PS2 North American release (Read: The much later released PAL version and Japanese International re-release, which the HD Remasters are based off of) at this point in the game Yevon actually does take steps to kill Yuna and her guardians. Yevon apparently has a stable of loyal evil summoners armed with Dark Aeons. Which are a bunch of bullshit superboss palette swap versions of Yuna's summons that make the already awful grind of Final Fantasy X's endgame demonstrably worse.

That ain't in the version of the game I'm playing for this LP because FUCK that noise. So don't worry about it. I'll mention the details of where you'd fight 'em during the End Game misery time of woe towards the end of the LP. But other than that, meh...



Anyway, if we head southwest Tidus will find himself back in Macalania Woods proper on a previously inaccessible route just before the road to Lake Macalania.



And wouldn't you know it? On the trail here we just so happen to find another Jecht Sphere. Let's have a sit down and take another look at Final Fantasy X-0, shall we?




Music: Jecht's Theme



I have no earthly idea who the hell is supposed to be recording this one. Bevelle's Yevon Sanctioned Security Cameras that Jecht somehow got his hands on to convert into fantasy VHS tapes...? You got me...



"You are the one they call Jecht, the man from Zanarkand, are you not?"
"What of it?"
”What? Are you my lawyer? Do I get my phone call now? I've been askin' sugartits in the dumb robot mask over there for it it and she acts like she's never heard of a damn phone. Tch... Women.”
“Uhh... no.”



Young Auron runs over to defend the honor of Braska-senpai. Young Auron was kind of a dork.



“I've come to take you from this place."
“Hmm...”

Jecht stands up...



“Ahhaha... That easy to see, was it?”
”Well out with the details. Look, man. I've only been in here a couple days. And ain't getting into any weird sex stuff just yet, if that's what you're sniffing for... Don't think I don't see samurai jackass here eyeballing me funny...”
*glares*
“I soon leave on a pilgrimage... to Zanarkand.”
“Seriously?!”
*nods* “Hmm... I would like you to join us. It will be a dangerous trip.”
”Sounds like my kinda weekend.”
“Yet, if we do reach Zanarkand... my prayers will be answered, and you will be able to go home, we think. What say you?"
"Great, let's go!"
"So quick?"
*cracks neck*"Anything to get outta here!"
”There's some fuckin' burly ass hairy dude the next cell over. Smells like a cat crawled up his colon and died or something.”
"Then it's settled."
"But I must protest... This drunkard a guardian?"
"Hey! You want to step in here and say that?"
*looks Auron over* “Pot calling the kettle black much...? The fuck's in your hip jug there, Fei Fong Dong? Your mama's breast milk?”
*glares*
*turns to Auron* "What does it matter?



“...could possibly defeat Sin. This is what they say. No one expects us to succeed."
"Braska, sir..."
"Let's show them they're wrong. A fallen summoner, a man from Zanarkand... and a warrior monk, doomed to obscurity for refusing the hand of the priest's daughter."
_{”Ha! Couldn't score with a chick handed to you, Rurouni Kenshit?”}
“Silence!”
“What delightful irony it would be if we defeated Sin!"
”I am getting old. I might as well get weird with this pilgrimage. Perhaps we could pick up a Hypello companion...? Or one of those delightful little drumming guys from Macalania. I don't know.”
“Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves, sir...”
"Stop gabbin' and get me outta here!"





"Now, Jecht... I am in your hands until we reach Zanarkand."
"Right, right. So, what's a summer-ner, anyway?"
”And where's the nearest titty bar in this dump of a town? I gotta get myself sorted out.”





And that's it for that leg of Jecht, Auron, and Braska's Bogus Adventure. Let's catch up with the rest of the party. They've got to be wondering what is taking Tidus so long by now...





Proceeding to the next area, the World Map overlays across the screen. Evidently, we are now entering The Calm Lands with our next destination being Mt. Gagazet. We are actually pretty damn close to Zanarkand at this point. Mt. Gagazet is the last stop before we reach the dead city to the far north and... actually catch up with The Present. That'll be weird!




New Music: Yuna's Determination







Well, there's a trailer shot if I ever saw one. Welcome to The Calm Lands. Didja know the Playstation 2 is capable of rendering fairly distant scenery* with its next generation console horsepower? Well here's Exhibit A and one of the first areas worked on in Final Fantasy X to showcase Square's ability to do purdy graphics.

_{* Assuming you aren't planning on placing any objects or foliage further than fifteen feet.}



Indeed, some of the very earliest blurry, pixelated prototype shots of Final Fantasy X out in the wild are of a black haired Tidus wandering around The Calm Lands.



“The road ends here.”



”...Yeah I see mountains on like the other side there...”
"Many summoners stray from their path and lose their way here."







Holy SHIT! Auron was not joking! I cannot fucking believe Yuna just instantly keeled over dead like that! Savage!



Psst. Yuna. I'm going to let you in on a secret here. This is just like Gran Pulse in Final Fantasy XIII where gullible idiots claim the game really opens up. But it's really just a big wide oval with more pretty linear corridors on the other side. Don't panic.









Pictured: Rikku getting embarrassed her cousin is the one the designated handsome teenage male protagonist is getting with in this adventure. Meanwhile, Wakka and Kimahri stand by in bro solidarity, proud their boy has hooked up.





I guess I wanted to believe that words could make it come true...






Video: Episode 82 Highlight Reel





Calm Lands Concept Art