Part 92: Episode LXXXIII: Calm My Self
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Music: Yuna's Determination
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Alright. Welcome to the Calm Lands. That is... err... That's it out there. That big field... Yeah... That's the whole thing. Right there. Like boom! Done! Everything is laid out on the table. Our first goal is that structure in the center there, then it's a trip to that black crevice to the north.
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For an area the game goes out of its way to describe as an endless plains of nothing, it is somehow infinitely less expansive than the previous two vast stretches of Fly-Over State looking roads we had to travel down. Oh well. We may run across a few familiar faces on our path.
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Such as Maechem, whose journey of exposition has apparently stalled out for a while due to the party's disappearance. It's been a good long while since we've heard an exposition dump on a new location. Lay it on us, monologue grandpa.
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There are some chocobos as well as the occasional chocobo rider wandering the plains of this err... I mean this isn't even really a plain, is it? It's like a moderately sized box canyon that has a cliff on one side. Anyway, while chocobos are in the area, we unfortunately cannot catch a ride on one just yet. Though don't worry... there is some hot garbage involving chocobos lined up for the future.
So of course, with no quick access to horse-chicken mounts, that means a healthy helping of, you guessed it...
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Music: Normal Battle
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Random battles! And boy oh boy is The Calm Lands just lousy with random battles. You could probably get through the entirety of this location in about ten minutes if you were not stopped every ten feet to fight the same handful of fiends.
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Al Bhed machina have made their way from Bikanel Island to the Calm Lands cuz fuck it! Rogue robots out on the frontier are just about as reasonable as differently shaded cousins of other beasts.
Along with the Mech Scouters that Rikku can one-shot with Steal, we have Skolls, the newest in the wolves that Tidus can one-shot family. These can inflict Sleep if their bites land a hit. Do not ask me how that works. And often found besides them are Flame Flans which I'll give are kind of a decent pun name for an enemy. These can bust out the tier 3 Firaga spells.
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To keep Wakka busy there are the Nebiros. They've dipped their stingers in poison 'round these parts. Very exotic.
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And of course we wouldn't want Auron to feel left out or else he'd get all grouchy, so there are armored
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Our old pal from Lake Macalania, the Wendigo, has gotten the indignity of being palette-swapped and downgraded to a common encounter in the form of Ogres. They changed absolutely nothing about their behavior from the proper boss battle. Same business with putting up his dukes and counter-attacking. This one is weak to fire though! That's different, right!? ...Right?
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Lastly, pulling deep from the monster stable is a the very first palette-swap of an enemy we've not seen since Djose Highroad's Basilisks: The Anacondas. They're identical snake creatures that can petrify and attempt to shatter party members, just with a late game power boost.
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Music: Yuna's Determination
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There are a couple more mobs of creatures roaming the wastes here. But the enemy encounter list is divided by halves of the map and we're only running the first half today.
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Anyway a hovercraft is here now. I suppose this is another Yevon sanctioned machina just in case anyone is planning to sum
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Oh wait, nevermind. It's just a mobile Rin's Travel Agency merchant roaming the fields. Aren't the only people traveling this part of Spira summoners or Ronso? Are they offering discount rides back to Bevelle for weary summoners bailing on their pilgrimages? I know Home took a few tactical nukes to the grill earlier this week, but this still feels a wee bit scummy.
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In any case, there's a few overpriced weapons of little note and the token stock resupply opportunity. Thanks but no thanks Al Bhed peddler. Say... what is that hovercraft powered by, anyway? ...What are all these machina powered by anyway? I doubt the Al Bhed have an offshore oil rig we've yet to encounter.
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A bit north from the hovercraft merchant, we find an old acquaintance hanging out by what appears to be a pagan ritual gathering place. I'm sure that's nothing to worry about. What's shakin' Katamari Summoner?
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Oh... C'mon lady. I know this is your thing the whole summon duel. But we just did a summon battle boss rush yesterday. Can we take a rain check...? No. Tch. Fine...
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Belgemine is sporting as always and fully heals our aeons prior to the battle. Alright, let's get this over with while we're young. We've got a pilgrimage to get back to, ya know...
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Music: Normal Battle
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Looks like Belgemine is going with a Shiva-type aeon. Belgemine isn't fancy like Yuna or Isaaru. She's happy enough just sticking with default titles.
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Yeah no worries there. After careful consideration, I've come to the conclusion...
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...I'm going to have Trogdor stomp on this snowjob you've got going there. I forgot this fight was coming up or else I'd have gotten Yuna a Grand Summon or boosted up Trogdor to an Overdrive. But oh well, it's fine.
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We can try to toss some Firaga at Shiva, but the results are less than ideal. For this battle is another tutorial for a skill we're about to learn. Yep, we're still getting tutorials the last handful of areas of the game. Final Fantasy XIII rightly gets shit for having a twenty hour long tutorial. But let's not fool ourselves. Final Fantasy had been pulling the everlasting tutorial crap for a while at that point.
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Regardless of resistances, we can just have Trogdor use Boost and tank a few hits. It's not like Shiva has much going for it beyond middling ice spells and an Overdrive it won't hit before us.
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That's more like it! You'll notice Trogdor managed to squeak past the 9999 damage cap here with his Overdrive. The Bahamut aeon is pretty much the earliest in the game we'll encounter breaking the damage cap. One day in the distant future, members of our very own party might be able to perform such a feat. But that is a story for another day.
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Regardless, Yuna and Trogdor come out victorious for a grand total of zero experience from the whole affair, as usual. Clearly defeated aeons can give
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Music: Yuna's Determination
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Belgemine forks over an Aeon's Soul as well as 30 Power Spheres (thanks lady, I've had like item cap on those since frikkin' Kilika onward.) So clearly now we'll need to take this to the Giant Blacksmith in Zanarkand and he'll forge a sick end game sword out of an Valefor's wing or the like. It'll be rad, just you watch.
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Oh, of course! The hidden temple... I've heard all kinds of legends of that place!
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With that Belgemine trots off and leaves us with an unskippable tutorial. Hey, remember the Summoner's Soul we got from her back near the Moonflow? It's like that except you can use it to grind items like Power Spheres for fucking ever in order to feed to our aeons and boost their stats as well. Much like the Summoner's Soul item conversion business, I barely touched this. But if you have a free 90 hours of time and want to boost all your aeon's stats to 99, then go for it, kid.
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Realistically we've barely walked more than a mile in-game. But it's already time for the traditional mid-location travel pit stop and chat. A Rin Travel Agency smack-dab in the middle of the Calm Lands will be our stopping point for now.
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The party breaks into groups to chat. Well... not really. Just Yuna and Lulu some up for idle banter. Kimahri immediately breaks for the nearest place to enter his patented
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Before we can get to the usual round of Tidus bugging everyone in the party, we're interrupted by a Yevon monk strutting up to the party. This better not be another aeon duel, game. Those aren't fun and all the rival trainers still have their summon animations set to Long like a bunch of inconsiderate amateurs.
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Oh... How silly of me. Of course, Father Zuke! I'd recognize that shiny dome anywhere! Who the fuck is Father Zuke...?
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And with that, Father Zuke wanders off into the wastes of the Calm Lands, never to be seen again. Yep he was just there to let us know they've pinned Kinoc's murder on us. This is what I was talking about with summoners easily being able to get away with murder! Off a guy, immediately
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Now that Zuke has exited the series forever, we may as well see where everyone is standing at the moment. Chief, Lulu... Who the hell was Monk Mr. Clean?
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And with that we've just burned through about three-fourths of Lulu total's backstory. What you don't remember the previous time we'd focused on Lulu's history? That's because she barely has any to speak of at all. Of all the playable characters in Final Fantasy X, I'm fairly certain you could remove Lulu the easiest and barely have to do any major rewrites to cover for her exclusion.
Anyway, how's it feel to be formally labeled a double-plus heretic, Yuna?
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Not much new with Auron. Rikku, however, looks quite distressed. Let's check out her deal.
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No, Tidus! I know you're full of hormones and you've had enough of Rikku's snide insinuations and disingenuous assertions. But this is not the way to handle it!
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Rikku is going to start shaking her head like it's about to explode. This whole dilemma is the beginning of Rikku's rapid descent into mania that will result in her being a near brain dead shell of her former self by the time the sequel rolls around. Tragic, really...
Right then. Wakka? Have anything to add?
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That it is, Wakka. Say, the Ronso are from Mt. Gagazet, right? What's the word with giant blue cat folk in the area, Kimahri?
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We're just about done here. But before we depart, there is on Al Bhed tucked in the corner of the Travel Agency's grounds that is very easy to miss. He may have some vital information that will make a later part of the game very confusing if the player has failed to chat him up/missed enough Al Bhed Primers not to understand him
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Welp, that's about a wrap for our Calm Lands half-time show. Tune in next time for the second half of this dump, assuming I don't get compelled to go play Shadow of the Colossus again looking at shots of this place for too long.
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Video: Episode 83 Highlight Reel
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Ogre Concept Art
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Anaconda Concept Art
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Father Zuke Concept Art