Part 9: The Blazing Blade or, The Thong of Roland
Chapter 8x: The Blazing Blade or, The Thong of Roland
With Bern coming full force however, Roy's army is no equal. Therefore, he decides to try and obtain a legendary weapon. He thinks it best to obtain it before Bern manages to get their hands on it.

Lies and slander, this will be the chillest map yet, and it's taking place in a volcano so you know it's chill.

Not small, but chill. (Don't ask me about the green stuff, it's, like, holes or something.)

The boss is some random schlub -

- sitting on a fucking throne right in the middle of a fucking volcano because that makes fucking sense you fucking fuckburgling fuckers


Also Wendy is actually a general now, what the fuck even.

Along with a line of codebreaker crap to reset her to knight so she can gain some experience, I decide on this party. Since we don't have any especially pressing matters to attend to this time around, I'm okay with leaving all the horses behind, and we have quite a few people on foot who need experience.
Also, Roy has a killing edge and will not crit once.






Spoiler: Lava geysers will not prove very effective in getting rid of us.

Nor will Henning's men. Henning himself is a bit of an issue because he's a fucking bastard Hero on a fucking bastard throne, but I still don't hate him as much as that creep Legance.







So surprise surprise, the weapon sitting around Hector's castle is not Hector's big-ass axe.




Almost as if it were one of those generic overused and over-abused fantasy names that pop up in everything. Though, FE6 actually has it used by a guy named Roland, so I guess I should give them props for that.



It is possible it has been a tiny bit distorted over time.

Such as the power to be used exactly 19 times before the next swing makes it crumble to dust and disappear forever.



That's confusing. I thought Eliwood was supposed to be Roland's descendant and


This will not be tremendously difficult.

There's a couple of dudes conveniently within reach from the starting position, so...

Time to get Dorothy some levels.

There's a couple of others waiting up top. Lilina can take one axe hit. She makes for excellent bait, and also staff practice for Saul.

...

After the enemy's turn, flames spout from some of the glowing tiles on the floor. It seems to be random which ones. They don't hit anyone this round.

The enemies on the left will chase after you, so...

Wolt has an easy time finishing this guy. He's one-shotting dudes with the steel bow! Our little


And Dorothy gets the merc on the right. I'd have preferred if you put that other point in strength like your much-better colleague, but I'll take speed.
Noah finishes the mage, but doesn't get much for it.

Wendy needs exp, but she can't finish this guy on her own and anyone else will kill him.

But wait!


She doesn't level up, though.

There are three fighters left in the passage to the left. Imagine all three of them being about this useful.

Next round, Wendy finds something she can kill on her own. (It was an archer, which explains everything.) Certainly an armour knight level.

And Roy could double and one-round this guy, but then he'd be in range of a caster and another jerk hanging around just off screen. So he doesn't. But he could. And that is cool. Roy is cool. Even in the middle of a volcano.

Properly weakened, this guy poses no threat to Dorothy.


She doesn't quite get enough to level again, though.

Wolt and Dorothy are starting to fall behind, so I'm having them kite this idiot back to the main group. He gets barbecued.

It's enough to let Dorothy finish him.

???
Well, if he doesn't want to come to us...



Bors still doesn't get a level, though. Also ignore poor Wendy and her weird general sprite, she appears to be under the delusion that she's a Jeigan.

Mercs can double Barth. Barth cares not.

He kinda has to care when he gets cooked in his own armour, though.

Wendy, too. More staff EXP.

...
More staff EXP.

More mag is more healy.

I'm only including this because I like the impending doom kind of look it has.

If you're going to get HP and one other stat, strength is probably the best for Bors.

Roy stabs this archer.

And does not let me down.

The guys in the corner apparently need a written invitation. I send Ogier.
By the way, the archer next to Roy is Wolt, taking the place of the enemy one Roy stabbed.

I was hoping he'd draw out all of them, but only this idiot takes the bait.



Look what we have here!




"Your father would have me drawn and quartered if I spoke disrespectfully. ...I guess."

"It's your stats, bro. I'll never be able to catch up no matter what I do."






That's kind of depressing.

So's the fact that I actually have to give these assholes a written invitation.

are you fucking kidding me

Fine. Be that way.

These ones are that way, too. I put a nice, juicy archer right in this guy's attack range, and he didn't even blink. Well, if the mage won't come to the archer...

The others are a little more cooperative.

Wendy gets another Armour Knight LevelTM out of this. At this point, she's the same level as and almost as good as Bors.

The knights can only weaken the fighters,

...so Dorothy gets her kill on.

Nice!

Lilina gets the second one.

don't you fucking start

They won't budge.

Fine. We'll oblige them.

Lilina may well overtake Noah in raw power, but she is never going to catch up in terms of speed.

A killing edge isn't that big a threat when your base damage is 2.

And an armorslayer isn't that big a threat when you have no armor to slay.

Ehhh...

The dudes up there are also hard to draw out, so I'm letting Noah... uh... not do this because I don't need that much staff EXP.

Flier or not.

The axe dude can't resist a poor, helpless archer.

Sadly for him, said archer is Wolt and he can take care of himself.

Noah gets nuked by the mage and can't even finish the job. Weak. Roy will have to break out the killing edge.
He does not crit, but he doesn't need to. And since we're now in range to attack him...

The leader of a group of bandits that roams around Ostia.
"Roamed", game. "Roamed".

Henning is a boring boss with a boring face and I couldn't think of anything interesting to replace it with. He has hella speed and a steel blade, so he could be kinda dangerous.

Yeah, I don't fancy Ogier's chances against this throne-squatter. I'm parking Roy with the killing edge in front of him and Wolt to the side. Henning has a hand axe, but he never ends up switching to it.

While I wait for him to attack, Lilina finishes the last axe bandit for are you fucking kidding me

(Unlike last time, we couldn't Jet Stream Attack this guy even if we wanted to because these are walls. Argh.)

How did you find yourselves in here? I'm afraid I can't let you go.

Good job on that.
Though Roy also misses, so ehhh. Looks like it's time for another drawn-out slugfest.

Well, she did get Mag, so I might as well put it to use. (Barth and Wendy rescuedrop her out of there as soon as she's done, though.)

Speaking of!











Someone is concerned


I'm also concerned, concerned that this will take like 40 minutes unless someone gets their butt in gear.

...not you, Dorothy.

So about that killer bow...

Damn it Wolt!

Henning goes for Roy again. Roy swings his killing edge for the... fourth? time and doesn't crit.
Damn it Roy!

But Wolt makes up for it on the next turn.

Too late to surrender now, get your dead ass off that throne so I can seize it




That was more time consuming than challenging.

I don't think many of us will be able to swing it.

By which she means it's no longer PRF-locked to a guy who's not in our party.
Sadly though, Durandal requires an S-rank in swords to wield, and the closest we have is a couple of dudes with C-ranks. It's a while off yet.




Roy needs some ointment for that first degree Bern.




No rest for the wicked, though.

So they are!

And apparently we were at... the arena the whole time? ... I'm not going to try to make sense of this.

And of course Narcian is on the brightly coloured one in the middle.


I'll never hand Ostia over to the likes of you...!




Suddenly,

...an army of NPCs!


Mage General Cecilia informed that the Lycian Army had requested Eturia's aid.
Damn, Merlinus must have sent that letter using some kind of express service.
...Express pigeon?
...
How does this work, again?


Can those wyvern riders of yours stand against our might?
"I've got like eight mages with Aircalibur, just so you know.





General Perceval is one of the most skilled knights in Eturia! Combined with General Cecilia, we haven't a chance!

Well I wanted to introduce his face to our new sword, but since none of us can actually use it, a nice big helping of humiliation will be fine, too. Besides, we can always sword him later.

We'll see who has the last laugh!
Narcian flounces off and takes all his wyverns with him.










Percy leaves.

Just his presence was intimidating.













Roy runs off.

He's maturing into a man.
"Maybe one day he'll even be able to grow a proper beard."

Cecilia follows Roy out north, and that's a wrap! Next... looks like we'll have a chance to cool down after the volcano, at least. I'm sure it will be great. They wouldn't throw thrones at me three maps in a row, would they...?