Introduction

Hey Slev! Come here. I wanna show you something.

I'm busy, Tark'la.

The hell you're busy. It's closing time.

I have to mop the floor.

Well, is the floor going anywhere? Huh? Does the floor have a fucking appointment to get to? Just get over here. This won't take long.

Okay. Look at this burger. Do you see it?

Yes.

Right. Do you know what this burger represents?

...McDonalds?

No. It represents us. See those wilted scraps of lettuce? Those are our hopes and dreams, lying in tatters and withering away. This cheap, artificial cheese is a perfect metaphor for the expendable, minimum-wage automatons we've become. The bun is a cage of poverty and stagnation, keeping us locked up in our miserable circumstances.

And the patties? Big, steaming chunks of wasted potential. That beef could have been prime steak, given the chance. Instead it got ground down, boxed up, and now it's just another slab of greasy, overcooked junk.

Very poetic. Can I go now?

This isn't for us, man. We're too smart and handsome to be stuck here serving up lardburgers to lardasses. We should be living the high life. Flying to five-star hotels in our private shuttle. Sipping champagne with some rich bitch. You know what I mean?

Yes. I know. You say this every day.

We need to start our own business.

You also say that every day.

Because every fucking day you shoot me down! I'm telling you, interplanetary commerce is the way for us. It's our calling. The guys who do this shit are rolling in cash. Plus, Nicolson just gave the go-ahead for new companies to trade in the Kukubian colonies.

I heard it on the news a few days ago. There's literally no better time than now.

They're rolling in cash because they know what they're doing. The ones that don't are living under a bridge somewhere. What do you and I know about running a business?

Oh, come on. How hard can it be? We went to that marketing seminar in high school, didn't we?

Only because it got us out of class. Did you actually pay attention to it? I didn't.

Heh. Alright, I'll give you that. But look, there's only one thing you really need to be a businessman, and that's confidence. We've got plenty of that, right?

Even if that were true, which is isn't, what you also need is money. How are we supposed to afford a ship?

Fuck, dude, we just need to take out a loan. It's not that difficult.

A loan. Great. And what bank in their right mind would loan money to us?

I'm not talking about banks, man.

...what?

Okay, let me lay it on the line. I've been talking to this guy. Goes by the name of "Mr. Zinn."

He's, uh...he's got some connections.

What do you mean "connections"?

Well, you know. Connections. Like, he's set up. He knows people. Knows who to talk to. How to get you what you need.

So you're saying he's a mobster.

Keep your fucking voice down! He's not a mobster. I mean...not exactly. The point is, he deals with guys like us all the time. Up and coming entrepreneurs, people who need a little kick-start. Off the record.

What kind of "little kick-start" are we talking about here?

100,000 big, fat kubars, my friend. No questions asked.

That's a lot of kubars.

It sure is. Enough to get us some of the best ships money can buy. Already got one picked out, in fact. Look, I've got a picture of it here.

She's a beauty, huh? 110 ton cargo bay, 40 ton fuel capacity, and a 6 kuarp engine. That's faster than the industry standard. Pretty close to the fastest thing on the market, actually.

Sounds like one heck of a ship.

Damn right it does. It's second hand, mind you, but it's still in real good shape. And I managed to work out a discount with the seller. We should have just enough scratch left over to cover expenses for a few weeks; you know, start-up purchases, crew salaries, all that jazz. Plus a couple of nice suits. Gotta look the part, right?

Wow. I always thought you were all bluster about this, but it sounds like you really have been doing your homework. I'm impressed.

Yeah. So what do you think?

I think you're insane. No way are we getting involved with someone who has "connections." It's too dangerous. Forget it.

Okay. Yeah. Listen, I'll be honest. I'm, uh, not exactly asking, you know?

...what do you mean?

I'm saying that "Forget it" isn't really an option here. We kinda have to pay him back.

You already went through with it?!

Yeah. And I might've namedropped you as my business partner, so...yeah. He's charging 4% interest per week. If we don't raise the money soon, our lives are gonna get real shitty, real quick.

I will choke you.

Slev and Tark'la by Docahedron.

By Ulvirich

By Lorak

The Let's Play Archive

Gazillionaire Deluxe

by Didja Redo

Introduction

Table of Contents