Part 25

Oh hey look at all these passengers waiting for a ride I suppose we should-
Ah-ah! Not yet. We're going to ask about getting the taxes lowered first, remember?
*I* do. I was hoping you didn't.
Oh, would you relax? I'll be doing most of the talking anyway. You just have shake his hand and introduce yourself.
If you don't need me, why do I have to come?
I don't need you to talk. I need you to sit there and look terrified and vulnerable. Might score us some sympathy points, you never know.
Terrified and vulnerable. I can do that.
Whoa. Save some for when we get there, huh?
Oh, don't worry. There'll be plenty.



Hey. What do you call a magistrate anyway?
...a magistrate.
No, I mean, how do you address them? Like, "Your Grace?" "Your Excellency?" "Your High-And-Mightiness?" What?
I have no idea! Gosh darn. Well, so much for that. We'll just have to look it up and come back some other t-
Ahaha no.
Forget it. Let's just pick something and stick with it. "Your Majesty." That'll work.
...
Majesty? Magistrate?
...
See, they sound the same.



Good afternoon and welcome. Slev and Tark'la, isn't it?
It is, and thank you very much for agreeing to see us. It's real privilege. I'm Tark'la, and this is...
I'm Slev. It's an honour to meet you, your magistrate.
Majesty!
...
Sorry. Is it "majesty"? We weren't sure. I did say we should go back and look it up. He wouldn't let us.
We're not imposing, are we? I hope-
Uh, Slev? Maybe you shouldn't talk. You'll irritate your throat infection.
...

A pleasure. Now, let's not waste any time. I gather you're here to speak to me about taxes?
Right. Passenger taxes, to be specific. See, with the way they are now, they're basically cutting the legs out from under us. I'm guessing a lot of other companies feel the same way.
Not that the government doesn't deserve our support. We understand that. But, lowering those charges would be a big help in getting small businesses like ours into the big leagues, and we think that's what Kukubia needs right now. Stronger businesses, stronger economy. The way we see it, it'd do a lot more good in the long run.
I see. Well then. Before we begin negotiations, allow me to ask; are you both comfortable?
Sure.
There is nothing I can offer you? Some refreshments? A light snack? No?
No thanks. We're good.
Good. Then perhaps you won't mind if I make my case first. Listen very carefully.
You are literally a shit.
I hate you.
Uh...
Do you know how much money I make?
I...I don't...
Guess.
I'm really not s-
Guess.
Your Majesty, we didn't-
Guess. Guess, damn you. GUESS.
Er...a hundred-
Wrong.






Fift-
Allow me to narrow it down for you. Here's what I don't make. I don't make enough for this. This non-stop whining. Every hour, every day, "Taxes! Taxes! Lower the taxes! We can't afford these taxes! We don't want to pay our-"
TAXEEEEEEEEEES!
GET OUT OF MY OFFICE YOU OCTOPUS BASTARD
_...okay.
And the worst of it is people like you. If you'd crawled in here unfed, unwashed, riddled with horrible diseases, and told me "There is a problem with the taxes," then I might have said "Yes. Yes, I see there is a problem."
I see that you are wearing suits. I see that they are very nice. I see that you have your own ship, that you run your own business, and that it is doing well. What I do not see here is a problem.
And let me tell you something. I keep a gun in my desk drawer. Not for self-defence. Not for fear of assassins. Simply because I know that, one day, I will not be able to take it anymore. And whether the muzzle will be pointed at my own head or someone else's when I start firing is something we'll only find out when the time comes. It will be interesting. Perhaps I shall organise bets.
...
...
So. Would you like to make a counter-argument?



Not quite the result I was hoping for.
...
Slev? You okay?
_{He yelled at us.}
...yep. That's what happened alright.






Damn. Thank god we didn't have anything invested in that.



You don't think that could happen to our shares, do you? On Bass?
I dunno. It could, I guess. It's like that broker said. Sometimes you just get screwed no matter what.
And before you ask, no. We're not pussing out and selling because of this.
...
I...I wasn't going to say that.
Uh-huh.





Sirs, we're experiencing some slight difficulties with our engine. I shall have to make a temporary landing.
Where?
There is an asteroid nearby that will suffice, sir. The repairs shouldn't take more than half an hour, sir, so we shall still reach our destination in good time.



"Good time." We're not reaching anywhere in "good time" with this friggin' engine. Gonna have to have another talk with that L-Tech guy.
Arf!
...come again?
I didn't say any...









Puppy!
Where the hell did that thing come from?
Puppy!
Get it out of our office.
Arf! Arf!
Aww, look at his little face!
tark'la look at his little face
Slev, its "little face" is uglier than sin.
That's Tark'la. Taaaark'la. You don't have to listen to Tark'la. Tark'la is made of spite and avarice.
It looks like something barfed it up.
Aww, you don't look like that. Do you, boy?
Arf!
...ew. Actually, now that you mention it, he does smell a bit...regurgitated.
Sirs? We are ready to depart again, sirs. At your discretion.
...
Can we-
No.
Come on.
No.
You want to leave him by himself? All alone on an asteroid?
Yes.