Part 4: Act IV: A Farewell To Arms

Act IV: A Farewell To Arms

The Story Thus Far:

The mysterious group that stole the Cassandra G virus has fled to Greece, and with the help of Oz Windham, some dude who was investigating that matter, Golgo is hot on their trail! The enemy has their hands on a file that Golgo wants. I'm not entirely sure why, though. I think it has to do with a vaccine for Cassandra G, or the virus itself.

But Golgo managed to have sex with a woman named Cherry Grace, an agent for Fixer. If you look back at that scene, he didn't even need to say a word. Just eight dots will do it.

The LP So Far:

Amazingly, this is going far more smoothly than the first time. If you know where you're going and what to do, even with the fake base, Acts 1-4 are actually pretty fucking short.

I keep forgetting to mention this: Bobservo pointed this out in the last thread, but this is one of those rare bastard NES games where B jumps and A atacks. This is completely opposite of 99.5% of all NES games and just goes to show that Golgo 13 is a game that will do anything to keep you from finishing it.




Slowbeef: Ok, this is the third [actually, fourth] female character in the game, and let's see if he asks her for scuba gear.



Slowbeef: Haha. Whenever Duke Togo meets a woman, he just asks her for equipment.


Dave_O: Wait, he had an M16 when he killed that guy in the helicopter earlier. What the fuck did he do with it?



Dave_O: Hang on, go to the left. Wait... I think you have to leave the screen and come back? [The game's pretty glitchy and sometimes items won't appear until you walk away and back.]



Slowbeef: There we go.
Dave_O: Okay, now kids, remember. "Hey, my life is low. But when I smoke, it goes up!"
Slowbeef: This game has it all!


Slowbeef: For the record, in the comic and stuff, he smokes cigars. FYI.
Dave_O: Did Phillip Morris make this game? "We need a protagnoist who not only smokes, but it makes his health go up."
Slowbeef: Basically! This game was written in like the 40s or something.


Dave_O: They just sat around with the script and shit. "Well, if in the future, video games exist... here's one."
Slowbeef: (old-timey voice) "Also, put in some mazes!"
Dave_O: "Maybe a roh-bit!"
Slowbeef: "Everyone loves mazes!"


Dave_O: In 1940 or whatever, everyone loved mazes, so this game was perfect. But now when this came out, everyone hates mazes.
Slowbeef: You know, someone must like mazes. You know those hedge mazes? They take forever to fuckin' make. Why would you ever want to go in there?
Dave_O: Yeah. Who would own a hedge maze? It's just to be an asshole to your friends. "Where are my keys, dude?" "In the maze."


Dave_O: Climb on that guys shoulder's and have a conversation.
Slowbeef: Well, thank you for that information, you ugly citizen.


Slowbeef: I like how he just jumps down into screen there.



Slowbeef: What the-
Dave_O: Fuckin' Grecian motorists. They're as bad as the Germans!
Slowbeef: I walked into a Grecian motorcade apparently.


Slowbeef: Ah, the hotel.


Slowbeef: Why do they make you press A to turn around? I mean, just have him turn around.
Dave_O: The scene is so boring, I mean they have to give you something to do.




Dave_O: I really wanna try just staring at people blankly when they tell me things now. "Hey, Dave, you got a package." "...."
Slowbeef: "Ah! And here's what's in it, listen..."
Dave_O: I'm like "Is it scuba gear?" And then we have sex.



Let's go back in the hotel right away and see what happens.



Slowbeef: I bet you if we four-dotted him, "Okay, we have a room available after all."
Dave_O: "Sorry, sir!"


Slowbeef: Should I go up?
Dave_O: I don't remember.

(Yes. Do not go left first, like I did.)


Dave_O: I think this is the right way. I mean it's only been a day. I think we can be honest and say we tried to make this video before, but we were too drunk. At least I was.
Slowbeef: I was pretty buzzed.
Dave_O: It was kind of a trainreck. Maybe we'll release that in the Uncut edition.

Don't ask - it ended up being unusable.




Slowbeef: Oh yeah, the morals guy.
Dave_O: I like how Golgo's a secret agent, but everyone knows exactly who he is and what he has done.


Dave_O: Fuck these women! ....And not in the good way.

Welcome to the new bane of your existence in Greece - women. They're really not so hard to avoid, per se. They have a jump kick that you can duck under if close enough, made tougher by a weird sweeping motion they make in the air. Think Castlevania birds, and you have the right idea. They jump straight up and swoop down somehow.

They also have guns. What makes them hard is that Golgo is so slow that he has a hard time jumping over them and shooting them before they duck and shoot back. To make it clearer, they'd be short work for a normal video game protagonist, but Golgo moves so clunkily, they end up being one of the most challenging enemies in the game.


Slowbeef: Oh God, this is so friggin' hard.
Dave_O: Just do what you would do in real life and run away.


Slowbeef: Should I demo- no. I'm gonna just tell them what happens, because I don't want to do that again.


Slowbeef: What was even the point of Morals guy?
Dave_O: I dunno. I think this was some other game and they just slapped Golgo on it. This was Doki Doki Panic 2.


Did I say the women were tough? Well, here's something even more annoying, rocket launcher guys. They shoot up-diagonally, down-diagonally and straight forward and it's completely random. Golgo has a half-second delay before jumping and even if you have reflexes of steel, you just don't have enough time to dodge if they shoot down diagonally.


Even worse, both the women and these guys take off a lot of health, making Greece 1000 times tougher and more annoying than Berlin. The best strategy is to run by the women if you can (unless you really need health and you're feeling lucky) and keep the rocket launcher guys on the edge of the screen. They take 8-10 hits to kill (it's random) and it's luck of the draw whether or not they'll shoot downwards. Also, if they're just barely onscreen, your bullets won't count. Also if you walk backwards and they go offscreen, they respawn with full health when you return to them.

This is really a nightmare.


Dave_O: Yeah, you get to all the horrible jumping women of Greece. Then you get to these guys who shoot rockets at you. Then you get to these ruins and there's like eight of them just standing around, like "Oh! We were having our rocket-propelled grenade owner convention! You stumbled in! Well, let's try 'em out, fellas!"


Slowbeef: Do you think this is why Greece has a reputation for a lot of gay guys? Because the women of Greece just kick you and shoot you?
Dave_O: Yeah. It's really hard to date in Greece. You have to wear like armor and shit, so you don't get kicked to death.
Slowbeef: "Do you have any scuba gear? AHHH!"
Dave_O: "Hold on, lady!"


Not a typo - I hit "capture" a second early.



A gunshot sounds, and then... uh... she? appears.

Dave_O: Holy shit.


Dave_O: She climbed right out of the ground and four-dotted you.
Slowbeef: Oh my God. Hey, that's my line!




Slowbeef: "Uhh!"
Dave_O: "Uhh!"
Slowbeef: I love when video games do this - like they try to have a dramatic death scene and sad music for a character you met like a minute ago.


Dave_O: Is it this hard to get an M16?
Slowbeef: I know - he's a freaking assassin, too.
Dave_O: I'm fairly certain I could get an M16 like right now.


Slowbeef: If you got an M16 right now, I would be impressed.
Dave_O: Well, it just so happens that I post in TFR, okay? I actually have eight of them right now.
Slowbeef: Whoa. That's cool.
Dave_O: I'm holding them in my lap right now.





Slowbeef: Oh now, what was that? Just a tourist spot?




Dave_O: They have boats shooting missiles at you.


Slowbeef: Can I point this out? Previously [in Act 2], in the helicopter when we're supposed to kill the sniper, he's guarded by like jets and shit like that.
Dave_O: Who guards a sniper with jets?
Slowbeef: Just use the jets to kill the guy. Who needs the sniper?
Dave_O: Way to not call attention to the sniper. "Why are all those jets and helicopters above that tower over there?" "I dunno. Is there an air show today?"


Slowbeef: So I've killed two helicopters, two jets, and a submarine with a fucking pistol. This is awesome.
Dave_O: What military is trying to kill you?
Slowbeef: I haven't figured that out yet.


Slowbeef: Oh shit.
Dave_O: Those are mines. I thought they were trashbags or something. These guys gotta clean up.


Slowbeef: Hahaha... Golgo's on the beach, but he's all serious and wearing a tux.
Dave_O: "Duke Togo's Beach Vacation."
Slowbeef: HAHAHA! With 90% more glaring!
Dave_O: This is like his family vacation photos. It's just him looking like that in various locales.
Slowbeef: His friends are all waving and being happy and he's just staring.
Dave_O: In every fucking picture.


Slowbeef: Oh here we go.


Slowbeef: Wait, now how did he even start the conversation like that?


Slowbeef: Is that the girl from before?
Dave_O: I guess so.


Dave_O: What do you mean? You told him where to go.


Slowbeef: "Into this country?"
Dave_O: She means Greece?! I could probably get to Greece.



Slowbeef: Oh, don't make do another scuba gear thing!



Slowbeef: He didn't say anything!
Dave_O: "Let's discuss scuba gear for a minute."


Slowbeef: Where am I going? Why am I swimming?
Dave_O: She wants you to dive for clams or something.


Slowbeef: Whoa, missiles! This is far more dangerous.
Dave_O: They spare no expense.


Slowbeef: Oh not again. I hate this Pan N Zoom underwater bullshit.
Dave_O: Underwater camera fun.


Dave_O: Somebody in the thread should do a body count for Golgo. Just like how many jets, helicopters, and random dudes he murders through out the game.
Slowbeef: There's so many, though.


Slowbeef: Way back when, I saw the anime, "The Professional" with Golgo 13. Not to be confused with that one with that French guy and they have two villains in it named Silver and Gold. And their backstory was that someone sent 100 assassins to an island and they were the only two that survived. Brilliant writing.
Dave_O: It's like the most dangerous game, but on crack.
Slowbeef: "Hey, go to this island." "Why?" "Ah... just try killing 99 people for me? Just for the hell of it."
Dave_O: Is it like American Idol or something?
Slowbeef: Yeah, basically. And then a British guy yells at you if you murder someone poorly.
Dave_O: (british accent) "I mean, well, he's dead, but there's no spirit. Killed him like a piece of meat!"
Slowbeef: "Text your vote to 5 if you want Golgo 13 to keep going!"
Dave_O: I would totally watch that.
Slowbeef: American Assassin?
Dave_O: I would totally watch that. I think Goon Idol is going on [at the time we made the video], but I would be much more excited if they had to murder each other.


Slowbeef: That guy's just swimming along with me.


Slowbeef: What's with the tiny little underwater tanks?
Dave_O: It's like a bathtub when you're little.

Slowbeef: Well, my recording software only records in 30 minute clips, and we're nearing the 30 minute mark, so you know what that means, right?


At this point, we continue Act IV in the next video, but now with new guests joining Dave_O and I.


Slowbeef: Now, we're back on Golgo's beach vacation trip. A nice way to start everything.
Dave_O: A pleasant trip.


Slowbeef: See this time? She's givin' you the scuba gear, know what I'm saying?


Dave_O: She wants you to attach to her rear.


Slowbeef: Actually we have a third guest today. That's... T-White!


T-White: Waaaah!


Slowbeef: .... ....And Proton Jon!


Proton Jon: Oh yeah! I earned a pause screen.
Dave_O: Hey, where's my pause screen?
Slowbeef: You don't get one.
Dave_O: Ugh.
Proton Jon: You got one for whatever you were getting for supper yesterday.


Dave_O: Well, we've got the dreaded flashlight missiles of Greece.
T-White: See, why is it that since the scuba guys are coming from behind you, they just don't shoot you until they get in front?
Dave_O: They're very chill scuba guys.
Slowbeef: They're actually just regular tourists.
Dave_O: Yeah, they're just trying to take pictures of you. What a jerk. Because everyone knows who you are. "Look, the famous Duke Togo! Get a picture! AGH!"


Slowbeef: I like how he has an American first name and a Japanese last name.
Dave_O: It's actually Japanese, you pronounce it "Doo-kay".
Slowbeef: (nerdy voice... okay, nerdier) "Well, actually that's not true, it'd be 'Du-keh.' I talk about it extensively in my fan-fiction." I like how I'm making fun of nerds, but I'm playing a video game and recording it.


Dave_O: Holy shit, those tourists are not fucking around.
T-White: They are the worst shots.


Slowbeef: Alright, should I show everyone what happens if you do complete the scuba sequence?
Dave_O: Yeah. Just 'cause I like seeing you suffer.
Proton Jon: Lemme guess, it loops around?


Slowbeef: .... You got it. It starts all over if you keep heading to the right.
Proton Jon: Oh Golgo.


Slowbeef: You actually just have to jump into the tanks here. And look, we're on Act 5!
Proton Jon: That was an act?