The Let's Play Archive

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

by Jerusalem

Part 36

I was sitting on the hood of my ZR-350, rain pouring down on me, thunder rumbling in the clouds overhead, lightning lighting up the sky. The storm had rolled in a little after we got there, and we'd been waiting on Woozie when the call had come through that he wouldn't make it in today. Jason - the British dude - had been talking about maybe putting together a race anyway but no one was too keen to put up cash or pink slips to race in such shitty weather. By this point I was so wet that I hadn't bothered to get in out of the rain, sitting inside would just make the ZR stink anyway.

The mute motherfucker had taken it even further, lifting the hood and working on the engine of his ZR despite the rain, and I was wondering if he didn't talk because he was too stupid to know how when the car pulled into the farmlot and the last person I expected to see stepped out into the rain.


Seemed like that mute son of a bitch wasn't too stupid to check out a fine lady when she came by swinging her hips, water soaking her clothes and make them cling skin-tight to her body. I felt a rise coming out of Lil Carl, because even after all the shit she'd put me through she was still fine as hell, and given the grin on her face she was in a good mood today. Maybe she'd come to wish me luck or ma-

"Woah woah woah!" I shouted, pushing her back,"What? What'd I do now?"

"Oh, so THIS is where joo been, eh?" she demanded, Jason and another driver hearing her yell and getting the hell out of the way,"THIS is how joo repay my tenderness! Joo prefer the curves of some car to those of a real woman?"

"Look, Catalina," I told her, starting to get pissed off myself,"You called it off, remember, 'just business'"

She stood quiet in the thunder and rain for a moment, and then a blast of lightning lit up the sky and she seemed to explode.

"WHAT KIND OF A MAN ARE JOO!?!" she screamed at me,"When I say 'just business', I mean that I love joo! When I say, I no interested no more, I mean that I loooong for joo!"

She looked back down at the car, then lifted the crowbar up high again,"And when I said that I missed joo.."

"Wait, Catalina, wait!" I shouted, grabbing the crowbar and pressing her backwards,"Leave my car alone!"

She stood with hands clenched at her sides, knuckles on the fist holding the crowbar turning white, I could see that even in the dark of the thunderstorm. I looked up at her face and realized she was angrier than I ever seen her before, for sure more than angry enough to kill. So I did the only thing I could do.

I lied.

"I did this for us, for me and you!" I told her, and she just stared, then tossed the crowbar aside and stood up tall.

"It's too late, I don't love joo no more," she told me, as the mute motherfucker walked over towards us, like I been the one threatening her or something, maybe thinking to be her white knight,"I love another, OK?"

She didn't love me no more? She fucking BROKE UP WITH ME only last night! And now she smashing up my car?

"I cannot keep my passions holed up," Catalina grinned, stopping between me and the mute motherfucker and spreading her arms,"They need a release... that was a good release, like hitting a man with a frying pan while he sleeps."

Her grin got wider, and then she stepped backwards and put her arm around the mute, and that's when she said it.

HIM! I thought.

"...." I said.

Catalina was pressing up close to the mute, and he just stood there, not saying nothing, not even fronting, just giving me that blank stare and strange little smile he always had. Catalina must have seen something in my face though, because suddenly she was making that happy little moaning noise she sometimes made that drove me crazy.

"Ooooh, are joo jealous?" she moaned,"Are joo going to fight for me? Ahhhhh...."

And then she started rubbing his nipple right there in fucking front of me.

I stared at, this woman who drove me crazy but also drove me wild. This woman who was insane but sparked with me in so many good ways. This woman who seemed to be wanting me to fight for her, to beat this mute sonofabitch into the mud and stomp his face into red paste, then toss her into the back of my car and fuck her brains out. I looked at her and saw myself with her for years, arguing and fighting and fucking and robbing and making money hand over fist, getting dragged along in her wake to the very top. I looked at her and saw all that, and I said the only thing I could say.

"No, no, I can take rejection."

And that's when I saw it all. None of this was about me, this was about her. It wasn't about love, it was about her insanity. The bitch was crazy, round the bend, fruit loop nutty bitch sitting on the top of the Fucked in the Head tree. She WANTED me to fight for her, because she wanted the attention, wanted to be the centre of the world, and that's all I'd ever been for her - a way to put herself at the centre of the action and get all the thrills that SHE wanted. And now that I'd skipped my lines in the script she'd written in her head, she was just going to keep on delivering her lines and dragging me along for the ride whether I wanted to or not.

"Let's race!" she screamed, twisting around and stomping back to her new man, the perfect man for her, someone who never fucking talked back... or at all. I saw it all plain as day now, they'd been shacked up at least as long as we'd had our fucked up little partnership going. The repairs to the Buffalos outside her cabin, the little smile he always had, the way he'd come up all excited to see my car that first time we'd met, thinking I was Catalina coming to see him race. She was walking for her car, the mute motherfucker just giving me that little smile and turning around to get into the car with her, leaving me standing in the rain looking like an idiot with nothing to say.... almost.

"We got us a race, lads!" laughed Jason,"Fuck the weather, let's go!"

Well, shit... why not, maybe I could finally get Catalina out of hair once and for all. When I'd thought about a life with her, no matter how successful, I'd been scared out my fucking mind. And there was no doubt, it would only ever end one way - with one or both of us dead. I didn't want to kill her, and I certainly didn't want to be killed by her either. Let the mute motherfuck have the crazy bitch, but maybe I could get my own back in return - that car he love so much.

There were four of us willing to risk the weather, but as we lined up to drive, the clouds started to part. Rain was still coming down and the dirt roads were still a muddy mess, but now the sky was blue and the sun was out, the day was brightening.... with Catalina almost gone from my life, it was like the sun was shining down right on me.

And then we was racing.

"IS THAT THE BEST JOO CAN DO, CARL!" screamed Catalina, sticking her head out the window as her new man pushed up hard on Jason's ass,"JOO ARE NOTHING COMPARED TO MY LOVER!"

I just grinned as we passed off the dirt road onto the real road and turned the corner. I knew this track now, just like the mute did, but unlike the mute I didn't have a screaming bitch in the seat beside me who wouldn't take kindly to him doing what I was about to do.

Take a shortcut.

"HE'S CHEATING!" I heard her scream, and chuckled,"DRIVE FASTER JOO PIECE OF SHIT!"

I heard a crashing noise and popped my head up to look in the rearview mirror, surprised, thinking he'd crashed. But it wasn't him, it was the other poor asshole racing us - Jason's friend - the idiot had crashed into a cop car coming the other way up the hill.

"Shit, cracker shoulda kept his eyes on the road," I said, and then ate my own fucking words as I looked back in time to see a creaking old pick-up swerve into my way. I twisted the steering wheel and spun off the road onto the grass, and Catalina and Jason were zooming by me in a second, Catalina halfway out the fucking window laughing and pointing and screaming,"EVERY NIGHT, CARL! HE FUCK ME EVEEEEERY NIGHT!"


The cop was out of his car up the road staggering around while the driver of the racing car was spinning his wheels trying to pull free of the wreck. I pulled my eyes off of that fucked up scene and turned the car around, getting back onto the road and getting back after them. That mute motherfucker wasn't actually a bad driver, but with Catalina along for the ride it was weighing them down, and Jason had already pulled out to the lead. As my ZR accelerated, they car went from a distant spot to filling up my field of view, and then I was pulling up alongside them, keeping pace for the moment.


"Bitch, shut the fuck up," I said under my breath, rolling my eyes,"We ain't together no more, I don't got to fucking listen to you no more."

I pulled ahead of them, taking the next couple of corners as they tried to keep up with me... I had to hand it to that mute motherfucker, he'd souped up his ZR's engine so much that even with Catalina's weight added in he was still keeping up. Catalina was still screaming shit at me, about how he fucked her titties and she rode his face and he ate pussy like a madman and could fuck all night and then all day and I wasn't listening to none of it, not interested, let the bitch scream herself hoarse, nothing she could say would get to me now, I was in my zone.


I went off-road and ran into a fucking hill.

"Shit shit shit," I shouted at myself, backing up and turning back onto the dirt-road turn-off that lead up onto the backroads where Jason had already headed up ahead of us. Catalina and her mute zipped past me, Catalina laughing and pointing and making the international symbol for "you got a small dick" at me.

"FUCK FUCK FUCK!" I yelled, and floored it again. But it was no use, the road was too narrow and there was no way I'd be able to get past them.

And then, when it looked like Catalina was going to get the last laugh, the final say.... she went and fucked it all up for herself.

I was close enough to see her, and that meant she was close enough to see me. She was looking back and grinning, delighted to see me behind her, but that wasn't enough for her, she had to twist the knife to make the wound hurt more. So she blew me a kiss, then reached down with her hand, knowing I'd know she was grabbing her man by the balls.... and he was so intent on the fucking road that it caught him by surprise and he spun out.

"YEEEE-HAAAAH!" I laughed, looking into my mirror, seeing they was trapped between rocks, struggling to pull free, and even from here I could hear Catalina screaming at him, blaming him for her fuck up.

"Enjoy it, you mute son of a bitch," I laughed to myself,"She all yours now."

I rounded out through the old logging cabins, the view over the ocean to San Fierro mostly blocked out by what was left of the storm, heading out that way now. Jason wasn't too far ahead of me, he drove safe in the mud, holding his lead by not taking risks. It had made sense while me and the mute were fucking each other over and the only other competition had crashed into 5-0 way back at the start of the race, but for now it was just him and me.

I passed him on the lead-up to the old abandoned farm, just like I'd been planning. I could see him freaking out in my rearview, worried he'd been too safe, lost his lead, just like I'd planned. I revved the motor and turned the wheel just a little too hard, letting the ZR skid past the entrance to the farm, overshooting into the muddy field to the side. Jason shot in through the gate a second later, staring at me with wide eyes as I shouted and thumped the steering wheel like I'd lost control. Just a moment later he was out of my view behind a farm building, and straight away I turned into the skid, regaining control, flooring the accelerator and bursting through the muddy field straight for the other side of the farm. Inside, Jason would be taking it slow, sure he'd been right in the first place, that by me going fast I'd lost control. By the time he came out the other end and saw me heading up the road in the distance, it'd be too late to catch up.

Fucking perfect.


"JOO HAD THE UNFAIR ADVANTAGE!" Catalina screamed at me, ten minutes later after they came crawling over the finish line, the mute's little smile gone and Catalina looking like she was going to explode. Jason had called me on the way I'd hustled him, but he hadn't been angry, he'd been impressed. He'd told me he was done for awhile, was going to head out to Venturas to see some British group called The Gurning Chimps. I had a feeling part of that was down to his buddy running headfirst into 5-0 at the start of the race, but I didn't say nothing, just gave him a homie hug and wished him luck.

And then I'd settled back to wait for Catalina.

"Being a better driver ain't no unfair advantage," I told her, grinning, and she hated that most of all, that I'd gotten one over on her. She's broken up with me, but I was the one who'd gotten the last word.

"Joo think joo're clever, but it is joo who is missing the point!" she shouted at me, then pointed back at the mute, who was back to playing with the engine of his ZR,"Not only was he racing, but he was satisfying me, FULLY! What are joo gonna say about that?"

She just stared at me, harsh look on her face, pissed beyond belief, not wanting to show it, not wanting to let me get away with anything. She fucking hated this, not being the one in charge.

I was fucking loving it.

"Yeah whatever, anyway," I said, grin still on my face,"What is it, cash or pink slip?"

She walked away, swaying her hips but for once I wasn't paying attention, looking at what she'd slapped into my hand..... oh motherfucker, that bitch WAS trying to get the last word!

"Hey, wait a minute, bitch!" I yelled after her, the mute looking up from his engine, a little frown on his face,"What is this shit!?!"

"The deed to a garage in San Fierro," she told me as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. The mute stepped back from his ZR and turned to take a step towards me, just one step. Now he WAS fronting, just not in a loud way. He didn't appreciate HIS woman being called a bitch and wanted to make sure I knew it.

"My lover needs his car so we can go to Liberty City," she said, swaying her hips my way again, making sure I heard the "lover" part of the sentence.

"Liberty City?" I shouted, and looked past her at him. He just stared back at me, wanting me to make something of it... and I realized, we were all done now, it was over, there was no need to make anything of it when I could just walk away. So I told her,"Yeah, whatever, have a good time."

For a second - just a second - she looked hurt, genuinely hurt, then that hard look crossed her face again.

"I will!" she grunted.

"....fine!" I hit back.

"....OK," she said, but just stood there.

"Go....Iaintgonnamissyou," I got out all in one jumbled sentence.

"....GOODBYE!" she yelled, then turned and stomped away, the mute turning to follow her, slamming the hood down and hopping into his ZR.

I never saw Catalina again.