Part 35: New Parm NPC Chatter 3

Welcome back! Just a short NPC update, this time.



: Hello! ♥ Good morning! My, looks like you kids have come from Messina, have you?

: That's amazing. Just one glance and she can tell!

: Ha ha! But of course. You have a much different air about you.

: Could you explain how it is so different?

: Well, let's see. For instance, people here give off a "kapilmpa" feeling and you folks have a "choakyobi" feeling.

: Huh? What do you mean by that?

: A-ha, well... there isn't any meaning, really. It's just the feeling you give off. ♥ Also, the people of this town have their biggest party during the Carnival, one month from now. Everyone joins the fun. Toasting in celebration, and dancing in the streets. They also hold a contest to decide who's the most beautiful woman. ♥ During the Carnival, no matter where you look, you'll see townspeople brimming with that "kapilmpa" feeling! At the Carnival, they hold a contest to decide who's the most beautiful woman. ♥

: Do you think I should enter the beauty contest? Maybe I could win a prize. ♥



: Put suntan oil on your skin every day. And be sure to get a nice deep tan. ♪ Keep applying that face lotion, too. Here, look at this! Here's what I call a scrumptious suntan! ♪ Skin should be smooth 'n glossy. ♥ It's only because New Parm has such nice strong sunlight that you can get such a beautiful tone from a suntan.



: Sooooo, my strategy is to win with my singing. ♪ I'm getting my voice into top shape. ♪ It'll be the climax of the Carnival ♪ when the whole town dances to the song I'll be singing! ♪ Singing is my soul-- it's my life! ♪ My whole reason for living's to be the star at the climax of the Carnival! ♪ I'm just burning with excitement to become this year's Miss New Parm! ♪



: OK, I'll take the challenge!

: OK. But you only get one chance. It's like "rock, paper, scissors." Come back and try when you're ready. I'll be waiting.

And when talking to him again...

: Good, that's a brave lad! Here goes.



No matter what, you lose here.





: Come back with an adult, or wait till you're older. But if you're here to sell something, talk to the boss. ♥

: It's just not fair.... You say you won't do business with me, but you'll still try to make a buck!

: Look, you don't need to be telling ME what's fair and what's not. Life isn't always fair, you'll see. Hey kid, don't get so down. That's what makes life interesting. ♪ With a cute face like yours, life will be just fine. ♥

: Hey, st... stop that! I'm not "cute", I'm a tough adventurer!

: Aww, a little adventurer! Oh, you ARE darling! ♥ Now Mr. Adventurer, I'm pretty busy so why don't you go and play "pirates" or something. ♥

: When are people going to take me seriously?



: Or are you here to sell something? I'd be happy to take things off your hands. But listen, once you're older, feel free to shop here anytime!

"Pawn" shop, right.



: As a woman, I think that Feena is a brilliant, superb person. If my baby turns out to be a girl, I want to raise her to be like Feena. And if it's a boy... I want to raise him to be like my dear husband. Hee hee. ♥

: Heh heh. My, how red your face has become!

: I really like that girl, Feena. So cute and kind, yet so strong. She's New Parm's No. 1 adventurer. My grandchild's on the way, and if she's a girl, we're hoping she'll become an adventurer like Feena.

: In that case, when your girl gets old enough, she can join me on an adventure!

: Aren't you two getting a little ahead of yourselves?



: I'm the chief of the New Parm Guard. We handle anything: pickpockets, thieves, muggers, purse snatchers....

: Huh? You work with villains?

: No, no, no! I mean we go catch pickpockets and thieves and purse snatchers. We catch 'em red-handed! I'm the chief of the New Parm Guard. We catch the bad guys and hang 'em! Loan sharks, stowaways, all of 'em!

Oh my.

: Um, uh... we're not stowaways! The crew hired us as assistants. Right, Justin?



: Huh? Hmm, never seen you before. Say, young man, have you had your funeral yet?

C'mon, old man, just because he's wearing crappy armor...

: No! I mean... excuse me, sir. I'd rather not talk about such things. You see, I'm still young and healthy.

: What do you mean? It's such a waste not to have the funeral while you're still alive. Folks here in New Parm, they love to celebrate special events. That's why they like to be at their own funeral.

There is a comment I could make here, but the Bad Puns Act of 2006 means I would face harsh sanctions for doing so.

: I know they love special events. But what's so fun about a funeral?

: You've still got a lot to learn, kid. In New Parm, a funeral's an even bigger celebration than a wedding! ♪ Since they're having their funeral in advance, there's nothing to feel sad about.



If you're the type who just skims through these updates (not that I can blame you, I'd do it too if it were an option), this is your sign to read this guy's dialog, as it's actually kind of interesting.



: Huh? There must be some mistake. I've never met you before, mister.

: But wait... you said "Lilly"?

: Is he talking about your mom? Maybe....

: Mister! Do you know my mother and father!?

: What are you saying? I'm not talking about your father. You're too young to be acting so senile already. So, what happened to Lilly? Did you get in a fight and split? She was such a pretty girl, and so strong-willed, too. It's like you youngsters always said. I want to explore lots of mysteries... to go beyond the End of the World. If you don't mind, I'd like to hear some adventure stories.

Huh. Apparently Justin's Dad wanted to see what was beyond the End of the World. And he and Lilly adventured through Elencia for a bit before settling down in Parm.

Needless to say, we'll be coming back to this guy for new dialog later.



This guy's house is also notable for having the only examinable poster around.

And with that, you can return to your regularly-scheduled mashing of the page down key.



: Well, hello there. Bet you young'uns came to talk with my son, the adventurer, eh?

: ......

: Huh? What's the matter, mister?

: Huh? Oh, excuse me. I didn't notice you coming in. I was daydreaming about my adventuring days.

: Oh? You used to be an adventurer? Could you tell us an adventure story?

: OK, I'll tell you one of my best ones. It's the story about my great battle against the thorn-covered monsters.



Justin, that's not how punctuation works.

: They have monsters like that here?

: Yes, they have sharp quills all over. They stand upside down and attack. My companions and I fought bravely, but... they all became pincushions. I was the only one to survive. I had a cut that took seven stitches. Do you understand me, kids? You always run into danger on adventures. If your goal is to be an adventurer, always remember that! You gotta make quick life-or-death decisions.



We've already spoken to Clara, so this'll be a quick trip.

: I'm worried about that girl. She's not doing very well. If only she were as healthy as that girl across the way. She usually gets a litter from her friend in Parm when the Steamer comes, but this time there was no letter.

This, obviously, changes once we deliver the letter.

: Oh, so you've come to deliver a letter from Parm. That means, you must be... a mailman! Thank you for your hard work. Oh yes, and we have a letter we'd like you to deliver.

: Huh?! Me? I'm not a mailman!

: Can't you tell? I'm an adventurer!

: So, even though I have a letter to send, you're only going to help her! That's not fair. Not fair!

: Look, I told you. I'm not a mailman!



It might seem that Sherry, in the back with the parasol, is just a palette-swap of Clara, but if you look carefully, they're wearing different hats, along with a few other minor things.

: Even since she was little, Miss Sherry saw Feena as her rival. She competes with her over everything! When Feena let her hair grow long, Sherry tried to grow hers even longer. And when Feena became an adventurer, Sherry tried to become one, too. She bought the same whip and knife. I guess Miss Sherry's kinda selfish. Pretty stubborn, too. You see, Feena's the more popular one.



An interesting point is that the mansions and church all have a Joule Foundation logo up on the wall. Shows you where the big money is.

: Despite how I look at the moment, I'm seen as the town's No. 1 girl. Who do you think is cuter? Me or that "Feena" person who's got such a feisty spirit?

: I'd say Feena, for sure. After all, Feena wouldn't even ask such a question.

: Hmmph! What's with you?! Such a sassy little kid. It's obvious. I'm just so much cuter! Feena puts on her "cutesy-cutesy" act in front of everyone, but the truth is she's an ill-mannered brat! I can't stand it! All I hear from people is "Feena, Feena, Feena". When it's obvious that I'm just so much gentler and cuter than she is!

Eesh, what a bitch.

: Not you again? What are you bothering me about now? Hurry up and get out of here!



God damn, is that a leopard-skin sofa?

: I have a friend called Pakon. I guess you could say he's something like my rival.

: A rival, huh? What's he like?

: Well, he's got good fashion sense, good looks and is good-natured too. All in all, he's a pretty cool dude. Pakon gets all the attention here. Even the big shots in town like him.

: Justin, don't you think you should go see him?

: That's why I always thought. My older brother shouldn't think of Pakon as his rival, should he?

: Is that right? I've never met this Pakon dude, so I really don't know.

: What? You've never met him? Well, I'm sure you only need to meet him once or twice to know.



: I have been living in New Parm, but there is one problem here. You see, the town is surrounded by poisonous snakes! That's the one big problem. Something should be done about that.

: Puff!

: Cut it out, Puffy! Even you can't eat these snakes. They're poisonous!

: Yeah, but even poisonous snakes are just snakes. No big deal. I think I could stomp 'em flat by myself.

: That's what you think! They're too big for you to stomp! They're as big as humans!

: Huh? Eww, yuck! Snakes that big?

: Well, if we see any snakes Justin will kill them, right?

: Hey, just leave it to me! How can anyone say he's an adventurer if he's afraid of silly ol' snakes!

: I'm living here as a retired person now, but before that I used to travel to many different places. I was a traveling salesman. I'd go from town to town, wherever adventurers would gather, carrying only my wares and some letters.



"And if you'll look to your left as we exit town, you'll see some snakes! Great tour, everyone! Be sure to visit the gift shop!"

: We were attacked by flies and I got bit by a turticamel. It was really awful! Well, there was one good part. That was the "Walk on the Ocean Floor with Beautiful Girls" tour.

: Huh? What kind of place is this?

: So, kids... did you find a tour you like? Recently, the popular ones have been "Search for Secret Hot Springs" and "Search the Ruins" tours. And they provide snacks on the tour!

Huh. So that's where Final Fantasy X-2 got the idea.

: Secret Hot Springs? Tours? Snacks?

: Mister, I think you're mistaking us for tourists or something.

: Why don't you kids want to join? This sort of thing is just right for kids of your age.

: Hmph! If I were going on an adventure even Feena'd be a small matter to me. I'd have a blast. And then, when Feena sees me return, she'd fall hopelessly in love with me. Oops! What am I saying?

: What a strange old man! Walking around like that and talking to himself!

: But if Feena falls in love with me Pakon would be jealous! He might send some assassins after me! Even if I killed the assassins first, their friends would want revenge. He'd come after me! What will I do?

: Hey, this is interesting. Let's let him talk a while longer!

: I don't know. I guess it's my fault. Causing such a dramatic turn of events just for having one adventure.

: Hey, that's not it at all!

And with that, I'm cutting this update short, as talking to Pakon triggers some dialog changes all over town, some of which I still have to hunt down and record.