Part 1: Arrival

Date: May 16th, 2003. Time: 11:00 am. Location: Black Mesa Testing Facility, New Mexico.

My supervisor handed me a lengthy report from the Compliant Safety and Health Office yesterday. It seems that several complaints came in regarding the Black Mesa Testing Facility in New Mexico, administrated by one Dr. Breen. As an official Compliance Safety and Health Officer, it was my job to inspect for any violations of Section 1910 of the Occupational Safety and Health standards. Based on the reports, it seemed that some very serious violations occurred at Black Mesa involving subparts N and S. So, I left the Occupational Safety and Health Administration offices in Washington and departed for New Mexico to conduct an official inspection.



I journeyed to the facility by car. City officials informed me that I would recognize the facility by the large pipes on the side easily visible from the road. All I had to do was drive up the ramp on the side, inform the employees who I was, and they would have to let me enter in accordance with Regulation 1903.3.



As I approached the front gate, I noticed a peculiar lack of people. I thought it odd that a large facility such as this one contained no employees or gate operators at the front. I paid it no mind, as OSHA made no regulations for the required number of parking ramp operators.

All of a sudden, the gates exploded directly in front of me, a blatant violation of Regulation 1910.303 subpart S! I'd only just gotten to the facility and already things were getting off on the wrong foot.



I carefully drove past the unsafe gate and parked inside. Crates stacked in open piles within a place of vehicular operation? There should be a new regulation against that! I hastily noted the idea within my report. Perhaps the local judiciary would see it my way until I could petition for an amendment.



As I moved further in, the parking area began to get rather dark. I thought about checking to make sure proper lighting levels were maintained. Sure, those rules fall under IBC 2003 and Local Code Enforcement, but it wouldn't hurt to check. I'd already encountered one major infraction, perhaps others existed on the premises.

As I was taking the first measurements, I was greeted by the first living thing I'd seen since I arrived. He seemed to be wearing a rather large and bulky protective suit. I approached him, in hopes that he could direct me to the administrative offices.



Good afternoon, sir. I am here for inspection in accordance with the-



Next thing I knew, I awoke in a small room. Several pieces of broken furniture lay strewn about in direct violation of Regulation 1910.22a. "What in the world just happened," I asked myself, "did one of the employees just assault me? This is a CLEAR federal offense!" Angrily, I approached a man in a lab coat kneeling down on the floor.

Oh, you've woken up. I'm afraid you've been in a-

I MUST SPEAK WITH THE ADMINISTRATOR! IMMEDIATELY!

Oh, well, I'm afraid that is not possible at this time, you see-

YOUR PLACE OF WORK IS IN SERIOUS VIOLATION OF SEVERAL MAJOR OCCUPATIONAL SAFETY AND HEALTH REGULATIONS! FURTHERMORE, ONE OF YOUR EMPLOYEES ASSAULTED ME, A UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE, ON MY WAY IN! WHO IS YOUR AREA DIRECTOR?

Well, I'm afraid there's been a terrible accident. We're all just trying to get out of here alive, now. I saw a radio near the front entrance. Perhaps you could call for help?

This man was clearly getting me nowhere! How was I to conduct a regulations inspection of the facilities with responses like this? I'd seen corporations try to dodge OSHA inspections before, but NEVER had I encountered such belligerence. Even Aperture Science, the alleged competitor of these people, submitted all of their paperwork on time with everything filled out EXACLTY as required with no mistakes. It was like they were founded upon filling out paperwork and following regulations. Black Mesa, though, was another story all together.

I left through the only door to the room (a major fire hazard) and nearly doubled over at what I saw.



Structural members collapsed on the floor? How was this place even standing? I made a note to notify the New Mexico Code Enforcement department immediately upon finding a telephone. I quickly concluded that this place clearly put its employees in "imminent danger," as stated in section 1903.13. Such a conclusion allowed for civil action to restrain practices here until the employer terminates the imminence of danger. I must have some punishment for this willful disdain for employee safety!



There are no excuses for a situation like this. How was anyone even willing to work here when their employers so willingly violated section 1910 subpart H? And where are all the telephones in this place? I kicked some of the sludge against the wall as hard as I could. All it did was burn a hole in my boot. Never mind, I could buy some new ones with taxpayer money anyway.

I continued down the hallway in search of a telephone. Behind a desk sat a security guard. This man MUST have access to some sort of emergency line.



Taking a few deep breaths, I asked the guard as politely as I could where I could find a telephone.

Sorry, sir. All of our phones went out a couple hours ago.

Sir, I have found this facility to be in a very unsafe condition and must notify this jurisdiction's Local Code Enforcement Board at once! Everyone must evacuate!

We gave evacuation orders a while ago. All I can tell you is to get to the surface as soon as you can. There's nothing else I can do.

This was an outrage! Clearly, these people were out to get me. All I wanted to do was inspect the facility, but I was assaulted, dragged down inside against my will and forbidden outside contact! I would personally see to it that this facility closed its doors as soon as I reached the local precinct.

While busily recording these offenses in my report, I nearly missed a sign on the wall warning about hazardous lasers ahead.



With newfound interest, I double checked the notification. It seemed that, at least this once, this facility didn't completely ignore government standards. Pen at the ready, I entered the room beyond the sign. What I saw completely baffled me.



Safety guards in place and well maintained? Proper hazard markings? Finally, Black Mesa did something right! Sure, the targets may not have been as well marked as I pictured targets should be, but for once everything seemed to be in order. Not one regulation was seriously violated in this room. While the lasers temporarily blocked my means of egress, a control panel nearby provided the solution.



Years of OSHA training and experience at hand, I pressed the buttons on the panel. I must've done something wrong, because the entire assembly exploded.



Nervously, I glanced around the room and noticed that nobody saw me. Perhaps I could mention something in my report about potential for third-party user injuries.

Still looking for a telephone, I made my way upstairs. Doesn't the 2003 IBC require some sort of emergency communications equipment? I guess I would have to deliver my report in person to the local code enforcement precinct if I couldn't find one. That is, if I could get out of here alive.