Part 39: Episode 39: ASIC’s Trick: The CPU’s Blunder?

Episode 39: ASIC’s Trick: The CPU’s Blunder?

Wh-What’s this?
Oh, while we were in Leanbox I got you guys some crepes. I figured you might still be sad about Brave dying.
U-Uh, why would I be sad about that?
It’s okay, Miss Uni.
I’m not sure what’s going on but free crepes!
Last time on Neptune we defeated Brave, of the Four Felons. Now, on Neptune…



We never considered this situation. How should we proceed?
We must formulate a countermeasure. Jeez, we’re bombarded by work right now.
Excuse me, what’s going on? It seems really hectic.
Someone hacked into the Lastation Basilicom and took some data.
We’re confident in our security measures, so we’ve never really paid attention to potential exploitations.
Hacked? Like, hackers? Those are the scary people who mess around with other people’s personal information, right?
I mean, what happens if they hacked into your classified hardware documents?
You’ll be able to play games without purchasing them. In short, they’re like Arfoire’s covert ops unit.
Goodness, that’s a serious problem, isn’t it?
Yes. Unlike typical Arfoire followers, these people do this stuff just because they’re curious. It complicates things.
They use highly advanced methods. I wonder why they use their abilities for this and not something legitimate.
What are you going to do about it? Are you going to leave them alone?
We’ll address it in due time. First we need to stop ASIC itself.
It’s not like these people have any military experience. Why don’t se just punish them a little?
Roger. I’ll prepare for litigation.
Wow. You seem so busy.
This isn’t unrelated to you, either. You never know when these people will decide to attack your nation.
That’s exactly why Lowee and Leanbox keep a strong grip on their security.
Once you become a CPU, these are the kinds of details you need to pay close attention to.
I see… Being a CPU is no walk in the park.

You and your sister seem to have a kind of strange relationship.
W-Well, it works for us. And you’re one to talk!



It’s been a long time, Uni. Well, it’s a big late to say that. We just haven’t had a chance to talk.
That’s okay. You’ve been really busy.
Plus, it’s really embarrassing to say that sort of thing face-to-face.
Huh?
Thank you, Uni. It’s because of you I’m free again.
Noire… Waaaah…
H-Hold on, why’re you crying?
B-Because I’ve always wanted you to compliment me and say how much I’ve improved!
I was trying so hard… These three years I spent alone…
I know. Back then, you were inexperienced, inept, and irresponsible. I couldn’t take you along with me.
Ugh… Wahhh…
Now I can safely say you’ve become a different, better woman. It’s obvious you’ve made more efforts than I realize.
You’ve done a great job, Uni.
Yeah… I tried my best… Ughh…
Stop crying. If you get like this, I wont’ know if I can rely on you.
You rely on me?
Of course. Our real fight has just begun. I expect much from you.
Okay!

No, it’s pretty weird.
You really don’t get to talk!



If we fill up on snacks, Mina will get scary.
Don’t worry, she won’t know if we just eat a few pieces.
I’m a little hungry, too. Maybe I’ll have one. What about you, Uni?
No thanks.
What? Meh, you’re so lame. You on a diet or something?
No. Why would you think that?
Then why not?
No reason. Not huntry, I guess.
You’re hiding something.
No, I’m not.
Hmmm…
Mmmm…
Hrrrrmmm…
S-Stop staring at me all together!

You guys are the real weirdos!



There’s a new one?
Yep. I need to save up, so I’m trying not to spend too much.
We’ll just ask Mina and she’ll run out and buy it for us right away.
Uh-huh.
Maybe Histoire will get it for me as a gift. Why don’t you ask Kei?
You really think she’s the giving type?
Oh. Right.
It’s fine. I’ll find more joy in it when I know that I bought it all by myself. It’s 100 percent mine.
Is that so?
It is so.

Nuh-uh! We’re normal. You guys are the weird ones.



Oh, my. Where’s this coming from?
She won’t talk to us. All she’s done since coming back is read books alone.
My heavens, Blanc…
Don’t worry, children. It doesn’t mean she hates you.
Why?
Perhaps she’s being shy.
Really?
Lady Blanc can be so hopeless. She shouldn’t worry her sisters like this. She needs a light scolding.
Blanc!
Big sister…
You two. And Mina. What’s happened?
I’ll tell you what’s happened. You’re cooped up reading books instead of playing with your sisters.
That’s…
We’re lonely.
We tried really hard to save you.
Do you hate us?

Now, now, maybe none of us are weird. I think.



Then give your feelings a voice. You must be vocal about your affection or they may get the wrong idea.
I’m…sorry. I didn’t know what to say.
So you don’t hate us?
So?
I don’t dislike you. I mean, I like you, of course.
Really? Yay! We’re awesome, Rom!
Uh-huh…
You could have said so earlier.
This is really embarrassing.
I’m curious, but what books have kept you so busy since your return?
Ack! S-Stop!
Let me see…hmm? ‘100 Ways to Compliment Diligent Younger Twin Sisters’?
G-Give that back!
I’m shocked you found a book that seems published solely for you.
I’ll just tell you what you can learn from this book isn’t as valuable as what you learn through experience.
Sh-Shut up!

I think Miss Nepgear’s right.
Well, she IS too boring to be weird.



I’m reading. We can play later.
You always read. We’re finally together again.
Don’t look at me like that. Fine. Let’s play.
Heck yeah! Whaddaya wanna do? Tag? Kick the can? Army?
I don’t want to exercise.
I don’t wanna, either.
Now, kids. Exercise is good sometimes.
Oh, I have an idea. I think you twins can do this.
What’s this white board?
This was released while you were kept captive.
You stand on this and move your body. It gives you a little workout.
Oh, I lke that thing. It’s really fun, Blanc.
If it’s a videogame, I’ll try.

H-Hey! I’m not that boring. Am I?



My balance age…is…forty?
Okay, okay, me next. Yah…hah…yes! I got thirteen! Sounds like a good age, doesn’t it?
Aw, I stink. I got twenty-eight.
I even lost to Rom?
Tch, we picked the wrong game. Fine, let’s play boxing! Hiyaaaah!
Yikes, don’t get so violent!
Don’t swing the controller around…
Shaddap! You’ll see how frickin’ old it says I am now!
My, my. She’s so fired up.
Agghhh…
You’re lying down again? We only exercised a little yesterday, so you really may need t get in shape.
This is…
Hehehe. No way, Mina. Ready, Rom? One, two…three!
Uh-huh.
Sweep the leg!
Sweep the leg…

Uni, you don’t think I’m boring, right?



Hehehe, you look dumb, Blanc!
Dumb…
You brats. Wait one frickin’ moment! Ouch…my legs…
Hehehe! We’re over here!
C’mon, c’mon.
Your muscles are sore, aren’t they?
D-Dammit. I hate this recovery process.
This wouldn’t happen if you exercised a little more. Perhaps you should consider a more active lifestyle.
Ugh. Dammit all!

Well, you kind of are. But maybe that’s what’s good about you.



First thing is courtesy. I must greet everyone.
Hello. I’ll visit this site, Channel N, on a regular basis starting today.
I don’t know much about this place, but I’d appreciate it if you could gradually walk me through the site.
Okay. I look forward to any response.
I’ve probably gotten some replies by now. Let’s just refresh the page…
Tch!? ‘First step: turn into a ROM hog for six months’?

I mean, I think we need someone boring on the team.



You’ve been hugging me for five hours.
I was told to be a Rom hog for six months, so I’ll hog you for that long.
I don’t get it. I’m happy, but it’s getting hot.
Meh, no fair, Blanc! I’m gonna hug Rom, too!
Hug hog…
Urgh… It’ so hot…

Especially since your sister is with us now.



If you can wait a bit longer, it’ll be time for dinner.
Nope, no can do. That’s like forever from now!
All right, fine. Give me a second. I’ll whip up some pancakes for you.
Yay! Nepgear’s signature pancakes!
Hey, hey, hey! Let’s play something!
Huh? I’m in the middle of my work…
You can totally work tomorrow. Here, hurry up, quick!
Goodness, all right. Just for a little bit.
I’m so pooped, Nepgear. Gimme a shoulder rub. Pretty please?
You’re tired? You haven’t even lifted your pen to work.
I’m tired from all that playing. Why not? It’s really important to physically bond with your sister.
Physically bond, you say? Um, okay. I’ll rub them really hard, so get ready.
Heck yeah, bring it on!

Yeah, your sister is like weird times ten.



Huh? Do you think so? We’ve always been like this.
Always? I see. That explains her personality.
If you insist on spoiling her so often, she will never grow into a decent adult.
I agree wholeheartedly. She’s just a bother to everyone around her.
What am I supposed to do? We’ve been apart for three years, so I want to stay close to my sister.
Staying close and spoiling are two different things.
She’s right. You should exercise a little restraint. Be strict, for Neptune’s sake.
I’ve never been strict with her before. I’m not exactly sure how to do that.
Consider it a CPU’s decree. You must teach Neptune discipline.
If this continues, people may question the dignity of all CPUs.
If you’re going to be her caretaker, you need to do it right. Understand?
Caretaker? When did I become that?
You’re her little sister, but you’re the one watching out for her. That’s why she acts the way she does.
Hmm. I think my sister is fine just the way she is, though.

G-Goodness! Let’s get on with things. We headed to Leanbox.



This brings shame to my nation.
Whoa, someone’s flipping out over there. Hey you, calm down! Puppies! Kittens!
Break! Destroy it all, just like we were ordered to do! Don’t even hesitate! Bust stuff up to your heart’s content!
Factory Worker: Yes, ma’am!
Beyond persistent. Gust is speechless.
We’ve met her so often I feel like we’re good friends in some sick, demented way.
Four, nine…I stopped at ten, since I ran out of fingers.
Oh, there you spoiled princesses are. You’re earlier than I expected.
Huh? You’re not going into a panic? Like ‘damn, you morons again!?’ or something to that effect?
I’m not that one-dimensional!
I’ve been waiting for you, here in the lion’s maw!
Don’t you mean lion’s den?
Tch, you always gotta do that… Just come and see for yourself! Or just beat me up and I’ll spill it.
Option B, I choose yoU!
Yaaaah!
Ha.
Thack! Bitch slap!

It’s going to save us some real time now that they’ve stopped making us actually fight Underling.
It’s all because of how awesome I am.



It’s grown tiresome. There’s no longer a need.
It’s obvious we’d win. Don’t try to extend your screen time.
Our stats are like comparing a new game and a new game plus save data. You aren’t even considered a boss.
Ugh, always with the blah, blah, blah.
No backtalk today. We beat you, loser. Hurry up and spill the beans.
Tch, hehehe. Oh well. I held you up for long enough. Let’s get outta here, guys!
Factory Worker: Yes, ma’am!
Wait! Oh, shoot. She didn’t spill anything.
Chika again? What’s the matter, dear? We’ve cleared out the enemy.
I’m so sorry, I made a mistake. I’ve been fooled by our enemy…
What do yo mean by that? Don’t say this anarchy was just…
Yes, it was a decoy. While your attention was drawn away, Planeptune has fallen into ASIC’s hands!

Sorry about your home, Miss Nepgear.
It’s okay, Rom, we’ll get it back.



Lady Chika, what’s going on here? Planeptune has fallen?
What about Histy? Is she okay?
I’ll get to all of that. First we need to understand that the destruction of Leanbox was a ruse.
It pulled your eyes away from the predominantly untouched Planeptune.
Just get to the part where you tell us what caused Planeptune’s capture.
What an oversight.
I really do apologize. I shouldn’t have asked all of you back so unwittingly.
Don’t fret, Chika. If your land is being threatened, it’s only natural to request some reinforcements.
Vert, please. Don’t console me. This blunder is all my own.
Lady Chika…
Yo, who cares who dunnit? Not me! Someone tell me about Histy!
The enemy made contact a few minutes ago.

I mean I know we’re doing this but you’re aware this is a trap, right?
Yeah, I mean it’s obvious.



A rather melodramatic exchange. It’s obvious this is a trap. I’ve read the same plot many times.
What cowardly misdeeds! How dare they use a hostage!
It’s fine. I’ll go.
Did you not hear me, or are you choosing to be an idiot?
It’s too reckless. At this stage, we don’t know what they’re up to.
But this is Histoire we’re talking about! We have to rescue her.
I just said it’s a dangerous trap. Even if you go, there’s no guarantee you’ll get her back.
But if I don’t even try, we’ll definitely never save her!
W-Well yeah, but… N-Not like I didn’t know, simpleton. We need to form a strategy.
I’ll go with you, if you insist. I know you won’t listen to anyone once you’ve made up your mind.
Even my own sister!?
Are you sure, Uni?
They requested that we send the CPU Candidates, right?
We wanna go.
Only ‘cuz there’s no other choice. You owe me, like, two candy bars! You’ll pay me back after this.
Rom, Ram… You both want to go?
Heavens. Someone’s philanthropic mentality is infecting all of our CPU Candidates like a lovely plague.
Your stalker of a sister started this. How’re you planning to compensate me?
I won’t forgive you if they’re hurt.
What’s all this? What’m I gonna do!?
Sorry. My oversight resulted in this dramatic event.
Don’t worry. We’ll be just fine. We’ll definitely get Histoire back!

Well, we can’t just leave Histy in the hands of the enemy! Even if it’s a trap, we have to go!
R-Right. Next time, Hyperdimension Neptunia, Mark Two: Showdown in the Castle: Trick Gets Tricked?