Part 9: Pirates

Last time on Hyperdimension Neptunia IF continued to be the focus! Now on Hyperdimension Neptunia…

I mean this is my game, not Iffy’s. Right?



Yeah, I can see where you’re coming from… Ah crap, looks like we’re back on. Okay, um, I think things left off in Lastation.



I thought it’d be an easy quest, since all I had to do was deliver a package to some factory.
I didn’t expect monsters to ambush me on my way there. Would’ve sucked if I died.
This is a weapon manufacturing factory? I’ve never seen weapons actually getting built form scratch before.
Firearms are getting passed along an assembly line.
???: Nerrrrrr…. Merrrrrr… Errrr…
What’s this weird noise? That one part there looks gigantic…
Yo, Iffy! I don’t know what’s going on, but look at me getting carried away!
Red? What?! Get down from there this instant! It’s dangerous!
Huh? The conveyor’s leading to a big, scary black hole! Ahhhh!
Ooh. Looks like she fell right into a crate of weapons. I wonder if she’ll get shipped out with them?
…I mean, Red! Get out of there!

I really need to stop letting Iffy take side jobs, or we’ll end up with half of Gamindustri in our party.



Don’t play around like that. Last time you were on top of a ropeway, before that was on top of me…
What’s next? On top of a monster?
Oooh, I didn’t think about that! But I must stay loyal to my wifey.
Red… Monsters are dangerous.
Don’t you have a weapon? If you’re traveling alone, you really should carry something for self-defense.
Meh, no worries! I’m armed to the teeth. I’ve got…
Kendama… yo-yo… throwing disc… and…
Those aren’t weapons. You don’t have like a sword, spear, or gun? Actually, I’m not convinced you can be trusted with them.
Nuh-uh! These are most definitely weapons of mass destruction! Haven’t you heard?
According to some legend, there was a hero who fought off aliens with a yo-yo to rescue his dad!
I’ve just never actually seen anyone use them as weapons.
Well that’s because they can only be wielded by the chosen ones! So that’s why you’ve never seen anyone else use them!
Okay, so you’re a chosen one, like that hero? That’s pretty amazing.
Yup. I am definitely amazing!

Yeah she might end up partied up with a real weirdo or something.



Exactly! Hey, wait!



We should scour the area when people aren’t around.
This is trespassing… We’re really trespassing, right?
It’s ‘killing a bee to save the hive.’ I heard Compa say that when she overcooked my toast.
Black Marketer: What’re you doing here? Don’t you know the black market opens at midnight?
Unfortunately, we’re not customers.
…5pb, come here.
Black Marketer: 5pb, huh? So you know about us.
S-Sure do!
You copy my CDs and sell them for next to nothing and don’t even tell me!
Black Marketer: Is there a problem? I’m getting your music to the people. You’ve lost a lot of your customers, huh?
And you want to do something about it. Fine, but no mater what happens to me, this isn’t going to end.
Millions of people like me exist, motivated only by money.
If you close this place down, another will pop up. It’s a waste of your effort. Understand?

Quiet, you’ll miss two strawmen arguing with each other. Oh, um, I’m supposed to narrate. 5pb confronted the nefarious Black Marketer!



Black Marketer: Huh? I love music, duh.
But you’re abusing my songs.
Black Marketer: Nuh-uh, I’m helping you spread your songs around the world!
Everyone can access your music at a low price. Isn’t it awesome?
What’re you talking about? You’re the only idiot who thinks that.
Black Marketer: You’re the idiot. Businesses don’t stick around if they’re the only ones profiting.
…Think like that and you’ll see I’m a shining example of excellent customer service.
How’s this a good business example when it sacrifices the artists who create the products?!
It’s completely unfair!
How selfish can you be, profiting by abusing the one who makes your products?!



Listen. Musicians like me support ourselves by selling our music.
Black Marketer: So?!
Sacrificing the music…
Is like sacrificing those musicians’ futures!
Black Marketer: …The musicians’ futures?
If you keep abusing the artists, eventually the industry will…
You’ll destroy the entire music industry itself!
Black Marketer: Nonsense! You’re blowing things way out of proportion.
Nuh-uh. If things continue for me like they are… I’ll have to quit the music scene and like, flip burgers.
Yet you’ll still keep your business even after hearing me tell you this?
Black Marketer: Tch…!
Shut up. I don’t care about this preachy lecture crap! Grr… Dammit!
The hell…? M-My… head… Gaaaaah!

I thought you said he was a scarecrow, not a lizard thingy.



Agh! Kyaaah!
A monster…? Did you just… come out of that guy?!
Monster: Correct. I advertise songs at near five-finger discounts…
Then I took over the body of this fool who answered my ads.
I made some money to add to Overlord Momus’s war funds! Mwahahahaha!
Involving innocent people for your own profit is unacceptable! I’m glad you conveniently explained everything, though.
Monster: I won’t let you live, knowing my secrets. I’ll just kill you and I won’t have to worry about it anymore!
Who do you think you are?!
Monster: Gwaaaah! How could you?!
G-Gwaaaar…!

No that’s not… whatever. The monster was vanquished.



Anyway, who unleashed the monster. I forgot to ask where he got his discs, too… Momus, huh…?
Is… Is it over?
Yeah. You’re safe now.
Black Marketer: Ow… Where am I? I thought I was picking up 5pb’s CD…
You were taken over by a monster. You remember that much, right?
Black Marketer: R-Right… I heard someone was giving her songs away for next to nothing.
I know you’re a victim too, but I’m not impressed to hear you were interested in illegal copies.
Black Marketer: Yeah, I guess it was wrong and selfish. …I’m sorry, 5pb.
…Now you know not to do this, right?
Black Marketer: Yeah. I don’t want to get possessed by any more monsters and all that.
I’ll help you destroy the discs kept here. I really apologize.
Illegal discs and body-snatching monsters… There might be more places like this we don’t know about…
Still, at least this one’s settled.
Yep. Thanks a lot, IF.

Wow, that seems like the sort of important scene I should have known about.



Actually this has been bugging me, what all were you even up to when all this was happening?



Other innocent people might still be in trouble…
That guy… He loved music, but he…
I can’t believe someone would take advantage and twist people’s love for music like this.
It can’t be forgiven.
…You want to save those people who are in trouble? Musicians, too?
…
As a member of the 5pb fan club, I’d prefer you to focus on writing new music, but…
I know I can’t have both, but I won’t sit by as other artists get abused and sacrificed!
That’s right! …Plus, I know you can do this.
Personally, I feel lucky I get to travel with you.
So you’ll let me join your party?
It’d be my pleasure. Come on, Lyrica! Fight with us as 5pb!
…Yeah!

LWE Feinne on Neptunia Game Mechanics:



5pb is a lot like Compa, she hits really hard with magic based attacks like shooting (though her shooting is rockin’ on her guitar). She’s the most powerful caster in the game, but is also the most fragile character overall. Still, she’s pretty awesome and well worth picking up the DLC for. She has Treasure Search like IF, but since they don’t share a cooldown you can use this to your advantage.

Like I said me and Compa were having amazing adventures while all this was going on!



Like there was this bear with a tie and he was all grr and tried to steal our lunch.



If you want, you can use one of my cell phones to talk to them.
…Mommy…
Oops. Was that something I shouldn’t have brought up?
I guess you’ve got your reasons for traveling alone. Sorry.
Iffy, I actually have a second reason for my journey besides wifey collecting.
…
About a year ago, I was a normal girl happily living with my normal family…
One day, I went to a local festival with my mom…
Uh-huh…?
All of a sudden, this giant flower monster rose up from underground!
My village was overrun with violent shrubbery and all the residents, including my mom, were taken by the flower monster!
I barely escaped from the attack… So after gathering enough wifeys, I’m going to use them to rescue my village.
…I don’t believe it for a second.
Aww, really?! I thought that was a pretty convincing story.
I’m surprised you figured it out so quick. But… that makes me like you even more! You’re Wifey Number 1 for a reason!
So why would you make that up?
It’s a test to make sure you’re worthy of accepting the title of my wifey!
You passed, of course! Your wifey rank increased by 20 levels!
Uh-huh. Thanks.

Are you sure this really happened, and wasn’t just something you saw on TV?



Just ask Compa, it was totally real. I had to beat it up and everything.



Noooo… not yet… My wifey must lend her lap as my pillow…
I have to go soon, though. I’m meeting with my party.
Nope! You’re my wifey and mine alone, aren’t you?
Before that nonsense, I’ve got my responsibilities as a party member. Here, come on.
Nuh-uh. This is a wifey’s job…
You’re gonna… get points taken away if you keep this up.
Wh-?! No!
Oww… Don’t get up so suddenly. Ouch…
I’m sorry! But you said I’d get points taken away…
Owwwww… You look fine, though.
Huh? Yeah, of course I’m fine.
Is your head made of stone or brick or something? You’re like a barbarian who powers up by eating caveman meat.
Huh?

Then there was like an alien invasion and this guy was all ‘Beware, I live!’



And I transformed and was like ‘Let’s fix that’ and totally sent him packing.



I don’t particularly mind, but why?
It’s my wifey’s party! I have to make sure they aren’t competition. Plus, it’d be a shame if I don’t at least say hi.
Why…?
…But, I would want you to meet Nep.
Nep?
One of the girls I’m traveling with.
…A girl?!
My party consists entirely of girls.
What?! You should’ve said so sooner!
If I join your party, I could get them all to be my wifeys! Number 2, Number 3, and beyond!
I… I don’t know about that, but… No. We fight dangerous monsters.
Fine with me! I’m a pretty tough cookie, y’know?
Oh-kay! I’m gonna conquer your entire party!
Listen, Red…
Let’s gooooo!
Ugh. I should’ve kept my mouth shut.

Then Compa and I ate some waffles, because waffles are awesome.



I mean not as good as those crepes in Lowee but still good.



It was so surprising the first time I saw her. Nept-… Lady Neptune is amazing…
She has the ability to transform. …As expected of a goddess.
I wonder if she could also turn into things like animals or monsters…? It’s not really suitable for a goddess…
I’m more surprised those around her just treat her like a normal girl.
Actually, they don’t seem to care at all that she’s a goddess.
Maybe I’m just overreacting…
…
But she transforms! That’s not normal, right? I mean, can everyone else do it, too?
Of course.
Really?!

Oh yeah, this was where I totally got bored and decided to change my look for a while.



Wait a minute, aren’t you supposed to be like narrating or something?



I guess. So you all went to Lowee, I’d assume to get more crepes.



What’s wrong? Are you getting sick? Maybe you should stay in bed and rest.
I wonder if I caught something when I was on top of the ropeway?
And you’re getting sick now? It’s been way too long since then…
Anyway, just go to your room, drink lots of water and sleep, okay?
No way! What if my wifey leaves me and goes to another land while I’m resting?
I won’t. I’ll make sure to stay in Lowee until you’re all better.
Yeah right! It’s not like I’m an official party member or anything…
My Charisma level hasn’t gone up at all lately…
I’ve got to keep working hard! I can’t rest now!
If you listen to me, you might get like twenty points…
I’ll get +20?! Then if I add it to my existing +80… Um…
You’ll have exactly one-hundred points.
You’re right! Then, will you let me join your party when I’m all better?!
When you’re better.
You’ll travel with me?!
When you’re better.
You’ll introduce me to other wifeys?!
Uh-huh. I bet the girls will all love you.
You’ll have a wedding with me?!
That’s another issue altogether.

No we were totally going to look for the Key Fragment and then Iffy got dragged off like immediately.



I planned to keep it around eighty, but I couldn’t help it. Otherwise she wouldn’t have listened to me…
I hope she doesn’t get too heavily involved in our journey.
I doubt she’d understand even if I explained it, though.

And that was when you gave up and went to lunch.



No, we totally went to look for the Key Fragment. At, at the crepe shop.



I am now a member of your party!
Where we gonna go? Leanox? Lastation? Planeptune?!
First off, Red, I have to talk to you about something.
Don’t worry about battles! I’m really super strong. Yah! Tah!
Listen. A lot of danger comes along with this journey, so you really should stay away from our adventure…
Aren’t you my wifey?
My wifey and I are like main and sub! You can’t stop me from joining you!
Huh? I don’t get it. Anyway, you’ve got to understand, okay?
But I reached +100!
…Okay, fine. You’re right. I knew it’d come to that.
I figured you’d tag along with me as long as points kept getting added.
But the more points I added, the more I felt I shouldn’t let you come with me.
Iffy, it’s okay! I know you’re always thinking what’s best for me.
This isn’t like you, though! Saying stuff like ‘Uh, do what you want’ is more like, y’know, a goondere!
The hell’s a goondere?
That’s my wifey! No matter what you say, I’m joining the party.
Ugh, fine. Do what you want.
Atta girl!

LWE Feinne on Neptunia Game Mechanics:



Red is a lot like IF in combat. She’s a physical attacker with some interesting healing items that lead to her being much more durable than she might seem. She’s has Hammer Crash and because she is wearing pants she gets to be our designated Hammer Crasher from now on.

Anyway Iffy came up to us there and said we’ve got another new party member that she totally added without asking me.



It’s totally unfair.



Yikes! This bed’s ice cold… I can’t sleep in here!
Oh, I know. Not like I have to sleep alone, right? I’ve got so many wifeys to share a bed with.
I’ll just let one of them share their bed with me while we’re staying in Lowee.
Who should I pick today? Oh, decisions, decisions!
Iffy… might get mad, but Compa’s too easy and probably cuddles way too much…
I know Nep’s completely out of the question, but…! I should really accept the challenge…
Awww, I can’t decide! No choice. I’ll just roll the die and see where my fortune lies.
…Hyah! Ooh, I wonder who I’ll get…
Nep? Iffy? Someone else? What is it? what is it?! The… the number five!
Number five is your bed.
Aww, nuts!

Next Time on Hyperdimension Neptunia: Snow Problem! We finally get back on track!