Part 22: DRAGON BATTLE EPIC
Okay, everybody! Time to put on your LP-readin' suspenders, because it's time for
Update #21: DRAGON BATTLE EPIC
To get in the proper mood, I recommend that you put in a Dragonforce CD. It's almost epic enough music, and should help considerably. Also, make sure you've set aside enough time to read the update, as once you start you'll be too hooked to take care of basic needs like eating and caring for infants.
When last we parted ways, we were under assault. White Dragon to the fore, and three White Wyrms closing in around us.
Mother always told me things would end like this.
Your mother told you you'd be mobbed by a dragon and his comparitively small cohorts somewhere in the frozen north?
Something to that effect. It was mostly incomprehensible shrieking with the words "Dragon" and "Barbarians" tossed in now and again.
Urggzob threw his mother out of a window.
That's terrible, if not surprising.
Urggzob was in the basement at the time. It was more amusing than terrible.
Cheer up, Heronius! We dealt with the barbarians, right?
Yeah, man, your mom sounds like someone who really needs to...y'know, chillax.
For every time you use that word in the future, I'll remove a non-vital bodypart of yours and feed it to the crows.
Good luck finding one that hasn't been burned off by Napalm already.
Good point. I'm creative, though. Anyways, I'm just surprised at the thought of Napalm even having a mother. I have this lovely picture in my mind of him spawning from a pool of primordial ego.
Pah! My heritage is a great and glorious one! Surely you've heard of my father, Heronius Napalm IV, esq.? Lizardman ranger extrordinaire, slayer of the Dark Savant, savior of Dominus?
Savior of where? Slayer of what now?
Savages, all of you!
Did you say lizardman?
Questions of parentage aside, that dragon's been mighty patient these past ten minutes.
Are the little girls done with their tea party?
I think so, duder.
Good! It is time for a healthy dose of DRAGON CRUSHING!
Urggzob, the crazy shining star of our lineup, charges the dragon solo. Clobberella heads off to distract one of the wyrms while the rest of the party watches the remaining two wyrms attack Pip, our squishiest comrade.
Dragon belongs to Urggzob now! Dragon will not breathe unless Urggzob SAYS so! And right now, Urggzob says it is time to CRUSH.
Tee hee heee-eeeeeek! Pointy teeth, horrible claws!
My goodness, they're faster than the books made them out to be...
Well, you know, moste of those books are just tools to make you believe whatever the governments want you to believe.
Actually, most of those books he reads were written by senile old men in towers, living in the constant fear that their rapidly worsening mental faculties will accidentally lead them to "cast a fireball" instead of "eat oatmeal."
Sadly, that's not too far from the truth.
SAVE me, 'Ronius!
What now? Oh, fine. Nothing a quick disintigrate can't solve.
Oooh, well done. Only deals with one, but I'm surprised it worked so nicely.
Still being bitten!
There's just no pleasing some folks.
Don't worry, Pip. Into the bubble with you.
There. Second one disintigrated. Happy?
I suppose now I have to rush off and pull Clobberella out of the proverbial fire. Ugh.
No, actually; this one's dead. Thanks, fists.
I, uh, guess this means we help Urggzob now?
Stay BACK, worms! This one is Urggzob's!
Even so, it's a Dragon. We're helping, whether you want it or not.
I'd help if I wasn't in a bubble, dears!
Kruskrak, did you see that Dragon glare at me? Nasty beast, that one.
Truly you were in the utmost peril, Mr. Napalm.
STUPID LITTLE GIRLS WILL NOT--
--GET IN THE WAY OF URGGZOB'S KILL!
Wait, what happened? Guys?
I can't help but think we've all been lied to.
Damn you, mother!
So yeah, short update. I'm out of town all weekend, though, and hope to get a proper update on Tuesday. Time to go work out all that extra epic energy, though.