quote:

The Job interview is about to begin. You kneel down and give Sebastian an honest-to-god big-ass hug; then you high-five him and hand him his certificate.

The crowd cheers.

"I am the only one!" you shout.

The crowd cheers.

You take off to the caves with Sebastian.

Intro to Murderville © Amazon

Orignal Manga © Amazon

Manpower © Amazon

1941 © Amazon

Kickin' It Old School © Amazon

Squad III © Amazon

REVIVAL © Amazon

Pre-order Books © Amazon

Innocent Blood © Amazon

The Name of the Wind © Amazon

Bloodgates © Amazon

So Many Deaths © Amazon

Gambling Guns © Amazon

Foolproof Tips © Amazon

Dark Messiahs © Amazon

City of Wolves © Amazon

Fat Sparrow

and the secret family secret © Amazon

Coffee Stain © Amazon

The dev team starts interviewing Sebastian:

Sebastian: "After the Dark Tower is complete, I will go back to the Savage Empire and conquer all of it."

Dev Team: "Yeah, right. You'll get bored in about 10 minutes."

Sebastian: "I'll only need a year or so to set up shop there. Plus, no one there speaks English, which means I can teach them how to speak English."

Dev Team: "Really? What will you teach them?"

Sebastian: "Right now, my advice to America: If you don't like guns, give them up. If you want them, there are much worse things than guns. Like air conditioning, DVDs, pillows, paper towels, toothpaste, microwaves, and vitamins."

Dev Team: "How old are you?"

Sebastian: "Twenty."

Dev Team: "You should go to college. You have so much potential! You're smart, funny, healthy, fearless, ambitious... and what is your favorite sport?"

Sebastian: "I don't have a favorite sport. I just like to play them. You know that sports I like? Soccer, baseball, basketball, American football, American hockey, tennis, golf, shuffleboard..."

Dev Team: "Sigh."

Sebastian: "But I like football and basketball the best."

Dev Team: "Why should we hire you?"

Sebastian: "Because you're the weird one. I know why you hired me: You're not quite sure what to do about the smartphone problem."

Dev Team: "W-what?"

Sebastian: "The smartphone problem. You know, you've been making fun of people for years, but now you can't take it anymore, so you hire someone to write a mobile app."

Dev Team: "You just said you wouldn't need a team for that."

Sebastian: "Yes, but you don't understand: Everyone needs a team. Mobile apps are an extension of your team. If you want to be successful, you need a team of people."

Dev Team: "Let's see," replies Dev Team.

Dev Team: "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

Sebastian: "I see myself with a huge mobile app empire."

Dev Team: "What do you mean?"

Sebastian: "Mobile apps are like the soul of your team. It's all about the service."

Dev Team: "What happens when your apps die? You lose your soul?"

Sebastian: "No. For example, if your app works only on Android phones, you lose your soul. If you only work on iOS, you lose your soul. If you have a team of people and nobody likes your apps, then you don't have a soul, and your mobile app empire is dead."

Dev Team: "That's a pretty morbid idea."

Sebastian: "It's what everyone thinks, but they won't admit it."

Dev Team: "We want someone who is passionate about our product."

Sebastian: "That's great. Let's see, what are you passionate about?"

Dev Team: "I'm passionate about the iPhone and iOS."

Sebastian: "Well, what do you know about Android?"

Dev Team: "I'm a developer. My software is meant to run on all different kinds of devices."

Sebastian: "I need developers. You're the guy I want."

Dev Team: "Me? You're the company? Not me? Never?"

Sebastian: "Look, here's the deal: You're the smartest guy I've met at this job. You're not as smart as you think you are, but you're definitely the smartest guy I've met so far. Do you like guns?"

Dev Team: "I like ice cream."

Sebastian: "Good. That's the first step. You like ice cream. Now you like guns."

Dev Team: "I don't know..."

Sebastian: "I know you like guns because you told me so. I made you ice cream so that you would love guns, but now you don't love guns. What can I do to get you to love guns?"

Dev Team: "I don't know...

Sebastian: "OK, you're smart. You get it. You do not love guns."

Dev Team: "I like adventure games."

Sebastian: "Perfect. You're a programmer. I know you like to program."

Dev Tean: "Tell us about your greatest weakness."

Sebastian: "I don't know, what weakness?"

Dev Tean: "I can see you're a smart guy. I know you can think of something."

Sebastian: "What is my greatest weakness? I don't know. I'm a control freak. I need to be in control of everything."

Dev Tean: "So you don't let people make mistakes?"

Sebastian: "No, I don't. I hate mistakes."

Dev Tean: "I'm sensing that you are an intuitive person."

Sebastian: "I'm not a pervert, I'm not a murderer. I'm a really bad boss. I need to be in control."

Dev Tean: "I see... OK. Tell us about your greatest strength."

Sebastian: "I'm super smart. I'm really funny. I don't care what people think of me. I'm ambitious. I like to push for my own goals. I think about things. I'm not shy. I'm a good manager."

Dev Tean: "I see... You also like to role-play as a tall man with a white beard?"

Sebastian: "Yes."

The Dev Team is deciding if Sebastian is going to be hired back.

Sebastian: "Can I bring my brother?"

Dev Team: "Of course!"

Sebastian: "This is a room of nerds. I think we'll get along just fine."

Sebastian, entering his "Outer Space" office.

The Dev Team has taken a decision: Sebastian will be hired back.

Sebastian would like you to go work with him from now on. You:
1. Decide what you're passionate about.

2. Apply to work at Stoic (tell us about your passion for the iPhone), or GameTrust (tell us about your passion for a PC or mobile game), or a developer on the OUYA (tell us about your passion for a mobile or PC game).

3. Take a few of your ideas to the Dev Team (they love creative people). You:

4. Set aside some time and go work with Sebastian on your ideas.

5. Refuse. (You might say you're not allowed to bring your ideas to work because the Dev Team has an elaborate system of checks and balances in place, which prevents you from making huge mistakes, and also prevents you from getting promoted in the company.)

6. You still have to solve the mystery of the Missing Objects:

Sebastian: "It's time for you to get going. You've already solved two mysteries, which are the Ludus School arena and the Ludus School. For the next mystery, you have to go to the MSC complex and find out what's happening there."

7. Goblins in the forest:

Sebastian: "What's an explanation for goblins in the forest? Is it your fault? I'm not sure that's a rhetorical question. I guess I can't blame you for something that's caused by you."