Part 7: Episode VII: What a Sham

Episode VII: What a Sham



Previously on our story, Edward was once again saved from dying like a dipshit due to walking off a cliff following what was clearly an evil ghost girl. What does that make it for rescues from Koudelka? Four times now? Werewolf attack, poisoner couple and standing up to argue during sniper fire were the previous three times Koudelka had to bail this dipshit out. Maybe he’ll get it together soon as we descend to the lower level of the dungeon.



Though... upon closer inspection, maybe having to acquire a rope ladder to shimmy down a ten foot drop is a bit of overkill. That staircase is just mildly hazardous, not completed destroyed. Though that said, I have no doubt Edward would have managed to fall and break his neck if he tripped over this ledge. Wales has similar fall damage to Drangleic, so I’m told.





Looking at our map, it seems there isn’t much in the way of ground to cover in this new section. There is, in fact, only a single corridor leading to one open room. The two rooms to the south are inaccessible. So let’s just head on into...



A room where “Something’s not right...” which is the universal code of Koudelka for an upcoming major boss battle.



Stepping further into the room, we come upon a chapel. One with another Holy Water font that has gotten all clogged up by the evil energy innate to Wales. Or a boss battle. One of the two. Before we approach the font and initiate the next fight, there is some manner of item on the floor. A closer look reveals...



Literally just some broken glass that Koudelka has decided might be useful. You never know! I mean, there is a stained glass window of Jesus right there just pass a boss battle initiation trigger. But for all we know that is merely a coincidence.



As preparation for this fight, we’re going to push Edward to the front-center of our half of the grid while Koudelka and James hang in the back row, slightly more clumped together. There’s a reason for this. We’re also going to leave that sword Edward had for the Mummy Bride equipped for this fight as well for a little extra oomph in his attack output.



The back door of the chapel is “barred by a mysterious force” so our only option is to step up on the Jesus plate and encounter...


Music: Incantation Again



The Disc One Endboss – the Doppelgänger Trio. Evil spirits have taken the form of our party and are now here to rumble. Clone Edward comes packing 961 HP. Faux-James has 841 hit points. Koudelka-2 comes packing only 784 HP in total.



Doppelgänger James is a cowardly ghost and kind of just more obnoxious than trouble, if anything. He has first turn and immediately retreats to the back corner of the grid to take up a supporting role in this fight. Doppelgänger Edward is quite similar to our version in that he is just going to rush forward and punch anything in his path. Doppelgänger Koudelka also tends to rush forward just so her spells will be more potent.





Ghost Koudelka’s magic is actually by far the biggest issue since it can hit James and Koudelka in the back row and can potentially do enough damage to one shot any of our party. We can nip that slightly in the bud by casting a Fortify Intelligence spell the Doppelgänger to lower her magic strength. Regardless, Koudelka-2 needs to be priority one with real Koudelka’s spells. James can also help out by buffing Koudelka’s and Edward’s AP and even giving real Koudelka a boost to Intelligence for better spell casting.

Koudelka is starting to stop sounding like a word...



Our Edward can tank a ghost punch just fine and is already established to be good at punching ghosts himself. By the way, I’d just like to point out this damage number....



...And this one came fairly close together and I was pretty happy with the way the battle went.





Unrelated, it turns out that the sword from earlier Edward has been wielding has an innate poison ability. Apparently the undead cannot be poisoned, since it never worked there, but ghosts absolutely can be poisoned. That’s just science at work. So... status effect infliction is another random trait weapons can possess. There is zero indication of this until the weapon is used and you go “huh... why did that happen...?” So that’s fun!



Remember how we put James and Koudelka in the very back row within a couple grid spaces of one another? That’s because both the clone version of Koudelka and James come packing Level 2 versions of spells, which hit multiple enemies if it’s cast within close proximity to other targets. I’m pretty sure it’s within two grid spaces to the left or right of the first target.



Given we have our two party members in such a grid configuration, the AI will opt to attempt casting that Level 2 magic spell hitting them both over just targeting Edward out front (who will get absolutely rocked by magic.) Given Koudelka and James’s high PIE and the distance on the grid, this results in a completely worthless magic attack our party completely no-sells. Koudelka-2’s Intelligence debuffed self has similar results.







Nice try, ya cheap imitations. That’s one down and two to go. With Koudelka’s doppelgänger destroyed, we can push forward with our Koudelka so our spells will do more damage as our focus shifts to Edward’s clone.







Ed 2.0, just like our version, is extremely weak to magic due to his lack of PIE intake. And as long as our Edward stays in the front row of the grid, enemy Edward can’t do dick to Koudelka or James. Leaving him easy pickings.



Now for the annoying one, James. Enemy James’s AI is the least threatening of the trio, but the most annoying for one very specific reason. As soon as he takes any damage, his next turn he’ll cast...



...a healing spell restoring roughly two-thirds of his total health. The only real way to counter this is to deal enough damage to outright kill him before he gets the chance to do another heal. Our James fortifying Agility to the other party members or debuffing his clone’s Agility can give us the time to burn through his HP. It’s just real shitty to ever see a boss just waste your time by doing a near full heal.





All that said, it’s not too bad of a battle. Let’s see the spoils of war...


Music: Level Up!



Everyone does earn another level since major boss fights almost universally provide enough EXP to put everyone over the top. I’m not really going to mention our stats unless messing with equipment going forward. I think I’ve made clear roughly how we’re building these characters.



Defeating the Doppelgänger Trio unlocks yet another new spell that we’ll probably never use – Revive. Revive does what it says on the box, it restores downed characters. That said, it does take 18 MP, takes a while to cast and the amount of HP restored on revive is determined by the person being revived’s Piety stat. So if James tried to revive a downed Koudelka, it’d take twice as long to perform and revive for less HP than just using the Phoenix Down equivalent Whiskey item which is instant use. PIE is a remarkably dumb stat idea!



Also from the battle, we acquired a High Potion. Which is just herb infused red wine. This restores 1,500 HP which is... excessive at this point. On that note, perhaps Edward is making all these dumb decisions and nearly getting killed constantly because he is just utterly trashed at all times and can just keep it together vocally real well.



Also acquired was another key item belonging to the mysterious Icon statue we’ve yet to locate but keep acquiring rare jewelry to adorn. Koudelka, you’re supposed to show where the insane arbitrary key items to unlock a door go first BEFORE sending the player on their way to find the horse cock emblems and rare gems to slot them in.

Music: ENDS



Defeating the clone trio has unlocked another Permanent Save Point. But before we can use it or do anything really, Edward decides to get everyone’s attention in his charming passive-aggressive way.



Did you see all those bodies? Be quite a party if they were alive.
The undead just don’t know how to mingle.
They probably have been abandoned for hundreds of years. Must be some fascinating old stories.
About dying horribly in a torture dungeon?
Quite the tales indeed...
I saw some pretty fresh ones too. One who was shot. One who had been cracked in the head with an axe. And some with no visible signs of injury -- they must have been poisoned.
There was also some decapitations. A hanging or two.
I think a few got turned into skeletons too. Brr... No thanks.
I... don’t think being turned into a skeleton was the cause of death.
You don’t know that!



I bet the new ones were fortune seekers like us. That old couple must have—
Do you mean to tell me they killed all those people? Rubbish!
All those deaths are rubbish!?
They are all liars and thieves anyway. This is still a monastery. This is still God's house, prison or no.
God’s house sure has an awful lot of spirits and monsters.
He works in mysterious ways!
Why all those liars and heathen were killed is none of my concern.
How could you possibly say a thing like that? That doesn't sound very priestly.
JC is hanging on that window right up there. I think he’d have a few issues with your reading of the scripture, father...



I am not a priest. I am a bishop!
I don't give a rat's ass what you are!
<points back> Look, I’m not saying that all those people were saints, OK? But that doesn’t mean they should be put to death.
And they definitely shouldn’t be judged by some walking cock in a priest smock.
As I said, I’m a bishop...
You’ll have to excuse my heathen ignorance since I don’t know the difference and I *definitely* don’t care.
<visibly getting extremely annoyed by argument>
You saw that old couple. They are so well mannered... kind.
<scoffs>
Do you think they are killers?
Good manners...?
Yes.
THINK ABOUT IT! Why would they leave the place in such a mess?
I don't know...
Maybe they’re waiting until spring...
You'd at least think they'd bury the bodies!
Possibly!
Anyway!



<stop arguing and look at Koudelka>
<steps forward> I have this strange feeling we’re not alone with all these bodies and ghosts.
<looks at James> You’d better keep your mouths shut...
<looks at Edward> ...If you wanna live.



What a friendly lot. Tune in next time as our fragile alliance finds a secret Jesus code, uncovers backstory on the Nemeton Monastery's history and stumbles upon the conclusion of Disc 1 as Koudelka continues.






Video: Episode 7 Highlight Reel





James O’Flaherty Model – Nice purse, father.