Part 81: Chapter Eighty-Two: Fish Rolled
I will take a break today, so no script send, but anyone here need a new character recap?---------------------------------------------------------------
Part Eighty-Two: Fish Rolled
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August 3:
The bird watches Jesus spend the rest of yesterday struggling with his greatest nemesis. The eternal battle can be summarized by the following image.
Music: Leshan Giant Buddha
~Always gonna give you up~
~Always gonna let you down~
~Always gonna run around and desert you~
~Always gonna make you cry~
~Always gonna say goodbye~
~Always gonna tell a lie and hurt you~
~Give you up, give you up~
~Give you up, give you up~
Jesus fully understands the pain and constant suffering of these fishermen.
[Sigh], where will I find those twenty red carps?
Sir, I have twenty red carps here for you.
Th-this…thank you so much, kid. If you need a boat to take you to the other side, let me take you there.
And so Jesus crossed the river with the help of the fisherman he saved, because walking on water would be too easy.
Halfway up the mountain, Jesus walked into a robbery.
Ah! Sir! Save me! These people are robbing me! Help!
It’s you bandits again! You even dare to rob people in broad daylight!
Haha! Another fat lamb walked in, today sure is a great harvest!
Ahhh, this just like the time where Jesus and Moon took out the fortress of bandits together.
And that’s where Jesus gave everyone a really bad case of diarrhea. The end.
All your battle stats increased
Thank you for your help, otherwise my, Tang Bohu’s life would be long gone.
The wilderness is teeming with bandits, Tang bro should be more careful.
Yeah! After this bandit interference, I have lost my mood to enjoy the scenery, so I’d better take my leave!
Take care.
Oh right! I haven’t asked my savior’s name yet.
I am Jesus.
Jesus buddy, please accept this hand signed fan as my thanks for you saving my life.
Since Tang buddy insists, I will take it.
Goodbye, Jesus buddy.
Well met.
Obtain Tang Bohu real signature fan
A bit further up and Jesus sees the
You dare to disturb the training between master and students; I see you don’t want to live anymore.
That’s quite a harsh response to someone who just wants to talk…
But Jesus and Moon won’t want to miss such a good chance for double bonking on their skull.
The tall student retaliates with his Atatatatatatatata-tatatatata Kicks while the master gives Moon a scratching.
Then the short student slowly moves near Jesus while he is distracted.
Jumps with great force and throws himself horizontally toward Jesus.
And body slams on the ground with such great force that South America can feel it.
Fun fact: If you dig straight down through Central Plain, you will reach South America.
Jesus retaliates and notices that the bigger head produces a different bonking sound. What a discovery!
Jesus decides to bonk these heads with full force!
BOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!
All your battle stats increased
[Sigh] Central Plain truly is the land of crouching tiger hidden dragon; such a youngster is already so strong…
Actually, he is Wulin number one.
Master, if school brother hadn’t lost the sutra from that we got from those monks, then we wouldn’t have lost to this kid.
Enough said, let’s go. *Leave*
Sutra?
Eh, school brother! That chest seems to have been left by those sanghas, go take a look if there are any clues.
Jesus checks the contents of the chest.
Two pills of Triple Smoothen Pill
Women’s used dù dōu (women undergarment)…Ughh…ughh….
I feel so dirty researching women’s undergarments of ancient china.
Three dead mice…
One shovel…
One box of Dragon Well Tea! …Eh! Dragon Well Tea?
Obtain Box of Dragon Well Tea
Obtain Triple Smoothen Pill
Obtain Shovel
Jesus throws away those dead mice and undergarments.
Finally reaches the cave. The founder of Saber and Sword Sect really should choose an easier and more accessible location to pass on the relic.
Thank goodness we don’t need to fight anymore.
Who’s there? What do you want in the forbidden place of Saber and Sword Sect!
Sir, it is me, Jesus.
You are…you are that kid who helped us discover our master’s relic half a year ago!
If Jesus didn’t help out before, then he would have an extra quest to unite them.
It is I.
Is there something you need here?
I have come to bring two news to inform you two.
Editor: This should probably be something like “two pieces of news”, but I really like it this way. I think I’m going to try saying it like this in conversation.
What kind of news?
First is there will be a Wulin Gather on Mount Hua on September 9 to discuss plans to repel the cultists. Please come and participate.
I had long learned of the cultists' terrorizing of Wulin, and I will be there on time! What’s the second piece of news?
The second is…
Is what?
Sky Dragon Cult has threatened Heavenly Swords and Absolute Saber sects to surrender by August 25 or else they will murder everyone.
THEY SAID SUCH A THING! SQUAWKING POPINJAYS! I WILL FIND THEM NOW AND SQUASH THEM!
Simon buddy, please calm down, I am sure the cult won’t make a move until August 28, and we are at a disadvantage when you two still haven’t discovered the secret of “Saber and Sword as One, Infinite Potential”!
I am angry at the fact that those cultists are so cocky!
We’d better work harder on our master’s teaching, when we discover the secret to release the full potential of saber and sword, then we will show those cultists. Come, let’s go for another round!
If Jesus talks to them again…
Kid, how about training with us?
1) Sure, please don’t go all out on me.
2) Nah.
Kid, you never learned a sword style, so it goes against the principle of “Sword and Saber as one”, that we should train with you.
Oh good, we don’t need to deal with this then. I hope those two can figure it out themselves.
Now we are leaving with our free forever boat ride. Still not worth the pain of twenty red carps…
Sir, please take me to the other side.
Alright, we are done with that goddamn place… for now.
Now traveling toward the Northwestern part of Wulin…
To reach the Heavenly Mount Sect, another tall mountain to climb.
But Jesus climbed up to the snowy top in no time.
These people sure are dressed lightly for such cool weather.
Who are you? Why did you come to Heavenly Mount?
Jesus of Carefree Valley greets thee master of Heavenly Mount Sect.
I am the master of Heavenly Mount Sect, Penultimate, is there something you need?
I am here to inform you of the Wulin Gathering on Mount Hua on September 9 to discuss plans to repel the cultists.
If it about dealing with cultists, I am willing to participate, but currently my daughter Little Weave has run away from home, so manpower on the sect is out to search for her, so we might not be able to participate.
Little Weave…that sounds familiar…
May I ask why Lady Weave left her home?
[Sigh]….it’s all my fault…
Gahh! It’s the woman that caused a commotion at Wudang!
You are…
I am Little Weave’s mother. Ever since that day on Wudang Mountain with the incident of Old Honest’s sexual harassment, her mood became quite unstable and on top of the fact that she knew about her true identity; she just completely lost herself.
[Sigh]…this is my entire fault, it’s all because of the stupid things I did when I was young…
What stupid things?
Little Weave is the daughter of her and the master of Wudang Clean Man!
!!!!!!!!!!!
[Sigh]…it’s all the wrong doing during my youth, and now Little Weave has to suffer all of it, what a sin!
Penultimate, after all this time, you and Little Weave still can’t forgive me, can you?
No need to talk about this anymore, I just want to find Little Weave. I did raise her after all, if something bad happened to her…
Jesus quickly gets the hell out of that awkward situation.
Looks like that’s everyone, let’s go home to Carefree Valley and check on Master Flawless.
Looks like we have visitors.
Awww, all of Flawless’ friends are here to check on him.
We will take care of your master; you go do your things.
This is Gentleman Tangerine mission mode portrait, and everyone else also says the same thing.
Master still recovering with his chi excercises.
Kid, your master’s injury is out of the danger zone, and he will recover soon with enough rest.
Thank you Medicine God, it’s all thanks to you that my master can recover so rapidly.
Yes, he will make a flawless recovery…from a heart attack.
With our friendship, this is not much.
Then I am relieved.
Although Master Flawless can’t really talk until a couple days later, we have an exception this time.
My student, for what reason do you visit me today?
Master, I have been a students for five years, and am now competent in the way of staff, but unfortunately not so for the way of the sword, so I am here today to ask master to teach me.
Fine, I will teach you the treasure of Carefree Valley [Carefree Sword style], this sword style employs lightness of motion and freeness of mobility, unrestricted like a deity; consists of five techniques of Flying Flower Butterfly Dance, Mending Dark and Nether, All Forms as One, Voyage Through Clouds, and Hurricane Quick Lightning.
Practice well and your future will be great.
Thank you master, I will use this sword style to fight evil and protect the innocent!
It’s actually just the starter kung fu and we can’t learn the advanced one, but we can also learn the saber style if we ask again.
Master, I have been a students for five years, and am now competent in the way of sword, but unfortunately not so for the way of the sword, so I am here today to ask master to teach me.
You learned a new type of kung fu
Fine, I will teach you the treasure of Carefree Valley [Carefree Saber style], this Saber style will perforate through soft and hardness and uses a stable stance, good for offence and defense; consists of three techniques of Ox Carving, Wings of Angry Peng, and Release the Kraken of Deep North.
Practice well and your future will be great.
Thank you master, I will use this saber style to fight evil and protect the innocent!
You learned a new type of kung fu
Next we go visit Flower Elder to ask about the Fire Phoenix.
Kid, is there something you need?
Flower Elder, have you heard of something known as Fire Phoenix?
You mean the flower known as Fire Phoenix! Not only have I heard it, I was lucky enough to seen it once.
Really!? Flower Elder, where I can find it!?
That umm…have you heard of a person known as the Saint of Sword?
Sword Saint!? Never heard of him.
This person was the person who defeated every swords style in Mount Hua Sword Competition thirty years ago!
So powerful!? But what does it have to do with Fire Phoenix?
Ever since that competition, he has retired to the bamboo forest in his hut known as Sword Dwelling. During this period, he farmed his own food, entertained himself with gardening, and Fire Phoenix is his most beloved flower, I heard it took him ten years to find the seed, and another twenty years to grow the first flower.
…(This old man sure is patient) If he is so great in swordsmanship, then why did he give up such accomplishment and retire to grow this weird flower?
Maybe he feels there is no more challenge in the way of sword, so he went in search for another challenge.
…that said, if I want to ask a Wulin Master for his thirty years painstakingly grown flower for consumption…the chance might be a bit too small?
Consumption!? Who wants to eat the Fire Phoenix?
It is Wudang master Clean Man, who has been inflicted by a heart invading poison that needs this Fire Phoenix as antidote.
Then you’d better pray for your fortune.
Potential Avatar of the Night
My bad, South America.