Part 6: Downstab Can Downstab!

Chapter 6: Downstab Can Downstab!

Hey guys since I didn't throw an update in yesterday, I made this one a bit longer. It's got goodies, so I hope yous in enjoy it. In other words, lemme explain how to read. If the text is italicized like so, it means Downstab is thinking. If its bold italicized, it's narrative. And from now on, when Downstab talks, he'll be represented by this

On with the story!


Midoro Palace is in rubbles, which is odd because Downstab never set any dynamite or anything in the palace.

Downstab is about to encounter a serious battle, but you see, it's not like any other battle.




He's gotten himself mixed within another NES world. The only way to leave?

Start killin' whoever he's against.

Fighter was a piece of cake.

As was black belt.

And white mage!

Downstab gained 135329 Final Fantasy experience points, but because the foreign exchange really blows right now, it only ended up being around 30 Zelda experience points.


Back to Saria.

Still Eyes of Ganon watching this beautiful little town.

Hmm... a river.

Downstab considers jumping it, but...

Wait, what?

Heh, the previous entry is what WOULD have happened had Downstab not visited Mr. Bagu.

A bridge is you.


The horrors of Death Mountain Await.

Here we are! Apparently, if you were to set the world of the first Zelda game map under the Zelda 2 map, it'd fit. Death mountain being in the bottom left corner of the map is evidence of that

Let's take this path.

Bootsies.

More.

Okay, continuing on...

Ocktoroks, argh.

More of 'em.

Crap, more paths. I'm already confused.

Lava!

Okay, this is getting tedious.

Lava hoppin

why?

Bago Bago is fun to say.

Downstab is trippin' balls.

Dairas. They swing axe. Not AxeManiacs though.

I'm lost.

DEAD END? Why?

Whoever installed elevators in Death Mountain was pro. He did it without any electricity.

These little fucks like to hide and jump and attack.

I feel as if I've been here already.

Whatever way works.


This bit is the least of my worries.

Because there's a Red Daira throwing axes at me.

If there was only a way to attack them from the top...

I neutralized him. I need that potion up there, though.

Yay jump!

Moving on.

Goriya hit me. I go invisible.

I think I'm almost there.

Even closer!!!!

Mmm! magics.

Yay! Out of that hell hole.

Lets go into the black box.

You'd think this would be a pithole or something. Nope, Downstab walks right in.

God dammit.

Moving on, we're not in bad shape.


Lava hopping again.

Hey a hammer!


Hammertime, bitch.

Let's roll.

Time to test the hammer.

Smashing!

Whoaaaa

A magic pot! How nice!

And my health increases.

I always seem to get the health level ups when I need them most

Let's head on out.

Geldarms. These enemies block your path for no apparent reason.

Do yourself a favor and don't go into the cemetery in the southwest corner. Otherwise you'll be met with this.

I think this is the way out.

Lava hopping, with a twist. Oktoroks are shooting at you. Get hit and they'll push you into the hot lava.

Okay, we're almost out of here.

This should lead us out.

Yaaay!

This bridge looks long.

Yep. Got a little fighting to do.

Downstab is deathly allergic to bubbles. It was God's punishment because he masturbated too much as a kid. Hence why he doesn't like these bubbles.

He doesn't like it when axe throwing Dairas mix with bubbles either.

Sweet! Off the bridge to find a very very very very very big cemetery.

We'll avoid it for now

That one in the middle is the king of Hyrule or something.

A town? Sweet!

Mido? He wasn't no sage. Far from it

Error? I don't wanna visit him again.

Island palace? Sweet. A raft!

There's something odd about this church.

Let's jump it.

Powers ACTIVATED.

Weee!

It's not a church, it's a very nice house.


A swordsman!? No old man?



Downstab acquired Downstab!

No offense, lady. You're pretty old. I don't think you could have a kid. Nevertheless, I'll help because I'm a hero.

Let's find some medicine first!

First...

Those little spikes were a bitch until...

I downstab 'em.

Heart container! Yay!

I'm gay for Downstab.

That big block is our destination.

Hammers work well for these situations.

Say it out loud! Bago Bago!

To be honest, yellow Dairas are harder because you can't jump their axe.

There it is!

We got it, until...

The path is blocked! It appears something is coming!

It's Leonardo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
No offense, Downstab. I've been getting pretty pissed at the way licensed games are treated.
Sorry dude, you're all Konami. Nintendo treats us nicely.
You should sympathize! We're stuck in incredibly hard games. You've got the great palace, and I've got... seaweed.
Nah. I have a feeling Miyamoto will keep me along. Kojima doesn't like your non-deep bullshit. Don't expect to last long.
Nonsense! Look at the treatment Chip and Dale got. Anyways, listen, the guy in the OP sent me to kill you.
Throwin' hate?
Something like that.

Leonardo jumps to make his attack!

Downstab is hurt. Oddly, though, he's not counterattacking. What gives?

Downstab jumps across the lava. Leonardo crouches to make the jump across.

They fling at each other! This could be epic!

Holy hell! How did Downstab go so high! He's got Leonardo helpless to his downstab.

Wuh-oh! Leonardo is going for the lava.

*splash*


Damn... you... Downstab. My contract with Konami hadn't expired yet! I was to star in an arcade game.
:chef: Sorry to hear. Shoulda signed with Capcom. It's not like anyone cares about licensed games on this video game system anyways. By the way, you're in lava, and you'll die any... oh, you're dead already.


:toot: Victory for downstab! The path opens, and he'll be able to save the child.

Anyways, that's it for this edition. Tune in for our next update:
This Island Palace must be on ecstasy.