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Episode VIII: Murphy’s Law.
When last we left our heroine, she discovered applying enough electricity to the undead will make their heads explode. 
With that said, let’s get to it…
Jill makes her way back to Uptown Raccoon City. Which is a five minute stroll from the other end of Downtown. Again, living dead center in this city wasn’t a great idea.
Wrench in hand, Jill can now obtain the fire hose to take out that fire in the alley prior to the RPD path. I’m sure some survivor up on a rooftop peering down and seeing some chick dressed up like she’s jogging to the Red Light District, shotgun in one hand and a fire hose wrapped around the other, is going to be giving her a mighty strange look.
According to the map, this is an office of some sort over here. This seems logical enough a place as any for some motor oil.
The path becomes clear. Sure, that fire should have either spread dramatically or fizzled out in the hour or so since Jill was down this way. Sure, she could have just climbed over that dumpster to the side and evaded the whole thing. But the path is now clear and that’s all that counts.
The alley leads to another alley! What next?! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria!
The second alley leads to a…third alley!? Jill is definitely not wearing the right type of outfit for this town.
Anyhow, a second crank is discovered in a pile of trash. This one bright, new, and shiny. A concept utterly alien to this franchise.
Further ahead is a dynamite pack. You may have noticed this back by the power station. Why they’re there and all that is a mystery. A bigger mystery is how the hell you’re supposed to use one effectively.
In this situation, there’s a Brain Sucker around the corner. Now, you could save some ammo by just blowing the thing sky high, right? Well, sure. You just have to move off screen, hope the thing decides to follow your way (since they do their own thing unless actively attacking, unlike zombies.) You then have to aim for the explosive pack from off screen, still not seeing if said Brain Sucker is actually by the thing. You also can’t see if you’re actually aiming right at the thing since, it is, again, off the fucking screen at a skewed perspective from the previous angle.
To make no mention that if the monster is in front of the explosive, Jill will shoot it instead of the the dynamite.
Don’t even think of trying to shoot the thing while on the same screen as it. The results range from bad to disastrous.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why old school Resident Evil camera angles suck.
Jill enters the office. The sound of Carlos in mild distress drifts in from the next room. Jill is just a walking death sentence for these goons.
“Don’t you ever tell anyone I cried at the end of Armageddon!”
Poor bastard ate at a Taco Bell for dinner.
Yes, we do. I’m not replaying the game so Nicholai shows up here instead and just shoots him in the face. 
“Before reach… Resident Evil Survivor...level voice acting…”
Come on, Carlos. The man has no fucking eyes. You can put him out of his misery.
There you go.
JESUS CHRIST!
“Why… Why… would you unload… an entire rifle clip… into my gut? Whatever did I… do to you? You… You… You… missed my head! I’m still… still… going to turn into a zombie you… you… useless…”
“…asshooooooole. Blargh.”
This overkill reminds me of another Murphy’s death.
Jill finally decides to enter after Carlos has undergone his traumatic experience. Deciding to duck out of offering to kill the guy she, or the audience for that matter, didn’t give a damn about and instead leaving Carlos to do the dark deed.
“By the way, Nicholai died horribly in a fire. See ya back at the train!”
Carlos runs out like a blubbering baby. To…wait, how the fuck did he get past the fire? Or swiss cheese over there? This fucking game! 
Just above the soon to be zombified corpse of Murphy lies yet another groovy file.
BUSINESS FAX
Unfortunately, it is filled with an incomprehensible amount of acronyms. Which is par for the course at this point.
On the desk is yet another file. You didn’t think you were getting away that easily, did you?
MANAGER’S REPORT
What is this hogwash?! This is completely contradictory to the mechanic guy’s memo! Who am I to believe?!
“At that point they will be transported to the nearest death camp facility and you will continue your work as a valued employee. Or else…”
Nothing like security measures involving an extremely common word or phrase. I bet the password is “Password”.
Scandalous…
Oh, it’s a TV remote. Wait, what?
Warning: Safsprin may cause vomiting, cramps, zombification, diarrhea, increased appetite, and indigestion. Use Safsprin only as directed. Ask your doctor if Safsprin is right for you. Do not use if pregnant. Safsprin: The Common Cure.
Really, was it necessary to have a password protected computer with the answer literally a foot away? They couldn’t have just had the back door unlocked or at least just a button press away? Are they squeezing that badly for more gameplay?
The door is, unsurprisingly, unlocked using the password of the popular new product. 
Jill heads into the outlandish waste of space back room.
Let’s see, Safsprin, indigestion medicine, gun powder, eye drops, V-Jolt, creams, lotions…
Ah, here we go. Machine Oil Additive.
Getting this wildly inappropriately placed key item calls for a wildly useless FMV for celebration.
Guys, you’re never going to believe it but there’s zombies outside! I know, it’s crazy.
I could never work venetian blinds right either.
People, we have zombies in the building. I repeat, zombies are in the building.
They actually opened that door before pouring through. I mean, it actually opened on screen. I was amazed too since I think outside of FMV it happens all of…maybe once or twice the entire early series.
Though, a mob of this magnitude would likely be trouble if ill prepared. Luckily, there is a steam pipe that will roast their zombified flesh as they walk mindlessly into it. Complete with cool roasted zombie effects.
Falling back further, the rest can be taken out by a pipe filled with a stream of freezing junk. The effect is significantly less impressive. Too bad I didn’t have these pipes around for that damn PAL Card nonsense at the end of Metal Gear Solid.
Final piece of the collection fest obtained, Jill is free to return to the train car.
“I need your clothes, boots and your motorcycle.”
“Sarah Connor?”
“Uh…it’s Jill Valen—“
“Come with me if you want to live!”
“Think up a better gimmick, you dick!”
“Resistance if futile. I am a machine!”
Tune in next time for giant worms, dead fat guys, and explosions in Episode IX: Doom Train.
Bonus Content
Melodrama is in the house:
Video
Jill gets eaten by zombies. And why not:
Video
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