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Episode XXVII: Hax0r
Welcome back. When last we left our hero, he and Ms. Grahamcracker fell victim to cutscene paralysis and were trapped in a 1950’s haunted mansion movie spiked ceiling trap. Would they be able to escape this new peril? Let’s find out…
At least they were nice enough to furnish this death trap with fine renaissance artistry.
Things look grim, until Leon notices the power supply (glowing weak point) of the peril is conveniently placed in four easily destroyed panels. Maybe Dr. Robotnik subcontracted the construction of this place.
The panels are destroy and the trap grinds to a halt, the doors open as well. Unwise to link your traps with locking mechanisms. Just saying…
The pair carry on. Ashley, a little worse for the wear.
This place has more corridors than a mid-90’s first person shooter…
Leon, being the jerk he is, leaves Ashley lingering behind in her own waste to be captured yet again.
I’m not even going to ask A.) Why that had a giant drilling device in a backroom corridor B.) How they got it behind a solid wall with two guys in it C.) Why they thought this was a remotely good idea D.) Why they’re actively trying to kill Ashley at this point. I’m just not going there.
“I have been drilling holes in the earth for thirty years. And I have never, never missed a depth that I have aimed for. And by God, I am not gonna miss this one. I will make 800 feet.”
Leon takes up his rifle to thwart this latest scheme
“I don’t think this is the way to the Technodrome.”
The fact they had this at the ready long before Leon or anyone else was in town is a bit of a testament to how far gone these guys are…
Capcom takes a jab at feminism by stuffing the female version of the Holy Grail in a dusty storage room. There were some rude baguettes too. But it’s hardly the same.
Heading back to that locked gate earlier.
Marketing tie-ins. 
Hurray.
A hallway that leads to another hallway?! Now this is just unreasonable.
Heading down this hallway, we find…
Remember that kid in Elementary School that would pick his nose and stick it under his desk? This is that kid taken to the next level.
Walking a bit in.
Man, Ashley really ripped a strong one…
“It’s been like 20 minutes since the last kidnapping. Come on!”
Yes, of all the numerous attempts thus far to kill or capture Ashley, it finally takes an overgrown loud cockroach wallhacking to do the job.
“omfg stop camping u fukin n00bs!!!!!”
“stfu fag!1”
The flying Novis are a bit different than the ground based ones. Mostly, because one shot anywhere kills them. Why? Union regulations.
The giant boogie on the ceiling can be destroyed for profit as well. Horrible mutant xenocide is fun.
Following that, more crankage.
Pointless barely puzzles.
Creepy trenchcoat clad salesmen.
And of course, Riverdancing.
Moving right along…
Leon finds himself outside once more, just outside a clock tower. How did this place morph from a creepy hilltop castle to a multi-acre gated not-undead community?
Salazar asks if Leon’s refrigerator is running
Not pictured: Salazar flashing Leon from a distance.
Not talking about the skeletal sense…
“Behold…face the wrath of more of my minions you’ve killed a small town’s worth of.”
Salazar puts an away message up quoting lyrics of an Indie rock band.
Pocket space binoculars make another cameo.
Wrong game…
There we go… Leon’s disappointed. He was hoping that the acid spitting fly monster would have easily melted her face off and laid baby eggs in her stomach. Shucks…
Determined to be a bad enough dude, Mr. Kennedy makes his way to the most pointless structure in the region.
Will Leon be able to survive the next deadly onslaught of cannon fodder? Probably… But, just in case, tune in to Episode XXVIII: Utility Belt to find out!
Bonus Content
Ohh…woah. I’m on a Salazar radio…ohh ohh…
Video
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