<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index
Episode XXXVIII: Bitch in the Red Dress
Welcome back. When last we left our hero, he had once again lost that halfwit Ashley. What’s the running score now? Three times? In any case, let’s begin…
The map says Ashley is still nearby. But first, Leon stops to take a look at this important document Saddler left in his wake.
Our Plan
Saddler just seems so 
in this memo. You can just picture him jotting this down saying to himself “Oh man, all my friends are dead and everyone is backstabbing me and I’m not good with this villain thing!”
Tucking away the memo, Leon skips off to his next destination.
At that time, elsewhere…
“He’s killed around 800 people, he’s at least got to make the 5 o’clock.”
“He’s playing on Professional.”
In reality, Saddler lost it in his couch and is trying to seem suspicious of everyone stealing it so that no one will catch on.
“Are you smoking this shit so's to escape from reality? Me, I don't need this shit. I am reality. There's the way it ought to be, and there's the way it is. Elias was full of shit. Elias was a crusader. Now, I got no fight... with any man who does what he's told. But when he don't, the machine breaks down. And when the machine breaks down, we break down. And I ain't gonna allow that... in any of you. Not one.”
“A whole bonus recap DVD that came with a PS2 port of Code Veronica ago.”
You tell her, Krauser’s crotch!
Shortly afterwards
Ada gets a ring from her old pal.
“Wesker, I’ve been meaning to ask you, how did resurrection turn you British anyhow?”
Assuming of course, he can hold onto her for more than twenty minutes. A challenge, thus far.
“But him and I were going to…”
“I meant to kill him.”
“Oh.”
“Just because I’ve reminded you eight times now doesn’t mean a ninth won’t help.”
Nah, I played the Remake a few months ago.
“Wear something more professional on assignment. You look like a Chinese hooker!”
“You can’t make me!”
*Dramatic exit*
Meanwhile…
Leon has wandered into a boiler room and zones out for a bit gazing at the dancing flame.
Back to Ada
One way or another, Ada finds herself in an underground tunnel. Though wreckage is scattered about, she feels a strange presence.
No time for games!
It would seem this is the tunnel Leon and the Killdozer had their adventures in the previous update. Unfortunately, the way is blocked by the first downed truck.
Luckily there is, as always, an enemy filled sideroom to circumvent such obstacles.
Passing that, Ada’s path is once more blocked, as this was the elevator portion of the bulldozer bonanza.
No worry, detours ahoy.
Crossbow Ganado doesn’t know what the fuck!
A quick asskicking later and Ada ducks into a sideroom…
Or a massive harbor with a battleship at dock. 
I guess Osmund Saddler took a page from Rugal Bernstein on the seafaring villain front.
Just ahead lies fun.
Crap. Oh well, Ada needs to fix this one way or another.
There’s the key. It’s just a –
Hop --
Skip --
And a jump away. There’s now a cannon and a pair of chainguns baring down on Ada. To make no mention of a half dozen Ganado surrounding her.
She quickly mounts a ladder, leaving the less swift Ganado to become swiss cheese thanks to their TKing dick comrades.
Another quick mount after that brings her to yet another treat.
I cannot fathom a reason for a cannon that big to be trained on their multi-billion dollar warship. But, we’ll get to that later.
A quick jump below, which I cannot imagine would feel too good landing in high heels.
And Ada snags the first keycard.
Meanwhile…
Leon thought he saw a mouse at the end of the hall and is scared to go around the corner.
Back to Ada
Skipping back to the gun battery, Ada locks and loads.
This is just as awesome as it looks.
The last turret fights to its last to stop the attacker before giving out as well.
Amateurs, Ada is well equipped with the ingame cutscene dodge.
The explosion of the turrets causes the nearby overly elaborate and rather ill designed elevator gearamajig to grind into life.
Ada takes a breather as she crosses to the ship.
Meanwhile…
Leon’s stopped to take a wiz.
Back to Ada
All they’d need to do is have a guy standing by at a switch to stop her while she was just above the water. Just saying…
Almost home –
FUCK!! Actually, about five or six cannons and turrets emerge from the ship. They just didn’t bother to mount them until the person assaulting the shit was…already on board… 
Thankfully, the first turret shoved right in her face decided to turn slightly to the right for a Los Illuminados recruitment publicity shot.
Giving Ada just enough time to escape to safety as the Ganado start blowing the everloving shit out of their own ship.
In the relative safety above, Ada locates another keycard.
Just within range, she opts to zip across to the other side in lieu of just aiming the thing to the left a bit and escaping the area using the same tactic.
At that time…
“Man, this is a really slow elevator.”
Ganados, the I Love Lucy of villainous organizations.
Taking a few shots from their own cannon pointed at their own ship, combined with having shot dozens of holes and a few cannon rounds into the hull while they were still on it, combine to start a chain reaction.
Ada only has three minutes until the whole thing goes up. Money well spent, boys.
She goes to work taking care of her initial <wildly ineffective> obstacle before setting off.
She escapes just in time to evade being cast in Speed 3.
“Store the fireworks below deck. The July 4th isn’t for a another eight months, he says. We don’t even celebrate that here!!”
Quite a deep port they have here to accommodate a battleship sinking vertically downward.
“They did not just end up sinking their own multi-billion dollar battleship just to kill me…”
“That they did honey. It was quite an explosion. Almost as big as the one in my pants when I saw that dress of yours flap open.” *snaps fingers and points*
Leon…
“I have never ridden an elevator that took fifteen minutes to go a single story before.”
“I have the strangest feeling someone is looking at my ass…”
Will Ada be able to stop Leon’s assassination in time? Tune in next time to find out in Episode XXXIX: Jackass in the Red Beret
<< Previous Chapter
>> Next Chapter
^^ Index