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Episode XVIII: Magic is in the Air
Welcome back. When last we left the Redfields, Steve Burnside died! And there was much rejoicing. With that said, let’s get back to it…
Meanwhile, Chris Redfield…
Is hiding behind a pillar. Oh, that minor knee injury? Yeah, forget about that.
Alexia and Wesker are having a stairway staredown.
This guy, always with the coming.
You know, I like an occasional good villainous laugh. Perhaps over a view of an ominous castle during a storm or with a hero or heroine doomed to a peril of certain death (obvious glaring flaw left for them aside). I’m in no means against evil laughs.
I am, however, against penning a script for a villain and in lieu of dialogue just copying and pasting “Hahahahahahaha” every line. I’ve seen clowns that would tell this bitch to give it a rest at this point.
“Which, in turn, makes you responsible for a rather ridiculous plotline.”
I err…
I don’t think that’s how it works, Al.
“That power I have honestly no idea what exactly entails, as I’ve just been dragging people around and laughing all day. I suppose I should give it a whirl. Being fifteen years and all. Well, let’s see how it goes.”
“IT DOESN’T GO WELL! IT DOESN’T GO WELL!!!
Alexia’s little trinket needed for that painting falls to the floor. Along with the rest of her clothes. She didn’t want to pick up that fine for female villains covering an excess of 25% of their body with clothing.
So, fifteen years all just to grow tentacle hair and spontaneously combust. Time well spent.
Wesker is a bit awestruck. Not by the transformation. Well, maybe one part of it.
Alexia proceeds to kick the shit out Wesker.
…wait. What? This wasn’t in the script.
Alexia leaps from the stairs, Wesker rolls out of the way.
I… No, this is not what happens. Alexia smacks the shit out of Wesker and he goes “Wha…What power!” then he gets backhanded into a wall.
Then they both notice Chris for no particular reason and Wesker runs off with his tail between his legs, never to be heard from again.
This guy…
Oh yeah, by the way, Alexia has combustible blood. Does that explain whey she just burst into flames and turned into some kooky naked nipple lacking mutant? No. But, it also doesn’t explain why her wrists are apparently slit and she can toss around her blood like a super soaker either.
Wesker with some more super speed antics.
Yes, that’s him running on the wall.
Yes, that’s him slow motion leaping off the wall ten yards…while on fire…and decking Alexia.
Vein tits is less than impressed.
She lobs another volley of her delayed reaction burning lifeblood. Her next feat? Single handedly taking on Castlevania. What are the vampires going to do? Bite her? Yeah, good luck sucking fire blood.
Chris and Wesker notice one another. Despite the columns clearly being too small to completely hide Chris and Wesker having come from the front and having a staredown but never bothering to look slightly to the right of the room.
This is a dire situation for both of them. One lick of flame gets near either of those hairdos and this whole base is going up like a match.
Wesker opts to go after the human opponent who he easily kicked the shit out of earlier and ignoring the napalm blood shebitch he’s barely holding his own against.
Alexia does not approve.
I’m surprised this isn’t how Steve looked when he transformed.
“Me… Oh well, I’m just going to…”
“Run away! RUN AWAY!!”
Chris attempts a similar strategy.
But seeing as it was up a staircase and to a locked door or an empty walkway with no escape…it was less than successful.
“What happened to her nipples?”
Well, at the very least the transformation marks the end of Alexia’s shrill cackling. One more campy laughter fest and I was going to hurl.
So, that’s the new “Super AIDS” I’ve been hearing about. Harsh.
Alexia attempts to make the Anarchy symbol with her pyro blood.
But, she is sadly cut down before the attempt can be made. I’ve got to say, that was pretty anti-climactic. I mean, a replica of the hallway from the original Resident Evil, some crazy symphonized opera music, burning paths trapping the combatants in and…she just flings fire blood and hopes for the best?
I’m just saying. Old Willy Birkin wouldn’t have let this shit slide.
The final jewel is placed in its hole and the painting slides down, revealing a passage to the remainder of the base.
Chris enters.
M. Night Shyamalan has nothing on the end of this update.
What, were you expecting a mutant villain in this series not to turn into a slimy mass of barely distinguishable ugly with parts that vaguely look like sex organs? I don’t know what series you’ve been playing. But, tune into the penultimate one of this one, next time in Episode XXIX: Eye of the Tiger
Bonus Content
Wesker vs. Alexia: Code Veronica X Edition:
Video
Chris bursts into flames:
Video
The best I could find for the original version of the Alexia vs. Wesker scene:
Video
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