Lunar: Dragon Song Part #10 - Awful Dialogue Train Toot Toot

Part 10: Awful Dialogue Train Toot Toot

Chapter 10: Awful Dialogue Train Toot Toot

So no- wait Jian got a present last time! It was a pair of shoes, and yes it is actually a piece of equipment. Let's put it on!

Uh... maybe not. I mean, it improves luck and dex by a fair bit, but it's a good 30 attack lower. Sadly, the game does not let you be tacky and sell these shoes. I mean, Lucia's a Goddess now, I'd think she'd have bigger concerns.

While I can't sell those shoes, got a couple of other stuff to do in the shops. I bought a bunch of items in case the game wants to pull some shit in the future, and a new pair of gloves for Jian.

Anyway, we're meeting the beast king so he can inevitably talk our ear off. Because this game is stupid we have to go through both port Olbeage and the cathedral to get to the king, so I guess I'll talk around.

That's kind of a weird thing to offer a total stranger.

So look... Buck up, kid, OK?

...thanks?

This just makes me laugh.

Well had Jian won the fight the rampaging demons wouldn't have God on their side, and the game would be over. So... a lot of good would have come from that.

Yeah, okay, if you insist.

Man, every time I go to the Cathedral of Althena I expect this to be playing. It's probably just me.

You have learned much, haven't you. For both you, and those important to you.

The priests are chock full of awful platitudes.

...? I think that was a pun that didn't translate.

Oh, this is no good... I'm not making any progress. I've been studying the spell to turn a human into a frog on my own, but it won't work! I guess I do need to go to the School of Magic, after all...

Jenner had mentioned that the original plan was to curse Jian with a spell that made him into a frog. I wonder if this dialogue here is a hold-over from that?

That our world is at peace only due to the magical power of the Goddess Althena... That her power is all that truly protects us!

Somebody hasn't played Lunar 2.

Okay, you're the second best character in this game.

...what "Three Brothers?" Like, Iggy, Gideon AKA Gronk Sr, and... uh... Adlai Stevenson? I'm drawing a blank.

EDIT: As Bobbin Threadbare pointed out, the Three Brothers are probably those three Stooges doofuses. I'm sorry, they were such memorable characters that I forgot about them.

There was a ferry long ago, I heard, but it doesn't run any more.

Wait, Meryod? Oh all the locations to reference from Lunar 1, why Meryod?

And for those of you who haven't played Lunar 1, this is all you need to know about Meryod:

I guess this will be important?

All right, that's about all there is to say about NPC dialogue. Let's go talk to Mel I mean Zethos yes.

Papa, please! Tell us how to defeat Ignatius!

My lady! Just what has brought this on? With respect, I would have thought you, of all people, would now understand Ignatius' strength.

Ezekiel... I am sure they do understand, all too well. But look at their eyes! Serious, blazing eyes! Do we not have a duty to answer sure fire? With honesty?

My Lord... My King...!

Jian... Have you heard the word Dragonmaster before?

...Dragonmaster...?

Ah, I know! It is said that Goddess Althena has four faithful Dragons, sworn to protect her with their very lives. And these Dragons are commanded by the Dragonmaster!

Hey, look, it's the first time we've really talked about Dragonmasters apart from the intro text.

For a game that's trying to bring in new fans, the "Iggy being the Dragonmaster" plot twist has no weight unless you already know about Dragonmasters. No one ever even mentioned Dragonmasters since the intro until the reveal. Dragonmasters are a huge goddamn deal, but if you never played any of the other Lunar games, you'd only have a vague idea why this is important.

And- oh there are so many reasons why this is a bad plot twist.

But... that's impossible! Ignatius... a Dragonmaster?! Which means... the fighters I have been bringing to you, you have intended them to fight a Dragonmaster?! No way...! But they don't have a chance! Papa, that's awful!

Perhaps I have been unfair to you, my daughter. I will accept that... But look at your side now. Jian ventured into the Frontier, fought with Ignatius, and yet here he stands! Alive and well to tell the tale!

...That's true, but still...

You are the one who just said that none could stand a chance, are you not? And yet Jian, whom you selected, is trying to alter the future for all of us!

But... I didn't know...!

Gabi... Don't worry about it. You beasts do little but mock us humans, I know. I've seen it. Saying how we're so weak, worthless, pathetic.

Jian... I've never said that! Not once! Never even thought it!

I know. But you are the exception, Gabi... Most beasts, well...

It does...

I have been thinking... pondering... The meaning of that sword being here...

It's here because Iggy gave it to the party. And he was able to do that because Rufus is dead. Not complicated.

....

And I think I understand, now, why Rufus was willing to lay his life on the line to protect you. I am ashamed... Not just for myself, but for all of us beastmen. How we have mocked and oppressed humans! I am... truly, truly ashamed.

Papa...

Thank you for keeping my daughter safe. Please... could you find it within yourself to forgive us? Could we perhaps... join hands, now, and fight together to take back peace from the jaws of the Vile Tribe?

Yes, King Zethos!

There is a man called Titus Lauren living in Healriz. He should be able to help you both.

Wait, Healriz? That's... past the Thieves' Woods. Goddamn it. Why tell me that I have to go through the Thieves' Woods, then tell me I don't have to, and then go "nope, just kidding, Thieves' Woods time."

Papa... You mean...?

You wouldn't listen even if I tried to stop you! You're old enough to make your own decisions, too. Decide for yourself what you will do.

Papa... thank you!

Jian, please look out for my daughter!

I shall.

Yay, they finally stopped talking.

Little late for that, buddy.

All right, time to bite the bullet and go back to the my favorite place.

Okay, I'll admit; I hate this forest on principle more than anything, since it's really long past being challenging or even much of a time sink, at least with fast-forward. But when the inconvenient way travel works is so obviously here to pad out the game's meager content, it's galling. This game is worse than Lufia: Curse of the Sinistrals about the padding.

So welcome to the second half! You've got a short lifespan, huh?

I'm really not getting over these awful platitudes, I'm sorry.

Everyone knows you're a motherfucking monster.

Let me tell you about something that happened to me once. 'There's good news, and bad news,' I said. 'The bad news is, I pulled out the wrong tooth!' 'But the good news is, the rotten tooth that you were suffering from...' 'It's all better, all by itself!' I haven't seen that patient again since! That's real skill for you.

Well, if you can say nothing else about this game, at least it continues the proud tradition of Lunar NPCs with apparent thought disorders.

Oh, that's why they're talking about the Barrel Desert.

Yeah, no points for guessing where we're going next.

Well, hello again. And how can I help you today?

Well... Actually, Beast King Zethos told us to come see you. That you would be able to help us out.

Beast King Zethos? Does this mean... You intend on going to the Red Dragon Cave?

Ah, my boy, you ask so much.

Titus, please, we don't have much time! Lucia is in danger, even now! Ignatius has her! Do you understand? I have to save her, Titus! Please, whatever you know, tell me!

Very well. Let me start by formally introducing myself. Titus Lauren, Priest of the Goddess Althena, at your service.

Priest of... Goddess Althena?

But what is a priest doing here?

I perceived a threat to the Goddess Althena.

Uh, okay, but why did you come here?

What kind of threat?

Something terrible... A new and terrifying evil, poised to sweep over the entire world.

Not gonna answer that, huh?

Do you mean... the Frontier?

That is correct. Originally the Frontier existed to confine those evildoers for whom there was no other hope... Until, that is, Ignatius turned his attention to it.

...What did he do?

Through a terrible abuse of Black Magic, he took the fiends of the Frontier and molded them into a Vile Tribe. Now, he stands at their head, a terrible and mighty army of evil.

Uh, no. No. This is blatantly wrong.

As I've mentioned before, the Vile Tribe were banished to the Frontier. 'Cuz they, ya know, already hated Althena. They were already the Vile Tribe before they arrived in the Frontier.

Then again, that's supposed to have happened 500 years before Lunar 1, and this takes place 1000 years before Lunar 1. So that means... this game is stupid.

The entire world is standing on the brink of being ruled by Ignatius and his Vile Tribe.

But hold on a moment... Isn't Ignatius a Dragonmaster? Doesn't he serve the Goddess Althena too? Why would he do all these terrible things?

...And Lucia is...!

Yes. In order to escape her pursuers, Goddess Althena transformed herself into a human girl. Lucia. She sealed off her powers and her memories in order to avoid they're being used for evil, should she fall into Ignatius' hands.

Or maybe she could just remain a powerful Goddess and strike down the errant Dragonmaster, but I guess not. Although, Althena becoming human because she doesn't think the world should have one, omnipotent Goddess was in Lunar 1. However, that's the problem with having a prequel with the same plot as the original; since Lunar 1 happens, we know Althena continues to be the goddess of Lunar.

But that still doesn't explain why Ignatius, a Dragonmaster, would be chasing Goddess Althena? What's wrong with him?!

Ah, well, Ignatius believes the opposite of Goddess Althena. That the only way to lead this world into true paradise is for it to be controlled by a single, all powerful, omnipotent being, a central being watching over and directing everything.

And speaking of Lunar 1, this is exactly the villain's motivation, at least in the remake.

....As Goddess Althena has until now...?

Ah, but his rule would not be as hers has been. He desires to take the seat of Goddess Althena, and all the powers its position provides. He ultimately plans to place even the Goddess herself under his control.

So... he hasn't put her under his control. Then... why is she there?!

Ignatius and the Vile Tribe do not see the Goddess Althena as a divine being. Nothing of the sort! She is just something to be used for their own ends.

Althena this... Althena that...! I want to save Lucia! That's all!

I understand, Jian, but... Lucia is a goddess! A heavenly being! She is no mere courier...

But if you really intend to... If you really intend to save the Goddess Althena, then how about attempting the Trials of the Four Dragons?

But that would mean I'd become...?

Yes. Only one bestowed with the same powers as Ignatius has a chance of defeating him. Indeed, that is what Ignatius fears the most, for he too knows that another Dragonmaster would be able to fight him on equal terms.

Fight him on... equal terms?

Uh, you started the conversation stating you wanted to become a Dragonmaster! Why do you now sound surprised at the suggestion?

In order to do so, you must pass the Trials of the Four Dragons and achieve the body and mental prowess of a titan! Do you think you can do that?

Oh yes! I can do it! If there is a chance of saving Lucia, I'll do whatever it takes!

OK then, listen up. Take Cathedral of Althena as the center. There are caves to the east, west, south and north, and in each lives a dragon. They are the Black, Red, Blue and White Dragons. In order to become a Dragonmaster, you must go to each of these caves and pass the Trial of the Dragon within! It will doubtless be a long and dangerous journey.

Hold on a moment, though. Surely not just anyone can undergo these trials?

Uh, what do you mean by that? I mean, you have to be strong in body, mind, and soul, but-

Jian? Feel who's presence?

That's a good question. The fuck you talking about?

When those open to the will of the Goddess begin to awaken to their powers... A Dragonmaster and he who wishes to become a Dragonmaster shall start to resonate together. Start to become aware of each other's presence.

At this point, I literally starting screaming "WHAT" over and over again.

In other words, Ignatius is starting to become aware of you, Jian, just as you have started to become aware of him.

Guys, I don't even know what to say about this. This ain't in Lunar 1, or any Lunar game I'm familiar with. I don't even know what the fuck this is.

Seriously, becoming a Dragonmaster isn't complex. You go to all the Dragon Caves, you gain the Dragon's approval, they give you a piece of Dragon equipment and a spell, and then you gain the approval of Althena (or her stewards, I suppose) and boom there you go. Okay, the remake has this weird part where you're a Dragonmaster for a while, then you're not, and I think it has something to do with willpower because they never really explain it... same principal applies.

Well then, let's do this thing! I'm gonna pass those Dragon's Trials... And then I'm coming for you! Ignatius, I'm gonna take you out!

Jian...

...Quiet!

Have they found us already?!

...Surely not...!

Prepare yourselves, just in case. Who's there?

Hello? Is Titus Lauren here? I'm...

My heart almost stopped! Did you have to leap out like that?

So she is a friend of yours, is she?

Yes. This is Flora. She's on our side, I'm glad to say.

But why are you here?

Gabi's father told me to come. He said that I'd find you here. Good to see you too, Jian!

Uh, how? Last I checked you were still on the Frontier. Did the king send another party out that we didn't hear about? It should be slightly difficult to send a message to the Frontier, but what do I know?

Flora, I must say... It's a surprise to see you here!

Ah, well, there is a reason. You're going off on a journey again, aren't you! Its written all over your face. In which case, you'll need my help.

Just what are you trying to say? That I'm not enough on my own, eh? Flora!

Put your claws away, ladies, please. This is my journey to undertake the Dragons' Trials.

Ladies, please, let's focus on what's really important: me.

Oh wow! The Dragons' Trials! Fantastic!

Hey, this isn't a game any more! It's deadly serious! We could all easily end up dead, OK?

And? You planning on leaving us behind again? The brave knight protecting the poor defenseless princesses, is it?

No, that's not....

Lucia is important to us too, don't forget! She's not just your friend. I want to save her just as much as you do!

That settles that, then! Just stop worrying, Jian. We'll let you tag along with us, OK?

Yes, OK... hey!

Very well. Take care of yourselves, and be sure to come back safely!

We will... And we'll have Lucia with us!

So, uh, what you need to take away from this is we're going to the Dragon caves. I would say at least we're doing something Lunar related, but honestly I'm just dreading how the game will fuck this up.

All right, so how do we even get to the Barrel Desert?

Impressive... So you know this region too, Flora?

Not quite. Actually, I asked someone in that town back there. I've never been here before in my life!

Hey, one of the first things in this update that makes sense.

But, yeah, Roland forest again and I can't even pretend to be surprised.

Since I'm here, I intentionally used up my last two uses of the Insector card just so I could get a replacement. The Insector card increases attack for the whole party, so I wanted a fresh one for the road.