Part 5: The Worst Arcade Ever

My god, Akihabara is even nerdier and sweatier in person.

Well, what do you think?

It's stunning! I almost don't believe it. It's prettier than I could've ever imagined.

So, where are you taking us...?



I don't know why, but there's something about the writer using the word 'scurries' that fills me with unease.





'Arcadia' has to be the laziest damn name for an arcade I've ever seen.



You'll play air hockey and like it, Kila. You don't deserve Ms. Pac-Man.





Isn't PC gaming largely Not A Thing in Japan?

Oh, I didn't know about that. But it must have been resolved, right? I mean -- if it's still open today.

Yeah, thanks to an anonymous donation. Someone with a big passion for gaming. I can neither confirm or deny it was me.

I think you just confirmed it was you...

Did I...?

Jade gives us both a sly wink. Kila shrugs -- unsure of how to respond.

Well, either way -- it's still open. And the owners love their kind benefactor. Enough to give them free reign of the place.





THEN DON'T FUCKING TAKE US THERE

So let's not waste any time getting there. Wouldn't want to keep Rook waiting. And there's lots of fun to be had!

Alright -- I'm game!

I have to say, this sounded cooler than a Maid Cafe. And Kila seems to enjoy our destination as well. She starts to lead the way, and we follow.



Jade why did you take us here we could be taking in Noh theater or something

Not much farther. It's pretty close.

That's convenient! I thought it'd be farther away. The location must be good for business.

Yeah. Easily accessible. A lot of tourists stop to check it out. You know -- before they go deeper in. It also stands out in it's own unique way. You'll see when we turn the next corner.

Sure enough -- I see it when we turn the corner. It's not what I expected at all, to be honest.

It looks dull.

Kila was right. Every other building was so bright. But Arcadia -- it was dull and inconspicuous. It almost looked more like a shipping warehouse.

Well I hope I can change your mind, Kila. Don't you know it's the inside that counts? I'll show you what they have to offer.

She motions towards the door. After we slowly approach it -- she opens it up. And our eyes behold Arcadia in all of its glory.





This is the third-blurriest arcade I've ever seen.

Thank me later. You're among the elite. You got a personal welcome to Arcadia! This here is our home away from home.





Okay, so Rook and Jade are homeless.



I will put money down that this arcade smells like cigarettes and flat soda.

Rook, make sure to show them a good time. I have some things to do in my office.

Oh, Rabies? Come see me before you leave. There's something I'd like to talk about. No rush -- just make sure to come later on.

She smirks at me before walking away.



Show me the Time Crisis cabinet you've hacked to run Doom.



Is this really what Klace considers impressive multitasking?





Of course we do--we're not rookies. But I prefer the Turbo Edition, don't you?

Is that so? Didn't take you to be hardcore. But if that's the case -- then one-on-one! I know I could take you. Years of practice!

I'm not expert on fightmans, but I'm pretty sure most people would prefer the 'Turbo' edition anyway because it would have more characters and stuff, not because it's 'hardcore'.



I'm starting to see how this place went into bankruptcy.





Inthesto pointed this out to me, but arcade cabinets for fighting games don't just break. They are designed to take huge amounts of punishment, and you'd basically have to be deliberately trying to break the joystick to damage it. Klace couldn't even put in a cursory amount of research into the thing that he's supposedly 'passionate' about.



Also, Jade's a master of fighting games apparently. This never comes up again, by the way.





Quake on an oscilloscope?



Klace is not very good at naming fake arcade games is he

These are a staple at Japanese arcades. You have to win yourself a souvenir. Something to remember us by!

We have these games back at home. They're just not themed around UFO's. Don't you just win little stuffed animals?

They're almost always rigged. The claw can't support that much weight. Can't we play something that takes skill?





Okay, so this me for a loop. In a world of anthro furries, what exactly counts as an 'animal'?. Are there actual squirrels and ferrets in this world?

Actually, I should mention something that's gonna be a consistent theme throughout the game. There is no reason the characters should be furry. As far as I can remember, there is not one instance where a character's species plays any kind of role in the plot. Every single person in the story could be human and absolutely nothing would change.



Who will be the first among us to waste money?





Rook's honestly talking like the writer thinks playing an arcade claw machine is a very novel and unique experience.



And I'm not letting this go. Is it just socially acceptable to make cute plushes of anthro bears? Do normal bears still root around in people's garbage? Could a furry bear marry a normal bear? If they fucked, would the offspring be stupid or sapient?





Anyway, we win, even though it just involved pressing a button to make the dialogue go.



In furry world, nobody has standards.



Also, why are they called Teddy Bears in this game? Was Teddy Roosevelt a bear? What species is Obama? My god, what species is Trump?



Well this was definitely worth the thousand yen it took to start the game.





I just love how they played up Arcadia as this gamer's paradise when almost all of their machines are broken. Keep in mind, this place is supposedly kept afloat by generous donations, so it's not like they can't afford to repair them.



The teddy bear's button eyes are silently judging me for playing this game.



Into the garbage it goes!



What 'bond' with Rook? We've known the guy for all of ten minutes.



So here's another choice that doesn't matter at all.



Since I can't afford to let either of them think that I'm their friend, I keep the bear.





As Rook walks away, he keeps yelling something about the arcade repairman being drunk again.





This place is pretty cool for an arcade with no working arcade cabinets, I guess.







And we come up on another choice, but this one's pretty obvious since Jade isn't Kila.



I suppose Kila could entertain himself staring at the debug screen of House of the Dead until we get back.

Probably for the best. Who knows how long Rook will be. I can try to win my own toy, I suppose.

I wander in the same general direction that Jade did. For a moment, I'm scared -- this place is massive. But eventually I find a large single stairway. This definitely leads to some sort of office space.





Hey Jade! We need to have a talk about your definition of 'arcade'!