Part 6: Delirium ensues.

Apologies for the delay, the reason for it can be summed up as "Chemistry 141".



A week after that tournament, the game seems to remember that there's something resembling a plot, and that random NPCs' lives are not in fact the basis of the story.



That DarkChip! Right, the concentrated chip of distilled evil and darkness, that little thing!



Lan's reaction to the DarkChip has essentially been "This thing is bad. ".



Higsby specifically warned that even not using it would influence MegaMan. DarkChips are a ham-fisted drug metaphor, but at least heroin doesn't corrupt your soul just with its presence.



Finally! Lan resolves to dispose of the thing at least, maybe this will mitigate any effects it might have had already?



Fuckup Tally: 63

THERE IS NO REASON TO DO THIS.

Come fucking on! There are plots driven by the stupidity of the characters, Gilligan's Island anyone? There are plots driven by poor decisions. This is just insane.

Lan basically says "I'm going to make the worst decision possible, and I KNOW it's the worst decision possible, and I know exactly WHY it's the worst decision possible, for no reason other than the game wouldn't last as long if I didn't."



Oh boy, just who we need to cheer us up!



Goddammit Mayl. This will begin a segment I'm sure you all are going to just adore. Mayl invites Lan over to her house specifically for this.



Can you feel the romance in the air? Yes, this is exactly what this game needs. We just need a Jar-Jar Binks analogue to add into the shit-slurry of horrible ideas that went into MMBN4.



Fuckup Tally: 64

Those of you guys who guessed under 120 might as well give up now.



Okay, calming down, because this is actually a very good thing. Home Page links are like the shortcuts from MMBN2/3, but even better.



As the game progresses, you can add links to Lan's homepage, making it a very convenient hub of teleporters that massively cut down on the amount of backtracking. Of course, unlike 2 and 3, there unfortunately isn't a shortcut that leads halfway into the Undernet for convenient access. I'll take what I can get at this point.



Oh boy. A theme park. Mayl and Roll dragged us here for a theme park announcement.



Defeat 3 viruses, win 2 FreePass.

Fuckup Tally: 65



Roll basically has to kick MegaMan squarely in the ass to get him to realize the obvious. You'd think there'd be a sense of pattern recognition by this point.



'Atta boy. Even Lan's aware that Mayl just wanted these. We can't give him that much credit though.



Lan's complete lack of comprehension about how Mayl feels is made even more absurd in Red Sun. I won't spoil it since it looks like I'll be playing through the game 6 times in order to cover everything.

I predict this will leave me a shattered, withered husk.



I do like the continuity here. In every game in the series, Lan's doghouse is a little early Jack-In spot you can usually find a goodie or two in, and the reason you can Jack-In is because it's actually the home security system.

4 games into the series, it finally goes off. You read that right, holy fuck! Someone's actually causing a problem in the real world exclusively!



Somebody broke in, sprayed her, and left a message for Lan. Nothing was stolen. It was an intimidation tactic, presumably because he wasn't actually home at the time.



Haruka proceeds to pass back out. Lazy spriting results in her falling asleep on her feet like a statue.



So whoever did this knows where Lan lives, his family, etc. Probably because he was just on TV everywhere in that tournament, we all know nobody gives a shit about things that happened in previous games.



What's baffling is why they demand to meet us in ParkArea2. This is Castillo's part of the internet, and it isn't even open to the public yet. Couldn't they have met someplace more...accessible? Not out in the open or exposed, but just not someplace that requires breaking and entering? It seems like an unnecessary risk.



Useless MegaBuster. MegaMan is supposed to be such a powerful Navi, but honestly, it's nothing compared to ProtoMan's delete-anything-in-one-slash cutscene sword, or hell, even GutsMan's punches. At least those can break stuff.



Shooting at the gate, remarkably, pisses off one of the workers, who attacks us under the logical assumption that we're criminals.



One assbeating of an innocent later, we get this hint to the gate's password. I remember mis-interpreting this as a kid and thinking that the numbers were the order you put the letters in (JKERDUA), but no, it's the much more simple order-as-dictated-by-place (RAEJDUK).



A very appropriate code for this game.



New area means new viruses.

Gaia: The third of the MMBN1-veteran viruses, Gaias behave identically to how they did in BN1, the attack they use changes however. As you can see, they have StoneBody status and can only be hurt by breaking attacks when not attacking themselves. Every so often, they'll slam their hammers down, causing an earthquake and dropping rocks from above. In MMBN1, they instead created a shockwave across all 3 rows that had to be timed closely in order to dodge.

Moloko:Do Navis dream of digital sheep? These little monstrosities are what will inevitably screw over any buster-reliant player. They rush across the field constantly, not even stopping like Fishy viruses did. The thing is, they have a protective layer of wool. At this point, the wool just takes a single buster shot to destroy, rendering them vulnerable to damage. Later on however it will start taking increasingly more powerful attacks to get rid of, and it regenerates each time the Moloko leaves the screen.



Weather: These somewhat creepy doll viruses pull up away from the field offscreen, dropping down to blow a T-shaped elemental breath attack that changes the panels to the corresponding elemental panel. They only have Grass and Ice at this point, but later on they get Lava and Elec (which cracks the panels) as well.



Park Area is boring as fuck, and very pink.



Yeah yeah, confrontation, you know the drill.



At this point, the writer's finally decide to tell us the name of the evil group. Fucking finally. Oh right, there IS an evil group! It's not just ShadeMan, you see. It's like they suddenly realized they had to stuff some exposition in somewhere and decided this was a good time.



Well, I'll give them credit for a cool name. But I'll teach you all to hate Nebula like I do. To associate their name with shitty writing, insane motivations/lack thereof, and incredible monotony.



Here's what they do. They make people eeeevil by spreading darkness! Well, they spliced in the romantic tension of Star Wars Episode II, time to graft in some Kingdom Hearts dialogue. You only wish I was exaggerating, just swap hearts with souls and you're there.



Now that they know Nebula's involved, Lan resolves to keep holding onto the Chip of Pure Concentrated Evil.



ShadeMan executes the bumbling subordinates for their failure. I know I tossed around the label of cartoonish supervillainy before, but words fail me at this point when it comes to Nebula.



Mayl finally bluntly asks Lan to come to Castillo with her with those passes he won. Yup. A date. Featuring sixth graders. Won't this be fun?



On the positive side, Yuuichiro sends us the NaviCust! Thank fucking god. Do you know what this also makes available?



HELLO THERE, SWEETUMS. We are going to have a lovely time together. Oh yes, yes, yes. Just like that.

I grab a Custom+2 NaviCust program to ease the issue of crappy folder flow, a WideShot3, and an AirHockey3 chip. I told you all before, I'm not holding myself under any handicaps this game, these will make it go by faster.

And in all honesty, they kind of level the playing field. Some of the viruses in this game are just plain NASTY, and one of the biggest issues with them until the 3rd playthrough or so is the sheer issue of lacking firepower. I mean, I tried to fight AquaMan's V2 form in ACDC 1. That thing had 1000 HP. My folder can't even deal that much damage unless I restructured it entirely and waited to get the right chips drawn.



I make no excuses for this chip though, this is just shameless game-breaking. There are multiple Boktai crossovers in this game, and the GunDelSol chips are the center of them. They really defy explanation, I'll let you see them in action later on for a look at just what kind of completely absurd level of firepower this is.



Now cheered up greatly, it's time we get on with this wretched date.



Oh hey, that was fast. Immediately from the start, something's gone wrong.



The rides aren't operating. They've sent a team to ParkArea3 to investigate, but they lost contact. To ParkArea3!



Behold, the GunDelSol EX.



I'm still not explaining how it works. Unfortunately, the next 'boss fight' isn't really suited to showing off the chip, so you'll have to be patient on that.



Remember this site. We will be returning here an insane number of times. 4 is the game I remember least, likely due to traumatic repression of the memories, but I remembered the exact route to get here. It's been branded into my mind forever and ever.



Clearing up the viruses, MegaMan wonders offhandedly if Nebula was behind it.

Gee, what do you think?



Mayl orders Lan to get her some ice cream. We're used to taking orders, aren't we?



MegaMan, we do that all the time anyway. If doing things for other people is what a date is, Lan's one hell of a stud.



Lan gets dragged into various rides and attractions at this point. The only one actually seen is this one, the Vampire Manor. All of the attractions at Castillo have stories to go with them, but they're very easy to miss as they require checking the ride signs. You don't have much time to do this though, once you bring Mayl her ice cream, it's cutscenes up until here.



Thanks, Django!



The theme park has robot mascots from the stories I mentioned before. You know what that means.



Into the depths we go!



Welcome to the most horrifying dungeon in the game. First of all, listen to the music that plays here. I have to give credit to the composer, this gives the exact feeling of wanting to throw up after a day of amusement park junk food and rides.



Remember what I mentioned about the easily missed stories that go along with these robots and rides? The gimmick to the ToyRobo comps is that you need to reassemble the stories to progress.



Each wall of story has one or two blanks that need filling in, so you need to go collect the items. Didn't read those stories you had no indication you were supposed to learn? Fuck you.



I'll regale you with the wonderful stories as we go along. Parenthesis mark blanks that you have to fill.

"Halberd Princess had been acting strangely lately. Formerly used for chopping wood, she now used her axe as a (Mirror), and she also fretted over her appearance..."



"Halberd Princess loved her axe terribly. Every day she used it to penetrate deep into...(cough)"

Bad screenshot timing here.

"Halberd Princess was in love with the handsome Prince Tomahawk. However, a witch, jealous of Halberd Princess' beauty, captured her beloved Prince Tomahawk and sealed him into a (BigTree), and hid him in the middle of a forest. When she found out, Halberd Princess used her axe to penetrate deep into the forest.

"WUUUAAAAAAGGGH! <Yes, the game says this.> When she found the tree her Prince was trapped inside, she unleashed her (MightyBl), splitting the trunk open! When her handsome prince stepped out, she was taken aback, until he smiled and said "I have never seen such strength or beauty in a girl before."

And then they married or something. I'm going mostly off memory, but trust me, these are about accurate. Especially the language. The shrunken story bits get nearly impenetrable as we go on, I haven't seen contractions this confusing since Breath of Fire 2.



That wraps up the first of these, onto the WzDog ToyRobo.

"There once was a magical dog living in the town of Renice by the name of WzDog. He was skilled in magic, but fought often with his bitter rival (WzMonkey), who was equal in skill. They fought like cat and dog. A* evil magician appeared one day in Renice."

*Fuckup Tally: 66



"The magician sealed their magic with his (MagicSel). Now powerless, they were just an ordinary dog and monkey. But with their magic gone, their natural animal instincts returned in a flash! WzDog used his (GoodNose), which dogs are famous for, trapping the magician in a circle. WzMonkey used a monkey's speed and leapt onto the magician's face to deliver a ferocious (Scratch)! The magician turned into a bird and flew away. Once their powers returned, WzDog and WzMonkey returned to fighting like cat and dog..."



TinMan's story winds up being like Shuko all over again, although not nearly as bad. It's so depressing it wraps around to being funny.

Not counting the "He's tin, not steel" thing as a fuckup since it's clearly just a title.



MagTect: They'll buzz around in their column back and forth for a little while, before teleporting to the same row as MegaMan and holding their magnet out to draw him in. A second later, they'll punch him, and this punch can paralyze. A whole truckload of fun, given that they force you to the front row periodically.



"TinMan lived alone in the forest. TinMan was originally built for (War), and did not have any (Emotions). Desiring this gift so much, he often prayed for it. One day, TinMan's only friend (Bird) became still and lifeless. Without emotions, TinMan could not understand death. His friend wouldn't wake up, even when he used his (Dance)."



We interrupt this riveting drama in progress to bring you: The same stupid mistake any 3rd grader would be able to correct.

Fuckup Tally: 67



"Moved by his plight, God decided to give TinMan Emotion. By then, TinMan had been used in many, many wars. Remembering his horrible deeds, he felt deep anguish. To atone for his deeds, he decided to become a (ToyPart). Now he could make dreams come true. As he left the forest, he almost seemed....a little happy."



The 4th and thank-fucking-godly last of these ToyRobos is the Dracky ToyRobo. The Vampire Manor is now completely black, so you have to wander around blindly, because there was no indication you had to memorize the twisting path through.



No shit, MegaMan. That horrible, mindrending song is replaced with a slower, creepier version that I wouldn't be surprised at if it was just the tempo slowed down a bit.



This one focuses on Django.

"Solar Boy Django carried the (GunSol), the Solar Gun, and wore the (CrmScrf) worn by his father. As he set out on his journey, a coffin slid open. 'It's dinner time.'"



"Super-Vampire Dracky was immune to garlic and cross. As Django traveled, he met the Sun Spirit (Otenko), before heading to Dracky's castle. Dracky's one weakness was the GunSol, powered by (Sunlight)!"



For some weird reason, you have to pick one of two options here. The only penalty for choosing incorrectly is that you have to choose again.

"Breaking into Dracky's castle, a fierce battle began! Django fought hard, but after a while, the GunSol's battery had almost ran out. Things were looking grim, until he took a bite of the Solar Fruit, (Apple)."



"Dracky charged, one bite from his fangs could be fatal! Suddenly, Django was pierced by a beam of sunlight! The sunlight had come from (Skylight). Holding the GunSol up, Django let out a scream of (Taiyoooh)! The GunSol's battery was instantly recharged! Django pierced Dracky's heart with the GunSol! Dracky's body was engulfed in flame..."



[i]"Suddenly, the burning Dracky charged headlong at him! ....In the empty, burning halls of the castle, a Vampire's laugh echoes into the night."

Finally done with these atrocities. Yeah, that wasn't exactly how Bokati 1 went.



This ToyRobo doesn't have a stop switch, which is what we've been pressing to stop them the whole time. The boatman got rid of it.



Guess who?



ShadeMan couldn't resist messing up the story and rewriting it in the vampire's favor. It might be Stockholm Syndrome, but I'm starting to like how he's just so cheerful about what he does.



Guess what, he's here for the DarkChip. That thing Lan keeps saying he needs to get rid of, but really hasn't because. The thing is, Nebula would very much like MegaMan to be corrupted by the DarkChip, but this particular one holds special data.



Yes, this is the only ass-pull of an explanation we get for why they want to take it back at all. The sheer laziness is like a giant middle finger to the quality of the first 3 games. It's completely, blatantly obvious that this line, which is the ONLY line about it, just got shoved in when someone with a functioning brain cell at Capcom asked "Wait, why do they want to get the DarkChip back then?"

Because it's special.



By the way, Lan not getting rid of it has kind of bitten them in the ass now. MegaMan's been corrupted by it, alright, the darkness inside him has taken the form of a DarkSoul.



Fuckup Tally: 68

Nice fucking job, Lan. Or more accurately, nice fucking justification for why he kept the fucking thing all this time! ShadeMan demands the DarkChip back in exchange for sparing them.



MegaMan destroys the DarkChip.

Yup.

Just shot it, like that.

Fuckup Tally: 72

One for not doing that in the fucking first place! Three for each time this update Lan mentioned how badly they needed to get rid of it! Jesus FUCKING CHRIST. Capcom, you worthless fuckups! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! This is one of my fucking favorite childhood game series covered in this SHIT!



Fuckup Tally: 73

FUCK! YOU!



Fuckup Tally: 74

I don't give a shit about this horrible darkness darkness evil dark souls souls garbage dialogue that reads like it came from some fucking Fanfiction.net MMBN/KH crossover! JUST FUCKING DIE!



We don't even get a real boss fight. This is entirely forced, the only way to kill ShadeMan is with the DarkSword. And ShadeMan's attacks have ridiculous hit detection.

Fuckup Tally: 75

Oh god, even my beloved fighting is taken away from me.

MegaMan Battle Network, what have they DONE to you!?



ShadeMan then gets attacked by a Metroid and drained of what little energy remains before disintegrating.



Alright Chaud, exposit for us because Yuuichiro is at NAXA trying to deal with a meteor the writer's barely give half of a shit about.

Fuckup Tally: 76

On second thought, do the writer's give a shit about ANY of this?



Fucking delightfully. "They're bad people and they're mysterious. Mysterious is cool. And they use darkness. Watch out, Nebula's bad news!"

Fuckup Tally: 77



Of course not, go fuck yourself. Fuck your stupid hair, and don't you go getting holier than thou about fucking DarkChips. I don't want to listen to any stupid drug metaphors about DarkChips anymore.



Well, no. That's the only time you're forced to use one in the game, and there's no penalty for it. From now on though, DarkChips will appear in battle if MegaMan goes into the Anxious state, though I don't intend to use them because they're for pussies who NEED an instakill chip whenever they want. There is a penalty for using them, and that's 1 HP from MegaMan's max that can never be restored.

I'll never use a DarkChip no matter HOW pissed off I get at this game for taking everything I liked about MMBN3 and dumping a seemingly infinite amount of shit over all of it.



Fuckup Tally: 78

Motherfucker.