Part 11: Meltdown.

Fuckup Tally: 124

Nope.



Aside from that whole N1 thing, or the fact you saw the tournament board beforehand?



This is a rarity. A justified reason for the scenario! It's stupid and contrived, but it's there!



Fuckup Tally: 125

Although what the hell those two guys were even doing in the arena is a mystery.



Fuckup Tally: 126

So nice they make it twice.



Chaud gives us a call to meet us at the hotel. It's kind of surprising, it's a tournament scenario with a tie-in to the flimsy handful of stupid cutscenes and characters that Capcom has the nerve to call a plot.



Chaud is in the only room in the hotel that exists: Lan's. Where else?

Fuckup Tally: 127

Lan and MegaMan never question if those men from before were talking about them. They won the Hawk Tournament, they're proven to BE the ace NetBattlers of Electopia. Mind you, this has been proved in 3 games already, but for once it's directly after an awards ceremony that named him the best in Electopia, let alone one that was interrupted by LaserMan over MegaMan's DarkSoul.




This is what I meant.



Insightful question, Lan! Let's see, our genius MMBN4-Quality answer iiiiisss:



Fuckup Tally: 128

As opposed to JUST. JACKING. OUT! What the fucking hell is wrong with people!? We're the only ones who EVER have to haul our asses around walking, everyone else just teleports wherever they fucking want to, and we're the only ones who ever seem to have to Jack-In at specific locations, as opposed to others who can Jack-In anywhere. And yet, the instant those same abilities would be great for something other than rubbing in our faces, they may as well have never existed.

It's like those Fainting Goats or something, except instead of passing out, danger causes everyone to forget every basic ability they fucking have.



I winced when I saw this. On behalf of all Midwesterners, I apologize. Looks like the Capcom of America translator, for this scene at least, decided to give Chaud a bit of a Netopian accent.

While I didn't deem the other instances worth screenshotting, Chaud for some reason at random intervals starts speaking more roughly, which he never does in the rest of the series. "Ya" instead of "You", for example, and it stands out quite a bit because Chaud's entire personality is supposed to be the stoic rival.

Fuckup Tally: 129

He never showed any of those quirks of speech in the game up until now. I'd be willing to excuse it as just a stupid translation if it was across the whole game, but no, MMBN4 doesn't even have internal fucking consistency.



Fuckup Tally: 130

Who am I kidding. Reducing your expectations for this game will never, ever work, because it actively seems to strive to hurl itself into ever-deeper cesspools of horseshit.



Chaud, when has doing anything alone ever worked out for you? Cutscenes aside, every time Chaud insists on doing something himself, he's failed. Then again, perhaps that's part of why one of the versions of MMBN5 is Team ProtoMan. I suppose he learns his from his mistakes?



Lan, whatever intelligence-boosting stuff you've suddenly been exposed to, I could really use it for finals...It's rather odd to see Lan actually asking all of the questions that I would pose in my (increasingly profanity-laden) commentary.



Chaud basically only told us to satisfy his pride, so Lan didn't think he was a coward. Then again, Chaud is familiar enough with Lan to be fully aware that even if he didn't say anything, Lan would hunt him down and demand a reason, then throw himself into the situation as usual.



Victory by Default only exists in these tournaments if Lan is being stalled, to add a pathetic attempt at conveying a sense of urgency. And of course, never as an actual timer. Which, lovingly embracing all that is cliche, always is averted at the last possible second.



A disembodied voice calls forebodingly...



Stupidly...



Fuckup Tally: 131

ProtoMan's PET proceeds to launch itself across the fucking room and Jack-In. What does it have, an emergency compressed air cylinder for those crucial emergencies when Chaud just NEEDS his PET to catapult itself into the air?

Actually, hell, that's what I'm going to go ahead and believe. After the incident with Lan chucking his PET at Sunayama's head, Chaud had that function installed so even out of his hands, his PET could valiantly fling itself at attackers.

I wish I could say that, but no, Chaud even states something to the effect of "Is this another symptom of being possessed by a DarkSoul!?"



Naturally, Lan and MegaMan volunteer to find ProtoMan. It's a forced cutscene Jack-In, and the moment you do, this cutscene plays. Somehow, ProtoMan has already gotten himself to the UnderNet in the span of 4 seconds, and this is one of the deepest areas. And gotten himself captured, no less.

THAT STATUE IN THE CORNER IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.



Fuckup Tally: 132

Insert stereotypical monologue here.



I don't know what it says about MegaMan, but he used a DarkChip only once canonically in this game, which ignores any other DarkChip use by the player dialogue-wise. And so did ProtoMan, and MegaMan isn't exactly going apeshit, causing Lan's PET to fly around, or suddenly traversing about 8 internet areas in 4 seconds.

Oh wait, of course, how did I not guess before? Everyone else in the damned games can go wherever they fucking want, teleporting across the CyberWorld at will.



Anyway, Nebula's plan is to wait for the DarkSoul to take over ProtoMan entirely, turning one of their most deadly enemies into a superweapon on their side. In a surprising moment of competence, they rationalize that since Chaud knows ProtoMan has gone berserk, MegaMan is inevitably going to show up, and begin to prepare accordingly.



The only way there is by assembling the C-Slider. Which goes very poorly.



For starters, we have to Jack-In from this room. The WingPart was in Yumland Area, which connects to NetopiaArea, at least. However, the remaining two parts are in Electopia's chunk of the internet, which means having to go through Netopia Area, Yumland Area, and then into ACDC2. Rather than just popping back to the Real World and taking the variety of shortcuts.

On top of that, the hotel room is indoors, so my GunSol chips are weakened. Bleh.



Hauling ass to ParkArea1, then doubling back to the lower area of TownArea3, the JetParts are tucked away down here. At the time, I had thought I was misremembering, because I had very thoroughly checked the lower section of TownArea2, and nothing there.

While in ParkArea, I made a side trip and fought BurnerMan V2. Due to some inexplicable internet wizardry, YouTube refuses to process the original fight video with BurnerMan no matter what I do to it. So now you get to see him in action. Not nearly as bad as I remembered, though that may just be my own skills having improved over the years.



Talking to this HealNavi, we receive the dreaded Humor program. I tried to look up a list of the jokes, but no dice. This game wasn't exactly as beloved as MMBN3 was, to say the least, and I couldn't find any joke list, game script, or even string dump to look through.

At this point, I was already growing frustrated with the sheer mind-numbing tedium, which was already a half-hour of just wandering around looking for the damned parts. I'd searched FricaArea, SharoArea, and NetopiaArea top to bottom already, as well as ACDC1-3, and Town1 and 2. Being far too proud to consult GameFAQs, or that post by W.T. Fits that detailed where they were that I skimmed over, I continued my hunt.



And subsequently grew very bored, enough to poke into the Key Items screen. And what do I find but...

Fuckup Tally: 133



Fuckup Tally: 134

Hey, it's two separate items, two separate lines of text in the game. I'm justified calling that two fuckups.



Things get so boring I wind up turning off the random encounters again, because the endless legion of Mettaurs and other crap encounters are complete wastes of time. In the process, I accidentally run straight into TopMan V2.



Infuriatingly, only by checking here the third time after hauling ass everywhere another half-hour, did I find the dealer. To my severe annoyance, I had actually ran right around the Navi multiple times, mashing the A-button under every platform.

The thing is, the Navi stands directly in the center of the pathway. When I searched the paths over and over, I was hugging the sides and mashing A as I went along to be thorough, back and forth. The Navi stands EXACTLY out of range, it was only blind luck and a rage/fatigue-induced finger twitch that wound up with me suddenly finding the Navi I'd ran past like 7 times already.



Finally, about 90% through the fucking playthrough, I get the C-Slider. This opens up various pathways and goodies, as well as useful shortcuts in some situations. Even some merchants are only accessible past paths. Which means that before proceeding to the UnderNet, I did a little bit of backtracking, nothing major though.



Chaud finally gets back in contact with us, warning that Nebula's going to do whatever it can to slow us down. Aah, the UnderNet. Finally, they stopped using that EXACT SAME PARALLAX BACKGROUND! Have you noticed? Every single fucking area up until now has had the same scrolling background, merely palette-shifted. And I rather like the look of the UnderNet, and the music is better than most.

Of course, I've always enjoyed the UnderNet because of how exponentially the amount of powerful chips and options increase.



Chaud gives instructions, while Lan operates MegaMan as usual. In other words, Chaud replaces Lan temporarily for the usual L-Button What-Was-I-Doing-Again useless hint.



Spidy: One of the viruses I hate the most out of the entire series. These things are bullshit incarnate, and any battle with them involved is going to be exponentially harder. MMBN4 has several bullshit viruses, and Spidys are one of them.

What they do is immediately warp into your side of the field and chase you around nonstop. This sounds like a negligible effect, especially with 80 HP, but if you think that, you haven't played this game. Lucky bastard.

Dodging attacks is nearly impossible while trying to avoid these fuckers, and higher-level versions add webs to the mix, covering your side of the field in up to 4 webs at a time depending on the version. These damage, naturally. So have fucking fun whenever these little monstrosities are involved.



Fuckup Tally: 135

So here's Nebula's cunning tactic for delaying MegaMan.



Setting a locked door and hiding the key, which we have to find. Asinine, but standard fare.



IT'S A FUCKING PIXEL HUNT. The key isn't a visible item, you have to run around mashing A in hopes of running into it. Through the UnderNet. The most convoluted area in every game.



Chaud provides an atrociously vague hint, and adds "Unbelievable Stupidity" to the "Fucking Horrible Writing" and "Shitty Game Mechanic" traits already present, completing the usual unholy trinity this game employs.

Not only is Nebula's anti-MegaMan defense literally just a case of hiding the key to the door somewhere, they apparently hide it in the SAME FUCKING PLACE EVERY TIME.



Fuckup Tally: 136

Oh, how nice, Capcom of America decided to pitch in to assist the effort of making this as mindrendingly godawful as possible. Due to the translation, Chaud says "bones", but actually means "fangs". Look, it's pedantic, but imagine being the target audience for this game back in 2003.

Would you call those bones, or would you call them teeth/fangs/claws/whatever? And even when you know the game means "fangs", it's still one fucking tile in the entire giant-ass area you need to track down and mash A to find, all while suffering a constant deluge of Spidys, poison panels, and EX viruses.



UnderNet 2 eases the pain by fully upgrading my NaviCust to maximum size. Pity that there really aren't any useful programs up until this point. But hey, it's the UnderNet, just give it a few screenshots and I'll have found something suitably powerful.



UnderNet 2's defense system is, surprise, the same thing but worse. Two keys to find, and in an area where you'd navigate around as if you were in an Escher painting.



Real fucking helpful, Chaud.



Not only is this even more vague, it's flat out WRONG.



The key is at the BOTTOM of one of the ramps that Chaud insists are stairs, not under them! That's right, the fucking pixel hunt in the middle of a goddamned labyrinth....

Packed to the brim with incredibly dangerous random encounters that someone who hadn't abused the Number Trader would be utterly fucked by....

Gives. You. THE. WRONG. INFO!

Fuckup Tally: 140

Giving that FOUR points, because much like the game-breaking errors, being misled in the completely fucking wrong direction by the only advice the game gives you is so much worse than a typo. At least you can just ignore typos, hell, one of the most common responses in the thread to this soulfuck of a game has been along the lines of "How did I miss all those typos?"

Just...FUCK. DarkChips gone meta. This fucking game...no, how can you call this a game? A game is something that entertains, this is the direct opposite of that.

This is torturous software that:

Steamrolls all the happy nostalgia and enjoyment of the previous 3 games.

Breaks your patience with luck-based minigames with controls that handle like a seizure-prone narcoleptic.

Gives you barely fucking anything to handle the bullshit random encounters it throws at you, aside from chips that nullify all difficulty entirely.

Erodes your sanity with a seemingly infinite torrent of unbelievable fuckwittery from every angle.

It's like having my brain tentacle-raped by some Japanese-interpreted Lovecraftian incarnation of absolute shit! Look, it's Atlus' next addition to the Persona games, E'mag-sidkuf, the Emasculating Excrement!

I stand by my previous statement, this game itself is a DarkChip. It's an evil fucking cartridge that disintegrates your soul and drives you whalefuck insane.



Elemperor: Stupid asshole virus, comes in Lava/Ice/Grass/Sand/Poison variations. Who fucking cares, it regenerates its HP while on one of those panels, makes panels on your side of the field on its row burst into the respective elemental flame, and that panel is changed to the element. Ice fire is entirely standard by this point, so is sand and grass fire.



Presumably because Capcom couldn't be assed to place an arbitrary barrier in our way for the time being, I proceed to UnderNet 4 by taking a wrong turn in UnderNet 2. Fine, there's stuff worth getting sidetracked for here.



Easily-farmed battle Mystery Data, for example. DarkLine is identical to the Hole chip, powering up the EvilChips. Remember Broken Loose's DarkChip explanation? Those can only be used by Dark MegaMan. Utterly worthless to me, in other words, because fuck library completion, I'm yanking out the appropriate GameShark codes the second I hit some stupid StandardComplete door. I'll detail at the end of this playthrough just how much absurd suffering is required to do that.

Although those who use DarkChips should take note, DarkLine is a component of a P.A. that's Dark MegaMan exclusive. Takes two MegaChips and a GigaChip to activate though, for only about 600 damage, so it's not even really worth it.



Beyond this is the post-post-post-game, given that you need to complete the game 3 fucking times just to see what's past it.

Right about here, weirdly, I run into a bizarre graphical glitch with the C-Slider. MegaMan just kind of teleports randomly for a split second, then it's normal. Also, I fail completely at making .GIF images.

Edit: After Krysmphoenix mentioned that this happened in the original cartridge as well, I recalled that yes, that's quite true.

Fuckup Tally: 141



BomBoy: Yet another Fuckery Incarnate virus, and I've managed to run into the EX before the basic virus because I'm not supposed to be in this area yet. They create a large box-shaped bomb, and push it into your side of the field, where it will explode and do an absolute fuckload of damage to the entire thing, followed by the process starting over.

The only way to prevent that is to either kill it instantly, or face the vastly worse alternative of having to stand in place and shoot at the bomb with your buster. This slows it down to a crawl, but the instant you stop shooting, it returns to full speed. So basically, you have to hold still and fire nonstop, or it's unavoidable damage unless you have a defensive chip. Leaving you helpless to dodge the other attacks from the other viruses. So, have fucking fun, if one of these fuckers is on the field, the battle basically has a time limit, that being your HP vs how fast you can murder the damned thing. And guess what, the bomb will intercept frontal damage, so there goes any projectile!

Hell...

Fuckup Tally: 142

This is just such a fuck you. There's absolutely no justifiable reason for having these horrible, horrible things implemented in anything ever unless the entire goal is to create a Springtime for Hitler video game to intentionally torpedo your profits. Way to put the 'random' in random encounters, Capcom, victory depends on how soon I can draw the right chips to murder them.

Hog Butcher, and any other would-be hackers, I'm saying this now: Include a BomBoy in anything, and I'm not even screenshotting it. And no fucking "Oh, but the later versions have different names!" loopholes.



Hidden at the bottom of- Oh sorry, under the ramp/fuck/stairs, this HealNavi provides the Number Trader code for Recov300 J.



...Aaaand that'll be all of UnderNet 4 for now, we can't even complete that subquest at the moment anyhow.



Finding the correct, and bizarrely, harder to find path in UnderNet 2 leads to UnderNet 3, and we're back on track. This is the last of these fucking doors, thankfully, 3 keys this time.



The first two are more of the same, though at least navigating is easy in UnderNet 3. The whole area is just a few interconnected concentric circles with warp points. This last hint is, strangely, much more specific.



The only thing that might trip someone up is that the second key is right next to one of two platforms that have two warps on them. The key is hidden on the other one, obviously. There! No more fucking keys!



We're rewarded with UnderNet 6. I've been waiting since MMBN2 for this. Seriously, go back and re-read the 13th update, I specifically asked in a spoiler that people not bring this up. Apparently though, it isn't as well-known as I thought. There's something special about this area.



Noticed it yet?

MMBN4's UnderNet 6:



MMBN2's UnderNet 2:



HOW ABOUT FUCKING NOW!? AAAAARRRRRGGGHHGGGR HGHGHRGHGFUCKFUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCKERY FUCK FUCK!

Fuck. FUCK. Fuck. Fuck...Bonus Fuck! Look closely at the MMBN4 map, see those dark spots on the upper-right? MMBN2 had moving floor panels there. These images are sprite dumps taken from Sprites Inc. assembled by hand and shrunk 75%. Those spots show that rather than change the overall area design to not have those moving panels, Capcom opted to just delete the tiles there and made the replacement tiles part of the background objects to paste over the deleted panels. It's like wearing a hat so people don't see your greasy, unwashed hair.

Fuckup Tally: 144

One for bad programming, and one out of pure hatred. Please, just this once. Let me have this.

Fuck.

<sub>Fuck

Fuck</sub>





Program Merchant. Useful.



DarkGoatse bonus dungeon. Later.



Finally done with this.



No.



Fine, why not.



No actual difference.



5 rounds.



Ugh, okay, after taking a much-needed break...

Fuckup Tally: 145

So much for Full Synchro being because of Lan and MegaMan's identical DNA and whatnot, hell, that gets thrown out the window entirely from here on in the series. NPCs on the useless chat BBS boards talk about doing it, and Lan even does it with Navis besides MegaMan in 5.



The feral ProtoMan gets released.



Cliche time, we all know what's coming. The Black HealNavi explodes right after saying this.



Witnessing that, MegaMan decides he's entirely outclassed by Dark ProtoMan. Sure, why not.



Chaud operates MegaMan, and because Chaud knows ProtoMan's techniques and motions by heart and rote memorization, MegaMan is able to catch the energy sword. Yeah. Energy Sword. Caught.

Fuckup Tally: 146



Shit!
Monotony!
Tournaments!
Idiocy!
HEART/SOUL!

Yeah, time to bust out that power of love/friendship/emotions stuff to save the day.



Fuckup Tally: 147

You did that in the 5-round battle right before this cutscene, Chaud.



MegaMan glows and screams out what he's doing. The title screen/heroic theme music flares up in full triumph to celebrate the occasion.



ProtoMan is instantly 100% cured of the darkness.

Fuckup Tally: 148

Too bad Lan and MegaMan have no way of bonding like that and having that sort of spiritual connection, right? Maybe if they did, MegaMan could be purified as well.



Fuckup Tally: 149

Shut up, Chaud. Shut up.



The fight with ProtoMan needs to be seen to be believed. You can time it to the second (1:45) when my brain just shuts down.

Fuckup Tally: 152

How. How does this happen. 3 fuckups for somehow screwing up an AI that's essentially been the same for the past 3 games without something like this going wrong.



ProtoSoul. Whatever. I'll explain it later.



End. Please. Just end. Be over. Done.